Goodbye never means forever
by SilkpoetV
Summary: Sometimes to attain the love of your life you must set it free...Helena has been in love with Barbara for years, but maybe just maybe it's too late for both of them. Femslash B/H COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:** Birds of Prey are the property of DC comics, the WB network and Miller/Tobin Productions. I'm just borrowing them for a short period of time. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made, yada, yada ok?

Just borrowing for a little fun.

Also, do not read if even the thought of same-sex relationships bothers you ejem… what are you doing in this place anyway?

**RATING:** PG-15 for language and violence

**Spoilers:** Mmm, this is a AUish fic. Wade is still alive; Quinzel never destroyed the clocktower but is happily ever after living in Arkham with his beloved Mr. J. and other little surprises.

**PAIRING:** Barbara/Helena, is there something else? Not offense meant to Dinah Shippers.

**Special thanks:** To Minu, because my native language is not English, she does all the dirty work, without her none of this would be possible even though she threatens to strike if I continue writing long monologues or introspections. She's still the best editor and friend anyone could have and to my betareader JD although, she threatened to hijack the first plane that was headed to my hometown if I didn't write something and finished it soon, because she wanted to read the end.

We must beware of our sometimes pesky betas. (Grin) Just kidding!

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** This is my first BoP fanfic, I just watched the show once so any mistakes, blame me, I mean sorry.

Ok, seriously now, since I have already explained before English is not my native language, so I beg for your patience. The story is finish in Spanish but I have the language issue (E/S) so it will be posted slowly but you can be reassured that it will be finished.

**Don't forget to read and review**

**Goodbye… Never means forever**

**By: V**

**Prologue**

_"I'm going to marry Wade, Helena, he asked me tonight and I accepted." Barbara said in a soft and neutral voice, a voice that Helena, knew very well; one that didn't allow a single ounce of emotion, one that even she couldn't read._

_Helena clenched her jaw and pretended to smile in happiness at the news, but she couldn't manage to hide the look in her eyes. On the contrary, at hearing the words she felt as if the Steelman had hit her in the solar plexus._

_"Well then congratulations Barbara, I wish you the best in your new life" Helena responded trying to sound happy for her friend and turned towards the kitchen. She wasn't hungry anymore, when she had arrived at the tower the first thing that she had planned to do after greeting Barbara was to raid the kitchen as usual. But Barbara was waiting for her along with Dinah and without preamble gave her the happy news of her official engagement to Wade._

_Barbara watched her go with a raised eyebrow, she knew Helen well enough to hear the cold tone at the news of the engagement. She looked over at Dinah, who suddenly took great interest on the Delphi screen and then after a moment excused herself to go do her homework._

_When Helena returned with a packet of Pop tarts in hand, she asked, "Will you be my Maid of Honor Helena? You and Dinah?_

_Helena froze, for a moment she didn't move, as if in slow motion she turned and looked at Barbara right in the eyes as if they were lasers dissecting the redhead. "Whatever you want Red." She said with a silky voice and headed for the living room where with a jump landed on the sofa and with agile fingers turned on the TV without saying another word, knowing full well that Barbara was following her with her eyes_

_Once out of Barbara's sight, Helena closed her eyes trying to hold back the treasonous tears that were in her eyes. The pain was too much, she felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest and was slowly dying in front of her. Since when had she been in love with Barbara? She felt as if it had been forever. Probably since the age of 12 when she had first met her in a gymnastics class that her mother had insisted she attends so she could learn grace and poise. Barbara had been there in one of the advanced gymnastic classes. Because of Barbara's age she knew she was there because she had wanted to and from the moment they had met Barbara had taken her under her wing and taught her what she needed and then some things that only Batgirl could know, which of course she hadn't known back then._

_Because of her age she hadn't known how she felt. At first it was just admiration and respect for the beautiful redhead. She was graceful, athletic and charismatic. As a child Helena only saw all this from a child's point of view. But as time passed and the adolescent hormones took hold, what was once childish infatuation turned to something else. Something that she continued to find hard to understand but that was definitely there. With time and maturity Helena soon realized how to understand her true feelings, why being so close to Barbara made her feel all tingly and breathless. Why she could sometimes spend hours observing her in silence while she performed her routines as if no one else in the world existed but them._

_And with the certainty of her feelings also came the desolation. Not long after, her world began to crumble like a sand castle, all in the same night. The assassination of her mother in front of her by Clayface and the attempt against Barbara by the Joker that had left her paralyzed for life and in charge of a young adolescent. Helena had been full of rage, anger and pain from the death of her mother. Watching Barbara struggle to get ahead despite her incapacity had been too much for Helena. For a time the only thing she could think of was vengeance. She had gone from a young girl bursting of life and a future full of rose colored dreams with the woman of her dreams to a being hardened and full of fury that was ready to explode at the slightest provocation._

_Of course Barbara was never aware of this but she was the only reason why Helena an inexperienced teen hadn't gone on a mad and possibly fatal search of her mother's killer. Barbara had been the only thing keeping her from going crazy with pain, knowing that she needed her even if Barbara never told her. Helena knew deep inside and being honest with herself she needed Barbara just as much in order not to sink into the darkness. There were moments that the anger blinded her, times that she couldn't help to sink into self-pity after Barbara would be summoned to the school director's office to tell her that Helena had been in another fight and know that once again Barbara would be disappointed. It was that look of sadness and disappointment from Barbara that little by little had made her try to control her anger. _

_With time eventually both began to heal if not completely from their emotional and physical wounds, at least enough to get on with their lives. Barbara took Helena under her wing, not only as her legal guardian but also as her mentor in the art of vigilante and super heroin. If Helena was surprised by the truth she never mentioned it. Finding out that Bruce Wayne alias Batman was her father was however another story. From the moment that Helena found out she hadn't wanted to know anything else. Her mother had never given her any explanations and the disappearance of Bruce Wayne after Selina Kyle's death was enough of an explanation._

_Barbara became Oracle, being a genius at computer programming and having a photographic and an IQ worthy of Mensa permitted her to change from Batgirl to a cyber-vigilante. There was nothing that happened in New Gotham that she didn't know about thus making her into the brain behind the operation. Helena took on the mantel of Huntress with hypersensitive metahuman abilities that her mother had possessed. This combined with her own gave her extraordinary strength and speed as well as the ability to heal almost immediately which made her almost invincible; almost being the operative word._

_After a time Helena decided that she needed to get away from Barbara, she not only saw her everyday because they were a crime fighting team, but having to live under the same roof was turning in to something rather painful. It was more than enough to see her going out with others, in this case with Dick "Fucking" Grayson, alias Nightwing, ex Robin, crime fighting partner of Batman and Barbara when she was Batgirl. What did that **fucking asshole** thought that he could just return to Barbara's life as if nothing had happened? And the worst part was that the redhead had fallen for his wiles. She looked for a job as a bartender and fortunately Leonard, the owner of the "Dark Horse" had an apartment for rent over the bar, that he let her rent for almost nothing. That way she would be able to close the bar and get there early._

_With the perfect excuse Helena told Barbara that she was going to live on her own. Barbara took it very well smiled and gave her, her blessing. Helena also smiled, but inside she was dying, even if it was stupid she had hoped that Barbara would insist she stay, anything at all, but that didn't happen and since then even though Dick "fucking" Grayson was no longer in the picture, nothing was ever the same again. After awhile Dinah entered their lives and Helena at first was jealous of Dinah, but with the passing of time she began to love her like a little sister. However, Barbara began to go out with Wade, the stupid Wade Brixton, and everything seemed to be normal for a while. Helena had resigned herself to seeing if only occasionally a man's in Barbara's life. But things took a serious turn when Barbara met his parents; they told him, not realizing that Barbara heard that she was an undesirable in their perfect son's life. Even then Barbara had continued her relationship with him, which then was followed by an engagement. Helena at that point had her mind on anything except in being Huntress…_

_One night when everything looked normal, Helena went to stop a bank robbery that Oracle had told her about. There she found herself in a situation turned bad. Just moments before she had been bugging Oracle as usual with obnoxious comments and after listening to her instructions, and much to Oracle's displeasure, Helena had cut off communications. After an hour Huntress appeared, or in reality tumbled into the tower bathed in blood and barely alive. Barbara attended to her injuries, she was so upset and worried that when Helena recovered consciousness and woke up as if nothing had happened Barbara exploded._

_"You almost got killed Helena! What were you thinking when you cut communications, you aren't Superman Helena! Don't you ever do that again, you aren't a little girl anymore that has to be told repeatedly. If you aren't able to take things seriously I don't want you to continue going out on patrols until you understand how serious this operation is."_

_Helena only stared at her furiously, her eyes dilated like when she went into feral mode. A part of her understood that Barbara's words were due to her being scare when she had arrived hurt to the tower. But how did she dare insinuate that she was incapable of doing a job that she'd be doing for five years? How?_

_"And just who is going to do it if it's not me Barbara?" Helena shouted in return. "You are marrying Wade in less than a month; is he going to be waiting patiently each night for you to get home while you play Oracle? Forgive me for saying so Barbara but I don't think so."_

_Barbara took a deep breath._

_"He will be my husband and he knows and respects what I am!" Barbara exclaimed with barely contained fury._

_"He knows you were Batgirl? He knows you're Oracle?" Helena gasped incredulously, she couldn't believe that Barbara would permit that a common and simple man like Wade Brixton would understand the double life she was leading. It just wasn't posible!_

_Barbara didn't answer, she limited herself to glaring at Helena who with a jump left the bed and put on her clothes ignoring Barbara's look._

_"I'm leaving, you don't need me and I don't need you Barbara!" Helena said gritting her teeth and ran out of the room towards the balcony from where she jumped without looking back. Dinah who had been on her way to the kitchen stared stunned. Helena never jumped from the tower in the middle of the day, it was too dangerous, anyone could see her, but that didn't seem to bother Hel and when Barbara appeared in the hall Dinah could swear that smoke was coming from her head._

_"Just one more fight between those two, what a surprise!!" Dinah thought before heading off to the kitchen in search of breakfast._

_It had been just another fight yes but it was also the last._

_**To be continued...**_

_**Please Review! :)** _


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you for your comments they have really made my day. Thank you once again and rest assured that we will progress slowly but surely. **

**Don't forget to review. :)**

**Helena**

It had been two years since Helena had come out of the tower full of pain, betrayed and hopeless. While Barbara was not yet married to Wade, she still hoped that Barbara would figure out that her decision was a mistake. That she would wakeup and realize that it was not Wade who deserved her love but her, the one who had desperately loved her since she had been a child; the one that would die for Barbara without thinking twice. Her! Even so at the moment that Barbara had told her that Wade knew the truth about her, about Dinah and Helena's, she knew it would never happen. Barbara didn't have the slightest idea that Helena was hopelessly in love with her. Moreover, when she said that Wade knew about her double life, she knew that she had lost her forever. The pain was just too much; she couldn't stand seeing her with him, knowing that each night when she returned from Oracle's duties he would be waiting, she just couldn't. It was too much even for her who was accustomed to the pain and loneliness. Barbara was her light, and after losing her, there was nothing left except the darkness.

She made her mind up to get away from Barbara forever, she made a drastic decision to leave New Gotham. Not being able to stand the idea of seeing her with Wade and aware of the fact that if she stayed she would only end up hurting Barbara because she wouldn't be able to get close to her once she married him.

With that idea fixed in her mind, Helena had gone to the bank, for once grateful that her father, the multimillionaire Bruce Wayne had opened an account for her with unlimited funds. She was now 23 years old and her trust fund was now hers therefore not requiring any authorization from anyone –Barbara in this case- to use the money anyway she wanted. Helena asked for a cash withdrawal explaining with her usual charm that she was going to purchase a car. No one questioned her, after all if Mr. Wayne had left her the money it was for a reason. The bank had instructions to do anything Miss Kyle wanted; no one ever questioned Bruce Wayne's orders.

With money in hand, Helena went to her apartment over the bar where she worked, _The Dark Horse_, she put some clothes into a backpack and put away the rest in some boxes since there wasn't much. After all, she practically lived in the tower; her apartment was only a place to crash every once in awhile. Her home was where Barbara was and now that she had lost her, she had nothing more.

The only things left were some clothing and a couple of knick-knacks. She wrote a short letter for Dinah, after all this wasn't her fault and besides she was aware that that Dinah knew about her feelings for Barbara. One day when they were training during the first few months after she came to live with them, Dinah who still wasn't able to control her telepathic powers read her mind and saw her true feelings. She had been distracted when Barbara had come in to do her exercises and Helena's libido kicked in. Dinah gasped when she saw the images causing her to blush. Helena looked at her with pleading eyes, begging in silence not to say anything and Dinah surprised her with a smile and a look of compassion and understanding that almost made her break down crying right there from sadness.

She went down to the bar to say goodbye to her ex-boss, she told him that the boxes were for Dinah who would stop by to pick them up and return the key. Leonard seemed to be sympathetic even a little disappointed that his best bartender was leaving but didn't ask any questions. He wished her a good trip and Helena left _The Dark Horse_ to not return.

Helena called Dinah's cell and asked her to go to her apartment after classes and pick up some things she wanted to give her. If Dinah noted anything odd, she didn't mentioned it and told her she would go. What happened after she didn't know because by this time she was too far away to find out.

Aware that if Barbara wanted to look for her it would be easy to find her if she followed the normal routes like buses, train or plane; Helena walked to the closest freeway and hitched a ride. Knowing she could take care of herself she accepted a ride from the first car that came to a stop, fortunately it was a tractor-trailer heading to Bludhaven. As soon as he pulled over, Helena thanked him, walked in the opposite direction from the City, and hitched again. This time it was much further. She was headed to Chicago, it would be perfect, and even so Helena didn't stop in Chicago she asked to be dropped off before arriving one more time; again she hitched another ride.

For almost a week Helena traveled by hitching rides, crisscrossing the country, avoiding any place that could have Law enforcement close circuit cameras so that Barbara wouldn't be able to find her if she were looking, which she doubted. She was sure it would be the other way around, the redhead would be relieved to not have to deal with someone so head strong. She stayed at motels a couple of times along the highway, just to rest for a while. The truth was that the times that she did sleep was more from exhaustion that the desire to sleep.

After several days, Helena had practically gone coast to coast, when at the last stop, she decided that San Francisco was a good a place as any to start a new life; quite aware that she wouldn't be able to be a vigilante if she planned to disappear forever. Knowing that if she continued with that it would soon become evident where she was, most probably there would be news of an unknown vigilante fighting against crime and what she least wanted was to call attention to herself. Of course, she knew that she couldn't help from doing her nocturnal strolls. That habit was something that was part of her and she would never leave that behind. Perhaps at some point if someone needed her help she would offer it, but not by her own account. Huntress was a thing of the past, a past that she would do everything possible to forget.

The first thing was to find a place, a nice decent hotel; she was tired of the ratty motels. She bought a newspaper to start looking for some place to live. Once settled at the hotel she bought something to eat, later Helena fell asleep after so many days with little or no sleep. The next day after breakfast in a diner close to the hotel, Helena began to walk around the city. It didn't have the dark charm of New Gotham but it had something that the young woman liked. It had a strange vibe that caught her attention, perhaps it was the easygoing lifestyle of San Francisco, so different from New Gotham. The way the city's level of criminal activity was different from her old town. It was during those walks almost three days later after having arrived that Helena noticed in passing an art gallery that had a sign for a job opening.

No one was aware of her secret passion, as a small child her mother had noticed her gift for drawing and painting, and Helena from an early age had the best art and drawing teachers. Having lived in Paris the first ten years of her life was without a doubt a great help in forming Helena's passion for the arts, that when her mother died she left it behind because it had been too hard for her. Nevertheless despite the fact that she had stopped painting and drawing she had not lost the ability. Helena had taken some art courses at NGU without Barbara's knowledge. Barbara had been convinced she had no intention of going to college and with her decision to get away from her former life she walked into the gallery to ask about the job.

The first thing that she saw was an older woman perhaps about 50 years old behind an elaborate oak desk, working on a computer. As she heard the door open, she looked up arching an eyebrow when she saw the young woman dressed in black leather tight pants and a top of the same color and material, with a suede coat.

"Good morning." She greeted cordially. "How may I help you?" The woman asked amiably.

"Good morning, I saw the ad in the window," Helena said smiling, expressing her charm from the start, she wasn't sure why, but she really did want this job.

The woman in question looked at her in surprise, but she recovered herself quickly and asked her some questions.

"So what do you know about art? It is very important for anyone that wants to work in this art gallery to understand it," the woman said with a little awe in her voice, still surprised at Helena's candor.

Helena only smiled and proceeded to explain art history, of her knowledge and training in Paris and her courses at the university, without giving details of which university it was. She offered to bring her documentation as proof with her the following day if she gets the job. In fact, if she offered the job right there and then she would go gets them immediately.

Kate Spencer, that was the gallery owner's name, decided to contract her immediately, she wasn't sure why but she felt that Helena was just what she needed. She felt that she would be able to confide in her right away. There was something in the young woman, an aura of sadness so profound that made her want to console her and take her under her wing.

All the paperwork was filled out, Helena had been careful to give her a social security number that would not identify her as Helena Kyle, but as Michelle Kyle, she couldn't risk Barbara finding her through one of her queries. Once Kate told her what she needed from her at the gallery and invited her to lunch to iron out the details. Helena asked to be called Hel, Hel Kyle to avoid any mistakes and asked if she knew of some apartment available for rent close to the gallery, she had only arrived in San Francisco about two days prior and she wanted something close. She also confided in her that she was planning on going to the University to get her degree in art history. Kate seemed to be pleased with that idea and told her that as soon as she found out what her schedule would be to let her know so that she could arrange her hours at the galleria.

When they returned to the Gallery, Kate took her to the back and showed her some stairs; they went up and went to the door at the end. Kate opened the door with her key and let them in to a spacious apartment full of light. It was empty with a few boxes and old chairs among other things.

"This building belonged to my grandfather," Kate commented upon entering, "When I inherited it from my mother, the first thing I did was remodel so I could start the gallery; I discovered this apartment over the gallery. I had thought to lease it out but although it has an entrance leading outside it also has an entrance that leads down to the gallery and I didn't want to take a chance that someone might get other ideas. However, I know I can trust you Hel Kyle." Kate turned around and looked into the young woman's eyes, who without thinking and doing something totally out of character from her normal fiery and independent self; she wrapped an arm around Kate.

Helena was in so much need of emotional warmth for human contact. It had been some time that she hadn't permitted herself that kind of contact, she wouldn't even hug Dinah for fear of her reading how she felt or suffered. Moreover, with Barbara, God, hugging the redhead was torture and more so when she began to date Wade. It had been a very long time since she had, really had, a hug. She felt her eyes fill with tears, what the hell! Ever since she had taken the decision to leave everything behind without looking back, she had cried more than she had ever thought possible since her mother's death.

"Thanks Kate." Helena said. "I promise that you won't regret having rented it to me. Tell me how much do you want for it? So I can pay you six months in advance and start to buy the furnishings and…" Kate interrupted her with a gesture of her hand.

"Don't worry about it Hel, this place is being wasted, empty for years, if you take it I'll have someone to take care of the gallery, besides you'll just be starting work and you'll have a lot of expenses in order to furnish it. We can take care of that later, what do you think?"

"Thanks Kate, I won't let you down. I promise." Helena repeated, she felt, as if everything in her life was starting to make sense once again. Only hours after she had left Barbara, she had felt so lost and without direction and now, life was turning around for the better.

"What do you say we go downstairs and through the magic of the internet, one which I use frequently since I learned how to, and you can purchase everything you need with my credit card. That way you can just pay me in cash. What do you say?"

"That would be great Kate. I hate going shopping, well I don't hate shopping, but I do hate furniture shopping." She smiled. "In my other apartment I only had to buy a bed, a table with chairs and a sofa. That is all I needed. It was just a place to sleep." She confided with a shade of sadness without going into details, it was just too painful. How do you explain that your home was not there but at a Clock tower where your heart also was?

Kate smiled in agreement; she knew well enough what it was to have a house, but not a home. Since her husband's death, it was now only a house in which to live in, but her home had gone with him.

That same afternoon after Kate found the site to make the furniture purchases, she left Helena to make her purchase while she attended to the few possible buyers that came in. When there was no one she would come in and stand by Helena, making suggestions on what to buy and when it was time to close the gallery they had pretty much bought everything except for food and cleaning supplies. Helena had written down the credit card number and the bank name. The next day she would go and deposit the money in Kate's account. She wanted her to know that she was honest, that she hadn't made a mistake in trusting her.

Kate dropped her off at the hotel despite Helena's protests that it wasn't necessary. The older woman completely ignored her and drove her anyway. When she was leaving the car, she handed her the keys to the apartment, both to the outside door and the gallery keys.

"I will probably be there when you arrive, that way I can explain the alarm system to you and we can start your training. How does that sound?"

"Perfect," Helena smiled, "See you tomorrow Kate." Helena waved and disappeared into the hotel.

Once inside Helena decided that since she already had the keys to the apartment she might as well spend the night there. She would stop by the Wal-Mart that was on the way and buy some cleaning supplies, an air mattress and a set of bed sheets. There wasn't any point in staying at the hotel if she already had a place to live.

It was just past nine when she got to the apartment with all the necessary supplies to clean it. The first thing she did once she dropped of the things on the kitchen counter was to walk around the place to pick up the trash and stuff that did not belong. When she looked in the closet in the bedroom she found a box, she pulled it out and realized they were old pictures some old newspapers and things like that. Without reading them, she put them back. She would give them to Kate the next day. She was sure she would know what do with them.

After about four trips to the trash bin, Helena had cleaned up all the trash from the apartment. During the next two hours, the young woman dedicated herself to cleaning every square inch of the apartment until it was sparkling clean. Even though it was empty it didn't feel so abandoned and lonely anymore, on the contrary now it looked charming and ready to live in.

Helena smiled to herself, she had never done such a thorough cleaning job anywhere in her whole life. Tired but satisfied she went to the bedroom to setup the air mattress and get the bed ready. Even if she wasn't sleepy, she wanted to leave everything ready for when her body decided to rest.

She had bought all the necessities she needed for the bathroom. Kate had commented that the apartment had its own water heater but not connected yet so she would have to make a few phone calls to get the gas and telephone connected. Even if Helen had no one to talk to, she figured it would be wise to have one just in case. She also had to connect the satellite cable so she could have a TV signal and internet, even though it had never been her forte that was Barbara's area. Helena had decided on leaving everything behind, her main goal was to find her way back, the way she were or would be, before everything, before her mother's murder.

Before everything happened, Helena had been a child full of life and happiness. She had been one of the best in class, excelled in several sports, president of her class and was the most popular. The whole lot seemed to point to Helena having a great future, possibly even a brilliant career whatever she decided to pursue. However, after her mother's death and right in front of their own eyes Helena turned resentful, completely justifiable, the darkness, the hate, anger and pain invaded her being completely, so much, so that she went from the most popular to the pariah of the school. No one wanted to be near her, at first, they wanted to console her, but Helena turned them all away cruelly and with cold indifference, until they began to fear her or hassle her. Helena started so many fights and problems at her school that she had the worst reputation in the entire school. The young woman was a time bomb and only Barbara could manage to _deactivate_ her, to show her how to control her fury and anger until she became the Huntress.

"_I know you are full of pain, I know how you feel." Barbara said one day after surprising her with a joint in her room. "I know you feel as if life has betrayed you, that nothing makes any sense." Helena snapped back furious. "You don't know anything, my mother was murdered right in front of my eyes and I didn't do anything!" She screamed in rage. Nevertheless, Barbara didn't back down. "I am confined to a wheelchair for life what about my life Helena? What is left of your mother's memory? She would die from pain to see you this way, to see you wasting your life like this. She would hate herself if she could see you like this! Don't you know that? You were her life, nothing was more important to her than you were. YOU WERE HER REASON for living Helena and if you really want vengeance for her death then show her how brave you are. Honor her life Helena not her death." Once she had said this Barbara left the room without another word, leaving her alone with her ghosts and demons._

A week passed and she barely saw Barbara, she spent her nights out, she went to school but always remained silent. She attended classes but paid little attention. Sometimes it was almost impossible not to react to the bullying, taunts and insults from some of the students. It infuriated her that if she reacted to them they would blame her without thinking twice. She clinched her fists so tightly that her nails would dig into her palms until they bled. However, she refused to react time and time again, until they appeared to grow tired of trying to upset her.

When Helena finally felt that she could control her anger, when she proved to herself that she was capable of controlling her visceral emotions against the unfounded provocations, she finally dared to go to Barbara and ask her to train her. Not long after she went to live with Barbara she found out that Bruce Wayne aka _Batman_ was her father. Barbara had confessed absolutely everything to her. Her mother's past as _Catwoman_, hers as _BatGirl_, Dick as former Robin and now Nightwing that had also contributed to her anger, the deception in her life. When she was more controlled, she asked her to train her and the result was Huntress. Something she would never do again and a more powerful sadness overtook her.

Without Barbara, nothing made sense and the only think left to try was to pick up the pieces of what had been her life and start over. There would always be emptiness in her heart, nothing or anyone would ever replace Barbara but she would have to learn to live without her, there was no other choice.

****

**AN: Part Added 110909**

The next day Helena got up early and went directly to the bank to make a deposit into Kate's account. She passed a small café and had breakfast, at 10 a.m. she was back at the gallery and standing in front of a very happy Kate when she saw her.

"Good morning Hel, how are you?" Kate greeted with the enthusiasm that reminded her of Dinah. A shadow passed over her eyes for a second before she returned Kate's smile.

"Excellent Kate, I spent the night in the apartment." She said in a playful voice.

"How?" The gallery owner said somewhat surprised. "You don't have anything yet."

"After you left me at the hotel yesterday I picked up my backpack and headed to the local Wal-Mart, I bought everything that I needed to clean up and an inflatable bed. There was no point in staying any longer at the hotel 'sides it's not as if I have a lot of stuff. It's all cleaned up so, the delivery people can just take the things straight up that is if they keep their promise to deliver this afternoon.

"Yes, I guess you have a point." She smiled understandingly.

The rest of the day was spent training Helena. Kate made the necessary calls to get the utilities connected; after all, it was the property owner's duty. Helena was grateful that her mother had been whom she was, aware of the dangers that it represented Helena to be her daughter; she had the sense to have a birth certificate forged. She had the original certificate from her birth in France, which was the one she had always used until now. Now, she will use the fake one that would allow her to start a completely new life. Some details remained the same such as her last name, but her new name now was Michelle Kyle and a couple of years older and with a different place of birth. Helena had not known of its existence until the day that she opened the deposit box that her mother had kept at a bank. It wasn't until she had turned 21 that an attorney had gone to the bar and gave her, her mother's letter. No one had known of the existence of the box, not even Barbara and she wasn't sure why she had never told the redhead after all she told her everything, she just seemed to intuitively know that perhaps someday she would need it. There was not only a birth certificate but also a social security card and a Swiss bank account under the name of Michelle Kyle. Helena had not needed to use the money from that account until now, in reality she had no need for work, but she needed to keep herself busy and change her way of life in order to try to forget and be what she once might have been.

So with documents in hand she took out a California drivers license, opened up a bank account and after speaking with the manager and showing her ID, requested a bank transfer of enough funds from the Swiss account to start her brand new life.

One of the first things she did was set up a complete gym in what was the master bedroom. It wasn't as big or well equipped as the one in the tower but enough equipment to satisfy her needs and of course, the main piece was the punching bag.

She enrolled in the college of arts and attended classes during the evening. During the mornings she worked with Kate but early in the morning she would run every day for about 5 miles, a new habit she had picked up to keep in shape. During the evenings she liked to climb up to the roof and look at the city from there, it wasn't very high, but because the gallery sat on one of the many hills that made up San Francisco it provided a fairly good view of the city lights.

One of the things that Helena had left behind was running across rooftops that would only bring back memories that she didn't want to recall, she didn't want to remember Barbara or listen to her voice nor did she want to become a vigilante again. She had decided to start a new life as it should have been if her mother had not been assassinated or Barbara left paralyzed.

She began to play sports that at one time, she would have liked to play, she bought a mountain bike, and on her free weekends, she would go out biking. She learned how to rock climb properly, only to be able to pretend that she had no experience and to get certified. She decided to learn to scuba dive; many of these things would seem normal to most but for her it was learning to live like a normal person, which she had never experienced before.

Little by little, Helena began to flourish despite the ever-present sadness she still felt for losing Barbara. Kate adopted her like the daughter she never had, she invited her to eat and even taught her to cook when Helena admitted that she barely knew how to boil water and make eggs.

During the first year, Helena took care of not to form any deep friendships, she had several casual friends and classmates from Art school and she visited a few bars and even slept with some and that was only to burn off sexual energy. She never made promises, she never took anyone to the apartment, and she never permitted herself to go beyond a one-night stand. She couldn't afford to let anyone in, it wouldn't have been fair to the other person, her heart belonged to the redhead, and it would never be otherwise.

As the New Year approached, on a day the gallery owner had gone to the apartment to join her for dinner, Kate saw the paintings that Helena had accumulated during her first year of self-exile from New Gotham. Her first impression at seeing them was awe. They were so full of life, of intense and raw passion, full of sensuality and desire. Others were passionately dark, desolate, and sad but equally as beautiful. Once the initial surprise passed Kate corralled Helena and asked her or more like demanded that, she let her to set up a show with them.

Helena refused on several times, until Kate finally convinced her by telling her that no one would know who the artist was. That she would maintain her identity a secret and that she would not have to attend the inauguration if she didn't want to.

Finally, after much scolding and coaxing she accepted, after all, it wouldn't be possible to associate the HK with her own signature and if Kate allowed her to maintain her anonymity, it was fine with her.

Without having to say so, the show was a great success; Kate knew and had many contacts throughout the Art world almost as many as her mother had, which had been invited to the exposition. The secrecy surrounding the new artist was a great lure to all of them.

Once the paintings sold like hot cakes Kate refused to allow Helena to continue working for her in the gallery, instead she encouraged her to paint, to search for inspiration, to be free.

With time Helena learned to confide in Kate, even though she never went into dangerous details or mentioned any names except one, she did tell her about her mother's murder, about finding out who her father was shortly after that and how he disappeared after her death. She told her he was a millionaire that left a fortune in her name, which she had never touched. That her friend Barbara was left as her guardian and that the reason why she had left everything behind was that she had fallen in love with her, that she had always loved her. However, when she had announced that she was getting married, she knew that she couldn't continue living close to her because it was too painful; it wasn't fair for either of them, for the reason that Barbara would never understand why Helena was distancing herself, and she couldn't tell her why. If she did, -had stayed- things between them would change forever and Helena had not wanted to lose her friendship, that would have killed her and that was the very reason that she had decided to leave without saying goodbye.

Kate listened to her without judging or lecturing her, she let her speak and vent out her pain, and she understood that at some point Hel had to face her demons. The desolate sadness in the young girl's eyes every time she mentioned Barbara was too deep to forget and pretend it didn't exist. Perhaps with time, Hel would find someone that would help her forget but in the main time that wasn't going to happen. If only Hel would seek Barbara out to tell her how she felt if only to let her know. Hel needed to tell her, but the right moment would come someday, everything happened for a reason, nothing was as it seemed or happened by chance. She limited herself to giving her unconditional support, and promising that no one would ever know that Hel Kyle lived there.

Since she didn't have to work to have money and her paintings were selling very well, Helena took Kate's advice to heart and began traveling. She would drive her black brand new Jeep Liberty down to Tijuana, Mexico and take a flight from there to Mexico City where she would travel to other destinations. She had decided to see countries that she had not been able to see with her mother. She had lived in Europe for the first 12 years of her life, she knew it well, and they had traveled to Japan and parts of Africa. So now, she traveled through Mexico, South America, and Oceania. She would leave for several weeks, return, and then leave once again. When she returned, the time she spent back in San Francisco was occupied in painting and doing the odd sculpture, before leaving again Kate was getting ready to do another exposition of her works and needed a good stock of paintings.

Helena continued to be the solitary person she always was, with that shadow of sadness that surrounded her but at the same time freer and less frustrated, without that dark energy that possessed her while she lived in New Gotham. Anyone that knew the former Huntress well would say that she had lost her spark but in reality, it was only that she had made a truce with herself. After a lot of thought and tears, she had accepted the death of her mother, the betrayal of her father and the loss of Barbara. Far from the violence and constant high alert of New Gotham, Helena gave herself the time to really feel the loss of her loved ones and not so loved ones with a maturity that she didn't have before. It was that knowledge and acceptance that permitted her to live at ease with herself even if with the painful memories of Barbara. Nevertheless, whenever she thought of her, even if it was with sadness, now she did it only to treasure the good memories. It was the only way to survive her absence.

It was during this stage in her life that Kate went up to the apartment and saw Helena's paintings of Barbara. They were beautiful, full of love and devotion, full of energy and desire, vibrant and passionate.

"Tell me Hel that these paintings are part of the pieces that will be in the exposition." Kate asked excitedly, they would be a great success if that were so.

"No Kate, those belong to my personal collection, they are too private, and I won't sell them." Helena said with conviction and a secret smile on her lips. Sell one of Barbara's portraits? NEVER, it was the only thing she had to remind her of Barbara.

"It's her." Kate stated in understanding.

"Yes." She responded in a whisper.

"Ok, let me propose this, pick the one you like the most and we'll put it in the exhibit, but it won't be for sale. It will be part of your private collection, as a sample of your quality and passion. It is too beautiful for you not to show it."

Helena thought for a moment, turned to look at the paintings for a long time as if thinking about the consequences of doing it. The possibility of someone recognizing Barbara in one of them was probably nonexistent. She didn't think anyone from New Gotham would visit the exhibit and it had been a very long time since Barbara had appeared in pictures or anything like that.

"It's fine Kate, I let you exhibit three of them on the wall of honor, what do you think?" She smiled. "But you don't think they might speculate that it's me?"

"Absolutely" she agreed immediately. "But I don't think that will be a problem, or will it?"

"Remember that no one must know who the artist is, and it doesn't matter how much money they offer you for them, these are not for sale and I'm standing firm on that." She affirmed seriously.

"I understand Helena, you can trust me and you know that don't you?" She looked into her eyes.

"Yes Kate, but try to understand, it's the only thing I have left of her and…" Her voice broke.

"You don't have to explain sweetie, I understand." She hugged her briefly; Helena was not one for physical contact or had anyone invade her personal space.

With that out of the way, Helena helped Kate mount the exhibit, to prepare the invitations and help with other details. The day of the exposition was at hand, Helena was in her apartment or actually on the roof looking at the stars and thinking about the past two years and how much her life had changed since then. Was she happy? Not exactly, and perhaps she would never be, but for now, it was enough. She had achieved the dream that she'd had as teen, one that that she thought lost forever and that should be enough, right?

Once again, the exhibit was a great success, Kate got many offers for the portraits in Hel's private collection, one of Barbara's portraits and the other two only had the figure of a woman looking off into the horizon, but she clearly told everyone that they were not for sale under any circumstances much to everyone's dismay.

Two days later what Helena had thought almost impossible, happened. Someone recognized the portrait and wanted the painting. However, more than anything else someone had recognized the signature and wanted to speak with her. She wished to speak with her. She needed to, as was made very clear to Kate.

Helena gripped the telephone until her knuckles turned white, with barely contained panic, _fuck!_

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	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** I'm sorry for the late update.

Revised Version

**Dinah**

"Can you stop by my apartment after school? I want to give you something."

Helena, calling me for something other than an emergency was odd, but I couldn't find anything different in the tone of her voice although it sounded tense. But then again Helena was always on the aggressive side and cold when she wasn't being arrogant and insufferable.

I agreed immediately, a gift from Helena was always something memorable. It wasn't that she hadn't given me any, but the two she had given me, were more than I had expected from someone that seemed to resent my very presence in the tower and of course in Barbara's life.

After classes Gabby took me to Helena's. While she looked for a place to park I went up to the apartment, I had a key so I let myself in. It might seem incredible that I would have one but after nearly a year as part of the team and the last scare Helena had given Barbara when she picked up some dangerous virus that left her unconscious and delirious for a couple of days without Barbara's knowledge was more than enough reason, so it was mandated that Hel give me a key to her apartment in case of an emergency, now it was normal for Hel to tell me to use it only when she let me.

Nothing and I mean in capital letters, nothing prepared me for what I found in the apartment.

NOTHING

I was met with sepulchral silence that froze my blood. I felt chills run up my spin as soon as I opened the door. In front of my eyes on the table were several boxes and an envelope with my name.

I didn't need to be a touch telepath to know what those boxes or the envelope meant, with a sense of dread I walked the few steps forward and with a shaking hand I opened the envelope. I hadn't realized it, but my eyes had filled with tears even before reading what the letter said. Deep down inside I knew the truth, but I couldn't or didn't want to believe it. The tears and the pain in my heart however knew the truth, she was gone.

_Dinah;_

_I'm sorry…for leaving this way, without saying goodbye, without explanations, but I can't, it's too much for me. I wouldn't have the courage if I waited any longer and I don't have the strength or the courage to stay either. I have been dying inside for a long time and I can't take it anymore._

_I can't Dinah, this love is killing me, it's too much, I feel as if I am dying a little more every moment, every hour that passes, I can't stay, I can't! If I do I'll only hurt her, and she can't know. She can't find out that I'm dying for her. It would only hurt her more if she knew and I can't stand the idea of that and each day that I stay by her side I do. If I see her marry him I would only disappear even if I was there and she wouldn't understand it._

_I'm leaving a note along with this letter; I know you can't show this to Barbara. It would defeat the purpose of my leaving if you show it to her. Please Dinah, it's the last thing I'll ever ask of you, don't ever tell her the real reason as to why I'm leaving. Please._

_I love you Kid, don't doubt it. I know it doesn't seem like that but it's true. I wish things were different, that I could stay at your side to cover your back, to support you, to teach you but I can't and I'm so sorry for that._

_Forgive me for leaving this way, _

_Take care of her for me Kid._

_P.S. Give Leonard your key, I told him you would._

With my eyes full of tears, I pressed the letter against me, my body shaking heartfelt. I never heard when Gabby came in; I only felt her arms around me. She didn't know but she intuitively felt what had happened when she saw the boxes and me crying.

"She's gone, she's gone." I cried against her, repeating the words over and over, Gabby didn't say much, only whispered soothing words and never let me go. I'm not sure how much time passed, nor was even aware when Gabby had led me to the sofa without letting me go but when I came to the sun was already setting.

"Please help me take the boxes, I asked Gabby in a rough voice. She agreed without saying a word and picked one up. I took the other, I really didn't need to, I hadn't told her about my powers yet. It took us another trip to load the car with the boxes, Helena's belongings.

When Leonard saw me come in, he knew I had found out that she had left; he hugged me briefly and took the key. He told me not to be a stranger and that I could stop by anytime even if I was still a minor. He knew I was responsible and that I wouldn't ask for alcoholic beverages, besides he knew me, he wouldn't sell it to me anyway.

I'm not sure how Gabby got me home, she helped me take up the boxes and I told her to leave them on the table in front of the TV. I left the note for Barbara on top, I knew she wasn't there; she had gone out with Wade. Wade's mother had wanted to check on the floral arrangements and some other things for the wedding. That they didn't approve their son choice didn't mean that they wouldn't give him the perfect wedding.

Gabby wanted to stay with me a little longer but I refused, I needed to be alone. I needed to cry for Helena and I didn't want to do it in front of her. After some protest she left. Alfred had the night off since Barbara was to be out, Helena supposedly wouldn't be there until midnight and I usually stayed with Gabby, there was no reason for him to be in the tower.

I sat on the sofa, with my knees tightly pressed against my chest as the tears ran nonstop down my cheeks, remembering each moment we had spent sitting on this same couch watching TV, or just watching her watch Barbara, listening with her hyper hearing for the slightest sound that Barbara might make. Always alert to anything she might be doing even through her insolent indifference, Helena was always aware of her, taking care of her, protecting her, loving her.

I'm not sure how much time passed, I don't even know if I even noticed when Barbara arrived, but I did hear her laugh at something Wade said. _Stupid Wade_, I thought with hate when I recognized his voice. Ever since Barbara had accepted his marriage proposal everything had started falling apart bit by bit. Even though Barbara had not yet told him the truth about the Tower I knew it was a matter of time meanwhile the camouflage had been put up for when he had to come in. I couldn't help but hate him. _Damn you Wade Brixton._

Barbara must have noticed me curled up on the sofa, I could hear her coming closer, but I didn't dare look up at her. I didn't dare let her see my pain or my anger and fury aimed at her and Wade. I didn't want to hurt her just as she was hurting me without being aware of it, the way she had destroyed Helena.

"Dinah, is something wrong?" She asked in a worried tone but she couldn't see my expression, she moved closer, Wade was behind her looking at me, I could feel it. I didn't want to raise my eyes; I didn't want to see her. But she got close to me and lifted my face in her hands, she gasped in surprise when she saw my red swollen eyes and the tears that continued to fall and I was unable to stop them "Dinah." Her worried voice insisted, "Dinah!"

But I couldn't talk; I couldn't find my voice only a wounded sound escaped my mouth. Barbara didn't understand what was going on, but she immediately took control over the situation. Without turning towards Wade she politely asked him to leave. Wade seemed reluctant to do so but Barbara wouldn't allow it. She bade him good night and told him she would call him in the morning. I noticed Wade's hesitation, knowing that he did not want to leave but Barbara's body language and forceful tone didn't allow for another option. He murmured good night but not before getting near Barbara and kissing her on the cheek and not on the lips.

When we were alone Barbara got closer to me, she transferred on to the sofa and hugged me, making comforting sounds, asking me to tell her what had happened.

I cried for a long time in her arms, finally, in a rough voice and barely audible I murmured into her neck. "She is gone Barbara, she's gone, she's gone."

Barbara at first didn't understand what I was trying to say, my voice was only a cut-off whisper.

"Gone? Who's gone? Dinah for Gods sake, tell me what is going on." Her voice broke, her body was as tense as a violin, and I could feel the waves of panic radiate from her, sensing something, something which she didn't dare formulate in her mind. But I could feel it, the dread pouring out of her.

"Letter…" I pointed without much strength at the envelope on top of the boxes, surprised when she didn't notice the letter in the first place.

Barbara saw the letter and stretched out to get it; with shaking fingers she opened the envelope. I knew the moment that she read the three brief sentences Helena had written to her.

_Goodbye,_

_Be happy Barbara._

_Take care of Dinah, she needs you._

_HK_

Barbara gasped, for a moment she stopped breathing, she read the lines several times and finally let the page fall to the floor. I could barely see her; I had a horrible headache from so much crying.

"When?" Barbara asked with contained urgency "Were the boxes here when you arrived? Tell me Dinah!" She insisted, Barbara needed responses and she wanted them now. I knew that when I told her the truth she would not believe me, after all why wait until now to tell her, to warn her so she could try to do something about it.

"Helena" I said with a scratchy voice. "She called me at school, early, she asked me to stop by her apartment after I got out because she had something to give me. When I got there the apartment was empty. The only things there were those boxes on the table and the letter."

"What time was that?" She turned her head abruptly, drilling me with her eyes.

"After three" I confessed turning red, even with my anger towards her she could still make me feel nervous.

"Why didn't you call me?" She demanded incredulously "Why did you wait until now to tell me, Dinah for God's sake." She ran her fingers through her hair without taking her accusing eyes from me. "We've wasted valuable time not looking for her; the more time passes the colder is her trail."

I couldn't take it any longer, her cold analytical voice, as if we were just talking about some escaping criminal instead of Helena; Helena that didn't have any other choice but to leave just so she could survive; Helena who was dying from sadness and pain. I stood moving away from her.

"Didn't you read what the letter said Barbara? BE HAPPY! Helena is gone! You think that she is going to want you to find her? You think that she's going to leave a trail? SHE'S GONE! For God's sake Barbara, if Helena doesn't want to be found she won't be. I don't know what happened between you two this morning, I don't know what you told her, for her to want to go running out of here, I only know that she's left" I yelled at her, how could she! How she dare be angry at me! When is her fault that everything is falling apart!

Barbara only stared at me with cold eyes and tense jaw. When I jumped from the sofa she transferred again to her chair trying to be near me, she wheeled slowly towards the boxes and opened them. She already knew that Helen didn't have a lot of clothes in her apartment and only a few personal things –A picture of the three of them, one of her mother and a Van Gogh painting that her mother had loved –everything else was here in her room at the Tower. Perhaps Helena hadn't lived at the Tower officially for over two years but that didn't mean that she didn't live there unofficially. So Barbara had left the room as is since the Tower would always be home to Hel.

Once again I heard her gasp in surprise. In the first box was her favorite Huntress leather pants, her coat, her comm set, and underneath the picture of us and her mother's painting. She had taken her mother's picture but not ours. That was a clear message, it was a final goodbye… she had cut the apron strings.

In the other boxes were several leather pants, a few tops and shoes. I knew that when Helena had told me she had left me a gift she was referring to her clothes. Helena was so possessive and territorial with her things that when I managed to get her to lend me something was an astronomical triumph, and now she was leaving me everything. But I didn't want her clothes I wanted Helena back. I wanted to see her arrogant smile, I wanted to hear her call me 'kid' even though she knew I hated it. I wanted Helena in our lives, damn it! I hated myself for wanting her with me because I knew she hadn't left without a valid reason.

I knew deep inside that she had been dying slowly, that seeing Barbara with the stupid Wade was destroying her slowly. And I hated Barbara for being so stupid, for not being able to see the deep and pure love that Helena had for her. At the same time I felt pain, pain for my now broken family, pain because deep inside I knew that those two didn't know how to be happy without the other. And although I knew the reasons why Helena had left, I didn't know how she would survive without her.

Barbara looked up and asked me with a bitter voice if the clothes were the gift Helena had intended to leave me as a gift.

"I suppose that's what she was talking about." I replied in a strained whisper. Once again the tears threatened to spill over.

"Then take it, put the painting in her room. I'll put away the comm set." She said without showing any emotion in her voice, I felt a shiver run down my spine.

I looked into her eyes, trying to convey something, wanting to scream. Like what? I don't know, just anything. Barbara was taking the situation so coldly, her eyes calculating and without emotion. Except for the first few minutes Barbara had shut her emotions down. I knew there was nothing else to say, I nodded and with my telekinetic powers took the boxes to Helena's room. I hung up her clothes and put away her shoes carefully as if she had only gone away on vacation. Her clothes would be waiting for her upon her return even though inside me I knew that was not the case.

Helena wouldn't be returning and we needed to learn to live without her.

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	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** I'm sorry for the late and short update, this chapter is also un-betaed, my editor is in a bad mood and my beta reader is out of town. I will post a revised version as soon as possible.. So please excuse any weird typos or gramatical errors. I hope you like it so far...

**Review, my muse only works when she is happy... :)**

****

After I left Helena's room half an hour later, I went to the kitchen for a glass of water; shedding tears like crazy makes you damn thirsty and I saw Barbara sitting at Delphi with several windows open in the Delphi monitors. It was apparent that they were images from security cameras from various places like the airport, the bus station, the train station. She even had the one for the Dark Horse which she'd had installed for security purposes after the incident with Harley Quinn aka Harleen Quinzel, the psychiatrist that Helena had been forced to see by court order.

Fortunately, Barbara had discovered her true identity as the queen of crime of New Gotham's underworld, from a picture captured from a security camera after an assault to a jewelry that we had managed to prevent. That's why Barbara had known about her double identity which luckily for us was discovered just when Helena had begun to confide in her. She was after all her psychiatrist and Helena had been about to reveal to her things that would have brought down Birds of Prey. Helena had been going through her worst moment of depression. Barbara had just announced her engagement to Wade and Helena was feeling very vulnerable an easy prey no pun intended.

Thanks to Barbara who had managed to discover it in time to set Quinn's downfall that hadn't been the case; I didn't want to imagine what could've happened if Helena had fallen under Quinn's spell. Somehow Helena managed to pretend that she had fallen under Dr. Quinzel's hypnotization and had made her think that she was under her command in order to set the trap and send her to Arkham. That had been about a week ago, something serious must have happened that upset Barbara that eventually caused the fight between them later which caused Helena to think about leaving. Barbara never told me what it was about and I didn't see Helena again after that.

I moved close to Barbara and dared to ask if there was a sign of Helena.

"No, I can't find her anywhere. She didn't use her passport or credit card. She didn't buy tickets in her name, nothing."

I nodded and said goodnight, there was nothing else I could do, not without betraying Helena's trust and I knew that Barbara wouldn't send me out on patrol since I was too emotionally upset to be able to concentrate on work and not watch out for danger. I knew that I was capable enough to do the rounds by myself but I didn't have enough experience in the field to take charge of the city all alone, I wasn't Huntress. I didn't know what we were going to do but I knew Barbara would probably think of something. She took her role as vigilante protector of New Gotham very seriously to let too much time pass without knowing how to proceed.

I know that Barbara didn't sleep that night; she sat in front of Delphi looking over and over again for any possible clue that might indicate what route Helena had taken. But I knew that she wouldn't find anything, nothing. Helena was an expert at disappearing, in becoming invisible. The only one that was capable of sensing her presence was Barbara herself, she always knew when Helen was nearby, even if she were hidden but that ability didn't help when she was miles away. Many miles way, ones that I was sure would be thousands if I knew Helena at all. She knew Helena would put plenty of distance between herself and Barbara otherwise the temptation to come back would be too great. Barbara was for Helena like a drug, a cure, a blessing or curse, and the only way to survive that addiction was to cut it out once and for all…forever.

When Alfred came back on Saturday morning I was already in the kitchen. I had slept little to nothing and my mind couldn't stop thinking about Helena and all we had lived through together. Everything was a tangle of feelings, a part of me resented Helena, Barbara and Wade, and another part of me was the scared little girl whose mother left behind back in Opal six years ago and could not stop crying for her big sister.

I gave him the news. Alfred much like any other English butler is cold and very proper but when he found out that Helena had left, I could clearly see the surprise not only in his features but also a very evident sadness and desolation. It seemed as if all of his bosses were abandoning him, first Bruce's parents, then Bruce and now Helena although to Hel he was a friend, never ever her butler, however, he continued taking care of us, even from a distance. I was sure that even if he didn't know where Helena was, surely he would have communicated with Bruce Wayne to let him know that Helena had disappeared without a trace from New Gotham the same as he had done five years earlier.

It seemed it was a curse of the Wayne family; she couldn't help but ask herself if they were really as courageous and untamed or were they actually emotional cowards that couldn't confront the pain and loss in order to move forward.

If you ask me I wouldn't say they are cowards, when they are capable of dying for strangers, to give up their lives for the fight for good at the cost of their own lives. The way I see it, the problem with the Wayne's is that they can only love one way and that is with total passion, giving of themselves completely, without reservation. When a Wayne gives its heart it was forever. The problem was that love and happiness for the Wayne's wasn't exactly something given out of hand.

I didn't know much about the love/hate relationship that Bruce Wayne had with Selina Kyle, but it was obvious that their alto egos couldn't love each other. Batman was black and white, justice and good were the paragon's of his life while Catwoman was a thief that did what she did out of pleasure of breaking the rules. She did it for the adrenaline rush that she got from fooling the legal system. Catwoman wasn't a thief that robbed out of necessity, she did it for enjoyment. As Selina Kyle she was a successful woman, a recognized and respected art dealer with her own gallery and contacts all over the world. But the love that was between Bruce and Selina was not enough for Batman and Catwoman to coexist together.

I knew from the moment that Selina had gotten pregnant, she would disappear from Bruce and Batman's lives without letting him know that he was expecting a daughter. She left old Gotham and nothing was heard from her or Catwoman until Helena turned twelve and she returned to what was now New Gotham. Selina never became Catwoman again, but the fact that she left her alter ego behind didn't stop Batman's enemies from finding out about her return, but more than anything else, that Joker found out that Selina Kyle was someone very important in Bruce Wayne's aka Batman's life and therefore important to his Arch nemesis who would kill her to make Batman suffer. Fortunately no one knew that Selina's daughter was also Bruce Wayne's. Perhaps if he had known it might not have been Selina who was killed, but Helena instead. That secret had saved Helena, her greatest treasure. Her own life was a price she had gladly paid for Helena's salvation even though this turned out to be too high price to pay for her daughter, and even the tortured soul of Bruce Wayne. The aftermath was collateral damage. Helena was alive…safe.

Perhaps Selina herself knew that Helena was a perfect mix of both of them and knew that Helena would survive her death. Helena had the same metahuman characteristics of her mother and other that she hadn't possessed plus her disregard for the rules and conventional life; the class and elegance, the animal magnetism and the charm she exuded were pure Selina's; added at the fierce loyalty, the dark humor, passion and sense of justice that she inherited from her father, moreover that part that was pure rage and fury that could consume anyone whether it was for good or bad and that had been an integral part of Bruce. But he had managed to control that dark side in himself by fighting for justice. Helena like him had managed to control that part of herself for the same reasons as her father but most importantly for Barbara. Unlike Bruce, who had grown up alone with only Alfred as mentor; her mother nurturing presence until the age of 16, along with Barbara's at such a young age in Helena's life was the critical point to determine her path in the sinister future; passion and love, feelings so powerful that Helena managed to reign that darkness within her, just for Barbara.

Sometimes being a touch telepath wasn't so cool, I knew too damn much. It wasn't intentional, but I knew nonetheless, maybe that was the reason Hel trusted in me, I knew…

I couldn't help but ask myself what would have happened to Helena without Barbara, just the thought made me shiver; it was so hard to try to imagine those two being apart. I couldn't! How the hell were they going to make it?

That weekend was very dark and somber in the tower; Barbara barely left Delphi's side, obsessively looking for traces that would lead to Helena's whereabouts. But until now nothing had come to light, it was as if she had been swallowed by the earth, abducted by Aliens, whatever, she's gone.

A part of me thought that perhaps Helena would return after awhile, that her great need for Barbara, her desire to be close to her would one day bring her to come back through that balcony with an arrogant smile and announce nonchalant that she was back from the little vacation she had taken to clear her head as if nothing had happened. I could imagine Barbara scolding her for being so inconsiderate, for just disappearing like that. Helena would act contrite and would ask Barbara for forgiveness and everything would go back to normal. But I knew that I was just fooling myself. Perhaps if Wade wasn't in the picture maybe Helena would return after calming down no matter what Barbara's and Helena's differences were. Nevertheless, the reality was that Wade was real and that he wouldn't be disappearing from the picture and that was the point. The reason for her departure, Wade existed and ergo Helena couldn't coexist with him in the same way that her parents couldn't be happy because Batman and Catwoman were real.

This is such a fucking mess! I miss you Hel, I miss you so much, but nothing compares to what Barbara is feeling right now, I know…

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	5. Chapter 5

AN: As I said in my SVU story, I beg for your patience because as you recall my native language is not English so my editor & beta reader has to review it first before seeing the light. This story is finished in spanish, so be assured that it will be posted in completely in english.

**Please let me know what you think... **

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As the week started, Barbara looked exhausted and in a bad mood, lost in her thoughts, she barely showed any emotion. Her eyes looked vacant and lifeless. I swear I could see tears in her eyes but I couldn't be sure. What I did know was that Barbara missed Helena, so much that she was broadcasting and I could feel it. We kept expecting her to show up at any moment after getting over her tantrum, but as the week went on, I would see Barbara sitting out on the balcony at night, watching, waiting, wanting to feel her presence and calm down because Helena was back. However, as the week ended Helena still wasn't back; I knew something would happen. You could call it instinct or metahuman sixth sense.

On Friday evening, I was laying on the sofa waiting for Barbara to get back from her weekly dinner date with Wade and his parents, a dinner that had been taking place since the announcement of their engagement. This dinner was to discuss the wedding arrangements. It had been a week since Helena had left and since it was the weekend, I figured Barbara would send me to do patrols even if they were short. Or at least she would send me if Delphi detected some emergencies or break-ins she thougth I could handle.

When the elevator finally opened, Barbara came in alone, which was strange because Wade always came back with her to spend the night at the tower, but that night Barbara returned alone, her demeanor more sullen than ever.

"The wedding has been canceled." She announced as soon as she saw me. "I broke off my engagement with Wade."

"WHAT!" I yelled in surprise. "But, you love him! Why!" I couldn't believe it, when I said that she loved him for a second it seemed as if a shadow had passed over her eyes. Something that I couldn't quite define was there; Barbara immediately covered it up with her cold indifference.

"Now that Helena isn't here, I can't give myself the luxury of having any distractions." That was her response, one that left me dumbfounded. I could certainly understand the distractions and Helena's absence, but that Barbara would consider Wade a distraction in that offhanded and cold way, well I just didn't understand. For God's sake, he was supposedly the man she loved and with whom she was getting married.

"My responsibilities are with New Gotham, something that Helena seemed to have conveniently forgotten, but I can't give myself that luxury Dinah. The engagement and the wedding are canceled and that's final.

"But you're still…" I didn't dare finish, the look that Barbara gave me cut off anything else I might have said.

"No, it's over between Wade and me. I told you, I can't permit myself to have any more distractions."

I understood her clearly, not only was Wade a distraction, Helena was also one; her absence was something that had her tense and worried. The search for her had left New Gotham without proper vigilance; fortunately for us with the capture of Harley Quinn who was now locked away at Arkham the criminal element in the city was now very low as far as archenemies. But it was only a matter of time, after all it was New Gotham, there was always someone willing to take up the baton, a new criminal, a new goal to take over the New Gotham underworld and Oracle was determined to be prepared when that happened. She knew that as soon as the grapevine started talking about the mysterious disappearance of Huntress the crime in the city would gradually increase and grow more dangerous if it wasn't controlled in time.

It was vital that I was prepared to take over for Huntress, it was necessary that I be ready to brazen out that responsibility and it was imperative that I do it now. Things couldn't be clearer. The break was over.

"I spoke with Dick last night; he'll be here on Monday. He'll be staying with us for a while to help you and finish your training Dinah. We cannot take the time to relax. Without Helena you will now be my eyes and legs." She said this last part almost in a whisper. It had always been like that, Barbara was the brains, the intelligence, the technology and Helena was the brawn, the muscle, the sly fox. It was now my turn and for God Sake I did not feel sure I could do it. Helena was…she was Huntress! She was rash and didn't fear anything, she never hesitated. _"Oh God"_ I paled. "I understand." I couldn't say anything else; I was still in shock about her breakup with Wade. Oh God, the very reason Helena had left no longer existed. But of course, if she hadn't gone everything would be the same. Damn, what a mess.

Barbara left me in the living area while she went to reveal Delphi. Since Wade was supposed to have come over I had put up the screen, but now there was no reason to hide it. I saw the way she posted herself in front of Delphi and saw that it was no longer Barbara who would be telling me to go stop a robbery, but Oracle. That night was my first night alone, truly alone, before when they would let me go out on my own rounds, I could always count on Helena to cover my back if any bad should happen. Now I had to rely only on myself, or at least until Nightwing arrived. I was so nervous and at the same time, I felt an immense responsibility. Just as Barbara was my mentor, Helena had been in my real life training and for her I would do it. Somehow, I could feel Helena telling me that she trusted me not only to protect New Gotham but also to protect what she valued the most in her life, Barbara. I couldn't fail.

Dick Grayson arrived on Monday as he promised; he spent several hours locked away with Barbara in the training room. From what I could hear after returning from classes with Barbara, she was doing some training with Dick. From the noises coming from the training room, it was obvious that Barbara was taking out her rage and anger. I could hear grunts and groans coming from Dick several times, you could definitely tell Barbara was furious. Then there was silence, but they didn't emerge until it was time for dinner. Barbara barely ate; she only did so because Alfred would not leave her alone otherwise.

That was my first night with Nightwing at my side; later just before going into the tower; we stopped on the rooftop in front of the clock tower. He indicated that we should turn our coms off and asked me point blank what had happened.

"Canary, what happened? Where is Huntress?" I know we didn't get along very well, but even so I knew she took her responsibility seriously. At first I had my doubts, but…I don't understand!"

"I don't know Nightwing." Moreover, in a way it was true, I didn't know what originated the explosion that caused the fight and for Helena to leave. I knew the reason, but not the cause. "I know that Huntress argued with Oracle the day after she woke up from a wound that she got on her back after trying to stop a bank robbery. After that she left running, she jumped from the tower in the middle of the day. The next thing I knew was that Huntress contacted me, she told me to stop by her apartment and when I went it was empty except for a couple of boxes and a letter saying goodbye. Nothing else and that was a week ago"

Nightwing stared at me as if he sensed that I knew more than I was saying. I held his gaze, aware that Helena was counting on me and that I couldn't betray her trust. After a few minutes of starring at me as if he would read my mind I said, "Nightwing that's my specialty, remember?" He grinned and accepted my word. I know he didn't entirely believe me but he had no other choice but to trust in what I said and at the same time I felt that he knew the real reason for why Helena had left.

After that, we returned to the tower. Dick took care of giving the report and I went to bed. The next day I had classes. Normally I didn't go out during the school week, but now Barbara couldn't give me that option and it was my responsibility to get used to the new demands of being a vigilante for NG.

After Dick gave his report he left for the mansion. He wasn't planning on staying at the tower with us much to my relief. I didn't want Dick to take Wade's place. Helena hated Dick because of his past relationship with Barbara and if she ever found out that Dick was at the tower now it would be worse. Of course there was no way for her to know, but still, it was better to be safe than sorry.

To say that Alfred wasn't ecstatic that Dick was back if only for six months at the mansion, would be absurd, no one had lived there in a long time. Helena had never wanted to live there, Barbara preferred the tower for its central location, and that it was the perfect hideout right in plain sight.

The days turned into weeks, weeks into months and Barbara couldn't get any clues as to where Helena might be. It worried me to see her like this. Something inside of her had died when Helena left. It was obvious to anyone that knew her that the light in her eyes had gone out. Oh, she was still the same Barbara, intelligent, wise, and decisive but there was no longer a spark in her eyes that only Helena had been able to ignite.

After the first few months, I'm not sure what Dick told her, but Barbara began to eat regularly once again, she had lost weight and looked tired with dark bags under her eyes, an obvious effect of the sleepless nights.

I tried in my own way to get her to smile; I wouldn't stop talking when I was with her. About school, what I wanted to study in college, what options I had, about Gaby and many other things, whatever occurred to me. Finally one night Barbara told me that I didn't have to keep her company, it wasn't necessary. She was grateful for my intentions, but she was fine. Everything was fine. I knew it was a lie and she knew that I knew. But I agreed and spent more time away during the evenings. Barbara was grateful but I continued to try to care for her, even if it was only from a distance. Helena had asked me after all.

At the end of the school year, summer and the start of my first year at New Gotham University we got another surprise from Barbara. After eight years of teaching at NG High, she resigned as English Teacher. She had two reasons, her priorities had changed and she had decided to spend her free time in the investigation of nanotechnology at the Wayne Laboratories. Dick had told to her that the Wayne Foundation Scientifics were working on nanotechnology such as regenerators. This interested Barbara very much. They had been working with rats to see the possibility of regenerating damaged tissue and seemed to be progressing well.

Barbara was determined to walk again, perhaps not to be Batgirl again, but to recover some of her mobility and sensitivity in her legs. She had not abandoned the idea of her neuronal belt even though the second prototype had nearly killed her when she tried it. Helena had gone crazy and had been upset with Barbara; she still did not give up on the idea but did put it aside for some time. Now Helena wasn't here and Barbara had decided to continue with her research.

I didn't know what to do; a part of me didn't want to lose sight of Barbara. For a period of time her eyes were guarded, almost cold. They had lost the warmth that characterized them. I'm not going to say that she looked at me in that disinterested way but when she did look at me there was a kind of warmth, but that happened rarely anymore.

Oh, she talked to me after all the routine remained the same. Dick was teaching me a lot and the patrols were ok, but the emptiness of Helena's absence instead of becoming easier seemed to be getting worse. She was like a ghost in our lives. I suppose it was worst not knowing where she was than knowing she was dead. At least if she were dead we would know where she was, but her disappearance only caused permanent anguish. I knew she was fine because deep inside I could feel it, at least physically but I couldn't tell Barbara what I felt. I couldn't tell Barbara no without exposing what I already knew, that I knew the real reason for why Helena had left.

Several times, I could feel her looking at me, as if she wanted to say something, ask me something, and I had to remember that I was doing it for Helena, but it was so difficult. How do you lie by omission to the woman that was more a mother to you than your own mother ever was? Someone you considered your sister had left because loving her was killing her slowly.

"You owe me big-time Hel!"

I don't know what woke me up one night, I was thirsty but it was something else, a sixth sense if you must, but I could sense something, a noise, I don't know… something. I got up and left my room, I checked Barbara's room and saw she wasn't there, it was past three in the morning, it was strange, yet it wasn't. Barbara slept little since Helena had left. I went down the stairs by the light that Delphi emitted while on standby, which told me, she wasn't there. As I turned my gaze, the doors to the terrace were open, I saw Barbara's form in her chair, her back was shaking slightly which is when I realized she was crying and my heart broke. I didn't know what to do, whether I should approach her or leave her alone. However, her cries had so much pain that I couldn't myself from approaching.

Barbara must have sensed me because she straightened up and tried to wipe away the tears, to stop them, but they refused to do so.

"Is something wrong Dinah?" She asked in a raspy voice from her tears.

"No." I didn't know what else to say.

Barbara didn't say anything, her gaze towards the city and another wave of tears struck, this time I kneeled next to her and hugged her, comforting her, I couldn't do anything else.

"Why did she leave?" She asked in a tormented whisper. "I miss her so much Dinah, Oh God do I miss her.

It had been several months that I had been able to control my touch telepathy. Before just touching someone I would be able to see what was in their minds and feel their emotions. Now I can control it, however, when the emotions were so strong they would envelope me. What was coming from Barbara almost made me gasp out of reflex as all she was feeling was being reflected into me. I could feel the regret the desolation that was so great that it felt physically painful.

I hugged her tighter wanting to give her my unconditional support, but the pain was so great, so deep that the emotions I was getting from Barbara were overwhelming. However, what was worse wasn't the pain, the regret, the yearning and the suffering she was feeling, but an emotion that was stronger, an unsatisfied wish, a wave of deep love that left me breathless.

_Oh, God Barbara loves Helena! _My mind screamed when I recognized the feelings, totally shocked by the revelation. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but ask myself, was it something that Barbara had just discovered or a love that had always been there but had never permitted herself to feel or demonstrate? Either way, Helena had left, it didn't matter if Barbara loves her or not, it was too late. If she had stayed, Barbara would have married Wade anyway and the result would have been the same…Helena devastated.

Oh God, I kept lamenting repeatedly without letting Barbara go and continuing with my consoling words, but deep inside me I knew that it didn't matter what I said to her, Barbara was suffering, her heart was broken in a million pieces and the only one who could help her was gone for the very same reason. Barbara kept crying, both of them loved each other yet neither of them had been courageous enough to express it.

Perhaps, I thought inside me, if Helena had confessed her love, maybe and that's maybe, Barbara wouldn't have become engaged to Wade, maybe she wouldn't have acted in favor of that love that she now saw in Barbara. But maybe Barbara would have thought about it, I honestly don't know but I did know that in one way or another, the outcome would have been different. But what if's didn't matter and the reality was that Helena had gone and Barbara had finally realized what she'd had in front of her all along when she lost it.

I asked myself if Barbara had yet tried to guess the real reason for Helena's abrupt departure. If now that she herself felt the love she had for Helena, her rational mind would eventually conclude that Helena loved her too. Not just as a mentor, guardian or best friend, but as a woman. Unless Hel returned I would never have an answer to my questions.

That night I stayed with Barbara in her bed. I lay with her in my arms, giving her all my sympathy and hope. She slept for a few hours but I couldn't close my eyes. The emotions that Barbara continued to broadcast even as she slept were too much for me even to allow me to relax. Several times that I had dozed off, I would awaken to hear Barbara murmuring, begging Helena to come back. I knew that Barbara wouldn't stand to see me at her side when she woke up, so when she had calmed a bit I got up and went to my own room, hoping with all my heart that Helena would return, but what you desire and what you get are two very different things.

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	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** Sorry for the delay and because today is the International Femslash day let's celebrate!

V

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**Part 5**

(For Disclaimers see Part 1)

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Almost a year had gone by since Helena had left, things were as normal as they could be. I split my time between school and my nightly sweeps. I didn't always do them, but I made sure that I was always ready in case my presence was required. It had been four months since Dick's return to Bludhaven, once he reassured himself that I could take care of myself against crime. I must say that I was more than ready to do rounds by myself, but I never stopped wishing that Helena were close by, despite the fact that she loved to bug and pick on me all the time. Of one thing I was sure Helena always had my back, I could always count on her support and now that empty spot was something that no one would be able to fill.

I was on break between semesters when strange things began to happen in New Gotham. It looked like a new organized crime family was trying to take over the city. They called themselves the Red Dragons, they were a Chinese mafia and their modus operandi was very distinctive. They were ready to take over the city and in order to do that they intended to eliminate all their adversaries. From one day to the next, crime bosses and lieutenants from small gangs began to show up dead. Some from groups we knew existed and some they were gaining control of, but the Red Dragons were coming in and just killing everyone off indiscriminately with no remorse or any kind of self-control. They never left strings untied, killing any witnesses or anyone else that might have the misfortune of being in their path were killed. A new menace was taking over the City and I wasn't sure that I would be able to handle the situation.

Barbara was worried, so much so that she asked Nightwing for help to try to breakup this new evil in the city. I was thankful. The few times that I had to confront them I barely survived the encounter and only because of my metaphysical abilities, otherwise I would have never been able to protect myself from the hail of bullets and stars that they sent my way during those occasions. It was because of this that Dick came back to help me, we never imagined what we would find in this battle.

Once the crime bosses and lieutenants from the smaller gangs began to show up dead around New Gotham, Barbara became determined to find a way to stop the Red Dragons. There was something distinctive in all the killings, there was always a Lotus Flower painted on the clothing along with the word _Forgive_ written in Japanese. This had disconcerted everyone, who could be killing these people? Sure, they were bad. However, that was no reason they should be killed in the way they were. They would cut the jugular with what looked like a sword, more than likely a Katana. On more than one occasion, I thought I had seen someone dressed as a samurai leaving the crime scene.

Just before classes resumed, Barbara managed to find the Red Dragon hideout. We weren't sure it was the main headquarters or just where they met but it was the only lead we had. Once we had spotted one of them and followed, Barbara had managed to triangulate the position. Nightwing and I went the following night to scout and confirm our suspicions and from there call Reese to initiate an investigation.

_"Nightwing, what do you see?" I heard Barbara's voice just as we were waiting outside of the warehouse."_

_"Oracle, it looks like there is security setup all around the outside of the building, you can see several security cameras and armed men at the windows."_

_"Canary?"_

_"Affirmative Barbara, there are guards posted at strategic points of the warehouse, it will be hard to get in."_

_"It looks like they have the place surrounded Oracle, perhaps we can infiltrate during their shift change, a minute max to avoid the cameras."_

_"Copy, be careful."_

_With extreme caution, Nightwing and I managed to enter the warehouse. We concluded that it wouldn't be prudent to knockout and secure any of the guards that we managed to avoid so that the alarm wouldn't be raised. _

_"It seems to me you do not understand Aiko. I am not asking you to do it, I am ordering you, or do you plan to dishonor your father by permitting your brother and mother to die? Your father has already failed them. Will you?"_

_"My father is dead; I will not dishonor his memory."_

_"Your family is under my power Aiko, do not forget."_

_You could hear several punches and more voices before the door opened and three Chinese men jumped out._

_"Nightwing, Canary remove the girl, she's been abducted."_

_"Copy" They both responded quietly._

_Canary went in and Nightwing remained outside as backup. The first thing that Canary saw was a young woman chained to the wall. She was almost on her knees, her face was bruised and blood dripped from her nose and mouth._

_She ran towards her and noticed that she didn't even lift her head; it was obvious that she was unconscious. Canary removed one of the gadgets that Barbara had recently given her from her toolbelt and managed to cut the chains. Aiko was only slightly shorter than she was, but having been trained several times a week she had the strength to easily do a firefighter's lift and carry Aiko._

_Nightwing alerted her that someone was coming, telling her that she should hide next to the door so that she would get out before they discovered her. It would be difficult to escape with a package 'under her arm'._

_Someone came in and Canary had to knock them out, she ran out with Aiko. Nightwing tossed her across his back and they began running, they didn't have time for subterfuge, they would soon find out that someone had broken through their defenses. Suddenly a shout let them know that they had been discovered and that Aiko was gone._

_Nightwing and Canary ran towards the roof, they didn't have time to lose as bullets sped over their heads. Canary managed to avoid the bullets with her powers, she was now covering Nightwing who was carrying Aiko and couldn't turn around to defend himself. _

_"Oracle, send in Reese now or it'll be too late!" Nightwing yelled._

_"He's on his way, get out of there!"_

_Yelling could be heard everywhere. Canary and Nightwing scrambled over the roof thanks to Canary's protective power field. They managed to escape almost unharmed from the bullets that rained down on them. It was total chaos at the warehouse. The Red Dragons were surrounded by the police, it was a full out no holds barred battle. Nightwing and Canary knew that they couldn't stay to help. They had to get Aiko to safety, beside Nightwing's arm had been injured by a bullet, it was just a scratch but he was bleeding a lot._

_That night was a real triumph for the police, thanks to the evidence found by Nightwing and in turn sent to Reese by Barbara. They managed to identify various gang members and to confiscate a large cache of firearms and drugs. The Red Dragons would not reign in New __Gotham__, at least not now. Dinah had a feeling though that they would be back seeking vengeance._

In addition, this is how Aiko became a part of Birds of Prey. Once they had rescued her and took care of her injuries, she regained consciousness, and after her initial surprise at finding herself in the tower, she recounted what had happened. Her father had been an Old School Samurai from the Silver Lotus clan. The Red Dragons had captured the whole family and had force her father to commit the assassinations that had caught Barbara's attention. It was when they wanted him to kill Nightwing and me that her father, Sato, had refused and he was murdered in front of her very eyes. They had wanted to make her –the heir to the Silver Lotus– to do the same by threatening her family, but her father before his death had signaled her that it was a lie and her mother and brother were already dead. They had only left her alive in order to force her father to slay them, but Sato trusted in his daughter and they she would be able to escape.

It was a true tragedy; it would seem as if the New Gotham super heroes were destined to suffer. Bruce had turned into Batman after his parent's murder, Dick into former Robin now Nightwing after his family's shooting. Helena into Huntress after her mother's killing and Barbara who began as Batgirl had been left an orphan at the age of 13 when her father, an alcoholic, crashed, killing himself and her mother, dying instantly. Now she was Oracle after another tragedy left her paraplegic by Joker's hand; finally me whose mother was killed by Al Hawke. We were all victims of the same pain which had made us go out and defend the weak. We had turned our tragedies into a standard to fight for justice. We could not bring back our loved ones to life but we could try by any means possible that the same would not happen to others. That's the difference between heroes and villains, there is nothing wrong in the fact that the tragedies from your past or present being the reason for your existence, but to where that pain lead, whether it is good or bad.

Aiko had no family left, nowhere to go, and there was a price on her head. Barbara asked if she would like to join us, she gave her a room and education thanks to Bruce's generosity. Bruce had created a permanent trust fund for Barbara's care therefore the Birds of Prey. Moreover, this is how my expenses and education were taken care of and this would be how Aiko would be cared for in turn. She had the education of a samurai, she did not need to be taught how to defend herself, but we did teach her to work as a team and how to fly with cables. Aiko was sweet and serene. You could always see the sadness in her eyes at the loss of her family but in the usual sense of honor of the Japanese she was dedicated to honor their memory by being strong and being happy and she would always tell us that she was happy with us.

Time continued to march on. Gabby and I had been a couple ever since she had confessed her love for me at the Graduation dance. I was delirious with happiness since I had felt the same for her, but had never had the courage to say it. I didn't know how to tell her that not only was I Dinah Lance, but also _Black Canary_. I knew that confiding in a stranger was dangerous, not only could they betray the confidence, but also you put their life in danger. However, I knew that Gaby was the love of my life, don't ask me how I knew, but my heart knew the instant it recognized the other half of my soul. I knew deep inside that she would be the only one in my life. Perhaps I am still very young but love is the way it is and the life of a super hero is full of dangers and I didn't want to waste my life in fear of that. They don't say it's better to die standing than on your knees for a reason. I knew what it was to deny your love, Helena and Barbara were a clear example of that and it hurt that they were suffering and I didn't want Gaby and I to suffer the same way.

I was still undecided about when to confess to Gabby about my double identity, but after several interrupted evenings and my suspicious absences, she began to suspect that I was cheating on her with someone else, I had no other choice but to tell her the truth. To have her believe that I was cheating would have been the worst possible reason, I didn't intend on losing her because of my secret. Much to my surprise Gaby took it very well. She told me that somehow she had known that I was special and she knew that being who I am made me more special en her eyes. She loved me and preferred to love me the way I was than not to have me at all.

Before I knew it, a year had gone by, between college, my life as a vigilante and Gabby I didn't have much time to even notice. Nevertheless, I could see the sadness in Barbara's eyes, even thought the months had passed the hope of seeing Helena seemed to be more and more remote, and that was slowly killing her. She didn't have to tell Aiko or Dick we could all see it. Even though she was healthy, the spark in her eyes was dead. Barbara was not truly living but merely surviving. She was like an empty husk, because in reality wasn't with us any longer. Aiko was worried, she had not known the Barbara that I had known but it was so obvious that anyone would have noticed.

"Dinah?" Aiko asked one day, we were alone, it was the weekend, Gaby had classes and I was trying to take advantage and rest a bit. Barbara was at Wayne Laboratories and wouldn't be back until at least 9 if not later. "Who is the girl in the picture?"

Barbara had placed Helena's picture on the living room table that sat in front of the TV since the day she had left. Aiko never asked anything, but she surprised me as I looked at the picture sadly. She confessed that she had noticed Barbara doing the same; she thought that Helena was dead.

"Helena Kyle aka Huntress, the other member of the team" I said sadly, even though almost two years had passed since she had left, it still hurt as if it was yesterday.

"What happened to her?" Aiko asked, curiously but with respect.

"It's complicated." How could I explain the reason? "She and Barbara had some differences, Helena left and since then things have not been the same."

"Hmm, but there is something else, yes?" She looked at me "I have noticed Barbara sometimes leaving the room next to hers, the one that's in front of yours." Aiko's was downstairs. "Was that her room?"

"Yes Helena and Barbara had a long history between them." I began to say and recounted Hel's history, without giving away Hel's secret. I knew I could trust Aiko, I told her who her father and mother were. How she had been stabbed to death by Clayface and that Batman left shortly after finding out Helena was his daughter. The reasons for his departure were not clear at least not for me, but she did know that he had left without saying goodbye to anyone. I recounted Barbara and Helena's history, how both of them torn by their own tragedies had helped each other out in order to move ahead. How Barbara was Helena's guardian then later became her mentor before becoming Huntress and how they were best friends. I told her without going into great detail how things had changed when Wade came into the picture and how little by little things began to deteriorate between them until things just fell apart.

"Helena is in love with Barbara." Aiko said after a long silence. "That is why she left, is that not so?"

I didn't know what to say, but I didn't have to say it, my silence was enough.

"And Barbara is in love with Helena." She said with conviction, putting all the pieces together. Aiko was truly perceptive. She had not been witness to their interaction but even so she had managed to fit the pieces together. 

I looked into her eyes and told her, "You know that, I know that, but they don't. And that is the way it will remain until she returns Aiko." With those words, I begged for her silence.

"Do not worry, I will not speak of it, after all, I am not aware of this. I do not know Helena, and Barbara has not confided in me."

"It's complicated, before Helena left, Barbara was different. She has always been reserved and complicated, but Helena always knew how to make her smile, she always brought out the best in her and the worst as well." I couldn't help but laugh at the memory. "They were always fighting, but they complemented each other totally."

"Ying -Yang" Aiko said.

"Exactly"

"I feel so sad for Barbara, in the time that I have known her I have come to care for her as a sister, a sister that I never had, and it saddens me to see her melancholy all the time. She does not exhibit it but…"

"I know Aiko, I know."

Both fell silent when they heard the elevator open. Barbara had returned sooner than they had expected. We turned to look at her and we almost fainted at the sight of her walking in. We both jumped to our feet in surprise.

"Barbara!" I shouted when I saw her "You're using the belt" I accused surprised and angry.

"Calm down Dinah, it's true that I am using it but it isn't painful anymore." She smiled calmly, her eyes shown mischievously.

"But how?" I exclaimed not quite understanding.

"The research Dinah, remember? The one that I've been working on, the regenerative nano technology?"

"Yes, but...?" I was still in total shock at seeing her walking. Barbara walking!

Barbara smiled and motioned to us to take a seat once again.

She explained to us with lots of detail what she had been working on in the Lab. Thanks to the nano technology, they had been able to recreate the regeneration of DNA from every part of the human body, trying to create a way to help the organs to regenerate themselves even if it wasn't a huge advance. The research was in the early stages, but Barbara had used the same technology to regenerate damaged nerves, in this case her own damaged spine. No one knew that she had been working on that specifically. She had been using the Lab to create nanos that would connect amongst themselves and be able to bridge the gap between the severed nerves and the healthy ones.

The belt was just used as a precaution since she was still at the preliminary testing stage, but she had managed to get the electrical impulses of the belt to a minimum, just enough to impulse the nanos to function and not risk the body itself.

"I can't walk for extended length of time yet, only for short periods of time. No one knows that I can walk for bits at a time. The important thing is that I can do it and the best part is that I have been able to recover the feeling in my waist and below thanks to the nanos."

Aiko and I happily hugged her; we knew that the fact that Barbara had regained some of the sensibility in her lower extremities was really a major victory aside from walking I knew that Barbara was conscious that her days as Batgirl had ended. But to have been able to recover the feeling and the possibility of walking for short periods or at least enough to defend herself or help in case it was necessary was more than she could have dreamed of.

"No one knows what I've been investigating, and no one knows I can walk." She looked at us seriously. It was obvious what she was asking of us. "I don't want anyone to know, not even Alfred or Dick. At least not yet, I still haven't been able to walk permanently and I doubt that it would be viable that we can reproduce this as a widespread discovery. It would be cost prohibitive and nearly impossible, at least to make this advanced technology available to the general public. It would be unfair to others to give them hope when each case is different."

Aiko and I promised to keep the secret and we certainly understood the repercussions that Barbara was able to walk might cause. Evidently Barbara had been testing the nanos on her own body, and that was completely illegal and could damage Wayne Industries if that was not the case. After all Barbara had many enemies and if anyone should find out that she could walk, it would generate questions that we wouldn't be able to answer without putting her identity in danger, but everyone's especially Wayne Industries, that after all was the mainstay of New Gotham.

Barbara was ecstatic, more than I had ever seen her in years. I was happy for her; I knew that her fight to walk and feel again made her feel complete as a human being and a woman. One of the things that hurt Barbara was that, after being the reckless and courageous Batgirl, not being able to walk or feel had been her deepest regret. That is until she had lost Helena and she realized that her fight to walk and feel again was a goal driven by the emptiness left behind by Helena's absence.

Finally some light shown in the tower, and I was happy for Barbara. I hadn't seen her smile like that in a long time so much so that I was upset about going with Gabby to a convention in San Francisco I didn't want to leave her side in fear that in my absence that happiness would disappear.

Barbara encouraged me to go, she had Aiko to do the rounds and she could do without me for a week. While we were in SF Gabby would be busy during the mornings at different conferences and I would be touring the city while I waited for her to get back afterwards we got together and went out to dinner or took a look of the night life.

I loved the city; it had an air and vitality so different from New Gotham that was so dark and depressing sometimes. Of course that was its charm, but sometimes it was refreshing to see new places.

I was walking the streets when I went past a gallery and saw a painting that caught my attention. It had an air that reminded me of New Gotham. I wasn't sure why but I went in. I had read in the paper the night before that the artist was the new sensation, especially for their desire to remain anonymous. Their work sold like hot pancakes and was sought after by everyone.

I must say that when I began to go through the gallery I was impressed; many of the scenes definitely had an air of New Gotham. I didn't understand why but I felt a strange connection with the paintings.

They were quite good and vibrant, they exuded passion, but at the same time and air of melancholy and sadness, a mournful longing. Not all of them were like that, but the ones that drew my attention and reminded me of the city definitely had that air about them. As I turned, I found myself with a painting that left me speechless. I knew that face perfectly, I recognized the tower and most of all I recognized the horizon.

I began to shake, my whole body was trembling, my palms were sweaty; I slowly moved nearer as if I was afraid of what was in front of me. I closed my eyes and opened them again. I wasn't hallucinating, the painting was still in front of me and the same unfathomable eyes stared back at me.

The painting said untitled and not for sale. I examined every detail of the painting carefully, confirming with my eyes what my mind already knew. I lowered my gaze and noticed in the corner what my heart wanted to find. There just off to the side and barely visible were two initials, HK.

Those eyes that stared back at me from the painting, that looked so alive, full of promise and determination, those eyes that I had seen hundreds of time for the past four years, the ones I had not seen sparkle like that for over two years, they were hers. Beautiful, majestic, impressive…

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	7. Chapter 7

**AN**: This chapter is un-betaed, my editor is sick and as soon as my beta reader its done with it I will post a revised version. So please excuse any weird typos or gramatical errors. I hope you like it. We are done with Dinah's POV and now we'll start with Barbara's.

**Review, my muse only works when she is happy... :)**

**Barbara**

I was so upset with Helena, in the last two weeks she had been distracted. It was the third time in a row that she returned to the tower with some kind of injury. First a bullet wound while capturing Quinzel. And even though it hadn't been serious just a flesh wound it nearly stopped my heart when I heard the shot through the comm and then her moan as she was wounded. Three days later she came back with several bruises to ribs and to the right kidney caused by a pipe. And now this, a knife wound in the back. For God's sake if it weren't for her metaphysical way of healing almost immediately she would be in bed for at least a couple of weeks. I was more than just upset, I was furious for her carelessness. Their work as it was was dangerous enough in itself to be careless and too damn cocky.

As I watched her sleep I felt something inside me was about to blow up. Helena had always been too arrogant; to sure of herself and her abilities; her mother's death in front of her eyes had turned her into a time bomb, ready to explode at the slightest provocation. Over several months I saw her nearly self-destruct, and it didn't help that I was also trying to recover from the attempt on my own life that had left me chained to a wheel chair for life. We were both struggling to recover the pieces of your lives. I feared for Helena's life and many times I dreaded I would return home and she wouldn't be there or that something might have happened to her.

Helena scared me more than normal with her attitude. I hadn't seen her so out of control in years and the worst part was that I didn't know what was causing it. Helena had always been like an open book to me. She never hide anything, not even during her darkest moods could she hide what she was feeling, but since she had moved to her own apartment it was difficult to know what she thought or felt. She continued being the same young woman that was arrogant and full of her self as always. She never lost an opportunity to tease me and drive me crazy, but she wasn't the same anymore. Some thing had changed since then. But over the last several months it had become evident that Helena was spending less and less time at the tower. At one time it was normal seeing her there all the time, now she only spent whatever time was necessary to give me a briefing on her rounds or to train with Dinah. Bit by bit Helena began to distance herself from me and for God's sake I didn't understand what was going on, I didn't know where my best friend had gone and it hurt.

It hurt and it worried me at the same time, it scared me to think that one day she wouldn't return from her sweep; that her distractions and recklessness would take her life away from me forever. I don't think I would know what to do with my life without her. True I had met her when I was 19 and she only 12 years old and she had been living with me since she was 17, suffering through the worst together, healing together and reconstructing our lives together. I couldn't imagine a life without Helena by my side and I didn't want to start now. I needed to speak with her.

After Helena woke up, I was unable to control my anger any longer and exploded. In reality it had been the fear and terror of losing Helena that now dictated my words, but in the end the result was the same. Helena was always a bit dramatic in her ways; I was used to her disappearing of the tower like a bat out of hell when she fighted with me. Helena hated to fight with me just as she loved to hassle me, but this time I was more than just angry and that it was her third serious injury in less than two weeks only added fuel to the fire.

To try to admonish and demand her to be more careful seemed the logical thing to do, perhaps questioning her abilities and asking her to quit if she wasn't capable of handling it was just my way of striking at her pride to try to make her be more responsible and to take things more seriously. However, instead Helena began to question my relationship with Wade as well as my decisions which only caused me to attack her word for word; I was so furious… frightened I couldn't seem to help it. Helena was the only one able to drive me crazy, to fuel my temper which was almost always under control, cold, serious and analytic. No one was ever able to make me lost control, not one except for her.

What was a surprise was when Helena began to yell that she didn't need me or I her. It could be said that this was true, but the reality was that we did need each other that we always would need each other. I felt as if Helena was trying to hurt me and the she ran out of the tower, which was no surprise. I imagined she was upset for a few days and that she would return as always once she had gotten over her tantrum.

Frustrated and still a bit upset I left for work, that Friday I would be going to Wade's to go over the wedding preparations with his mother, I hated all that fanfare, I hated having to go to Wade's family home. You could say that I felt zero enthusiasm for the wedding preparations but of course nobody knew that but me. I didn't want to hurt Wade; I thought I needed some normalcy in my life and Wade... the good and sweet Wade was the one to give me that normalcy in what was the chaos of my life.

The time I had to spend with his mother was hell, it really was a nightmare as always, and the woman never lost the opportunity to show her distaste at the idea of my engagement to her son. I had to bite my tongue for him to keep from saying anything insolent. I was beginning to seriously consider that normalcy in my life wasn't worth so much dismissal and resentment from my fiancés' families part.

As we did every Friday, Wade accompanied me upstairs, sometimes he would stay the night with me. We never really did anything, I had insisted that I wanted to wait until our wedding night, but he insisted we should at least get used to sleeping together so that he would get used to living with me. He knew how independent I was and he didn't want that to create any tension between us, so reluctantly I accepted. Since the engagement he would stay over with me on every Friday night.

I listened to him half distractedly as we rode the elevator. My mind was really on Helena, I was still annoyed and worried by her attitude, besides she had left without giving me the opportunity to look at her injury. I knew that she was probably fine by now, she healed quickly, however, I had not been able to get rid of the nagging feeling that something bad had happened. I didn't know what it was but every time I thought about Helena a feeling of dread and foreboding came over me. Helena hates to be in the tower when he was around, so I wasn't expecting her anytime soon.

When the doors slid open I was distracted and had not noticed Dinah laying on the sofa in a fetal position. It was Wade who called it to my attention. When I finally noticed I went directly to Dinah's side. A horrible feeling of anguish engulfed me. Dinah did not react when I first spoke to her which frightened me. I made her look at me and when she did that sensation that had me in its grip only grew stronger. The blonde's face was swollen and her eyes were red from crying. She didn't want to look at me, but when I finally got her to do so I saw desolation in her eyes that left me petrified. I'm not sure how I managed to ask Wade to leave. I felt deep inside that whatever it was it was not something that I wanted him to witness. Truthfully his presence in the Tower was not needed, so I asked him to leave as politely as I could. I felt his reluctance, I felt that he wanted to say something, but I cut him off as best I could and asked him to leave once again. When I was sure he had gone I once again asked Dinah what had happened. But instead of telling me what it was she tightened her grip around herself once more and continued to cry desolately. Her sobs broke my heart but I still could not manage to fathom what was going on. Nothing prepared me for what she was about to tell me.

Dinah cried for a long time as I held her, finally in a rough voice and just audible she murmured against my neck. "She's gone Barbara, she's gone… she's gone."

At first I didn't understand what she was trying to say, her voice was just a whisper cut off by the occasional sob.

"Gone? Who is gone? Dinah for God's sake tell me what's going on." My voice broke; my body was as tense as a bow.

"Letter..." She said and indicated without much energy towards the envelope on top of the boxes.

I saw the letter and stretched out to reach it, with shaky hands I opened it…my heart stopped and I gasped when I read the three short lines.

_Goodbye,_

_Be happy Barbara._

_Take care of Dinah, she needs you._

_HK_

I read and reread the lines over and over again, written in Helena's distinctive handwriting, long and elegant strokes, but at the same time careless. My mind could not react, could not comprehend what the words said. I didn't want to believe what the lines said, it was too surreal. I would wake up any moment from this horrible dream.

"When?" I asked. "Were the boxes here when you arrived? Tell me Dinah!" I demanded. I needed answers and I wanted them now. But when I heard the answer from Dinah I was left stupified.

"Helena…" She said in a scratchy voice. "She called me at school, earlier. She told me to stop by her apartment afterwards because she had something to give me. When I got to the apartment, it was empty, the only thing in there were those boxes and that letter."

"What time was that?" I demanded.

"Sometime around three"

"Why didn't you call me? Why did you wait until now to tell me? Dinah for God's sake we've lost so much valuable time to try to find her, the longer that time passes the colder her trail will become." I exclaimed disbelievingly, I couldn't believe Dinah had let so much time pass before telling me.

Dinah looked at me furiously, so much so that I drew back from her gaze, full of pain and rage, as if I had been accusing Helena of some crime or worse. Didn't she understand how vital the lost minutes were? The more time passed the harder it was to find trace of Helena's whereabouts. Her response left me dumb.

"Didn't you read what it said Barbara, BE HAPPY! Helena is gone; you think she's going to let you find her? You think she's going to leave a trail? SHE'S GONE!! For God's sake Barbara, if Helena doesn't want to be found she wont be. I don't know what happened between you two this morning; I don't know what you said to her to storm out of here the way she did. All I know is that she's gone."

The accusation that I heard in her voice made me freeze; I knew that Dinah wasn't to blame for my fight with Helena. I knew that Dinah didn't have the sligthtest idea of what had transpired between us this morning, but it still hurt. Something broke inside me, I needed to be strong, I needed to be rational and I needed to find Helena.

Her look was cold and her jaw was tense. I slowly leaned in to the boxes and opened them. I knew Helena didn't have a lot of clothing in her apartment and only a few personal things. A picture of use three, one of her mother and a Monet painting, _Champ de coquelicots _that her mother had loved. Everything else was at the tower, in her room. Helena hadn't lived at the tower officially for over two years, but that did not mean that she didn't unofficially live there either. Helena was always at the tower when she wasn't at the bar or out doing sweeps.

Once again I heard a voice gasp in surprise, I realized it was me, but the pain was too much. I kept hearing a deafening noise in my head, like a sharp whistle. In the first box was her favorite Huntress uniform, her favorite jacket, the studs and the necklace. Under that our photos and her mother's painting. She had taken the picture of Selina with her. She could leave behind her…her whole life, but never her mother. Oh God!

In that very moment I knew that the pain I had been feeling when I found out I was paralyzed for life was nothing in comparison with what I was feeling at that moment. It was as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I felt breathless as if I had run miles and was panting; each breath I took was agonizing. I don't recall what I told Dinah, I know I must have said something, but my mind was disconnected, something inside of me was breaking and I didn't know what it was but I felt as if I was dying. I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't believe it.

Helena is fine, my mind keeps repeating. I'm going to go to her apparment and she will be there; maybe on the roof, pacing furiously and cursing my name but she'll be there. She will be back, She... I told my self over and over again, although I knew the truth, there facing me was the painful proof. She was really gone! She left me…

_I knocked on the door and Helena invited me in, it had only been two weeks since I had returned from the hospital and I had not heard from her in several hours since she had returned from school. I was worried and decided to check on her. I found her lying on her bed looking at a Monet painting, "Champ de Coquelicots." Helena was intently gazing at it, her gaze did not waver. I did not recall ever having seen it before, at least not at Selina's house. I knew that it was an original and I wonder where it had come from, but I didn't dare ask. I looked at the painting in silence, until Helena said in a broken voice._

"_It's legal, my mother purchased it a little after I was born, it was her favorite did you know? She loved it, it was hung in her bedroom and she always said that picture represented the peace I had brought to her life, the happiness that I represented for her._

"_It's very beautiful Helena." It was the only thing that occurred to me to say._

"_Barbara if someday anything ever happens to me, I want you to have it. I want you to remember that there is something beyond all this pain that we feel now."_

"_Please don't talk like that Helena." I begged, just the idea of losing Helena wounded me. I could not imagine what would become of me if someday I lost her._

_Helena sat up and looked into my eyes, she smiled at me with one of her special smiles, a mix of sadness, disdain and hope all at the same time._

"_Red, you and I know that nothing is sure in this life, I just want you to know that. This painting is the mos precious thing I have from my mother and I want you to have it."_

_I felt tears form in my eyes and the knot that had formed in my throat prevented me from saying anything._

_Helena looked at me with so much sadness then smiled once more before laying down once again to look at the painting. Without saying another word I left the room. I didn't have a good reason for being there during Helena's most private moment._

Helena had left me her painting and deep inside I knew that she was alive. Helena was not a coward; she would never take her own life. If she hadn't done it when her mother had died, she wouldn't do it now. But deep within I knew what that painting meant. She had gone from my life and leaving me that painting was her way of saying goodbye forever. She wanted me to be happy, she wanted me to remember her with a smile and she wanted me to find the happiness that she thought could never find.

I needed to do what I knew how to do which was be Oracle now more than ever. From the corner of my eye I saw Dinah remove Helena's boxes and I moved towards Delphi to begin my search. I needed to find her before it was too late, before any possible clues vanished.

The first thing I did was look through the serveillance camera that I myself had put in at the perimeter of the Dark Horse. If Helena had left by the door something had to be there, a taxi waiting for her or whatever I could find. What I found left my even more devastated.

Helena had left the Dark Horse with a backpack, dressed in jeans and a blouse over a t-shirt. She didn't look like the Helena I knew. She was always dressed sexy and elegantly, the girl that I saw on the camera was just like any other girl you might find out in the streets. This was a clear sign of her intentions. Helena wanted to blend into the crowd.

I saw her head towards the street before she raised her gaze and looked directly at the camera that she knew was there. She stopped for a moment and looked at the camera steadily for several seconds, her lips moved; she closed her eyes without looking back and began to walk down the street until she was out of camera range. My eyes were clouded by tears; I reviewed the recording and tried to read Helena's lips.

"_Goodbye Red."_

"Oh." I let a moan escape like a wounded animal.

The pain was agonizing, Helena was saying goodbye, and Helena had looked straight at the camera knowing perfectly well that I would check the recordings; knowing that I would understand her words. Helena was saying goodbye. And the tears that I tried to hold back at all costs, trying to stop them from spilling over in a vain attempt to try to control the panic and anguish; trying to make myself believe that I was strong enough to deny the truth; thinking that if I refused to recognize the desperation and pain I could make the truth become a lie. That Helena had not left, that it was all a stupid joke and that she was just about to jump through the balcony asking for my forgiveness and that she only wanted to show me that she was worth something.

But it was useless; the tears flooded my eyes and ran down mercilessly down my cheeks. I felt a suffocating pressure in my chest with my attempt to contain the tears, at not letting myself scream and cry like a wounded animal, crying out for her, wishing that she could hear me and return to me.

The image was there in front of me, the last image of Helena before disappearing from my life, saying goodbye. I didn't know that pain could be felt so thoroughly, so intensely, so devastatingly… I thought I knew I trully thought that nothing could be worse that losing my legs; I really believe that, it was a lie...

*****

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	8. Chapter 8

AN: Thanks for all your comments, really appreciated. Sorry for the delay RL has been hectic and my editor and BF has been really sick lately, so she can't work with me for now and I been doing this with other friend and is taking more time to get this done. I'll hope to post soon the next part. V

*****

I wiped the tears away with anger, I couldn't be weak not now, Barbara Gordon couldn't afford to be weak, I had to be strong, and I needed more than ever my concentration and cool if I wanted to find Helena. The 'what if's' didn't exist, I'd find Helena, I had to, the very idea of living without her was terrifying. I didn't think I could it, I just couldn't.

I spent hours in front of Delphi, looking for the smallest clue that could lead to Helena, I checked again and rechecked images of airports, buses, trains, rental car dealers, anything that could point out the way Helena had taken.

I designed search programs with the data I had and Helena's physical characteristics, trying to use the technology in my favor, the first results were frightening:

Helena had withdrawn $30 thousand from the trust that Bruce had left in her name, even though the funds were unlimited the withdrawal wasn't large, the reason behind the withdrawal however caused chills to run up my spine. Helena hated her father, not only that, she despised him in such a way that she had sworn that she didn't want anything from him or much less his money. She hadn't needed to work in her entire life, ever; not only had Selinaleft her large trust fund, but she was also the Wayne's fortune sole heiress. However, she had never taken a dime from Bruce's trust fund. The only money that she spent was from her mother's trust fund and only to buy clothes and some other miscellaneous items and only because her tastes were exclusive and expensive and with her salary as bartender she could not afford . All her other expenses were covered with what she earned in tips and the salary at the Dark Horse, which served to pay the rent, utilities, and any other expenses such as food; although being realistic, she usually ate at the tower unless she had other plans and of course her clubbing habits and nightly strolls.

I had to be objective; my rational mind required me to study the evidence, that I dissect and piece together what I had in front of me.

She left behind her clothes, her adored leather wardrobe, and vigilante boots.

She left her comm necklace and studs.

She left our photos and her mother's paint.

She vacated her apartment and job at the Dark Horse

She wore ordinary clothes

She withdrew money from Bruce's trust fund.

I removed my glasses and pinched the bridge of my nose, I had a horrible headache, my temples throbbed, and I felt as if my eyes would pop out at any moment, each piece of information, each bit of evidence made my heart tighten painfully. Each action taken by Helena was a final good-bye, it was as if she was trying to get rid of everything that was herself... Helena, Huntress, but was she the one who looked at with those eyes through a camera and said goodbye?

Our last words echoed in my head; I had told her that she if she couldn't be Huntress if she was not capable of being responsible... I had questioned her ability and skills to be vigilante of New Gotham, and Helena's actions with her departure were obviously that, I declaration of something I wasn't sure_…" You don't think me able to do it so you don't trust me. I have no reason to being, I have no reason to be here"._

Oh my God! What have I done?! My mind cried out. I had doubted everything that was Helena, the essence of her being, if I knew something it was that Helena confided in me blindly, she was convinced that I trusted her. To doubt her commitment as a vigilante meant I also doubted her and in doing so, Helena would feel worthless.

Moreover, although my mind was determined to rationalize and analyze every detail I knew I wouldn't be able to ever understand why Helena had left. Nothing that she did so far, was according to Helena's normal behavior, she wasn't a quitter. Helena had a volatile temperament, was fierce and passionate, a fight as the one we had was not something new. We were fighting all the time, like cats and dogs, our fights were legendary, it was not surprising that she would leave the clock tower hissing and yelling mad and furious at me, then to see her back a couple of days later as if nothing had happened. However, this time Helena had gone, and I couldn't understand why!

I spent hours in front of Delphi, looking for her, desperate, because each hour that passed my heart was sinking a little bit more, I felt that I was losing her and I was terrified, I didn't know how to live without her, I had to find her, my mind repeated over and over in a silent plea.

That night the only thing I could do was try to locate Helena. At some point past dawn, I could hear Alfred in the kitchen, but I never realized when he arrived, my mind was on one thing only, Helena.

Alfred came later and told me that Wade was calling me on the phone, I know that I should have answered, that I should have said something, but I can't remember what, my eidetic memory was not recording anything outside of my need to find Helena. Dinah at some point approached me and asked me if I had found something, I said no, I said something more, but I don't recall what, I only knew that I didn't see her for the rest of the day, she probably had gone with Gaby.

Alfred gave me something to eat, but I only picked at the food, I had no appetite, I felt totally out of it, as if I were not myself, only an empty shell, I knew that things continued around me, I heard voices, I know that I answered, but by God I can't remember what I said.

My physiological needs made me retire from Delphi, but only for a few minutes, I refused to see Wade and nothing mattered to me anymore, only Helena.

That weekend was complete chaos for me, it was all blur, I don't remember what happened, I don't remember what I said, I don't remember what I did, the only real thing was that Helena was gone, I found no trace of her and I felt that I was going crazy with anguish and despair.

I forced myself to go to school, to continue with my daily routine, but my mind wasn't in it. A part of me, that part trained to be Barbara Gordon under any circumstance, was the one that did its role that week. Cold, independent, professional, the English teacher, Wade's fiancée, and the coworker at school. I did everything that was expected of me, but I knew I wasn't really me.

Not even when I had to face the fact that I was paralyzed, had I felt so disconnected from the outside world. It was frightening, it was as if suddenly everything around me had ceased to exist; I knew that the rest of the world kept spinning around me, but I could only see Helena telling me goodbye. Several time I thought I heard her voice and desperately sought her with my eyes, I thought I had seen her from afar, but only to realize it was someone else. I was going crazy!

I couldn't stop thinking about Helena, images and memories of our time together invaded my mind at every moment, I felt like I was drowning in the memories, each smile, every gesture, every tear, her yelling, her anger, all reminded me that Helena wasn't here anymore. My heart hardened to the outside world and I really didn't care.

Wade had been his usual self, charming, sweet, attentive, but to me he simply seemed somewhat annoying, I didn't love him, in reality I never did, he was only someone charming and suitable, something to pull me from my out of my normal routine,. I knew I shouldn't have accepted his marriage proposal. Nevertheless, the previous year had been so difficult as Oracle that I wanted something normal in my life, somthing outside the life of cyber vigilante, so I decided it was time to have a nice normal relationship with someone who was handsome and kind and had been interested in me for a long time now. However, as time passed I was not so sure about that anymore and now I simply had neither the desire nor the wish to continue the relationship. With Helena's absence, everything would be more difficult and complicated, Dinah was still very young to do it alone, and I still hadn't spoken with Dick about giving us some of his support and expertise.

Without Helena nothing made sense, it was as if suddenly I was in the middle of nowhere, I felt empty, without strength to fight, without someone to lean on, I felt I was dying slowly and I couldn't figure out why.

During the week, during my long nights of vigil looking for some clue as to Helena's whereabouts, I made the decision to cancel the wedding and break my engagement to Wade. I didn't feel the need or willingness to continue with the charade. I didn't love Wade, at least not as he deserved to be loved. He was a good man and deserved better than I could or should say I was ready to giveI was being selfish, I had accepted his courtship looking for some normalcy and now I was hurting him and he didn't deserve it. I felt so bad for doing so, but it was better to do it now and not when it would be too late. He couldn't be part of my life, it's too complicated, and my secret life was something that I didn't believe he could accept, or be part of. It was not something easy to understand and Wade was a man too ordinary and simple in his vision of life as to understand it.

After school, Wade took me to diner as was customary each Friday, to the same restaurant as always, if nothing else he was predictable and routine, something that at the time seemed pleasant, given how unpredictable my life was, that predictability that I found in Wade had been comfortable, but now it just annoyed me to no end.

Once seated at the same table as always, Wade ordered the house wine and the waiter took our order. When the waiter left us alone, Wade began to tell me about the wedding plans his mother had made during the week. I had been distracted and without time to attend to anything, however, before he continued, I stopped him and looked in his eyes with sadness; he must have noticed something because his body language changed and his body tensed.

"We have to talk Wade" I said with a serious voice, I didn't want to hurt him, and I knew that what I was about to say would do so without doubt.

"What happened dear?" he asked in concern "you look somewhat pale and exhausted, do you feel alright?" he took my hand and I squeezed it gently, I felt more guilty than before.

"Wade, I want you to know that it was never my intention to hurt you," I didn't know how to say it, suddenly the words caught in my throat_, God Gordon_, say it already "Since I met you, I always considered you as a great friend and well..."

"What's up Babs?" He looked puzzled "I don't understand where you are going with this?" he interrupted me.

"Wade, it's that we have been dating for 6 months, 3 engaged, I know that we are just a couple of months from the wedding but I can't marry you."

"You can't do what?" He looked at me with some panic.

"I'm sorry, Wade, I cannot marry you."

"But…but…Why? Just a week ago we were talking with my parents about the arrangements, what could have happened in a week to make you change your mind so abruptly?" He was very bewildered, he looked at me with sad puppy eyes that I usually found adorable, but now it was just exasperating

"Wade, I thought long and hard about this, I believed that what I felt for you was enough to go ahead with the wedding, but I only care for you as a friend, and you deserve much more than that."

"But Barbara, you only need time, we get along well, we have the same tastes, hobbies, we are quiet people and hard workers, what more could we need? Am I too predictable? Even thought I like the quiet life do you need more? I could change, I mean…"

"Wade, it's not you, it's me" I interrupted him. God! Couldn't this be more cliché, _it's not you it's me curse_. I sound like a cheap soap opera character "I don't feel that what we have right now is really working. I know that we got along well, that we are friends, but that it is precisely the problem, a marriage should be more than that, do you understand?

"But I love you enough for the both of us Barbara, I really want to be with you and I don't care that you are tied to a wheelchair for the rest of your life" he tried to convince me but it was useless "We've spoken with a doctor and you can conceive, our sex life is satisfactory"

'For you' I thought to myself. God what was I thinking when I accepted to marry him? I thought. Yes, I know that to the outside I am a cold person and too damn brainy but that is the only thing that I could be in order to hide behind the facade of my wheelchair; nobody seemed to remember who I was before the accident. He didn't know who I was before that, he didn't know that a long time ago I was Batgirl, he doesn't know what my feelings are, he doesn't know how I feel. If our love were real, if his love for me was real he should know me. He hasn't realized that I am exhausted, that I have dark circles under my eyes that I don't sleep. That I am thinner, that my eyes are dead. He doesn't have the slightest idea that I am dying inside since Helena's disappearance. God, he doesn't even know that she has gone. I didn't tell him but he should know that something is wrong with me. Nevertheless, he doesn't know and he never bothered to know either.

"I am sorry Wade, it's the best for both of us, I thought long and hard these last few days, what we have is a beautiful friendship, but that is not good enough foundation for a marriage.

"But the wedding plans are almost complete, the invitations were sent. Barbara, what I'm going to say to my parents?" he was pale and his voice was child like.

"Don't worry about that Wade" I say to him incredulouslat hearing that the only thing that he is really concerned about is the opinion of his parents and appearances. God, seriously I was stupid to believe that I would be able to accommodate him in my life. "Your mothersurely will be overjoyed that you won't marry me, she has always found me inadequate for you anyway."

I realize how you get tense when I say that, you are a mama's boy, _to be so bright Gordon sometimes you are a complete idiot_ I thought. How could I have thought for a second that I could marry him? How?

During more than half an hour, you try to convince me not to break up with you, that we can solve things, and while you do so, you keep eating and enumerating the reasons why we should marry. Moreover, the more I listen to you the more it sounds as if you are doing me a favor in marrying me. You are treating me as if justthe fact of being paralyzed from the waist down means that my brain also has ceased to function. I know I was an idiot to believe that I could marry you,. I don't say anything of course, and I have already done enough damage to your ego. You don't need more crushing words. I was an IDIOT! Period!

Finally, tired of listening to you I'm ready to leave. Don't you see that I don't care? Don't you realize that I'm not hearing a single word of what you are saying? I stayed here with you, I even tried to dine with you to be polite, but I'm not interested in your pleas. I removed the engagement ring you gave me putting it on the table. I repeat to you that I can't marry you that this is the end and that if your parents want to me to pay for some of the costs for the weddings plans to just send me the bill. I'm sure that your mother will be delighted to make me pay for losing her precious time; after all, she was against the idea of us getting married. She was right.

I remembered then that there was somebody else, who didn't want me to marry you, Helena.

**Don't forget to review :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Thanks for your comments, you guys rocks! Ok, this chapter is unbetaed, as soon as my beta sends me the revised version I will change it. V**

**Revised version**

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Oh God Helena, my eyes filled with tears that I barely managed to contain, I said I'm sorry and leave you sitting at the table, you watch me leave but don't stand, as if doing so the rest of the patrons would find out that I am breaking up with you. I know we kept our voices low so no one could hear, but even so, you still feel panic that someone will find out. I'm sorry Wade, I'm sorry for not realizing sooner that I was making the biggest error of my life by accepting to marry you.

Fortunately, we came in separate cars since my Humvee is designed to my specifications and I had told you that we wouldn't be spending the night due to work. The online top muffins business I have with Helena, but if you only knew the truth.

As soon as I arrived at the tower, I see Dinah watching TV and I tell her that I've broken off my engagement to Wade. She can't believe it; she stares at me as if I were crazy, she tells me I love him, how could I do that, and I just cut her off. That's the way things are, period. I tell her I can't afford the luxury of distractions and she stares incredulously as if I were downgrading Helena to something bothersome. If she only knew that Helena was my guiding light and that without her I am lost. I have neglected New Gotham's security, concentrating my energies in finding her, but I can't do that anymore, I'm Oracle and I have to act as such.

The night before I had spoken to Dick to ask him to help with Dinah's training, he would be in New Gotham on Monday I informed her and then headed to Delphi. I removed the cover, which I knew Dinah had put on because she thought that Wade would be returning to the tower with me, but that wouldn't be occurring again so there would never be a need to hide who we really were.

Dick arrived on Monday as he had promised, the first thing he did was ask me about Helena's whereabouts. On Thursday when I had spoken with him, I hadn't given him any details; I only asked him if he would come to New Gotham for a few months to continue with Dinah's training. When he asked me for Helena, I felt a huge knot in my throat and the words sticking and my eyes filling with tears which I refused to let fall. I was not going to cry, crying meant accepting that I had lost her and I refused to let it get to me until I found her. However, on Monday Dick would not let the subject drop until he knew what had happened.

Even though Dick and Helena barely maintained a civilized relationship, they did so because of me. Helena had always been a bit jealous of my connection with Dick, even when she was a child when she had seen him stop by to pick me up after gym class; I noticed the distaste that she felt for him. With the passing of time and his continued presence in my life after the attack that left me paralyzed, Helena got even more resentful with him, always trying to provoke him and drive him crazy. I couldn't understand why she resented him so much. Sometimes I would ask myself if perhaps she resented the fact that Dick was Bruce adopted son and that he had gotten the attention that she never had. Nevertheless, that wasn't Dick's fault and the ironic thing was that their lives resembled each other. Both had lost their parents due to Batman's enemies, even if the Grayson's didn't have any connection with him at the time, they had been gunned down by the Killer Moth in a gala in front of Bruce Wayne and this incident was what helped Bruce decide to take on young Dick under his wing.

So it was no surprise for me that Dick wanted to know what had happened between us for Helena to leave. It surprised me that he would immediately associate her disappearance with me, as if there was nothing else that could have caused it except for a fight between us.

"Why do you immediately assume that I am the reason for her leaving?" I asked with controlled anger, looking at him furiously.

Dick had the decency to blush when she confronted him with his assumption, but that did not stop him from believing it.

"Forgive me Barbara, but Helena has always been a bit overprotective of you, she was your shadow since she was a kid, the fact that you fight all the time isn't new. Helena is a very independent young woman and full of rage, but with you, she's different, you are her weak spot. If someone wants to drive her crazy, they only have to target you. Therefore, I ask you once again what happened for her to leave yo...leave New Gotham.

I realized when he corrected himself that he was going to say leave you but he corrected himself. What was going on? Dinah had assumed the same thing as well; even Alfred had been shocked that Helena had left. She left? ...But caring for you is her utmost priority!

What did they think was going on between Helena and I? What made them assume that she wouldn't leave… me, why they couldn't believe it?

"Tell me why did you fight this time?" He insisted.

"Because of her lack of concentration she got hurt three different times these last few weeks. This could have been prevented if she had only concentrated more. I don't know what was going on with her lately but her mind wasn't on her duties. Our work is dangerous enough without adding distractions, it's a sure bet it will result in them killing you." I explained in my best teacher voice.

"I see, but it's not the first time that Helena is distracted, right? I recall that when I was younger she was very playful, too sure of herself and her abilities to pay much attention to those trivialities as she called them. If I remember correctly, it seemed as if she looked for fights or confrontations just to let out her rage. Something that drove you crazy, but with time she matured and she stopped being that daredevil.

"It wasn't only her lack of concentration, she was distracted during the last few weeks, coinciding with her wounds, she seemed to be elsewhere, too engrossed in herself. She stopped coming to the tower and if she did, she'd lock herself in her room or watched TV without saying a word for hours. Later she stopped coming altogether for the briefings, she would give her report to me by comm set, or she would just cut off communications. However, the main point is that she was being wounded for her lack of concentration and her careless attitude. That was an indication that something was bothering her, almost as if she didn't want to do what she was doing anymore. I don't know." I ruffled my hair and took off my glasses to pinch the bridge of my nose, my head was starting to hurt, actually, since she had left I had a permanent headache.

"You still haven't answered me Babs, what did you say?"

I blew out furiously and looked at him. "I told her that if she wasn't up to doing the work of a vigilante and its responsibilities, the responsibilities that these duties carry I would rather she didn't do it."

"In other words you degraded her and distrusted her capacity as a vigilante." Dick said in a tone that clearly imparted his surprise. I know that he knew me well enough to know the real intention behind my words, but he also knew Helena –at least Huntress façade- well enough to know what my distrust in Helena would do to her self-esteem. She was a person very sure of herself, arrogant and confident of her meta skills, unless I doubted her, in that case Helena would turn into an anxious child eager to please. I knew that Helena trusted me with her life, I knew that. Why she couldn't see that? Why did she leave?

"My intention was to make her pay attention to what she was doing and that the mistakes she was making could cost her… her life. I never imagined that she would leave the city."

"Are you sure she left?" He asked questioningly

"Of course I'm sure" I snapped, "there isn't anything that happens in New Gotham that I don't know, besides she emptied her apartment above the Dark Horse, she even took out money from Bruce's trust." I said as if just the mention of her father was reason enough to explain the magnitude of the situation.

"Yes, she definitely left. Helena would never dare touch the money Bruce left unless she had to and only once and never again." He stated matter of fact.

"I know", I answered under my breath; I lowered my eyes starring at my hands. Suddenly I felt pathetic, drained.

"Helena will return" Said Dick with confidence. "Once she calms down she'll be back. She probably left to show you, you need her."

When Dick said that, I thought about Helena's actions until then had only demonstrated one thing, she was determined to disappear, she hadn't taken anything that would associate her to Huntress nor even Helena Kyle for that matter. She hadn't taken any of the air or land transportation options available in the City. Everything seemed to indicate by the way she left that Helena wanted to assure herself that there was no trace of her. If she had wanted Barbara to find her, for her to beg her to return she would have left all kinds of clues that would lead her to Helena's whereabouts, but on the contrary Helena had taken every precaution so that wouldn't happen any time soon.

"It's only been two weeks, maybe she was really stressed, it can happen Barbara. She's 25. It's completely reasonable that she should be having an identity crisis and need to reevaluate some things. She'll come back you'll see." Dick said optimistically. There was something in his expression that left me uncomfortable, almost as if he knew something that I didn't, God! Was it bothering me? Dinah sometimes surprised me with that same look, Alfred too, that look that said they knew something, something that I should know but that I was too blind to see for myself.

"I hope that's true Dick, Dinah misses her, she left without telling her goodbye." I said

"I know she'll return." Dick insisted and I wanted to believe it, I needed to for my own sanity.

Dick took over the physical and field training of Dinah with the care and concentration required to mold the young woman. However, I couldn't help but notice that Dinah couldn't seem to help but make comparisons between his methods and Helena's. Dick was more cautious, more observant of the situation before acting while Helena was more aggressive, impatient, and impulsive. The difference between them was very simple, Helena was half-metahuman and Dick wasn't. Dick's abilities and strengths were products of hard training and study of the criminal mind, his work as a detective at Bludhaven showed it. Helena for the contrary was the perfect combination of two strong humans. Helena could be Selena's daughter in every sense of the word but whether she liked it or not, she was also a Wayne from head to toe. Moreover, that was precisely what frightened Barbara the most, Helena was after all, Catwoman and Batman's daughter.

One afternoon that my nerves were on edge and I felt as if I was about to explode, I asked Dick to accompany me to the gym to train, even if my mobility was limited because of the wheelchair I had had to learn how to defend myself sitting in it. My upper body was very strong, not only did I use it to move my whole body, but my chair as well and I made sure I kept in shape. The leg press was designed so that I could lift and lower my legs by electric impulses but also allowed weights to be used depending on the resistance that was applied. Not only did I do physical therapy to maintain my muscle tone, but I also trained daily for an hour with different weights to make my legs toned as well like the rest of my body. I was determined to walk again one way or another sometime in the future and to accomplish that I needed my legs to be in top condition to be able to hold up my body without problems, especially after so long tied to my chair.

"I don't want you to restrain yourself Dick, you are here to help me train, not to baby me, got it?" I told him, glaring at him coldly.

"Whatever you say Babs" he answered with an amused stare balancing the escrima sticks between his hands.

I know I was burning with rage, pain, anger, sadness, my entire being was clamoring what I no longer had, something that I didn't know I needed until I had lost it. I had spent many sleepless nights thinking about Helena, nothing else seemed of importance, I was like an autobot performing my daily routines. I was just an empty husk after her departure, barely alive; my heart was lost in silence. I had lost hope that perhaps after a time she would write or call or something to let us know she was fine, but more than two and a half months had passed and we still had not heard anything from her.

It was that pain that drove my attack, I was furious, full of rage and pain; I attacked Dick with all the dexterity that I had developed over the years with the escrima sticks, hitting him viciously and with all my strength. My chair was equipped with a mechanism that permitted me to move in a full circle just with the movement of my torso, thus allowing me the full use of both hands to defend and attack. It was a new mechanism that I had developed to make myself more efficient in case I needed to counter attack or protect myself, and now was the perfect time to employ it.

After about fifteen minutes, I noticed Dick looking at me questioningly, as if he were asking himself questions that he wasn't sure he wanted the answers to.

_"You know Babs? I don't understand why __Helena__'s leaving bothers you so much. I mean, ok, she's your best friend, you've known her since she was a little girl, but…Don't you think it was about time to let her grow up? Maybe that's why she left? If she'd stayed, she'd always be under your shadow._

_"You don't know anything." I said furiously as I swung to hit his legs, which he avoided by jumping as he in turn took a swing at me that I managed to intercept._

_"Oh, come now Barbara, you act as if you'd lost the love of your life and not just a temperamental child that constantly drove you mad with her arrogance and irresponsibility". Dick knew he was playing with fire, but he felt that was the only way to get the redhead to come out of the funk she had been in, and that was to make her confront her own demons. He might be a man, but he wasn't stupid, it hadn't taken much to figure things out about the true reason behind __Helena__'s departure._

_He had always wondered what was between those two, the connection between them was much too deep to be just sisterly love like the one he, and Barbara had. Sure, they'd had a brief fling as teens but that had not been enough to say they were made for each other. They had been too alike and too independent to settle down. The truth was that their relationship had been more a case of raging hormones and adrenaline than love._

_"You have know idea what you're talking about Dick," Barbara repeated between gritted teeth, she felt as if her whole being was about to explode, she wasn't sure if in tears or laughter at the absurdity of Dick's words._

_"Don't I? For God's sake Barbara, I thought you were intelligent, but it's obvious that you have hidden your feelings too deeply that you can't see what's in front of you. You've been just be a shadow of yourself since she's been gone. What do you care if she's gone, she'll be back someday if she wants to. You have your own life, your life it's not her._

_"Shut up!" Barbara screamed and hit him with such force that it took him by surprise and knocked him down._

_"If I don't know what I'm talking about Barbara", Dick laughed from where he lay. "Tell me, why is her absence killing you?"_

_With those words, he got up and left Barbara panting from her efforts without looking back. He knew she had to be alone. Now it was just a question of waiting for her reaction. He hoped it was for the better and not for the worse. He hoped that instead of continuing to drown in the abysmal depression she was in, she would decide to come out of her shell and see herself for what she was. A woman suffering for the love she'd lost. He only had to add up the numbers to know the reason for why Helena was acting so strangely after the announcement of Barbara's pending wedding to Wade; and if Helena had left was because she was left no other choice._

_He was just waiting for Barbara to open her eyes before it was too late, if Helena should one day decide to return it would be better for the redhead to know by then what her feelings were for Helena and maybe just maybe there might be a chance for them. He was convinced that no matter how many miles or how much time separated them, Helena was in love with Barbara and would be all her life. Nevertheless, the truth was not his to tell. The truth was obvious for everyone that knew them in more than just a casual manner except to them. If it weren't for the fact, the Helena was eight years younger than Barbara was and that she had been her guardian for two years none of this would be happening. He was convinced that one of the reasons why Barbara had hidden her true feelings for Helena for so many years had been because she considered it a lack of respect and would have felt as a cradle robber. Which of course was absolutely ridiculous from a logical point of view. It was certainly understandable when Helena was 16 or even 18, but once Helena turned 20 that shouldn't have caused Barbara any concern._

I didn't know what was going through my head after he left, I only felt that something inside me had broken into a million pieces. That wall that I had erected over the years to protect me from my feelings towards Helena came tumbling down leaving me alone and with a sense of unbearable loss. I felt my body shaking with deep sobs, tears for her, because I didn't have her by my side, for not being able to look her in the eyes and ask her forgiveness. To be able to tell her that she and only she is the one I love, that I didn't want to lose her, that she was my reason for being, for living.

I'm not sure how much time I was there; I only remember that when I finally found the strength to move I went to my room with an empty sensation in my gut. An emptiness that could only be filled by her presence, but at the same time with a resolution that I must live for her. I maintained a small glimmer of hope that one day, she would return to me and then nothing would stop me from telling her I loved her. It didn't matter if she didn't return my feelings; I only knew that I needed to tell her even if it was too late for me.

With this resolution in mind, I retook my life back with cautious enthusiasm, after all, she wasn't here now, and only her presence would make me happy again. One of the decisions that I made was to quit teaching, not that I didn't enjoy it, I loved it, but now my mind was not in it. If I was ever able to walk again I did want to get feeling back in my legs and during one of my conversations with Dick he informed me about a nanotech research program at Wayne Laboratory's that would restore and regenerate damaged nerves. As soon as the school year ended, I would join the group to work full time on the research.

I never stopped looking for Helena, I had the hope that she would continue being a vigilante and that somewhere news would surface of some unknown hero saving lives and fighting against crime, however, in the months that passed until now there was nothing on her, not a single word. She just vanished in thin air.

**Don't forget to review :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:** Thanks again for your Fb guys, really appreciate it. So, with this little update (no more than 6 pages in word) Barbara's POV is done. Now everything will converges in the present, we still have a long way ahead so be patient. I'm translating as fast as I can, but I have other stories to work on as well. My muse has been pretty busy lately, she is whimsical. My writing is solely dependent on my muse's moods and the translations depends on the time available to do it, my editor and my beta reader. It's all a team effort.

Thanks for continuing with me. V

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The crime in New Gotham didn't stop because of the absence of one of its vigilantes, a Chinese mafia was threatening to take over the city and soon bodies began to appear dead in a strange manner, particularly the bosses and the lieutenants of other gangs in the city. The bodies appeared with their throats slashed and a note written in Japanese begging forgiveness, which was more than odd. I began by cross-referencing all the information that I could find on these strange killings. Everything indicated that it was done with a sword or Katana, but what most caught my attention was the note asking for forgiveness. That didn't seem normal for a paid assassin.

After many hours of research and several days of looking for clues, I finally found the mafia's headquarters and sent Nightwing and Black Canary to investigate. What they found at the hideout was much more than what we anticipated. Aiko's rescue was fortunate, but it was more than that, besides learning her history, she was willing to join us in order to fight against crime. That was something completely unexpected.

At first, I had my doubts, but with the passage of time Aiko aka Lotus, became a great asset. Aiko not only had training as a samurai, she was agile and very intelligent, and able to work well undercover. She was like a phantom; I couldn't help but compare her to Helena, who had the same ability of hiding without being seen.

Once the school year was done, I dedicated myself to nanotech research. Fortunately for me, I worked shoulder to shoulder with Dr. Ashley Brennan, an expert in the nano science, with whom I surprisingly got along really well; so much so that a few months later of working together I found myself confiding in her about the real reason for working on the nanotechnology research. She understood that even though I was working to find a method to regenerate cells for humanities' sake I also had my own agenda.

I showed her my work with the transponder module that permitted me to walk for short periods of time but with a lot of pain. Together we began to work on a design in which it would only send electronic impulses to the nanos and these would in turn work as a bridge between the damaged nerves and the healthy ones. At the same time, we began to do a research to see if it was possible to get the nanos to create their own permanent bridge between the damaged nerves and the healthy ones and thus walk again without the transponder. In other words, get the nanos to create new nerves.

Was it dangerous? Yes, I knew it was, we weren't authorized to test our findings on humans, but after several experiments on rats and rabbits, we realized that the nanos weren't dangerous to a person's health, actually, if they performed the way they should, then the body, without secondary side effects, would assimilate them. Therefore, I made the decision to start injecting small amounts of nanos into my spine to start the progress bit by bit and to see if they would eventually bridge the gap over my damaged nerves.

We had to create the nanos with a specific programming so that when they were injected directly into the spine the encoding would make them attack the problem area directly. That was what took longest, the programming of the nanos. It had to be perfect to accomplish our goals.

Ashley and I spent hours behind the nano generator studying the best way to program them with the DNA package required, so that they could serve as connectors to the damaged nerves and at the same time repair, the damage caused to the nerves. The nanos had to attach to each other to create a string that would connect them to the healthy nerves and by pass the damaged nerves at the same time in order to generate healthy ones.

It was hours of tireless research, to create programs again and again until we achieved the perfect codification for the nanos to do the work for which they were being designed. When I managed to create the perfect encoding according to the experiments in the rabbit, I told Ashley that it was time to inject in me a double quantity that the injected in the rabbit in order to see the outcome. The intention was to regain a phantom sense in my legs, perhaps not a feeling per se, but something close to it.

The injection was painful and dangerous, fortunately Ashley had experience in such a procedure, doing it in animals was further complicated because their spines were tiny, so doing so in mine it would be a little less complicated. That Friday evening we waited for the rest of the researchers to leave so that we could proceed with the delicate operation. The first thing I did was to adjust the security cameras in the lab so that no one would see the experiment that was about to be done on me. It was the main priority to keep this a secret; Ashley could lose her job even her license if anyone found out about what she was about to risk on my behalf.

We talked a lot about the pros and cons of the investigation, and the procedure we would have to carry out in my person. Nevertheless, after many hours of discussion and research, Ashley accepted that the risks couldn't be beyond what I was already suffering. After all, if the nanos were unable to regenerate my nerves or become the connectors, we wouldn't lose anything by trying, they weren't dangerous with the right programming, one that we were working tirelessly to once all ready, Ashley injected me a specific amount of nanos in my spine, just in the area where the nerves had been damaged by the bullet impacts that paralyzed me to the waist down. After a couple of hours lying face down, I went back to home as always, now it was only a matter of waiting.

The first week, I didn't feel any changes, however, in the second week, I began to notice a phantom feeling in my legs, very vague, but it was there. After discussing this with Ashley and wrote down the relevant observations we waited some more. By the third week, I inject another similar amount to strengthen the work of the pioneers' nanos. After all, these had a specific span of life, and once this concluded, they would dissolve and thus absorbed by the body. In this way, I still had to be injected every two or three weeks more nanos, in order to continue with the experiment. The nanos would work in the regeneration slowly if and when they were reinforced with a fresh batch of nanos.

By the end of the month since my first injection, I could not only feel the phantom sensations, but for the first time in seven years I felt cold in my legs, my skin started to recognize the temperature changes. Completely shocked and overwhelmed by those forgotten sensations I closed up in my bathroom and I cried of joy and sadness, I would have liked so much for Helena to be here, by my side to share the success.

Over the next six months, Ashley injected 12 doses of nanos in my spine. Each injection had a more prolonged effect; the first time it almost took 2 weeks before the first one took effect to create sensation in my limbs. By the eighth, it was just a matter of days and I could already felt pain, cold, heat, even the tension when I exercised my legs. Nevertheless, that I could feel didn't mean that I could walk at all, I could stand and feel, however I needed more time to get my legs to function properly once again.

Eigth months after the first injection I could walk for the first time, we discovered on a hunch, that if I used my belt at a low power level, only providing support to the nerves -without the need to recreate the whole motor system of my legs- I'll could walk without pain even with the belt. It was then when I decided to entrust Dinah and Aiko with the outcome.

When I came out walking of the elevator in front of them, they were very stunned. They couldn't believe that I was walking on my own and with a minimal use of the transponder. Dinah initially showed a little concerned, but once I explained the procedure and the necessity to maintain the secret behind the reason that I could walk they understood and congratulated me with great enthusiasm.

Dinah was looking at me with a hint of nostalgic and some pain at the same time. I understood her completely because it echoed in me; she was like me thinking in Helena and the happiness that she would be feeling if she knew that I could walk again and that I regained the complete use of my legs once more. Several times, I surprised Dinah watching me with a strange look; since after that faithful night, in which she was a silent witness of my deep sorrow for the departure and loss of Helena. I noticed it more often now, it was a gaze mixture of sadness and amazement, and not little nostalgia combined with disappointment, as if she knew something that I didn't. Each time I surprised her looking at me that way she would blush and she would avoid my eyes watching her inquisitive. I couldn't pass up the feeling that she knew something I wouldn't and I was going mad wondering, what could she know? Maybe she was in contact with her and Helena had asked her not to tell me? One day I couldn't stand it anymore and I confronted her.

"Dinah, can I ask you something?" I said with neutral expression, so not to scare her.

"Sure Barbara, what's up?" she looked me in the eyes with curiosity, even since she started going to college we didn't see each other much, besides the briefings after sweep and during them, even then we exchanged a few casual words, everything was around the "work" or her studies. More than ever, I missed Helena's presence, the tower felt so empty and cold without her in it. Helena had the ability to seize a room with its single physical presence, it was so overwhelming and warm at the same time, as Huntress, or just Helena she could be a very sweet person, so tender and vulnerable behind her arrogant and sarcastic façade.

"I know that you're a very loyal person and that you would never betray my trust nor of anyone you love, is that true?"

"You know it is Barbara, you can count on me for everything" she was dead serious, and at the same time wary, wondering why I was asking her that.

"I thought so, which leads me to the next question, I noticed that on several times you look at me with certain expression that makes me wonder what you are thinking. I am sorry, but tell me if I'm wrong. Is Helena the reason why you've been doing it?

Dinah is blushing as if she doesn't know what to say "Well…is…that, I know that you miss her, I do so too and well I don't know if you well, you know. Feel the loss as I do, I mean not the same of course just… you know." She shrugged and put some of her blonde air behind her ear.

Dinah's words did make sense certainly, but something inside of me told me that there was something else. Something I wasn't sure I was ready to know.

"If Helena had contacted you and requested you to keep it a secret, you would do it, right?

Dinah was blushing furiously now, and with a stunned expression and for several seconds she opened and closed her mouth in a perfect imitation of a guppy fish.

"I… I, the truth is I don't know Barbara" she said looking at me in the eyes, with tears in them "if you think that Helena has contacted me you are wrong, but I wouldn't know what to do if she would do so and asked me to keep it from your knowledge. Barbara you are like a mother to me, I love you very much, if you hadn't taken me under your wing, I don't know what would have happened to me. From the day Helena left, I have seen you suffer from her absence. I miss her too but I now it doesn't compare to how you must feel.

But I really I don't know what I would do, Helena is like the older sister I've never had, it is an important part of my life, I miss her and need her, but seriously Barbara, I don't know what I'll do. I wouldn't know 'cause although if she would ask me that, eventually my conscience would make me tell you 'cause I know that you would need to know her whereabouts. Even if we didn't knew for sure where she is, you still would like to know that she is fine. Then I would feel caught between the two people that mean everything to me, you guys are my family and I know that Helena knows it too, and she would never ever put me in that kind of situation. Since it would be as if I was betraying you and hence her. That would be something that I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for."

I stared her in the eyes for several seconds until I was satisfied with the meaning of her words. She was telling me the truth, she had no idea where Helena was, although I felt a little bit more calm, I still got that feeling that Dinah knew something that I didn't, but apparently any serious attempt to convince Dinah to trust in me, it would be futile. After all, if she knew something surely it was something that Helena had entrusted only her with, and in that case, she couldn't tell me without betraying Helena's confidence. A no win situation for me.

"Thanks Dinah, I just wanted, I don't know…" I pinched the bridge of my nose "Hold onto something. It will be soon two years since she left and…" my eyes filled with tears, there had been no trace of her, nothing, in the broadcast news never had appeared a single word of a vigilant doing justice in any city around the world "It was as if Helena had disappeared from the face of the planet"

She looked at me with great sorrow, but she had nothing to say. There was nothing left to say, not to me at least.

Soon it was time to make the sweeps and I forget everything for the moment, after all, the crime doesn't rest and somebody had to deal with it. My heart never ceased to cry out for Helena, but somehow I had learned to survive with that emptiness in my heart. It could not be in any other way.

Shortly after the two years anniversary of Helena's departure, Dinah asked me if she could take a few days off to go to San Francisco with Gabby, she was attending a symposium of photography that coincided with her break between semesters; I didn't see a reason why she shouldn't so she went with Gaby to San Francisco. She deserved a vacation after all the hard work we've been done lately.

When she returned a week later, Dinah was in an exceptionally happy mood, beyond its normal effervescence. She told me in complete detail everything that she had seen, eaten, almost every hour of her visit, she made me laugh with funny anecdotes, I was glad to see her so happy, she had never been so relaxed and cheerful since Helena's departure. Perhaps this trip to San Francisco was what she needed, a change of pace. I asked myself if maybe that's what I needed too, a good vacation.

On my birthday, Dick, Dinah, Gabby, Aiko, Ashley and her partner Lizzy took me to dinner at an exclusive French restaurant, La Maison Bleu. I had a great time until the point where we had to cut the cake, when they asked me to make a wish. The only thing I could think of was Helena; I wanted her to be here with me.

When we returned to the tower, Aiko said that she would go to do sweeps and Dick offered to go with her, Dinah apologized saying she had much homework to do and I went to sit in front of Delphi to monitor the criminal activity. It was my birthday but at matter of fact, I didn't feel like celebrating at all. This day in particular I missed Helena even more, the year before my engagement to Wade, Helena took me to celebrate at our favorite Italian restaurant, and then to _No Man's land_ to a surprise party with all our friends. The following year, Wade had abducted me all night and Helena was in a bad mood the following days just talking if necessary by the comm. set. She had given me my gift during the morning as if it was nothing special and I didn't see her again until three days later. I felt bad because I knew how much Helena cherished to celebrate my birthday with me, always putting particular interest in them and spoiling me for the sake of it; with the appearance of Wade that changed. _How stupid could I be _I told myself as my eyes filled with tears. Since Helena had left, I had cried more than I had ever done when I found out I was paralyzed.

Dinah approached me some time later, she was carrying a kind of package in her hands, it was wide and large, it appeared to be a painting or something like that, it was still wrapped in its protective cover, I looked her intrigued.

"What is that Dinah?" I asked curious, trying to inject a little joy to my voice, Dinah could see my tears clearly, I didn't make any effort to try to hide them it was futile to do so.

"A late birthday present" she offered nervously.

"Oh, thank you", I said, smiling warmly.

"I hope you like it", Dinah said with a tremor in her voice that I didn't understand. She looked almost frightened.

"Anything coming from you it will be really appreciated Dinah" I smiled in gratitude.

Dinah gave me the package, and waited nervously for me to open it; I took my time removing the wrappings. The gasp of surprise almost made me fall back; the painting fell from my shaking hands. Dinah hurried up to catch me. But… but, my mind screamed confused trying to understand what I had in front of me. I stared Dinah aghast; shaking my head, I closed my eyes trying frantically to regain my composure.

"This gift isn't mine, it was sent to you by somebody else" Dinah said, "I know where Helena is, Barbara" she confessed in a terrified whisper, my legs were trembling and I fell on the chair without strength.

"Helena!" I whispered painfuly.

**Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**_AN: Sorry for the late update guys, I know it's short, but I've been a little bit busy these days. Sorry. Thanks again for your fb, it means a lot._**

**_This is unbetaed, excuse any weird typos and else._**

**_V_**

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**S****an Francisco two months earlier…**

Dinah walked through the streets distractedly, when she turned her head and saw a painting being exhibited in the window display maked stop and she went into the gallery full of curiosity. She wasn't much for art and such things, but for some reason the paintings that she had been able to see from outside of the gallery caught her attention. They reminded her of New Gotham. After Gabby had left that morning, she recalled having read something in the morning paper as she ate breakfast about the artist that was all the rage in the California art world, and seeing as she was now here she decided to go in and take a look.

As she walked through the exhibit, she couldn't help but notice that there was something in the paintings, which reminded her of home. She couldn't explain it but she could feel it. Suddenly as she turned, she came to a dead stop. In front of her there was a painting that left her stunned. "Barbara!" she gasped not believing what she saw. "It was Barbara!" Shaking she drew closer and studied the painting. There in the corner was the signature. HK, nothing else, just the initials, but she didn't need to see anything else. Dinah knew perfectly well what those initials meant, Helena Kyle.

Her whole body shook from the emotion, now she understood why she felt that strange connection with the paintings in the exhibit. Barbara starred back at her from the painting proudly, beautiful. She recognized he tower, she recognized the background, those unfathomless eyes that stared back at her, Barbara's. She wasn't sure how long she spent staring at the painting, but at some point she snapped out of her trance and began to study the rest of the paintings, her gut instinct was sure, every one of them had a bold HK in the corner.

_These are all by Helena! _She thought in astonishment, she would never have imagined Helena had so much talent. The paintings were impressive. She retraced her steps through the exhibit trying to convince herself that what was in front of her was none other than works by Helena, it was incredible. She must have spent more time than normal at the gallery because soon enough an older woman with a warm smile approached.

"Impressive don't you think? The artist is very talented."

"More than you can imagine." Dinah said distractedly. Kate who had been the one to approach her seemed a bit disconcerted by the words murmured by Dinah without even realizing it. It was almost as if she knew whom she was talking about; worried Kate asked her a few more questions.

"Excuse me, but I noticed that you've been admiring the paintings for well over an hour. Is there one that interests you in particular? They are a bit expensive but the artist is worth it. An original HK is a great investment." Kate observed that Dinah's cloths were of good quality and she had an air of self-confidence in herself typical of people with money. True she looked very young, but one never knew.

"They are all impressive, but there is one that caught my attention, it's the one "Untitled" Dinah said, still a little stunned by the discovery.

"Oh, it's beautiful, unfortunately it's part of the artist's prívate collection, she only loaned it out for the exhibit. It isn't for sale."

"I'd like to speak to the artist, is that possible?" Dinah asked looking into Kate's eyes. It was taking everything she had to control the urge to grab the woman and take the answers from her head. She knew she could do it, but it would be a violation of Helena's trust, even though she was dying to know she had to respect her wishes.

"I'm sorry, the artist guards her privacy very carefully, and she doesn't like interviews or wants anyone to know her identity."

"I need to talk to her, it's important. It's about the painting." Dinah insisted.

"I'm sorry." Kate said, nervously, there was something in the young blonde eyes that made her feel that way.

"I understand your position, Ms?" She paused waiting for the woman to give her name.

"Spencer, Kate Spencer, I'm the gallery owner."

"Mrs. Spencer, it's very important that I speak with the artist, please."

"I repeat the artist doesn't do interviews and is not planning on selling this particular painting."

Dinah was desperate, she had to talk to Helena, she had to tell her about Barbara, she needed to know. Destiny had brought her to SF and not just by coincidence. Nothing in this life was.

"Mrs. Spencer, I understand what you are saying, believe me I do, but I NEED," she said emphatically", to talk to her, I need to speak with Hel, please, I beg you."

Kate stared at her dumbfounded; it was obvious that this young woman knew Hel, that not only did she recognize the painting, but also that it was her exhibit.

"I'm sorry Miss…" this time it was Kate's turn to ask for her name.

"Dinah, Dinah Lance."

"Miss Lance, please understand, I can't give you the information on the artist, I am not authorized to do so." Dinah noticed the omission of Helena's name.

"And I repeat, I need to speak with her, please." She didn't care if she begged; for God's sake, it was Helena.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you." She refused regretfully. The simple fact that the young woman knew Hel's identity told her what she needed to know.

Dinah breathed deeply, the temptation to touch Kate was great, but she had to control herself. Aware that she wasn't about to get any information that day, she accepted the gallery owners silence respectfully.

"I will leave for the moment Mrs. Spencer, but I beg you please tell Hel that I was here. Tell her that I need to talk to her, I beg you. I'll be at the Hyatt for two more days, Room 2345. I'll be waiting for her phone call. I beg you Mrs. Spencer, she's my sister, and I need to speak with her." She added, knowing that the woman would tell Helena everything.

As soon as Dinah left the gallery, she began to cry, it didn't matter that anyone saw her, she had found Helena. Well not technically, but she had a good idea where she was and that was what mattered. She waved down a taxi and headed for the hotel. She needed to be alone to think and wait for Helena's call. She knew deep inside that she would. She just knew it the question was when.

She returned to the hotel and ran to her room, she couldn't stop thinking of Helena, and she didn't know what to do, should she call Barbara? What?! She paced up and down in her room like a caged lioness. Just the idea of knowing that those paintings were Helena's, that she was somewhere here in San Francisco, after two years, two overwhelming years of not knowing anything about her. The need to let Barbara know that she had found her by coincidence was so tempting, but she knew that she couldn't do it; she couldn't unless Helena allowed her too, but not before speaking with her.

"Please, please Hel call me. Let me hear from you!" She begged to herself turning towards the phone from time to time. There were still two hours before Gabby returned, but she would tell her. She would guess that something had happened immediately. Oh God!!!

As son as Kate saw Dinah get into the taxi, she ran to the phone and called Helena on her cell, she wasn't sure if she was at home, but she had mentioned she would be going out to buy some paints.

"Hi, Kate, why don't you come up? Helena responded playfully and in a good mood.

"Something happened this morning." She answered anxiously.

"What?" she immediately tensed.

"Someone recognized the portrait." Kate confessed regretfully.

"WHAT!!" Yelled Helena. "That's impossible!"

"It's true Helena, someone just left, she insisted on talking to you, time and time again. I repeatedly told her that I couldn't give her any information about you, but she insisted in seeing you. She begged me to tell you."

"Who?" Helena was shaking inside, just what she never wanted to happen, what she never thought would happen, someone had recognized Barbara's portrait.

"Dinah Lance, she said she was your sister, oh Hel, you should have seen her, she was trembling and stunned by the portrait. She almost cried in front of me, begging for information about your whereabouts."

Helena closed her eyes at hearing Dinah's name, somehow she felt relieved, Dinah, she wouldn't say anything unless she allowed her to, but was she ready for that?

"Did she touch you?" Helena asked apprehensively.

"No, no she didn't, although twice she was at the point of doing so, but she didn't." Although confused by the question she didn't ask what she meant.

"Don't let her touch you if she returns. What did she say?" Helena insisted.

"She's staying at the Hyatt, room 2345, she'll be there two more days. Just that. But she was very insistent that I pass on the information and to tell you that she wants to see you."

"I see, Kate, please remove the portrait from the exhibit and bring it to my apartment tonight." Her voice sounded distant.

"Alright I'll do it little one, I'm sorry, I should never have insisted that you display it." Kate said in defeat.

"It doesn't matter, just remove it please." She exhaled in resignation.

"Yes, I'll take it to you later." Kate sighed, she knew the reasons why Helena had been reluctant to display the portrait, now she understood that her reservations had been justified, but too late she find out that it had been an error to pressure Helena to do so. Someone had recognized the portrait.

"Thank you." Helena hung up without saying anything else.

Kate hung up the phone and shook her head worriedly. Her insistence on showing Hel's works had placed her in a difficult situation, she had known her history, she knew that she must keep a low profile; she was more than aware that Hel was just learning to live without the love of her life, and now this. Feeling guilty, she hurriedly removed the portrait and put it in her office; she didn't want any more problems.

Helena squeezed her hand so hard that her knuckles turned white, her body shook from pure adrenalin. Dinah had found her, suddenly all the tranquility that she found during those two years of self exile were suddenly gone before her eyes and she didn't know what to do to stop the wave of painful memories that were now assaulting her.

For several nights, she stayed awake afraid of the nightmares that kept following her. In her dreams, she lost Barbara every time, either because she didn't arrive in time to save her from Harley Quinzel or the Joker. However, the one that kept repeating itself was the one where Barbara is marrying Wade, she is happy and smiling in his arms, and she asks Helena to leave her alone because her mere presence will make her unhappy.

During those first few weeks in San Francisco Helena roamed the rooftops of the city looking for an escape from her pain, trying to exhaust herself to the point that she could forget for a moment the love she had for the redhead. Night after night, she cried whispering Barbara's name with only the darkness as her companion, until one day she just couldn't do it any longer and she decided to bury all her memories of Barbara until the pain was tolerable.

She buried herself in her studies, her work; new activities that she had always wanted to do but had never had time for. She quickly advanced in her studies and came to a point where she had to put brush to canvas. Helena began to express all her painful and passionate feelings onto the canvas. Images of torment, sadness and solitude, images that while still dark had a hint of overwhelming hope, a declaration of her determination to survive.

It was these paintings that Kate saw and encouraged her to try to convince Helena repeatedly to let her exhibit the paintings until Helana gave in. The fact that the exhibit was a great success or that they would be in such demand took Helena by surprise, she never imagined they would be so well received. The day after the inauguration, various art critics that had been invited by Kate praised the artists way of expressing such naked emotions on canvas and despite many questions as to who the mysterious HK could be Kate never revealed her identity or that the artist was a woman. All the critics therefore had to give their praise in the third person and declare a new and talented artist with the initials HK to the San Francisco art scene.

Helena was grateful to Kate for having faith in her work, without knowing it she had given her a reason to live. She began to use the canvas as an outlet to rid her soul of the memories of her broken heart. Kate refused to have her as an assistant any longer instead she to paint full time so she could continue to create her impressive paintings. She had found the reason to pull herself out of her self-imposed exile. She began to travel to fill her heart with new memories and hopes. Painting had made her feel alive again something she never would have imagined, she never thought she would be able to be someone normal again, someone more than just Huntress so full of hate and resentment for the murder of her mother. She had left that young dark woman behind, the one that was dangerous and full of violence. In her place Helena Kyle had been reborn, the young woman that her mother had dreamed she would one day become.

Who would have imagined walking through the streets of rural Mexico, wearing cargo pants and a cotton t-shirt and carrying a backpack, enjoying the walk through the colonial city streets, so far away from the New Gotham where she always looked like she had just come off of a Parisian runway. This Helena felt comfortable with herself, it wasn't that she had opted for the bohemian way of life, when in the city, she still dressed with style, but now she didn't need to hide behind the arrogant and insolent image of the young. She was no longer the Huntress that did sweeps on the streets of New Gotham looking for criminals to exorcise her demons and to take out her barely controlled anger. In her place was a woman that was mature and centered, that was charming, sensual, and sure of herself but at the same time was finally, at peace.

However, a part of her knew that everything was just an illusion, just pretending to have found peace. It wasn't that the peace was a lie, on the contrary but that peace had been created on unstable ground, Helena Kyle had a past, and she was running from that past. Moreover, the truth and the demons that we are determined to avoid and hide away from but which eventually come to light to remind us that not everything is what we believe it is.

Wanting to get rid of the anxious energy that was causing her to quiver, Helena headed to her training room and began to work on the punching bag. For more than an hour the young woman attacked the bag with mortal precision, graceful but lethal. Just because Helena had left her old life behind did not mean she should stop training, that was something that she couldn't deny herself, whether she wanted to or not, Helena was the Huntress and she would be forever whether she wanted to admit it or not.

Much later, she showered and dressed in a pair of old jeans that were torn and a t-shirt she used to paint; she sat in front of a canvas and began to paint, searching to clear her mind in her art. When she painted, she would go into a type of trance, her mind would clear, and she would be able to balance her tumultuous thoughts. It was in this place that she permitted herself to feel and to analyze the situation from a cold but not passionless perspective. She needed that more than ever.

**Don't forget to review :)**


	12. Chapter 11 Part 2

AN: Ok, here is the next post. Originally I was going to try to include it in part 11, but RL got in the way last week and I didn't want to make you wait any longer. I decided to divide it into 2 parts, hence the name part 11.2.

Thank you for your comments. It's funny but when I sit down to write it's my muse that writes so when I finally emerge from that place where I go off to when I write it's a bit surprising at what has emerged. Thanks for staying with me I really do appreciate it. V

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Kate opened with her key, she knew that Helena would be inside, but she knew that when Helena listened to Evanescence it was because she was painting and she probably wouldn't hear her knock. However, what Kate didn't know was that Helena had super sensitive hearing that permitted her to hear everything clearly and even though she didn't indicate that she knew Kate was there she did.

"Hel, I brought you dinner." Kate said loudly, alerting her to her presence.

"Just set it down on the kitchen counter, I'll be there in a moment Kate." Helena answered from the interior of the studio.

Kate noticed that the young woman's voice sounded emotionless, it didn't give her any hint of how she might be feeling now. She felt her cold and distant. She busied herself taking out the food from the bags and setting out two place settings. When Helena came in, she was wiping her hands on an old oil stained rag.

Kate raised her gaze and smiled timidly. "I put the painting against the wall in the entryway."

"Ok, that's fine." Helena smiled neutrally, taking a seat to eat, leaving it clear that anything that there was to discuss would be done after dinner and not before. Kate respected her wishes and they both ate in silence, the older woman because she wasn't sure of what would happen now and Helena because she had her mind a thousand miles away from there, in New Gotham to be exact.

When they had finished eating Helena began to pick up the dishes in silence then went and sat in the living room, followed by Kate, who was looking at her regretfully, she couldn't stop feeling guilty for the reason that her protégé was feeling so distressful.

"Over the last two years…" Helena began to say in a distant voice, "Have served me to reconcile me with myself, after my mother was murdered I become a person full of resentment and anger. I'm no longer that person; I don't know if getting away from Barbara was the right decision, I don't know because even now I still love her, just as much as the first time, if not more than before.

"What are you going to do?" Kate asked tentatively.

"I trust Dinah, I know that she won't say anything unless I give her permission to do so," Helena added with incredulity "it was a complete shock that she appeared in the gallery, which must be a total coincidence," she rubbed her forehead "she would otherwise have tried to contact me immedeatly since the moment she arrived in San Francisco. She will respect my decision whatever that is, that she didn't touch you is proof of that."

"Are you going to see her?" Kate asked, wondering what Hel meant with that statement. What could possibly be so important, that Hel keep saying that? What could "touching", mean exactly? Nevertheless, she also knew that there were some secrets in Helena's past that she wasn't allowed to know.

"I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready to listen, nor if I want to see her, I had resigned myself to the idea of never seeing them again."

"Don't you think that this was fated? One more day and she would not have seen the painting, if the fates wanted it this way, perhaps it is time to confront your past." Kate tried to offer her some advice.

"I don't believe in fate, but I do know that everything happens for a reason." She said with finality.

She sighed and walked toward the window. Kate felt that it was time to depart and leave the girl with her tormented thoughts; she needed to be alone and reflect. In the two years that she had known Hel she had never seen her so bewildered, lost. Not even those first few months; then she looked sad even desolate, but now she felt her confused, knowing that this girl Dinah had seen the painting and somehow she knew where she was had her completely off balance.

"Well, I'm going now, think about it Hel." she stood up, gave her a kiss on the forehead and she left, the young woman barely realized that she was gone.

Once completely alone, Helena climbed up to the roof, despite the fact that the city lights and pollution darkened the sky; her metahuman eyes enabled her to distinguish beyond what a normal human being could. It helped that the night had a full moon, reminding her of the nights that she spent in the clock tower overlooking the sky. It was her favorite place, sitting next to the gargoyles, admiring the night, just thinking. She felt close to Barbara being up here, close to her but at the same time so far away. How many nights had she spent watching her from that spot? how many nights had she said that she was going home but always stayed there, hiding, watching her, protecting her, waiting for her to decide to go to bed.

Until Wade Brixton's arrival into Barbara's life had destroyed every illusion she had. Barbara no longer spent all her nights in front of Delphi, in order to be with him, leaving her alone without even realizing it and then she no longer had a place to go. At the beginning she tried to find solace in the bars or clubs, dancing and drinking all night long and having meaningless one night stands, anything in order to get rid of her pain, to exorcise Barbara out of her heart, her body and soul, but after a couple of months in the same pattern, she stopped. Every woman she had sex with was only a pale and empty imitation of what she truly wanted and loved.

So, as the months passed the pain of knowing that she was losing Barbara forever continued to grow until it was unbearable, causing her temper to flare and ignite. She would pick fights with Barbara over nothing. Her concentration completely lost, and in the end, it was the same lack of concentration that made everything blows up in her face. The fights between Barbara and her became increasingly more angry and bitter and as time passed Helena even felt unable to be next to Barbara. Unable to pretend that she was happy for her, feeling guilty at the same time for fostering such ill feelings towards the woman she loved. She was supposed to be happy because Barbara was spending some time away from Delphi, having a life. However, how to do that when her own heart is breaking in a thousand of pieces? How? If you feel that your soul has been torn away from your body, you feel so empty and lost that to wake up every morning is such an agony knowing that she is in his arms.

There were times when the pain and anger were so strong that Helena felt like screaming and telling Barbara, what she really felt, to make her see her not as her protégé or as a younger sister or even a friend, but as a woman full of passion and desires. There was a time when she came very close to doing so.

_Barbara was typing some codes in Delphi, looking for a pattern to catch a serial killer that was killing prostitutes in the streets of New Gotham, that night she was going to go out with Wade, she had gotten ready and looked breathtaking. Helena could not remove her eyes from her. Her blouse was black and hugged her body the neckline wrapped closely around her neck but had no sleeves and left her shoulders bare, accentuating Barbara's natural beauty. Not even the fact that she was in a wheelchair could take away from that. Barbara Gordon was a stunning woman. So lost was in her appreciation of the redhead that Helena didn't realized when she turned around to face her in wonder, with that smile that always managed to deprive Helena her capacity to think._

"_What?" she said with that soft voice "Did I put my blouse on backwards?" she had felt Helena's stare for a while, at first she thought that she wanted to ask her something but after several minutes in silence as Helen kept staring at her, she felt began to feel self conscious of that penetrating gaze._

"_You look beautiful" Helena answered without thinking, her voice was somewhat husky from the desire that she felt for the redhead, her whole body inflamed with the desire she was feeling inside, each nerve ending of her body crying out for Barbara._

"_Oh" Barbara blushed at the unexpected praise "thanks Hel, you look quit stunning yourself. Are you going out with Reese tonight?" _

_"Ha, ha" She laughed disarmingly. "That train left the station a long time ago Red." She hid her true sentiments behind her usual mockery._

"_Oh", she nodded her head confused; Helena had been going out every night for the last two months, she thought she was with Detective Jesse Reese. "I thought that things between you two were serious."_

"_Not for a second, he wanted to get more serious but…" she shrugged with some insolence, hiding behind another façade "You already know how I am Red, I am not a woman of a single flavor and Jesse is a little bit possessive, I don't like that. I have a wandering eye you know," she added with mischievous eyes._

_Barbara studied her in silence for a moment before speaking "How are you going to find someone to love, if you don't spend enough time with them to find out?"_

"_Oh, well your advice is a bit late Red." She looked at her sadly, making Barbara ask herself what she was referring too. "I know what love is Barbara, it's just that I was too young to realize it. Now is too late for me."_

"_It's never too late Hel, if you really love this person" Barbara realized that she was avoiding using the gender "You should…" she stopped seeking for the right words. She knew that Helena did not limit herself to males, as she once said, she was a free spirit she never took notice of a persons gender, what attracted her was the person as an individual._

"_She, it's a woman", Helena let her off the hook "She never knew that I loved her, but I think it was for the best Babs. Look at me, I'm not relationship material, don't ya think?" with a dismissive smile, she stood, waved and left through the balcony taking off from there, Barbara was left wondering who could be the fortunate woman who had captured the heart of her unattainable protégé. Whoever it is, must be a fool for not seeing the love that Helena had for her._

That was the last time that Helena had sought consolation in the arms of another woman, that night she realized that no one ever could take the place of Barbara and it wasn't fair, not for her, nor for the other women she used as a substitute. Nothing hurt more than the unsatisfied desires. She knew how Barbara's hands felt on her skin; she knew from the countless times that she had taken care of her battle wounds. She also knew that her body trembled when that happened, her body craving that delicate touch. She knew what it was, to get lost in the depths of that green sea that were Barbara's eyes. She knew how it felt to sleep next to her; she knew what hearing her voice early in the morning could do to her heartbeat. She had memorized her unique essence. She knew every voice inflection, each look, every gesture, and each heartbeat. Helena had known Barbara better than anyone, and ironically, never as her lover.

Helena could feel Barbara's presence without seeing her, recognize her voice among a thousand, her eyes among hundreds, and she knew how her hands felt on her skin, but never, never as a lover, a truth that it hurt too damn much. Moreover, if in the arms of another woman she couldn't even fool herself into believing that it was Barbara, who she had never touched in a passionate way, then there was no reason to keep pretending.

The time that Barbara told Helena that her relationship with Wade wouldn't change anything between them, that nothing could get between them Helena looked at her sardonically with that smug indifferent smile, but inside her heart she was shouting that it wasn't true. That everything had already changed, that Wade was destroying everything, her, her love, their life. She smiled and claimed that everything was cool. _God, she had just given a landslide Oscar winning performance without a doubt_, after first time Barbara had slept with him. The laughter, the knowing looks, answered all of her questions. She gave her all her support, she encouraged her to go on to discover what was between them, and each smile from Barbara was a stab wound to her heart. She wanted to die right there, to die, and forget.

Forget, it was all down to one word, but it has been two years and her love for Barbara had been as constant as the first moment. Perhaps the loss was more bearable now, living day by day until pain became a part of her, it was almost normal to feel it, that she could forget that it's there, always there.

Dinah was there in San Francisco, waiting for her call. What should she do? To see Dinah again surely will open a wound that had stopped bleeding. Only thinking about it made her tremble, she didn't want to hear about Barbara's life, it would just tear her apart, and she preferred to live in ignorance, to live with the memories and with the pain of loving Barbara.

The ignorance can be a blessed curse.

She didn't want to know, she couldn't.

**Don't forget to review :)**


	13. Chapter 12

**AN:** Thanks again for your FB guys, really appreciate it. We still have a long way ahead so be patient. As I said in the **AN on chapter 10**, I'm translating as fast as I can, but I have other stories to work on as well (SVU verse and origina story). My muse has been pretty busy lately and she likes to work at nigth 'sides she is whimsical.

My writing is solely dependent on my muse's moods and **the translations** depends on the time available to do it, my editor and my beta reader. It's all a team effort.

Thanks for satying with me and your patience, remember this story is finished in spanish, so it's just a matter of time.

**Debbie**, thanks for your words and support, this one if for you!

********

Every morning around 10 a.m. Helena would always go to the Starbucks that was a couple of blocks from the gallery, she would sit and have her special blend while she read the paper and sometimes she would share the table with Leah, a writer who took her coffee at the same time as she did. On this morning, Leah only stopped by briefly, because she had an appointment with her editor.

"I'm so nervous Hel, I'm sure that he will tell me to rewrite everything all over again." The small blonde said.

"Oh come on Leah, that's not true, for God's sake, I've read the manuscript and it's excellent." She praised.

"You think?" She looked at her hopefully.

"Hahaha, you are incredible Leah. I have read all your books. Of course I believe it."

"Hehe" Leah blushed a little "I always feel this way when I have an appointment with my editor".

"Come on, smile, everything will be fine." She took her hand and squeezed it softly.

"Ok." She stood and took a deep breath. "I have to get going sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow."

"'Til tomorrow" Helena got up and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

Leah, smiled and left.

Dinah arrived a few minutes earlier than expected, from afar, she witnessed the exchange between Helena y the blonde woman. She took advantage of the extra few minutes to observe Helena. She looked so changed, more relaxed, she even looked like a whole new person. She had let her hair grow out, but still wild, she looked physically stronger, athletic, and bronzed. _Boy, if Barbara could see her now. _She thought before drawing nearer.

"Is she your girlfriend?" She asked when she was behind her.

"Not yet" she turned slowly; she had felt her presence five minutes ago, listening, as she got closer. "But she could be. Hello Dinah." Her eyes twinkled and a huge smile graced her face.

Dinah let a small cry escape as she threw herself at Helena, hugging her tightly.

"Oh God Helena, I've missed you so much!" Dinah exclaimed between chuckles and tears.

"And I've missed you kid." She returned the hug. "You're not reading my thoughts are you?" She asked cautiously.

"God no Hel, no way, I can so control what I want to see completely." She said offended and pulled away. "I'm so insulted that you would even think it."

"I'm sorry kid." She looked contrite.

"Don't worry about it, when you left I still didn't quite have it under control and I was like a damn receiving antenna." She laughed at herself.

"That's true. Well, let's go, I don't want to talk here." She turned serious.

"Where are we going?" Dinah asked.

"To my apartment, it's close by here."

"Oh, great." She began walking next to Helena.

They walked in silence all the way to Helena's apartment, Dinah stopped short when she realized they were standing in front of the gallery and she looked over at Helena questioningly.

"I live above the gallery, you see some thing never change. I used to work here before…"

"Before becoming a painter?" She understood.

"Yes." Helena looked at her seriously, she blew out a breath of air that she didn't know she had been holding. "I only have one condition before we go up."

"Tell me." Dinah looked at her nervously.

"Not a single word about Barbara, I don't want to hear anything about her. Absolutely nothing Dinah" her voice was dead serious, her body tense.

"But…" Dinah wanted to protest but Helena stopped her short.

"If you can't Dinah, you can leave the way you came and forget that you even saw me."

Dinah looked into her eyes and she knew she was serious; Helena didn't want to know anything about her. God, the main reason that she had searched her out, and she didn't even want to hear it.

"I understand." She disappointedly agreed, she had to accept it, it was better than nothing was. "I won't talk about her."

"Thank you, please understand, this Helena that you see now D, she's not the one that left New Gotham two years ago. I'm someone else and she doesn't belong here."

"Alright Helena, I understand." She smiled in understanding, but the truth was she didn't understand a thing. _Damn! This was going to be harder than I thought. Why must you be so damn stubborn Hel? _Dinah thought worriedly as she followed Hel. Oh well.

They went up to the third floor, where Helena's apartment was. The first impression that Dinah has as she walked in had been a total surprise and a completely flabbergasted feeling. The apartment was beautifully decorated in a minimalist Japanese style but not too extreme. It was elegant but simple; even so, it did not feel cold. On the contrary had an air of a well-used space and warmly. Light streamed in from the windows at each end of the room, it was large and occupied the entire length of the room. There were Japanese orchids and three bonsai trees strategically placed around the room. The walls had black and white photographs from different parts of the world. They were beautiful. Dinah turned towards Helena with an incredulous smile.

"This is your apartment?" She asked surprised.

"Yeah, surprised?" Helena laughed.

"Well Hel, you can't blame me, your old apartment was a Spartan alter you barely had what was necessary to live in it." She smiled crookedly, she opened her mouth, but then she remembered the 'No Barbara' rule, so she closed it then said. "Will you give me a tour?"

"Gladly, as you can see this is the living room, at the far left is the kitchen, on this side are the bedrooms, there are four, mine that has a great view of the San Francisco sunset. Which is why I chose it even though it wasn't the master bedroom, come on and I'll show you?"

Helena's room, as well as the rest of the apartment was decorated in a Japanese theme, in this case the wood was Canadian maple, with the bed almost sitting on the floor. A silk privacy screen sat in the corner, in front of the bed was a home theater entertainment system along with a large selection of DVD's. The room had clean lines but not sterile, you could see Helena's influence everywhere.

"I had the bathroom totally redone, it was functional and elegant, but I wanted some extra luxuries." Helena explained as she opened the door.

Dinah was left speechless when she saw the bathroom. It had a shower with individual water massage jets, and a Jacuzzi in the corner. It was just like a spa bathroom.

"Always the hedonist right Hel?" She teased.

"What can I say D?" She smiled her eyes full of mischief. "I'm part cat, you know how we are."

"Hahaha, that's the truth."

They left the bedroom and Helena stopped before opening the next door, Dinah didn't know it, but she always had it open, because of her visit she had decided to close it on this occasion.

"This room is my studio; here I keep my paintings, sketches and photograph proofs. I have a small dark room here, I converted the existing closet and since it backs up to the adjoin bathroom I was able to install a sink as well.

Dinah nodded and held her breath, this room was the Helena she had never met, the one she had become, and she wasn't sure what to expect. Helena opened the door and let her in. She had put away the paintings of Barbara in a closet where she had her stock of paints and other materials. She didn't want her to see them. The only one she left out and was leaning against a wall as if it was forgotten, was the one Dinah had already seen.

"Wow." Dinah said reverently, the walls were covered in paintings some finished and works in progress, there were three easels with partially done canvases. A table to the side held painting supplies, to the side of that she had installed a drawing table with a strategically places lamp so that she could get the best lighting possible. Next to this was a large window, the light was excellent for the studio. The window had Japanese style coverings like the rest of the apartment. "I would never have imagined Hel, you an artist, God, it's all… I don't have words to express myself, I am so totally surprised."

"Is that good or bad?" She looked at her nervously, after all, it was Dinah, and what she thought was important to her, even though she wouldn't admit it aloud.

"Are you kidding? For God sake Helena, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that you were such a talented artist you are wonderful! More than that, I am envious and proud of you." She hugged her. "I'm so happy to know that you're happy."

"Thank you, really." She hunched her shoulders. "I always had the ability and my mother knew it too. I took painting and drawing classes with the best teachers in Paris. One of the things we used to talk about was going back to Paris after I finished High School so that I attend the Sorbonne to study art. Her death changed everything. After she was killed I lost all interest, I left behind my dreams and plans." She said sadly.

"I'm sorry Hel." She said sincerely after all she knew first hand what it was to lose a mother and in her case twice. Once when she left her with the Redmonds and then later when she died right in front of her eyes in the explosion caused by Al Hawke, just when she had found her again. She had also lost a life lived alongside her mother.

"I know, but well after I made the decision to leave New Gotham I had a lot of time to think." She began to say as they exited and made their way to the third small guestroom, which by the way she never had anyway. "On the road I knew I had to start a new life and once I arrived here and found work as Kate's assistant in the gallery it was almost as if it had been destined to be and I don't believe in destiny. She gave me a job immediately and I decided to get into Art school and get my Art Degree."

"You have an Art Degree?" She said shocked. Helena had always been reluctant to go to the university after High School. She was a bartender during the two years they had known each other and from what Barbara had said, she never had any ambition to study anything.

"Believe it or not, I took a couple of years at NGU, except that I never told anyone, it was just mine D. It was a part of my mother that I didn't want to share with anyone." It was obvious that no one including Barbara. She didn't have to say it it was quite evident. "So it was just a matter of finishing and that's what I did."

"Wow, I'm so shocked, you really are another person?"

"You know D, I think I am the person I would have been years ago if my mother hadn't died." I am the Helena Kyle that died with her mother, so you could say that it's me reincarnated."

"I have no words Hel." She smiled in comprehension, what she was seeing up until now had her completely astounded. In front of her was a Helena that she didn't know and she wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Suddenly she wasn't sure if finding her again was the best thing for Helena.

"And this is my gym." She opened another door. "As you can see not everything was forgotten. I still have too much energy and too many years of training to just forget it. So I setup one up for my personal enjoyment."

"Impressive".

"I'd invite you to train with me a bit, but the truth is I'm a bit out of form. I limit myself to just staying in shape but not for combat. That was left behind me. Huntress is a thing of the past." She said with finality.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." When Helena looked at her suspiciously, she rushed to explain. "I'm referring to your form; I don't think you're out of shape. I mean that stuff is like a bicycle, you just have to get back on again to know what to do."

"That's possible; do you want to give it a try?" She challenged, the truth was that Helena was dying to see how much Dinah had matured and to appease her conscious and convince herself that Dinah was capable of taking care of herself, she was sure that she continued on being a vigilante.

"Oh, I'd be glad to Hel. Do you have something I can use?" She rubbed her hands enthusiastically.

"Of course, let's to go my room and I'll lend you something. However, we are only going to train all right, no powers just a good clean fight. Keep in mind that it's been two years that I haven't done this."

"Of course Hel. Did you know that I finally learned my mother's signature Canary Cry?"

"Really" God that's great and to think that you thought you didn't have it in you." She congratulated.

"Tell me about it, but one day I had five thugs surrounding me and when I took a breath as I tried to think what to do next. I felt some type of energy infuse my throat and without knowing how I did it, it came out. I think the one more surprised by it was me, hahaha, the thugs fell like sacks of potatoes, just as Lotus arrived to give me a hand."

"Lotus?" She asked curiously.

"Oh, she's the new member on the team; she's been with us for about a year. Her name is Aiko Haragashi, her story is very sad; it would seem that it is the destiny of Super Heroes. She and all of her family were kidnapped in order to try to make her father kill off all the heads of the New Gotham mafia when the Chinese mafia tried to take over the city. They killed her father when he refused to continue with the killings. They tried to force her to take his place. Her father was a Ninja master, from the old school of the Silver Dragons and she was his student. As her father lay dying he told her that the rest of the family had been killed and not to give in to their demands. That if she had to die to do it with honor and not become like him. We rescued her just in time."

"We?"

"Nightwing was in New Gotham then. Barbara asked him to come as backup when all those strange murders began, it was too much for me. Oh, I'm sorry I mentioned it but…" she blushed when she realized whose name she had said.

"Don't worry about it, I understand, it's a necessary evil." She shrugged her shoulders indifferently.

"Yes, well once we heard her story and gave her options, she asked Barbara if she could stay with us and fight against crime to honor her family and father. Besides as she said, she was a trained ninja she didn't know how to do anything else."

"Really, does she do anything else?" She looked at her inquiringly.

"Oh yes. She's going to High school; she's only 17 years old."

"Well, it sounds like a prerequisite of 'How to Become a Super Hero-101." She said with certain irony.

"I don't think it's on purpose." She commented.

"No I guess not." She barely responded.

Dinah changed for their training session and soon both were immersed in a good battle. Helena's movements were as good as ever, fast, and agile. She was really surprised at how much the blonde had improved in her style, kicks with double spins, mortal jumps and fast punches. It was a deadly dance for anyone not properly trained, but for them it was like second nature.

A double spin and a kick surprised Helena and she went flying before landing on all fours.

"Good one Dinah." She praised as she stood, rubbing her chest.

"Thanks." She smiled shyly, for Helena to priase her on her style was a great reward. She recalled her first few months when she would beat her repeatedly and refused to take her on sweeps for fear that she would get hurt.

After half an hour more, Helena managed to beat Dinah, with her on the floor and she ready to give the final stroke she halted. Both breathed deeply after their exertion.

"I am very pleased and surprised D, I'm glad that you are now so good" she smiled widely.

"Thanks, without your first training sessions I would never have accomplished it. Nightwing is good, but he doesn't have your agility and dexterity. After all you have the grace of a cat." She winked.

"Hahaha, thanks. Are you hungry? We can order something or if you want while you shower I can prepare something." She offered as she cleaned the sweat off her arms and face with a towel.

"You know how to cook?" She asked in confusion because the Helena she remembered only knew how to cook in the microwave and ate pop tarts.

"Hahaha, it was that or try to survive on take out. The truth is that without Alfred to cook for me, it was the logical think to do. Kate had taught me how to cook."

"From what you've told me Kate took you under her wing, right?" She was intrigued and wanted to know more about this unknown Helena that had her surprised by her personal growth.

"Yes, let's just say I am like a daughter or granddaughter however you want to look at it that she never had. She and her husband had a son, but sadly, he died in an car accident when he was just 20, then Mark, her husband died four years ago from cancer. We adopted each other."

"I'm happy to know that you have someone to look out for you Helena." She smiled. "Ok, I'm gonna take a shower and you can surprise me." She winked and left at a run made as if to catch her.

Laughing Helena headed for the kitchen to see what she could quickly cook up.

**Don't forget to review, they made me a happy camper and if I'm happy I'll work faster on the translation.**


	14. Chapter 12 Part 2

_**AN: Hey guys, sorry I have been ill which means I will be obligated to rest this weekend instead of translating the next part of the story. I hope it's just a 24 hour virus or an annoying bug and nothing else. Sorry, this is unbetaed, if I hadn't posted it today I wouldn't have been able to do it until next week, so please forgive the errors. Thanks for your reviews, really appreciate it. **_

_**V**_

****  
Instead of returning home, Helena went directly to the Golden Gate Park to her favorite spot; she liked to sit in that hiding place to think and she needed to do that. To see Dinah again was not as difficult as she thought, however, she couldn't deny that the pain was still there, she had forced herself not to think about Barbara, but it was unavoidable.

Once she parked her Jeep Liberty, she walked slowly to her secret place. She felt in peace living in SF, although she had decided long ago that perhaps she would live alone for a while. Sometimes, she couldn't avoid feeling alone; to see Dian again reminded her, what it was to live with someone else, to having someone to confide, to have fun and spend a good time with family.

Since she had been living in SF, although she had made several friends, actually they were more acquaintances than real friends, only Leah O'Shea was something more, discounting Kate of course. She knew something was missing, she also knew perfectly well what it was, but how do you give something that isn't yours? Since she was a young girl, she'd been in love with Barbara Gordon, how could you forget a love like that? How do you learn to live day by day with this feeling inside without going mad? How many times, she really believed that she was about to lose her mind? From jealousy, hopeless agony, burning desire and a secret passion.

That was the real reason why she was wounded several times those last few weeks, when her mind couldn't stop thinking about Barbara and her imminent marriage with Wade, listen to the smooth voice of Oracle in her ear night after night, desiring to fall at her feet and beg her to love you, or wanting to shout out from the top of the tower that she was dying of love for the redhead. That she would give gladly her life for the red hair without a doubt, that Barbara was her only reason to live.

For her, trying to stop loving Barbara would be as trying to stop breathing, hence she ran away. So, she could lick her wounds, to stop her heart from bleeding out each day that she had to see Barbara's smiling face, happy because of him. It hurt too damn much, and she didn't want to be the cause of the red head's pain as she would have been. _God, just thinking about it,_ to see her roll away toward the altar where he would be waiting for her, the sweet and disgustingly boring Wade Brixton. She knew that she would have done something crazy. She couldn't have handled it. Her temperament could have been more than her reason, her love for Barbara would have blinded her and no, she couldn't do that to Barbara… _No. she is not for me, she will never be._

_It's better this way_ she thought watching the sun go down slowly on the horizon, _she is happy now, and I have found something, a life that my mother have dreamt for me and I believed that could never have._

"_Goodbye Barbara"_ she whispered softly when the sun set down, she closed her eyes when she felt a tear rolling down her cheek, when she opened her eyes, Barbara's smiling face appeared in her mind, _I love you_, and the tears pooled in her eyes blinding her, she hug herself and fell down on her knees. She didn't know how long she was there, as she wept non stop, her body shaking with painful sobs, the ache was too much for one soul, a woman who had lost everything that she loved, her mother, Barbara. Everything she held dear.

She cried for a father who never knew neither wanted to be. She hated him for running away, she hated for leaving her alone when she needed him most, and she hated him for being like him, because she now understood what meant to lose, what to lose your one true love could do to you. The despair was too much, you drown, and you don't have the strength to fight, when the despair and the emptiness of that loss are too intense that you are unable to see beyond the pain, to care for others. How to do so? If you're hollow, a mere shadow, just an empty shell.

When she finally recovered from her emotional meltdown she stood up slowly, she cleaned her face and began to walk towards the exit, she felt exhausted, empty, but ironically, a lot better, accepting once and for all that she had lost Barbara had been cathartic. Maybe now she could begin to really live her life, perhaps Leah would be willing to help her to achieve that. She had to start somewhere and she was a good friend, interested too. Possibly not for something serious, but at least it would be something. Finally, she could see a glimmer of hope at the end of the road.

"Will I be brave enough to do it?" She asked herself, it hurt too much to love someone, and she wasn't sure she could do it. She could have arrived to the conclusion that loving Barbara was pointless, but could she really forget her?

_Well, it's useless to think about the ifs_. She reminded herself.

****

The next day at twelve o'clock sharp, she was at the hotel lobby, waiting for Gabby and Dinah to get down. When Gabby saw her she was left open-mouthed staring at her in silence, _Wow_, thought to herself, she looks more gorgeous than I recall. The years had been good to her.

"Wow Helena, you're beautiful!" she said as soon as she was in front of her.

"Ha, ha, thanks Gabby, you also look very well" Helena flirted with her checking her out from top to bottom, making her blush furiously for the blatant appraisal.

"Ahem…The girlfriend is here, hello!" Dinah, said with false anger.

"Ah, wow Dinah, you can't deny that Helena looks gorgeous! She turned around to face her girlfriend a little bit flushed.

"She is like my big sister Gab, I so don't think of her that way!" she shook her head vehemently.

"Come on, are we going girls, those are your suitcases? Helena asked dispelling the awkward moment pointing at a couple of suitcases at their feet.

"Oh, yes" Dinah said.

Soon, they went on their way to the restaurant that Helena had chosen, it was relatively near the airport in order to avoid unnecessary delays.

The lunch was a success; Gabby took the responsibility to carry on the conversation flowing easily telling fun stories about Dinah and her life at the university. Dinah corroborated with some of her own and Helena put her bit telling about her travels, however, when the time to leave neared, Dinah was saddened, Gabby went to check in their baggage, leaving Dinah and Helena alone to say goodbye privately.

"Promise that you will not disappear again, don't be a stranger Hel, please. I have missed you so much and I need you in my life," she whispered between the tears.

"I won't," she promised, "you know where I live, you can come to visit whenever you want, 'sides" she pulled out a card of her pocket "this is my card, there are my phone numbers, my e-mail, and address. It is possible that if you call I will not answer, but in that case leave a message or write me, you know that I go on travels constantly, and at times, where I am going there is no signal. Ok?

"I will. As soon I arrive home I'll write you, please let me know if you go out on a trip, please, so at least I'll know why you don't write or call back, ok?

"I will." Helena was also on the verge of tears, but made an effort to be calm.

After more hugs and promises, Dinah had to leave to the boarding gates, with the new security measures it was always a mess. Helena saw her leave with sadness, after all she was like her little sister; there are two kinds of family, the one that you are born into and the one that you make along the way. Dinah was part of the latter; actually was the only one she had left.

With a sad smile she began to walk toward the short-term parking lot, she had a date to go to dinner that night and she wanted to be ready on time. Leah was delighted and accepted to go out with Helena that night; she had many things to tell her.

When Dinah was in the duty free zone, she rushed to buy a couple of stamps; wrote Helena's address on the front and took it to the nearest mailbox. Now, it only was a matter of waiting, she couldn't do anything more. When she was on the way back to New Gotham she couldn't stop thinking in the women that would almost certainly be waiting for her at the airport, ignorant of the truth that Dinah carried on her shoulders.

_Please, Hel please open the letter and read it_. She pleaded in silence _she needs you and I know that you need her too. I'm still sure that you still love her, please, please._

One day after her arrival in New Gotham, Dinah received an e-mail by Helena telling her that she was going to the mountains for a while; Leah had invited her to her cabin in Colorado. _Damn, you couldn't have chosen a most awful moment to go Helena_, Dinah cursed when she read the email; that meant that the letter she had sent to Helena, that wouldn't take more than three days to be delivered will have to wait to be opened. "Darn!"

Two days later the letter arrived at Helena's empty apartment.

**Don't forget to review, :)**


	15. Chapter 13

**AN: Ok people, here's the deal.. (blushing furiously) somewhere between email exchanges (writer, editor, beta) six pages (doc format) got misplaced on chapter two, I know! I know, it was something stupid to do, but I did it and until my beta reader Shadow (who is doing the final beta edition) pointed it out some missing explanation about "Michelle Kyle background" I wouldn't even notice it. I'm so sorry for that. I already added that part in chapter 2 along with a little note indicating what was added. My apologies :(**

*****

**New Gotham…Two Months later**

Because it was Saturday Dinah was at home, Gabby had training with the softball team and she wouldn't see her until late in the afternoon. She and Aiko were coordinating Barbara's 33rd birthday celebration, it was already fall, and a bit cold so a warm and comfortable place was the best option. While Aiko made the reservations and contacted Dick, Dinah escaped to her room. The day before a package had arrived in her name from San Francisco. She thought she knew what it was by the size. However, the letter that came with it explained it all.

_Dinah,_

_I must say I am not surprised by your letter, what surprises me is that you were able to wait so long to tell me about Barbara, I didn't think you would be able too. Forgive me for making you keep the secret for so long. __I don't know what to think, I don't know what to feel Dinah. However, if your words are true I must admit that I feel a certain relief at the thought that Barbara doesn't hate me for leaving in the way that I did. __You are right, we need to talk, but I'm not sure when I will feel able to do it. However, I am sending you Barbara's portrait, give it to her on her birthday. If FedEx delivers as promised it should arrive the day before, tell her…I don't know. Tell her I am fine, that you've seen me, that I have a life in San Francisco, and that I am happy to not worry about me please._

_Take care of yourself Dinah and thanks for being such a great little sister._

HK

Dinah was nervous, she didn't know when would be the right moment to give Barbara the gift from Helena however, after lots of thought she decided that the best thing would be to wait until that night, after they returned from a dinner in her honor. There were so many things to talk about and explain and to do it before dinner would ruin it. What's concerned her most would be Barbara's reaction when she'll tell her the truth. She was scared, she was sure Barbara would have many questions. Questions that she wasn't sure she would be able to answer honestly. Barbara surely would feel betrayed and that would be hard for Dinah to take knowing that Barbara would feel deceived by her.

In the morning when she and Aiko had taken her breakfast in bed, she noticed that Barbara's eyes kept filling with tears when Aiko mentioned that they had a surprise for her birthday. Dinah was sure she was remembering another surprise, one that Helena had given her just before her engagement to Wade Brixton, she had put all her energy to celebrating her 30th birthday in grand style, after all you didn't turn thirty everyday Helena said.

Soon, Barbara Dinah thought as she hugged her. It was inevitable for that the telepath not to feel the redheads sorrow when she did. Nevertheless, she knew that soon, most of her sorrow, if not all would disappear when she told her the truth. Well not the whole truth, Helena was the only one that could tell her the real reason why she left. She was only a bridge. She was confident that after that night everything would be all right.

The dinner was a complete success. Barbara celebrated her birthday with Dick, Dinah, Aiko, Gabby, and Alfred in a fancy Italian restaurant. Barbara did her best to enjoy her birthday dinner, trying to be happy for them. When they returned, and Dick offered to do the sweeps along with Aiko, since Dinah said she had assignments to work on. Gabby and Alfred said good night when they had left the restaurant and only Gabby knew the real reason why Dinah was not going out on sweeps that night.

As Barbara got comfortable in front of Delphi, Dinah went to her room to get the portrait. She took several deep breaths to calm herself and with the package under her arm, she came up to Barbara who saw her from the corner of her eye. She had a package with her; it was large and looked like a painting of some kind. It was still wrapped in its original wrapping and she turned to look at her questioningly.

"What do you have there Dinah?" She asked curiously, trying to sound happy, but she knew it was hopeless. Dinah could see the tears clearly.

"A belated birthday gift."

"Oh, thank you." Barbara said surprised; she thought Dinah had already given her, her gift.

"I hope you like it." Dinah said shakily, which Barbara couldn't comprehend.

"Whatever you give me Dinah I will love it, what matters is the intention." She looked at her affectionately.

Dinah gave her the package and waited nervously for Barbara to open it. Carefully Barbara removed the wrapping. The gasp of surprise almost made her fall back. The painting fell from her hands. Dinah rushed to catch her. Her mind was in turmoil; Barbara couldn't understand quite what was in front of her eyes.

"This gift isn't from me; someone else sent it to you." She paused. "I know where Helena is Barbara." She said softly almost terrified, Barbara's legs collapsed and she fell hard into the chair.

"Helena, my Helena." She whispered with teary eyes.

Dinah held her until Barbara was able to stand and looked at the portrait again and then at Dinah questioningly.

"Have you known where she was all along?" She asked her incredulously looking at her with painful disbelief.

"No, no." She hurried to assure. "It was all just by luck Barbara, you have to believe me. I didn't have any idea where she was. I was as surprised as you are when I saw the portrait for the first time."

"You saw it?" She asked in shock. "I don't understand." She sat down; her legs couldn't hold herself up any longer. The emotions were bombarding her. Her eyes tracked from the painting of herself to Dinah, not understanding what Dinah was trying to say.

"Well, it's complicated", Dinah blushed furiously "she's in San Francisco and I found her just by chance".

"San Francisco!" Barbara almost yelled disbelievingly. "It's been two months that you were there, you've known since then where Helena has been, and you didn't tell me! How could you Dinah! How could you keep that information from me?" she accused "Don't you know how worried I've been?" _How much I need her and miss her._ She said to herself.

Dinah looked very uncomfortable; she had that deer caught in the headlights look.

"I told you it was complicated Barbara, Helena was hesitant to speak with me, she already has a new life in San Francisco."

"What does she do? How is she?" She held back the questions that were barraging her head; she sensed that there was more than Helena's reluctance.

"Well" she started to explain "two days before we were to return, I read the paper during the morning and I saw that there was an exhibit for a new unknown artist that was gaining a lot of recognition for their talent. What most caught my attention was the refusal of the artist to reveal their identity or do interviews or be present at the exhibit."

"Artist?"

"Helena is a painter, and a very good one." She declared with pride.

Barbara was left speechless, "Helena a painter?" She looked at Dinah insisting she continue.

"Well as I was saying, it caught my attention and since I was going to be in the area I went to the gallery. From the first moment I saw the paintings I felt a sense of déjà vu you know. They seemed to be familiar; was something I couldn't quite put my finger on." She gesticulated with her hands "Anyway I continued viewing the exhibit but when I arrived at the main exhibit there were three paintings, two with a woman facing away with her back to the viewer and that one." She indicated what was now in front of them. "As you can imagine I was stunned when I recognized you. For a moment I wasn't sure or how to react. When I finally came out of my stupor I got closer and studied the painting, in the corner…" Dinah indicated the painting and Barbara followed her gaze "Was the artist's initials" Barbara took in the initials HK. She gasped as she recognized Helena's distinctive bold strokes.

"It's her."

"Yes, you can imagine my shock when I discovered it, I began to examine each of the paintings and they all had the same signature. I must have been there well over an hour walking through the gallery and at least twenty minutes staring at yours when the owner of the gallery came near. She commented that it was "Impressive". Moreover, I agreed with her. When I asked about the painting, she made it very clear that it wasn't for sale, that it was part of the artist's private collection. I insisted that I needed to talk to Helena, but she refused out right, she told me that she couldn't give me any information, that she was a very private person. She didn't seem to be very surprised to know that I knew who she was or that I wanted to see her. However, she did seem to be a bit regretful that I had seen and recognized the portrait.

"I think I need a drink." Barbara got up and headed for the kitchen where they had the liquor bottles and served herself a glass of bourbon and asked Dinah if she wanted one too. Dinah accepted mostly because she was surprised that Barbara was letting her to take one and with the bottle and two glasses they returned to Delphi because after all Lotus and Nightwing were still on sweeps.

Once they were in front of Delphi, Dinah continued her story.

"It didn't matter how much I begged Kate Spencer, which I found out after, was the owner of the gallery and a good friend of Helena's as well as her old boss. She told me clearly that she could not help me. Disappointed and saddened I left but not before leaving information as to where I was staying and for how long and asking her to pass the information along to Helena. I returned to the hotel in complete shock and waited for Gabby. Helena was in San Francisco, she was an artist that was earning an excellent reputation, and I didn't know if she was going to agree to see me or even talk to me. When Gabby arrived she found me curled up in the rooms sofa crying, and even though I didn't want to give her any specifics I told her I was fine, that I had seen a ghost from my past and didn't know what would happen next.

Barbara took a drink from her glass and listened attentively to everything that Dinah was saying, her mind still could not believe that somehow Helena was now back in their lives, at least now they knew where she was but the question was, would she her again? Something didn't seem right to Barbara, not completely. Why didn't Dinah touch Kate to get the information about Hel's whereabouts? Something didn't smell right in all this; however, Barbara didn't voice her thoughts. She needed to analyze things and from Dinah's attitude until now, she wasn't sure she would get the answers that her analytical mind demanded.

"I was so full of adrenaline at knowing where Helena was that I couldn't sleep, Gabby went to bed around 10 because she had to be at USF at 9 a.m., but I couldn't sit still so I went to the living room and watched TV. I was channel surfing when the phone rang and I ran to answer, hoping that it was Helena, I mean it could have been you after all. When I answered a bit breathless and shakily and heard Helena's voice I nearly fainted from emotion. She must have sensed something was odd because she asked me in a worried voice if everything was fine. Oh Babs, when I heard her laugh it made me cry even more." She gushed, "Helena, our Helena was on the other end of the phone".

"_Hey D." Helena's voice greeted her sound happy but reserved. "How have you been?"_

"_Oh for God's sake Helena, I have missed you so much, how are you? Where are you? Can I see you? I need to see you Hel, please." She shot out in rapid succession. "I'll be here for a couple more days, but if you aren't here I can wait, I want to see you Hel."_

"_Slow down D, yes, I'm in San Francisco, and yes, we can see each other." She let a small sigh escape. "Who are you with?"_

"_Gabby, she came to a seminar and I came with her sort of like a vacation."_

"_Ok, well there is a Café two blocks from the gallery, it's called La Rose, I'll see you there around 10 a.m., how does that sound?"_

"_Yes of course, I'll be there Hel. You don't know how happy I am to know that you are fine and that I'll be able to see you." She said happily._

"_Ok, I'll see you tomorrow." Helena said goodbye. "Hmm, Dinah, please…" She didn't say anything else, but it was clear what she meant._

"_Don't worry Hel, I only want to see you."_

"_Thanks, we'll see each other tomorrow then, rest up. Good night."_

"_Good night Hel, and thanks." The tears began to fall once more. Then she heard the click of the call was disconnected. Dinah stayed on the phone for a moment longer still in shock. She had just spoken with Hel, her sister that she hadn't seen in two years, who had disappeared without a word. Oh God, Hel. _

Barbara closed her eyes, she could imagine Dinah's excitement when Helena did call but it didn't compare in the least to how she felt at that moment. It was as if her whole being vibrated from happiness and fear at the same time. Dinah's trip to San Francisco had been two months ago, why did Helena wait so long? Why did Dinah wait to tell her until now?

"After talking to her I went to bed feeling much calmer. The idea of seeing Helena was comforting. I had imagined the worst scenarios or that she would refuse to see me outright. Knowing that, that wasn't so was exciting but at the same time I felt at peace."

"There is something that bothers me Dinah. Why didn't you call me right away to tell me that you had found Helena, even if it was just by chance, it doesn't change the fact that you didn't tell me but, you waited two months before you did say anything" she faced her daring her to lie with her eyes.

Dinah reddened and suddenly her glass looked very interesting, Dinah pushed some hair behind her ear, something she did when she was nervous.

"Dinah?" Barbara insisted.

The young woman let an audible sigh escape before turning to look at Barbara furtively and lowering her gaze once more, this time locking her gaze on the portrait.

"When…when Helena left you and she had fought, I never found out what happened after that. The next thing I knew was that she had left New Gotham without a trace, a note and two boxes was the only left from her Babs. I knew you would have wanted to know that right away the moment I ran into her but at the same time I needed to respect Helena's wishes. You have to agree that Helena left and deliberately left no trace so that you specifically could not find her." She looked at her cautiously "It was obvious that she didn't want that. For whatever reason it was Barbara, Hel left New Gotham after the fight with you and I did what I thought was right given the circumstances."

Barbara closed her eyes when she Heard Dinah's words, feeling as if she had been hit right in the solar plexus, it was true, Helena had been furious with her when she left. The pain of this fact was too much. She made herself take a deep breath to try to control the wave of tears that were pounding at the back of her eyelids. She squeezed her fists, trying to calm down. _Damn, why does this hurt so much?_

"Please go on." She said in a tortured voice, Helena didn't want to know anything about her.

Dinah nodded and took a deep breath before continuing. "The next day as soon as I entered the café I found her, it was easy, she was laughing with someone, and when she stood to say goodbye to the woman, she kissed her and once the blonde woman left I ask her if she was her girlfriend. Helena laughed and said she could be."

Dinah did not miss how Barbara drew back as she had been struck and how she paled when she heard that. Dinah felt bad for saying it but she had to be as honest as possible. She didn't know if Helena and Leah were a couple but everything appeared to be that way. Helena had passed the last two months with her in her cabin in Colorado. Perhaps it was already too late for Barbara, maybe not, but at least she could tell her what she saw.

"I hugged her happily and then after a few minutes she told me that we would be going to her apartment so we could talk peacefully. She lives right above the art gallery; I teased her about it, since as you know at her last job she lived above the Dark Horse. Moreover, the gallery was where she worked when she first got to San Francisco. Kate hired her almost immediately and took her under her wing. I know she is a great friend to Helena almost like a foster grandmother. She's very protective of her. She even showed her how to cook and she was the one that pressured Hel to do an exposition of her works. When the exposition turned out to be a success, Kate refused to keep Helena on as her assistant in the gallery and encouraged her to paint full time. That was when she began to travel. This past year Hel was all over Latin America. She has some incredible pictures of her trips."

Barbara smiled slightly at Dinah's surprise, but for her, on the other hand, it wasn't unusual that Helena enjoyed traveling; it was something that she learned and enjoyed doing during her life with her mother Selina. Helena had traveled all of Europe and the Orient for God's sake! Helena was French by birth. She knew that even before her mother's murder, for her it had been normal to travel for one or two months at a time. Selina loved to travel on European vacations, especially to Paris.

"And her apartment Barbara, you wouldn't believe it if you saw it, it's totally opposite from the Helena that I knew." She gushed, "Do you remember that in the apartment over the Dark Horse was totally Spartan? In San Francisco is totally the opposite, it's beautifully decorated in a minimalist style, but not cold, you know?" She looked thoughtful as if searching for the right words. "It feels warm and lived in. She has pictures of her trips, magazines from all over the world, art, and a home theater system that's…WOW." She got excited just mentioning it. "And a computer, can you believe it? You know that Helena hated them but now she has an HP Pavilion Elite d5000t ATX series, and that's only the one she has at home. Her laptop is a 17" MacBook Pro, when she took it out to make me a disk of her portfolio I almost drooled. I couldn't believe it." Dinah said enthusiastically, as if she were only speaking of all of Helena's new toys without realizing that each Word that she said was a small knife wound in Barbara's heart. Helena was happy far from her, far from New Gotham, no longer Huntress. And you know what the best is? You'll never guess Babs, Helena has a degree in Art, Art History!" She exclaimed.

"WHAT!" This was something she never would have imagined, not after Helena was always saying she'd die first before going to the university, that it was boring, and that it just wasn't her. Barbara's head was spinning, Dinah was describing a Helena that was totally unknown.

"Yea I was shocked too when she told me, but that was a secret she never shared with anyone Babs." She said seriously almost afraid to say it. "Helena had been enrolled at the university here in New Gotham for three years, but she never told anyone Barbara. She did it on the sly. It was one of her mother's dreams, only she would be able to explain it to you. But she made it seem that without her mother she didn't have the urge to do anything but a part of her did it to be close to her. But because the life of Huntress was so demanding she quit, and besides her head wasn't in it anymore."

"Hel was attending the university? Hel has a degree in Art?" It was to much to take in.

"Yes, can you imagine Helena an expert in Art? Just like her mother." She said with her usual enthusiasm. "And not only that but she learned a bunch of stuff on her trips. Not only did she learn how to scuba dive, but she's an expert rock climber and I don't know what other outdoor sports, you know those extreme sports like rafting, kayaking, mountain biking. She always had an athletic figure, but Wow, if you could see her now she's all muscle, but hmm…" She gestured with her hands. "She's still very feminine, before she was thin and strong because of her meta genes, but now she's athletic. We trained for a bit, I think she only did it to see if I could really take care of myself. Since I told her about Aiko, I suppose she went into protective mode. I don't think she considers Dick good enough as a mentor, you know?" She looked at her. "And she has a super gym set up at her place, and a mountain bike, oh and a Liberty Jeep. It's so cute. She added a bike rack and another one for her kayak. She's really gotten into those outdoor sports; if she's not painting or traveling she practices her climbing or kayaking."

"I see and what about that painting? Did she tell you why she painted it?" She gestured at the painting.

Dinah looked a bit uncomfortable and smiled tensely. "It's difficult to explain; well she told me that she painted it because that was the Barbara that she remembered, her friend, her mentor, her companion in the fight against crime. It was the only thing she had left of the old life."

"I don't understand." Barbara murmured totally disconcerted. Why would Helena paint her like that? Could it be…the very idea was terrifying.

"Barbara, when I talked to Helena she was convinced that you hated her. I don't know maybe because she left or because she didn't do things, the way you liked, because you fought, I don't know. But she didn't want to talk about you." She confessed.

"Oh no…I." She babbled not knowing what to say.

"When I said goodbye she agreed to keep in touch with me, but she didn't say if I could tell you about her or not. And she never did tell me why you two fought, she only said to tell you about the portrait. I wrote her a letter and she received it two days after I returned to New Gotham, but she had left the day after my return for a trip to Colorado with Leah, and it was when she got back a few days ago that she read it. She asked me to tell you that she is fine, that she has a life in San Francisco and not to worry about her. And that the painting was a birthday gift." She finished hurriedly. "Oh and this is the disk of her portfolio. I'm sure you'll find it interesting."

She handed her a data disk that Barbara took and put at her side. Dinah watched her closely, after the initial surprise the redhead had turned quite serious, listening carefully to each word. But aside from the initial surprise at what was now Helena's life, she had shown no emotion except when she had paled at the mention of the possible girlfriend. She looked pensive and much to calm for her liking.

"Thank you Dinah. You have her information right? I mean to reach her?"

"Yes, of course." She pulled out a paper from her pocket; she had written it down positive that Barbara would ask her for it.

"Hmm, thanks, you can go rest now. Aiko and Dick should be along any minute."

"Ok, do you need anything? Do you want me to help with something?"

"No, I'm fine Dinah, thanks anyway." She smiled slightly.

"Ok, I'll see you in the morning." Dinah left with one more look back at Barbara, leaving her to her thoughts. Her telepathic powers had allowed her to feel the happiness, pain, sadness, hope and at the same time despair, skepticism and jealousy from the redhead as she listened. At first, she didn't want to mention Leah, but she figured after much thought that it would be the best. She didn't know for sure, if Helena was still in love with Barbara, but what she did know was that she was going out with someone else. How serious it was she didn't know but she did know that Helena had made a life for herself in San Francisco and she didn't think that she would be leaving unless it was for a very powerful reason to do so. Until Barbara and Helena cleared things up between them and they confessed their true feelings all bets were off. What she feared was that it might be too late.

**Thanks for your support, and I'm so sorry for the huge mistake with the missing part in chapter 2 :(**

**Don't forget to review! :)**


	16. Chapter 14

**AN**: Thank you guys for your comments, they really boost me up and encourage me to keep going and aside from that they make me think alot about what I am doing. I must tell you that the spanish version can be considered a first draft, because as it's being translated some things have been added, deleted or changed. Many thanks for your support and forgive me for the lateness and the short update. But real life has complicated things a bit these last few days. V

*****

Once she was alone Barbara finally let the tears that she had held back as Dinah looked at her spill. At first, the surprise had almost caused her to lose control, however, as she listened to Dinah tell her story; she slowly recovered enough to be able to listen objectively to what she was saying. It was painful; it was all so overwhelming and disconcerting. She wasn't sure what to feel or think.

The image that Dinah gave of Helena was nothing like anything she could picture of Helena, the Helena she knew and loved. At the same time, a part of her recognized that Helena. In the bottom of her soul, something echoed in its depths, a memory, a question that had chased her for years. She wasn't sure, but she felt that the answer was before her eyes and she wasn't at all convinced if it was something she wanted to know or something that she never forethought.

Helena it's living in San Francisco, a renowned artist, content, a normal young woman. She hadn't asked Dinah if Helena continued to be a vigilante in some form, but from everything the blonde said, she never, not once mention it if Helena still did it or not. However, her intuition said no. She knew the bots she had placed at the different news agencies and databases for the FBI, CIA and police had not found out anything suspicious or anything resembling Huntress MO indicating that she might be active, two years and nothing. Now, she knew the truth, Helena had left everything behind, not only New Gotham but also everything that had ever identified her as a person and a vigilante.

"Oh God, Hel" she covered her face with her hands, feeling her heart breaking into a million pieces. Part desperation, part sadness, and part knowing that whatever it was that had led Helena to make the decision to leave everything behind without looking back, was more than just the fact that she resented that Barbara had questioned her ability and dedication as a vigilante of New Gotham. Not only did she have a new life, but also she did a complete turnaround, who was the real Helena Kyle now, without her, without Huntress, far away for New Gotham?

The answer was what she most feared. Helena Kyle was the Helena that should have been ten years ago, the one that if Selina had lived, would have taken her daughter to Paris. The one who would now just be a memory, perhaps even a distant friend, or a loved one that was seen or talked to occasionally and would visit at times. A happy young woman, successful and without rage that once Barbara had expected she would become, before Clayface, before Joker, before even Barbara.

An alarm when off and Oracle needed to concentrate on her work, there would be enough time to wonder and think later. Nightwing and Lotus needed her as the NG cyber-guardian now.

It was an ordinary robbery at a jewelry store, an hour later Nightwing and Lotus returned to the tower, Aiko said goodnight as soon as they got back to the tower, leaving Dick to give the report. If he noticed her eyes red from crying he didn't say anything, Dick knew it wouldn't be smart to try to get Barbara to talk about whatever was making her look so sad, lost…hurt. He knew that the answer would probably be the same one for the last two years, Helena. He had assumed she had been thinking of Helena since forgetting her was impossible, One he had said goodnight and giving Barbara a kiss on the cheek, for a moment he hesitated, but the look that the redhead gave him made him keep quite, tighten his jaw and with a slight wave disappeared into the elevator.

For over fifteen years Hel had been a constant in her life, since she had known her as a little precocious twelve year old girl for whom she had babysat and played games with, confident in her teens, her guardian, her mentor, her friend her comfort. She had know her for seventeen years, two of which were pure agony when she didn't know her whereabouts, and now, knowing where she was, was as painful as not knowing.

She put Delphi on standby and checked that everything was in order before going out to the balcony, Helena's favorite place in the tower and hers as well, a place to think, to remember. She didn't know what to do, what to feel or what to think. She removed her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose, she had a horrible headache. The wine during dinner and then later the whisky hadn't helped at all to her already frayed emotions. Her brain firing different scenarios, questions but more than anything else, her feelings were like a puzzle of found emotions. She felt as if she were riding a rollercoaster, with sharp ascents and descents and feeling as if it would never stop, only gaining in speed at each curve, and the question wasn't if she would crash but when.

Barbara headed for the balcony, looking out over the city, the same one she had dedicated her young life to take care of and protect, the one for which she had lost the use of her legs because of joker. Yes, she could walk now and even feel, but in reality, she would never be able to stop using the chair completely. When she was tired, it was easier to use it and not strain her extremities. It was a blessing to be able to take a shower standing upright, walk when she needed to and defend herself if necessary. Nevertheless, for everything else she used the chair, besides people in general didn't know she could walk again even if it was only for short periods.

Now that it looked like she had everything, she didn't have anything; it didn't matter that her legs could support her and obey her commands. Now, that her protégé's were capable vigilantes, able to take care and protect one of the most dangerous cities in the world, now that everything seemed to be in its proper place, even knowing where Helena was and that she was fine and happy, now was when she felt the loneliest and emptiest.

Not even when her paralysis was recent had she felt so alone, so empty, hopeless. Yes, full of rage and anger, inundated by pain, by loss, knowing that what had been normal before was in the past, that she would never be able to walk again, but not even during those dark moments full of desperation had made her feel this emptiness, of not having nothing or being nothing.

_Helena_, she murmured to herself, just mentioning her name felt like a deep stab wound. They say there is none so blind than the one that won't see. And for God's sake she had been so blind, so obstinate and stupid not to have seen the truth, not to see what was in front of her very eyes.

When you are so used to having something in your life on a daily basis, you don't take notice of its importance until it's too late. Too late to regret it, too late to fix it and repair burned bridges, to hold out your hand and hang on to what you want the most and had only moments before had been within your reach just for the asking. That's what Helena had been in her life for 15 years, a perfect constant, a trustworthy friend, a warm companion, and full of life, a woman of character and volatile temperament, a wild house cat.

Two years without her constant presence had taken its toll in gold, from the first hours from her departure when she felt her heart had been torn from her chest. From the moment, that Barbara saw the boxes with the few things that Helena had and were now sitting on the coffee table. In that precise instant Barbara felt that, her life no longer had any purpose. When the proof of Helena's departure stood in front of her eyes had taken away her breath and her reason by the deafening pain that kept screaming in her mind like a mantra Helena's name over and over. Almost as if by some magic wand, she would be able to make her appear in front of her. She even was so damn stupid to believe that she only cared for her as a friend, like a surrogate sister. Too stubbornly blind to not realize that what she really wanted from Helena was not only friendship, her mere presence or her unconditional support, that in reality the person that Barbara really wanted was the woman with all the defects and virtues that made up Helena, the sweet, adorable, devilishly sexy, arrogant, volatile, tempestuous, and brooding person. Everything stopped making sense as she asked herself repeatedly why she had been so stubborn, so blind, so damn rational, and analytic to not be able to see that she couldn't live without her.

The very idea back then had been horrifying. Moreover, when the days turned into weeks and these into months until two years of ignorance and pain had been so unbearable that she had learned to live with it just as she had learned to live with her handicap, ignoring the reason, living from day to day without realizing what she was doing.

Poor Wade, never knew what really happened and he never accepted her explanations because they never really made sense to him. However, the more he tried to make sense of it all she knew that if it didn't make sense it was because there was never any real way to explain it to Wade. How could she tell him that their relationship had been Barbara's unconscious way of running away from her true feelings? How do you explain to the man that loves you and who never saw you as a handicapped woman but as a beautiful and interesting woman that you are absolutely in love of someone that was your protégé and best friend, that since she had left life was pure agony. Only a few hours had passed when the truth had hit her right between the eyes.

It was a question of days without Helena and it was enough to accept the truth of her feelings for her even though she did not dare give it voice but deep inside she knew it was much more, something so powerful that it frightened her. Now that she knew where she was, she didn't know what to do. Everything she had told Dinah seemed to indicate that she was happy where she was but not only that she was also successful, she had made a good life for herself, far from what had made her who she had been, a vigilante, Huntress.

Barbara was not aware of how much time she had spent out on the balcony of the tower trying to understand her feelings, trying to analyze from every angle the consequences of knowing with certainty where Helena was. Her first reaction had been to head for the airport, take the first available plane to San Francisco, and beg Helena to come back, to kneel at her feet and beg her forgiveness, and to return with her. However, after thinking, thinking, and turning the situation over in her mind in many directions, she concluded that she should do the right thing but Barbara wasn't so sure, what the right thing was.

Helena after all had left after a horrible fight between them because she had questioned her judgment and abilities as a vigilante. Nevertheless, was there perhaps another reason for her decision to leave everything behind? The young woman's new life was a clear indication of that. Had she been tired of that life? In addition, the fight was just an excuse; a way to get out of something that she considered a duty rather than a vocation and she hadn't known how to tell Barbara that she didn't want to continue doing it?

"Oh God, Helena" she felt the tears run down her face silently, unrelentingly, torn between her desire to have Helena back in her life and at the same time her common sense demanding that she let her live the life she had chosen for herself with great success.

She didn't know what to do; she didn't know if she had the strength to call her without begging her to return. She wished, no, she needed desperately to have Helena in her life, but she knew that a sporadic telephone call or emails would not be enough and she had no right to ask her to return if it's not what she wanted.

She had to accept it, accept that Helena would not return, that the woman that she loved desperately would never be her lover, her love. Her Helena had left two years ago and just because now she knew where she was, it didn't change anything. She had left her and she had done it in permanently.

"_Hel, I love you, I love you so much that I have to let you go."_ She thought her eyes filled with tears. The decision was the simplest and at the same time the hardest, that she had ever taken in her life. Since Helena had left, she had never stopped missing her, needing her, realizing that Hel was everything to her, the air she breathed. When she was at her side, she had always known that eventually would be fine. The pain was too great she felt as if she were slowly dying and the worst part was that it didn't matter anymore.

At some point, the cold early morning air made her go back to her room. She felt torn and empty, she had made the right decision she kept repeating to herself. Why was it that something so logically right felt so damn wrong?

The next day Barbara left her room much later than usual, not at 9 a.m. as was her norm on Saturdays. She had slept little and badly and despite having taken the decision to let Helena continue with the new life she had made for herself and having convinced herself that it was the proper decision she couldn't help but feel desolate. When Dinah saw her, she knew that something was wrong but she wasn't sure if she should ask what was happening or leave Barbara alone until she felt it was the right time. Of one thing, she was certain; it had to do with Helena.

"Babs, I'm going out with Gabby." She told her smiling. "I've left the coffee ready.'

"Oh, thank you Di, have a good day and say hello to Gabby." She answered a bit distracted as she checked the newspaper.

"I'm sure Aiko left early she had soccer practice."

"Ok", she answered without looking up from the paper. She didn't notice Dinah's worried look, something was wrong she could feel it. Supposedly, Barbara should be ecstatic to know Hel's whereabouts and the possibility of getting in touch with her. For God's sake, they had to talk as right now! However, of course, that wasn't the case, she didn't know what was happening, but whatever it was that was going through Barbara's head was not what she was expecting. Not for a second, after a very long and exasperated stare that Barbara completely ignored, Dinah left muttering to herself, saying that she had never known anyone so stubborn and dumb as those two.

Barbara wasn't really hungry but she managed to eat a bagel with cream cheese and have some coffee even though usually she had tea most of the time, but in the mornings she had a cup of coffee to energize herself. She spent most of the morning working on an encryption program and checking that Delphi was up to date.

Nervously from time to time, she would glance at the sheet with Helena's information written in Dinah's distinctive hand. She tried not to think what those few lines meant. Finally after thinking it over for awhile, Barbara opened her email program then after entering Helena's email address she wrote a short and concise email, but full of meaning. Her hand shook for a moment over the discard icon; she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closed her eyes and hit the send icon.

When she opened her eyes, the monitor indicated 'message sent.' She continued staring at the monitor for what seemed like forever, until finally with a tormented sigh she closed the program. It was done. The only thing she could do…the right thing.

**TBC**

**Don't forget to review! :)**


	17. Chapter 15

**An:** Thanks for all your comments, it means a lot. This is unbetaed, sorry. I have been wondering whether my intention to make the characters more emotionally mature are being achieved, let me know. Thanks. V

****

Helena opened her email program two days after she had checked it last, what she least expected to find was a message from Barbara Gordon. It was to say the least a big surprise to find it there just waiting to be opened, however, what left her very stunned was what it said. She had prepared herself for an irate message and a demand that she return to New Gotham, however, what it said was anything but.

"What the hell?" Helena exclaimed getting up suddenly without taking her eyes off the monitor.

_Dear Helena, _

_I'm sure you're surprised to hear from me, but I just recently found out where you were and that you chose to follow your own way and that your new life is as fitting and equally successful. I am really pleased by your achievements and I am very proud of you and, what you have accomplished as a woman. I want you to know you will always have a friend in me and that you can count on me always. We are your family Helena and will always be received with open arms if you should one day decide to visit. I won't deny that your presence is has not been missed and I hope that from now on you won't be a stranger to us any longer. I am grateful for the painting, it is truly beautiful, your talent is impressive. Thank you for sharing it with me. _

_With all my love, Barbara_

Helena actually had to read the message several times before believing what it said. Not only had she not complained or had harsh words to say, on the contrary, Barbara congratulated her for doing so well and was happy that her new life was successful. Helena stared at the words in front of her. To say she had been surprised was not the word, she was stunned, and that woman that wrote her couldn't be her Barbara. Where was the woman that always put responsibilities first?

Unable to understand and assimilate the message, Helena stood and headed for the roof to try to put her thoughts in order. She sat on the edge of the building and looked at the moon that shone incandescent in the night sky.

Dinah's letter had been very brief, just a few lines asking Helena to reconsider her attitude towards Barbara, telling her not to let her pride ruin what they had shared for so long. _She hasn't been herself since you left Hel. Barbara misses you, she needs to know that you are fine, to hear from you, you have to call her Helena, please, I beg of you. Barbara needs you._

The letter from Dinah had caused her to send the portrait to Barbara as a peace offering to mend old wounds. The email from the redhead now made her think that perhaps after all, if not return to New Gotham, at least is able to maintain a friendly and civilized relationship with Barbara. However, Helena wasn't sure that she would be able to maintain her distance if she allowed herself to renew the connection. Helena had managed to survive far from her at the cost of remaining ignorant of anything having to do with Barbara, even if it meant cutting all ties with Dinah. Although now, that was no longer possible not without hurting the girl and Barbara again. Helena knew that eventually she would have to see her again, that at some point she would need the courage to speak with her. She knew it was something she had to do; she had no doubt about it. What she didn't know was when she would have the nerve to do it.

Her mind was in total chaos, another part of her was happy over Barbara's words and another part was completely confused by them. Barbara had always been very jealous of her work as a vigilante for New Gotham, the responsibility was above all else, before even your own personal life, before any emotional turmoil's. Had her life with Wade changed her so much that now she was able to accept that there was more to life than being a vigilante? Just the idea caused her a profound sadness, just thinking that it had been Wade and not she that had helped her to understand that there was a balance between their daily lives and life as a vigilante that could be reached to be happy. That to focus all your energies on being a vigilante was not healthy for the emotional and physical state of mind.

She had loved Barbara Gordon all her life, Oracle, Batgirl, everything she was even her dry sense of humor, her odd habits and eccentricities, there was nothing about Barbara that she didn't love, her defects her virtues. Always waiting, wishing that she would open her eyes and see what was in front of her. Nevertheless, not only had she never seen it, but also that she found it with someone other than her. That hurt so much, it was crucifying to love her the way she did, in a way that was so total and absolute that didn't permit anyone else into her heart. She would be lying to herself that she hadn't looked elsewhere, she had, and her last attempt had ended in a friendly manner. Neither one of them had been able to go beyond physical satisfaction, something temporary because at the end of it all, the heart and the soul wanted someone else. In addition, deep inside you knew that you would always feel incomplete without the other half of your soul. However, to know who the love of our life is, the only love possible didn't necessarily mean it was meant for you.

Perhaps that's how her own mother had felt when she fell in love with Bruce Wayne, alias Batman, to know that he was the only man that she would ever love but at the same time one that she knew, she could not have completely. The irony was that her mother knew Bruce felt the same way about her and she knew that he would never look for anyone else. However, she was not only totally in love of an impossible, but also that person didn't know that she loved her, but that she had married someone else and from what she understood was very happy with that person.

So much so that the woman you thought you knew like the palm of your hand felt in just a few words like a total stranger. _Between the two of us who had changed the most Red? _She asked herself and she wasn't sure she knew the answer, perhaps because inside herself she knew there wasn't one. She didn't realize that in the time they were apart, she had matured and Barbara had decided to stop hiding from her feelings even if only for herself and was that knowledge that dictated her words. Regrettably thousands of miles separated them and neither one of them looked as if they had the courage to find out the truth behind her actions.

Much calmer, Helena went down to her studio to paint, in the frame of mind she was in, surely something would come out on the canvas. She wasn't sure if she would respond to Barbara's email she still felt a bit disconcerted and would prefer to let a few days go by to think; perhaps in painting she would find the words to do so.

****

A couple of days later Dinah called, she had been watching TV tranquilly when the phone rang.

"Kyle." She answered tersely, not even bothering to look at the ID, there were very few people that called her.

"Hey Hel, how are you?" Dinah greeted her cheerfully.

"Hey D," Helena greeted her with a smile in her voice "I'm good, just relaxing a bit with a little TV. What's up? She asked with ease, as she got comfortable once again.

"Oh, you know the same as always, lot's of studying, essays and stuff, but otherwise great. Soon we'll be doing mid-terms so I've been trying to keep up so I don't get all hysterical. In addition, Babs has even given me time off from sweeps until I pass them. Of course the weekends are an exception." She told her.

"Wow, that's great kid, but it's not surprise, right?" Helena felt her heart jumping when she heard Dinah mentioning the object of her thoughts. "After all, if someone understands the academic world it's her. Her students must be crazy right now, her exams are legendary." She said lightly.

"Hmm…" Dinah paused "Hel, Barbara isn't teaching anymore at New Gotham High". She made clear.

"What do you mean?" She sat up rapidly and stood, not able to sit still. This certainly was a surprise. "But Barbara loves teaching. Is Wade the one that doesn't want her working?" She asked incredulously, So much of an influence had Wade on her that she had ceased to teach. She felt a blind fury growing inside, _how could she…!_

Dinah blew out a breath and looked out the window, wondering what she could and could not say about Barbara. Finally she figured that Helena was the one talking about Barbara as if nothing, so things appeared to be fine, in some way, and if neither Babs or Helena were capable of taking the first step, someone had to do push them in the right direction, and that someone was her. She wanted to see her family happy and together again, she was fed up with their stubbornness, they behaved like two small children throwing tantrums.

"Well Hel, hmm, Barbara never married Wade." She said hurriedly and held her breath waiting for Helena's reaction. However, it never happened. "Hel? Helena?" The only thing she heard was a small thud…and the crash of the phone, which made her, pull the handset away from her ear.

"What? What did you say?" Helena babbled shakily when she finally managed to get back on the phone. "Dinah?" She begged in a shaky voice. "What did you just say?"

"Barbara never married Wade, Hel." She finally confessed the truth. "Actually she broke off the engagement the week after you left." Dinah explained slowly, almost as if sensing that Helena's brain was short-circuiting at the news, one that from all appearances she hadn't expected.

"But, but how? Barbara was in love with him, why did she do it?" Hel exclaimed in dismay. It couldn't be!

"Hel, I don't know what her reasons were." Dinah lied, it wasn't up to her to tell her the real reason why Barbara had done what she had done after Helena had left, that she had found out the truth in her heart. "She never talked about them, the only thing that I know for sure because I was there, is that Barbara was never the same person after you left Hel." And she added with a sigh. "God if you had only seen her, she was torn apart, she spent nights without sleeping, looking for any sign of you, she was desperate. I had never seen her so sad Hel." She said trying to make Helena read between the lines for what she was not saying. "Something had died in her when you left. When the weeks turned into months Barbara lost hope that you would return. She waited until the end of the year before she finally resigned, and she went to work in Wayne Corp, in the experimental technology labs. That's where she's been since Hel." She finished.

Helena was having a hard time assimilating what Dinah was saying, Barbara had not married Wade. Barbara had been sad because of her departure. Barbara wasn't teaching English anymore…it just didn't make sense. "How did she react to my gift and the news that you knew where I was?" She wanted to know.

"Oh, I'm glad you brought that up." Dinah leaned against the window. "At first when she saw the portrait and found out it was yours and that I knew where you were she broke down. She started to cry, a mix of relief and happiness at finally knowing." Her tone became sad. "Then she accused me of lying, I tried to clear that up, because truthfully I didn't know where you were. I don't know if she believed me or not, I want to believe that she did, but what I didn't understand is why I waited two months to tell her."

"What did you tell her?" She asked curiously and a bit worried as she played with the auricular.

"Well I used the excuse that you thought she was upset at you." Dinah explained easily. "And well that you weren't sure what to do. I couldn't tell her that you forbade me to talk about her and she doesn't know the reason for why you asked me not to. But Hel, I needed you to know, however, I didn't know how to tell you, so I just told you what you needed to know for you to make that decision."

"You didn't tell me the important part Dinah." She grumbled. "And knowing that Barbara had not married Wade was vital! That was the main reason why I left and you know it!" She exclaimed angrily.

"Hel, if I didn't tell you it was because you didn't want to accept Barbara into your life even before anything else, before forgiving her for whatever it was that you fought over." She tried to reason with her "she never told me, I knew the reason why you decided to leave, but not what triggered it." She added.

"But you haven't told me how she reacted." She didn't mention the email from Barbara, it wasn't important just then.

"Like I said," she rushed to clarify things, "Once I made it clear that I hadn't known where you were, she seemed to calm down, surprised yes, very much, and especially after I told her that you got a degree and everything that you do. She listened to me without saying much; I think she was dumbfounded over it all. When I was done, she only stared at me, I don't exactly recall what she said, but she seemed to be calm, so calm it scared me a bit. I thought that she would jump on the first plane to San Francisco to go and see you or something, or call I don't know, but she didn't do anything. I gave her your information. I don't know if she's tried to contact you." She added.

"She wrote me an email; she congratulated me on my new life and thanked me for the portrait. She said that I was always welcome in New Gotham if I ever wanted to visit, but that was it." She recounted sounding flabbergasted. "I couldn't believe it; I thought she was going to demand that I come back and not what she actually said."

Dinah smiled to herself, how typical of Barbara, putting everyone else's happiness ahead of her own, without realizing that happiness for Helena was Barbara herself.

"I told you she had changed a lot after you left Hel." Dinah defended her. "Oh she's still addicted to work, but she's changed so much Hel, she's more serious and somber that she already was. I know it must seem strange, she doesn't say, but I know I see it in her gaze; she spends a lot of time on the balcony, as if she was expecting you at any moment. Many times I've surprised her staring at that gargoyle you loved so much." She mentioned carelessly but wanting to make sure that Helena understands, how much Barbara needed her in her life.

"Oh, I see." She said suspiciously, still unsure about what Barbara had written, it felt bizarre some how.

"Hel, really, you both need to talk." Dinah pointed out trying to pressure her. "Barbara deserves to know the truth of why you left. I know the idea scares you, that you might lose her if you confess the truth, but Helena…" She explained vehemenant. "What have you got to lose? Barbara? For God's sake, Hel you live on the other side of the country, you have a good life that you made for yourself. What else do you have to lose? These last two years you've lived with the idea that she married Wade and you made the effort to try to forget her, but let me ask you, did you?"

The silence was her response; she knew Helena was still at the other end because she could tell her breathing was slightly agitated. It was obvious that she was shocked by the news that Barbara had never married.

"Helena," she begged, "Talk to her. In one way or another both of you will feel better. I think you need to close that door in your heart, for good or bad and that will never happen if you don't tell Barbara your true feelings. In addition, she will never understand why you left and she'll always believe that it was all her fault, that she forced you into a life you didn't want and that makes her feel bad.

"She never forced me to do anything I didn't want to do, fuck, no one can do that, not even Barbara, and I worship the ground she walks on!" She exclaimed indignantly.

"You know that Hel, but not Barbara. Just knowing that your life is totally opposite from what you had in New Gotham. It's been a total shock for her. What do you expect her to think? She thinks that you are happy because she's not in your life. I know in a way you are happy, but deep down you know the truth. Am I right Hel?" She asked compassionately.

"I don't know what to do D, I love her, yes, I'll never stop loving her, its useless trying to forget her, but I'm scared. I'm scared of seeing her again, at least living here, I could pretend that she was happy and now that she knows I'm fine and she doesn't hate me, I can still pretend. However, I wouldn't be able to stand to lose her definitely, if she knew how I felt. Oh, I know she wouldn't reject me or anything like that, she's very sweet and compassionate, but I don't think I could stand for her to see me with a that mix of pity and compassion because she didn't feel the same way as I do. That would definitely kill me D; in this way I…I can dream." She stated dejectedly

"Oh, Hel, I don't know what to tell you, but I never thought of you as a coward. I knew you left because the idea of hurting Barbara was too much for you and your love for her was too much for you to be able to handle the idea of hurting her with indifference, which would only be a form of protecting yourself from the pain. However Hel, there is a saying, it is better to die standing than living on your knees. Barbara needs to know the truth and you need to tell her."

"I don't know D, I just don't know." She blew out impatiently.

"Think about it Hel, that's all I ask." She begged in understanding.

"I will." She sighed.

"Are you planning on traveling soon?" She changed to topic to calm Helena. She knew it wouldn't be wise to keep pushing Helena on the matter.

"Nah, I've been out a lot lately, I'm going to spend some time around here, paint, you know." She discarded the idea.

"Great Hel, maybe I can go up to see you at the end of the semester." Dinah said enthusiastically.

"I would love that D, this is your home." She offered gladly.

"Thanks Hel, take care of yourself please and think about what I said." Dinah insisted.

"Yes, D, I will. Take care of yourself too, say hi to Gabby." She said without making any promises.

"Of course, I love you Hel." She said goodbye.

"Me too Blondie, until next time." She responded with a small sigh.

Dinah had just finished hanging up the phone when someone knocked on her slightly open door, and walked in before Dinah even had a chance to say come-in.

"Oh, hi Barbara, I didn't hear you!" Dinah felt herself redden; looking at the phone, she had in her hand nervously.

"Dinah, am I interrupting something?" Barbara asked with an apologetic smile.

"No, no, nothing. I was studying." She waved at her desk covered in books." She blushed all the way to her roots and hoped Barbara would not notice. _Yeah Right._

"Oh fine, I came to tell you that I'm going out of town for a few days, there's a nano technology conference in Washington and Ashley and I are planning to attend. It would only be for three days and I've already spoken with Dick, he'll come to help and cover during my absence.

"There's no problem, with everything I have to study, I'll take over Delphi, you've taught me so much Babs." She smiled timidly.

"Perfect, I'll take my cell for whatever reason and as soon as I'm settled in Washington I'll let you know where I am. Ashley has all the details.

"Of course, Babs."

"Fine, I'll let you get back to your studies, I'm going to go pack." She smiled neutrally and left. Dinah was left wondering if Barbara had perhaps heard her speaking to Helena. _Well if she did, she didn't show any signs of it, but then again its Barbara, so who knows. _She shrugged her shoulders, after all if she had heard it would give her something to think.

Barbara had been rather weird over the past three days, she had attributed the cause to finding out where Helena was, but she wasn't at all sure. _C'est la vie, _she thought with an enigmatic smile on her face.

**Don't forget to review :) **


	18. Chapter 16

AN: Ok, sorry guys for the late update but I did an exact Elliot Stabler last week SVU episode fall (for those who watch that show) but in my garden when I was collecting oranges 2 weeks ago, my left forearm suffered from bone bruising and it was swollen aside other things, and it was impossible for me to spend long hours typing, and doing it with one hand and one finger was a nightmare, I did try. However, everything is all right now thank God.

Thanks for your reviews and special thanks for adding this story to you favorites. When I first began to write this story I never thought to where it has. This is now an epic fic, more than 220 pages (yes I know, it still isn't finished being translated).

Thank you again for your support.

V

*****

Barbara closed the door of Dinah's room and went directly to her own, where the first thing she did was turn on her personal laptop. She had her own T1 internet connection independent of the three G3 lines that were used for Delphi, this was for her personal use or the girls, that way she assured herself that the bandwidth was always free for the fight against crime.

Once the session was initialized, she checked the airlines for the first flight out to San Francisco, what she had heard before announcing her presence was spinning around in her head…_Barbara needs to hear the truth and you need to tell her._ What truth was Dinah talking about? It was obvious that there was more to Helena's sudden departure and that the young blonde knew what that reason was. She knew it would be useless to try to trick Dinah to tell her, if her deductions were correct she had known all along, and if that was the case, it was obvious that Helena had asked her to keep the secret. In which case she understood Dinah's silence, she was keeping a promise to Helena, but why Helena would be reluctant to tell her, and the most important thing was what truth?, which only left her one option: go to in search of the truth. She was tired of living without Helena, it was as if she was dying slowly each day with Helena's absence and she could take it any longer. Whatever the truth was she would rather know now, dealing with the consequences later and know where she stood.

There is a saying that if the mountain does not come to Mohammad, Mohammad would go to the mountain, therefore, that's what she intended to do. If Helena wasn't willing to contact her, whatever the reason was, then she would make her tell her. Either for good or bad, the silence had gone beyond tolerable limits. They had promised each other after Helena had found out that she had kept hidden from her the suspicions they had about Clayface as the possible assassin of her mother, that they would not keep any secrets from each other, their relationship was just too important to tainted it with secrets and half-truths.

Which lead her to ask the obvious, what did Helena find so terrible that she didn't dare to tell her the truth?

Once she had reserved a flight for tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. and made a reservation at a hotel close to where Helena lived, Barbara called Ashley. Explain Ashley what she was about to do was going to be complicated, after all she wasn't used to explaining her actions, much less asking for personal favors, but she had no other choice if she wanted to keep secret the truth reason of her trip.

"In other words Barbara, if I understand you correctly, you are paying for flight and hotel for me and Liz to spend a few days in DC, and if anyone should ask me, we are there for a nano tech conference?" She sounded very disconcerted. In the time they had known Barbara Gordon, she had never asked anything as odd as this.

"Yes Ashley, please, it's important that no one knows were I am really going." She confided.

"And where are you going?" She asked. "I understand that you don't want the rest to know Barbara, but at least tell me, that way I'll know where you are in case something happens."

"San Francisco" tersely.

"San Francisco" Ashley repeated. "What business do you have in San Francisco Gordon?"

"Helena." She responded without elaboration.

"Oh." Was her response, one day when Barbara was overly depressed had confided her feelings for the young woman and how much she was suffering by her absence, she didn't have to know more. The most surprising what that the redhead had even confided in her, she was always so distant, so involved in herself. Nevertheless, she had learned that Barbara just didn't have time to feel, actually, she didn't want to, her friendship and trust were based on what both of them had achieved in their investigation of the procedure they had created, that confidence that lets you know that your career depends on the confidence of the other. "Is that where she's been all this time?"

"Yes, Dinah ran into her just by chance. I have to go and talk with her Ash, I have to…I need to talk to her."

"Yes, yes Babs, I understand, go a head, I'll tell Liz of our new plans, and I'm assuming you will take care of the authorizations at WC?"

"Exactly, I'll send all the info to your email first thing in the morning. Ash, thanks a mill."

"No need my friend, that's why we're here. Good luck and whatever comes out of it, don't come back without telling her how you feel Barbara. It doesn't matter what she says or feels. You must tell her the truth."

"I will Ashley, the truth is it's the only thing that I have now." She sighed.

"Well take care and if you need anything don't hesitate to call me."

"Ok, I'll see you in a few days Ash."

"Bye."

The last call was to Dick, with him she needed to give no explanations, she asked him to cover for her in New Gotham for a few days while she attended a conference in DC. Dick accepted gladly and told her not to worry; he would be arriving in at NG in the evening.

Once the arrangements were made for her absence and her fictitious trip, Barbara prepared a suitcase with the basics she didn't need much really. She didn't know how long she would be there but she didn't think that it would be more than a couple of days. She would take her motorized chair but would try to walk as much as possible depending on the accessibility of the city.

Feeling anxious and peaceful at the same time, Barbara lay down and slept without restless dreams for the first time in two years. Just knowing that in less than 24 hours, she would be in facing Helena was the reason for her peace of mind. It was illogical, Barbara should be feeling totally the opposite, however, ironically knowing it made her feel thrilled.

*****

Barbara never married Wade

_Barbara never married Wade._

_Barbara never married Wade._

Dinah's voice saying those words kept repeating themselves over and over again in her ears like a sound of a bell going off. They didn't make any fucking sense, Barbara had seemed determined to marry him. Helena knew she loved him enough to be able to take that step. Dammit, she trusted him enough to tell him the truth about the "Muffin top business". _Then why?_ She asked herself in disbelief _Why_?

Helena was completely stunned, more than that shocked, dumbfounded and anything else that could be used to describe it. One part of her was happy for the truth, knowing that Barbara hadn't married the stupid Wade Brixton was so fucking good. That had been the best news that she had heard in years. However, damn if it made any sense.

It didn't make sense either that Barbara would have quit teaching, a job that Barbara had held since graduating from the University, one that she knew she adored. What would have driven Red to make such a drastic decision? Not even after Barbara had been left paraplegic, had she given up teaching had been an option for her. Even if it had taken, her months to recover physically and mentally she had returned. Barbara had done it with renewed energy determined not to let her handicap bring her down. Not only had Barbara found the way to return and do an excellent job but she had also found a way to continue being a vigilante for New Gotham even if it was only in the trenches.

Unable to remain inactive or alone with her chaotic thoughts, Helena called Leah and asked if she could go to her house. She needed to talk to someone. Leah immediately agreed she must have heard something in her voice that alerted her to something was going on with her friend. Leah told her she would be waiting for her and hung up. As she waited for Helena to arrive, Leah opened a bottle of wine and prepared some snacks. Helena always seemed to be hungry and she never denied a good snack.

As soon as Leah saw Helena's tormented face she knew something had happened, the young woman looked pale and on edge. Ever since they had met over a year ago, had she ever seen her like this? Helena looked preoccupied, anxious, and distressed, as if she had received bad news.

"Helena, come in, come in. You look awful. What's going on? "She asked in concern.

Helena laughed bitterly, awful did not describe what she felt and Leah must have noticed her expression by the way her eyebrows rose in question.

"Do you want something to drink? I have an Italian wine open."

"Vodka, do you have vodka, I need something stronger than wine." She said in a tired voice.

"Of course, come in, sit down." She said worriedly.

Helena knew well her friend's condo, so she headed directly to the living room, threw herself on the sofa and curled up, her head buried in her hands. When Leah saw her this way she got even more worried. What could have happened? It had been only five hours ago that she had dropped her off at her house after lunch.

"Here, I put ice in it. It's Grey Goose is that ok?" she gave her a tumbler with the clear drink.

"Great, thanks Leah." She smiled appreciatively, swallowing her drink all at once, taking the writer by complete surprise and asking for another.

"For heaven's sake Helena, tell me what's going on you're scaring me" Leah begged sitting down next to her and taking her hand after she poured another drink.

"Well I'm just as frightened Leah." She picked up her head for just a second and Leah gasped at the anguish that showed in her eyes. "I…fuck, Barbara…she…"

"Did something happen to Barbara?" Leah asked. She knew everything about the redhead. During the last two months spent up at her cabin in Colorado after their failed attempt at being something other than friends, they had both confessed their secret loves to each other.

Leah had told her about Shane McKenna, her old girlfriend from the university who had left her to marry a man due to pressure from her family. Shane was from a powerful Bostonian family with a lot of money and had great expectations for her, none of which included a lesbian only daughter.

Leah had never heard from her again, she had tried to contact Shane but she had never been able too. Her calls were always intercepted and it was only until Shane herself had answered and had asked her not to call again and told her that what they had, had only been an experiment and she was sorry, but that she was not like that. Since that day, she had not heard from her again but she had never been able to forget her either. How can you forget someone that was a part of your soul?

Leah understood Helena very well.

"No, no." Helena rushed to deny. "Thank goodness she's fine."

"Then…" she didn't understand Helena's behavior.

"It's complicated; I don't know what to feel Leah. I talked to Dinah a little while ago and she told me that…" She ruffled her bangs impatiently. "Barbara never got married to Wade."

"Nev…" She opened her eyes wide. "Oh Helena, what are you going to do? Are you going to go back?" She asked.

"I don't know, damn if I know anything. I'm too upset, I don't know what to feel Leah, she was…I don't know why she didn't get married, it doesn't make sense Leah." She said in distress.

Leah looked at her friend not knowing what to say for the moment.

"When did this happen?" That was important, after Helena had told her about her relationship with Barbara she had always thought that the redhead had felt something for Helena, but either she didn't know or she didn't want to accept it. If anyone knew about denial, it was she.

"Shortly after I left, Dinah says that a week after I disappeared from New Gotham, Barbara broke her engagement. Why would she do that Leah? It makes no sense!" She starred at Leah with a lost expression on her face, as if her friend might have the answers that she couldn't understand.

For Leah it all made perfect sense, but she wasn't quite sure how to tell Helena that without freaking her out.

"Perhaps she was too worried about you to concentrate on marrying him, don't you think?" she offered with a shrug.

"I don't know Barbara and I had a horrible fight the last time, because of him." Not clearing up that even though the fight had centered around Wade it wasn't because of him per se, but how he had affected them.

"Helena perhaps Barbara felt guilty, or maybe so worried about your whereabouts and that was her priority not him."

"But she could have postponed the wedding, why didn't she get married?" She looked at her questioningly as if Leah had an answer for her.

"That is something only Barbara can answer Helena." She smiled. "Perhaps it's time for you to return and ask her yourself what her reasons were."

Helena raised her eyes and looked as if she were about to panic.

"No, I don't know if I can Leah, I don't know if I can see her again. It has taken me two years to learn to live without her. If I do see her once more I don't think I could ever leave her again. I don't want to go through that again." She said in agony. "If it isn't Wade, it'll be someone else and I couldn't stand it. Not anymore."

"Helena, how are you going to know if you don't talk to her?" Leah tried to reason with her.

"Dammit Leah, I have known Barbara for 17 years! I know how she thinks, how she feels. Oh, she loves me…" She said sarcastically. "But she's not in love with me. I'm just the misbehaved kid sister to her, the one that was always in some kind of trouble, an irresponsible chick, nothing else."

"Tell me that's not what you think of yourself?" She huffed in surprise. Helena had never spoken of herself in that manner before, full of despair and shame. "In all of this time that I've known you I would never had imagined you as that person you paint so colorfully."

"Oh for fuck's sake Leah, you've only known me for about two years, how would you know?" she growled.

"Because I don't need 17 years to know it" Leah didn't take it personal Helena's outburst "Helena all of us have a bit of wild side in us when we are young, it's the law of life." When the young woman opened her mouth to protest Leah put up a hand. "Ok, not everyone, but Helena, we weren't born as mature adults. We have to learn from our errors, it's the only way and if you for a time had a wild streak just to call it something, does not mean that you have been all your life. Look at you now, not only you are a successful painter, but also are leading a healthy and upstanding lifestyle."

"But she never saw me like that Leah; I was always like a thorn in her side." She whispered "someone too immature for her, to young and untamable."

"Helena, what is it that really frightens you?" She looked into her eyes as she prepared another drink. "Don't tell me it's the idea that she might have another boyfriend? That's bullshit. She doesn't know this Helena."

"And I'm not sure I want her to know about it Leah. This life that I have now is…" She hesitated for a moment trying to find the right words to explain. "It's a life that I made when I lose her."

"Helena I remind you that you haven't lost her, you yourself have told me so, and Barbara didn't even marry him."

"Ok, she didn't get married; the reason why I left remains the same. It hurt; it hurts too much to live by her side that way." She took a At first, it was tolerable. Bearable?, it was a blessing just to be near her every day, but as time passed that turned into a cross to bear. Having to control my emotions, the looks, every gesture, having to watch every word I said for fear that she would discover the truth about my feelings and lose her forever. I couldn't be able to stand the idea of seeing her look of pity and compassion for not feeling the same way as I do." She declared in defeat.

"Helena, forgive me for saying so, but from what you have told me, Barbara was alone for a long time before Wade showed up in her life. Don't you think that if you had let her read between the lines, that maybe, just maybe something else might have happened between you two?"

"Yes, she would have told me that she regretted that I felt that way and that feasibly I was just confusing my feelings for her for something more like hero-worship for someone I admire."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" She asked incredulously. "You have been passing the time trying to justify each one of her **possible** answers as if Barbara wasn't able to make a decision on her own." She blew out in exasperation. "You said that she only sees you as a spoiled brat. Helena…" She raised her voice. "How do you expect her to see you any other way if you always acted that way? How could you believe that she could see something more than her protégé or take your feelings seriously, if you spend all of your time boasting about all your conquests? She pointed out, "And don't forget that you flirted at everything that breathed. I doubt she ever suspected. It was easier to disregard that notion with you behaving so ridiculously all the time. I wouldn't take you seriously either," she added with a shrug.

Helena opened and closed her mouth in surprise, not able to refute what Leah had just said, she had told her about her life in New Gotham, and about her conquests notwithstanding she was hopelessly in love with her former guardian -even though only for two years- but former guardian after all. She had spent so much time pretending that she didn't love her, making her believe that she was some kind of female Casanova that she had never looked at it from that perspective.

"I never looked at it that way before, I only wanted to forget, forget that I loved her. I kept looking for a substitute in all those women, someone that could help me forget her." She said defeated.

"Dear Helena," she admonished tenderly. "From what you have told me, you never spent more than one night with them. You were never going to get to know anyone enough to rival her in that manner. If she's as wonderful as you claim she is, one night of meaningless sex was not going to accomplish that."

Helena fell to her knees once again, hiding her face between her hands. She had been so fucking stupid. How did she think to win Barbara's love if she had never really tried? So sure was she that she didn't deserve her love or that she would never see her as a woman, that she had given Barbara all the wrong signals. All that time wishing that Barbara would realize that she was in love with her and it was her that prevented it from happening.

"Of, fuck, I've been such a stupid ass, haven't I?"

"Well Helena, I don't think I have to tell you, you've said it yourself."

"Oh fuck!" she swore.

"Helena, I'm not going to tell you what do, you have to decide that for yourself, but think about what I've said. If you really love Barbara as you've said you do, you have to let her know. If you insist on hiding it, how in the hell is she going to find out? How do you expect her to know and tell you based on what's happened if she loves you or not? Once you've confessed Barbara that you love her and she still can't reciprocate your feelings that will be something else. But if you never give her the opportunity to know what you feel for her, Barbara won't be able to decide if she want a romantic relationship with you or not."

"I'm scared Leah, scared that she'll reject me, I know that's the cowardly way out, but I had hoped that she would feel the same. This way I can dream that someday Barbara would feel the same about me, but if she rejects me now once she knows how I feel I wouldn't be able to live with it."

"Helena you yourself have said it, if…that's the operative word, if. Who can tell you if she will or not. If you don't take the first step you will never know if she does nor not. Moreover, that my friend is worse than losing her when you could have everything. What ifs don't exist Helena? Would you prefer to live the rest of your life with that niggling doubt? Asking yourself all the time what might have happened if you had… had the courage to show her how you feel and how much you wanted to make her happy? You have that opportunity now Helena, she didn't marry him, she's still single. Give yourself the chance, but more than anything else, give Barbara the chance to find out what you feel. If even then she doesn't feel the same, she'll be the one who lose Helena. You are so damn special."

"You are the one that's special Leah, if I didn't love Barbara I think I could fall in love with you. Shane was a stupid fool."

Leah smiled bitterly. "I know Hel, the problem that knowing it doesn't help me very much. I still love her and know that I will all my life, I'm a one love kind of woman. I knew she was the woman for me from the first moment I saw her."

"Have you tried contacting her again?" Helena asked compassionately. "Perhaps she's realized her error and is only scared to contact you after the way she treated you."

"No, just like you I couldn't go through the same thing again if she rejected me for a second time. Her words still hurt Helena, even though a part of me knows that she said it to push me away from her for my own good, she still said them and I can't forgive her."

"But you still love her Leah." Helena insisted.

"Yes, but if there were any possibility for us even after all this time, it would have to be Shane that searches me out, I couldn't do it. It's been five years and surely she has a husband that loves her and 2.5 kids and a house in the suburbs." She twisted her lips in a sad gesture.

"Oh Leah." Helena hugged her.

"It doesn't matter anymore Helena, I know I will never love anyone the way I love her, but I hope to find someone that can help me live without her. Although to be quite honest," she sighed, "I don't think I can, it wouldn't be right." She smiled and Helena nodded in acknowledgment. They had both tried knowing that they were in love with someone else and it simply had not worked out.

"Well, what do you say to some pizza and a movie? It's still early. Do you have any plans?" Helena arched an eyebrow mischievously.

"Nope"

"Great, the truth is I don't want to be home alone. I tend to spend too much time thinking when I'm alone."

"Don't do it Helena, there isn't any point, yes think about what you are going to do but don't question yourself about the questions and especially don't imagine scenarios that might never come to pass."

Helena agreed and got to her feet.

"Ok, order the pizza and I'll go check to see what's available to watch." She smiled.

Helena stayed with Leah a good while, after they ate pizza and watched a comedy that was her friend's favorite, the young woman said goodnight. Leah reminded her to think about what they had discussed.

"Remember Helena, there is no point in rehashing everything, you have to return to New Gotham but if you don't want to do it now then don't, just do it when you're ready, ok?"

"Thanks Leah, it helped a lot speaking with you." She hugged her.

"That's want friends are for Hel. Take care and I'll see you tomorrow at the usual time."

"Of course, see you tomorrow Leah, rest well." She kissed her lightly on the lips. Leah smiled and watched her go before closing the door. Talking to Helena had brought back memories that she would have preferred to forget. She sighed and shook her head; there was no point in crying over spilled milk. Things happened for a reason and there was no understanding it.

Helena returned to her house emotionally exhausted and drained. Once she took a relaxing bath, she lay down and much like Scarlett O'Hara sighed and told herself tomorrow would be another day. Helena opened her eyes in surprise when she realized what she had just thought and groaned. "Now I'm quoting Scarlett O'Hara! That's what happens when you spend all your time with a lesbian romance writer. Kyle you are getting soft." She told herself with a smile.

The last thing she remembered before falling into an untroubled sleep was a pair of green eyes smiling at her.

Barbara.

*****


	19. Chapter 17

**AN: Sorry for the delay but last week was a little bit hectic and my internet connection was throwing tantrums. Thanks for reading and all your reviews, really guys, thanks.**

**V**

**Disclaimers see chapter 1**

*********

The next day Barbara left after Aiko and Dinah departed from the Clock tower, she said goodbye to both of them, reminding them to be careful and if they needed anything not to hesitate to call her cell. Alfred offered to take her to the airport, but she preferred to take a taxi, not wanting anyone to find out her true destination. Since she really didn't have any baggage aside her carry on and backpack, the only thing she had to check in was her chair. The airline would provide her with a temporary chair from check in to the gate. At exactly 10 a.m., she was on board the plane that would take her to Helena and hopefully, her destiny.

A sensation of anticipation and fear overtook her. What would Helena say when she saw her? Would she slam the door in her face? Would she want to talk to her? _God, Barbara stop thinking the worst, everything will work out. There is a hidden truth between us both and it's time that it comes to light_. She knew her truth, but what was Helena's?

She took a couple of books in her backpack aside from her laptop, but she chosen to read a little bit before turning on her laptop. Taking into account that the trip was more than 7 hours and there wasn't much traffic at the San Francisco Airport. However, when she reread for the umpteenth time the same page without any idea what she had read she gave it up. She was too nervous to concentrate on the text; her mind would not stop spinning. Dinah's words had her imagining all kinds of scenarios, some of them quite dreadful.

Without removing her eyes from the window, her gaze got lost in the skies that surrounded them, Barbara Gordon AKA Oracle, former Batgirl felt anything but self-assured and in control of her emotions. One of the reasons why she had never succumbed to those mundane emotions like love was because she detested losing control of herself. She had based all her life on this, self-control. During the first few years of her life, growing up with an alcoholic and abusive father had not permitted her at that young age to give herself the luxury of losing control of her emotions. She had painfully learned by her father's hand that crying was not permitted and that to allow oneself to really feel only caused problems and pain.

When her father and her mother died in a car accident young Barbara was sent to live with her dad's brother Jim Gordon and his wife Barbara. At the age of 10 years old, it was when she learned what is was like to really live in a home full of love, tenderness, and respect for each other. However all the hard lessons learned at the hands of her biological parents were ingrained in her mind and the fact that Jim was the Police Commissioner of Gotham City exposed Barbara to another kind of stress that surprisingly soon drew her in.

Barbara had only been sixteen when her admiration for Batman led her to assist a Costume Ball dressed as Batgirl, which caught Bruce Wayne's attention right away, not exactly the best way to do it. Without being set to, she prevented Bruce Wayne's kidnapping, after the thrill and adrenaline rush she got from doing it and wishing to do more to help her adoptive father, she searched out Batman to ask him to train her as a vigilante of Gotham City. Barbara's skills as a gymnast went a long way in convincing Batman to train her despite his reservations. If it hadn't been for Dick's help, who was also known as Robin back in the day, to train Barbara daily perhaps she would have never managed to get Batman to take her seriously. Soon the need to keep control over her emotions was no longer an option but a need to survive. The things she saw and confronted in a daily basis were not a game; any distraction would have a price tag on her life.

Having to balance her life as Barbara Gordon and her life as Batgirl took its toll, and the reserved and intellectual teen soon became the perfectionist and athletic young woman everyone knew back then. Her eidetic memory and high IQ had no doubt helped to make her life as Barbara Gordon much easier. At least, she didn't have to deal with daily problems as having to study hard in order to pass her classes and get the titles that she held. In truth, her genius permitted her to use her studies as an excuse to justify her lack of social life. It wasn't until she met Selina Kyle and her daughter Helena, that she began to live a life style more in accordance to her age. The curiosity that Selena Kyle and her daughter Helena woke in her was definitely the reason behind it, was it perhaps the need to belong to something? That familiarity that she felt almost from the first moment was something that without a doubt dictated the downfall of the relationship and future with that singular duo.

That Selina would ask Barbara to watch her daughter on occasion at first, took her by surprise, the first time that she saw her picking up Helena after gym classes, she only needed a couple of seconds to recognize her. Selina Kyle was none other than Catwoman. She had confronted her on too many occasions not to recognize her eyes as soon as she saw them. Selina smiled at her enigmatically and turned around with open arms to her daughter who in turn ran straight into her mother's arms. Selina couldn't go everyday for her because of work. When she couldn't she would send her assistant, who would take her to the gallery to wait for her mother.

When Barbara returned to the cave, the first thing she had done was run a report on Selina Kyle, trying to find out her business associates and put her in jail once and for all. However at the moment that Bruce saw what she was doing he asked why.

Barbara did not waste any time in telling him what had happened that afternoon at the gym at the artistic gym class. She told him with detail what she had seen and that Selina Kyle was in New Gotham with her daughter. Barbara had never seen Bruce lose control of his emotions, but for ten long seconds she saw her mentors mask slip. Bruce Wayne paled and when he heard 'daughter' he drew back as if he had been slapped.

_Bruce noticed Barbara almost as if she had suddenly grown horns and a tail. He blinked several times and tried to say something, finally in a roughened voice as if he were having a hard time speaking._

"_How old is her daughter?" He crossed his arms and looked inscrutable as always._

"_Helena is a hell cat." Barbara said adoringly that her mother happens to be a thief is no reason to dislike the child. "She's twelve years old and she's a little dynamo. She's full of energy and she's always getting into trouble." Bruce seemed to be alarmed by this and she quickly said, "Nothing bad, she's just very active, hyperactive I would say and fearless, she isn't afraid of anything. Very daring for someone her age._

_Bruce nodded and remained silent for a moment before speaking and looking at Barbara seriously._

"_Don't keep looking into anything to do with Selina Kyle, she retired 13 years ago and whatever she had stolen I know for a fact from a good source that the items were returned. Catwoman didn't steel for necessity or even to be bad, she just did it as a challenge. She's a lover of the arts and hated to see pieces hidden away in private collections and badly treated."_

"_How do you know?" Barbara asked doubtfully._

"_I know Barbara, trust me. If I'm wrong and there is a theft in the city with her signature, then I will apologize and will help you arrest her. But I guarantee that won't be the case." He said emphatically and turned away._

Barbara was not totally convinced, but she had to admit that in almost thirteen years she had never heard of Catwoman being in the city, or even of any art thefts that could be attributed to her. In fact if she calculated it, was exactly the same age Helena was including the nine-month gestation. It would seem that Selina Kyle had left her old life in order to raise her daughter Helena. She knew that the child would confide in her, that they had been in the U.S., specifically New Gotham, for only a short time. Before that, they had lived in Paris mostly even though Helena had traveled all over Europe all through her childhood. Not only did she speak excellent French, after all it was he native language, but she also understood German from her old school.

Shortly after, Barbara made another discovery that left her stunned. One day when she was giving the children classes in which Helena was in, she noticed a distinctive expression on Helena's face that left her speechless. It was an expression that she knew well because she had been the recipient of that same ironic impatient on many occasions. The owner of that expression was none other than Bruce Wayne, her mentor, Batman.

Having a photographic memory could sometimes be an ethical problem. Besides, even though never had been visible, Bruce had occasionally attended the classes and would observe from the second floor of the gym, watching Helena's routines. That had not made sense until now.

That same evening, Barbara took advantage of the fact that Dick had studies for his finals and only she and Bruce were out doing sweeps and without hesitating and beating around the bush she blurted out that she knew the truth.

"_She's your daughter, isn't that right, yours and Selina's?_

_Bruce looked surprise Barbara saw the emotions fall over in his blue eyes, eyes that now she knew were the same as Helena's. Once more, she understood why she was so drawn and protective of the child. Bruce seemed to outweigh the consequences of either denying or acknowledging it for Barbara, but at the end, he must have decided not to deny it. She had discovered the truth after all.._

"_Yes." He said with finality. "She's my daughter."_

"_But how Batman, I don't understand. I don't understand why you let your daughter grow up without a father." She accused, she had always held Bruce Wayne in high esteem, she was proud of him and his sense of honor. She couldn't understand how it was possible that Helena was growing up believing that her father was dead or had abandoned her._

"_I didn't know." Batman confessed painfully, a deep pain that Barbara had never seen him express. One that she knew existed when on those rare occasions, he would speak about his murdered parents and the pain would be clear in his eyes._

"_No…" Batgirl gasped, "You didn't know?" She almost stuttered stupidly._

"_It's complicated." Batman growled._

"_Complicated? You're joking right?" Barbara exclaimed incredulously. "For heaven's sake Batman, she's the old Catwoman and if my calculations are correct, she was conceived when she still led her illicit double life."_

"_I know," Batman crossed his arms looking out at the city. "She and I fell in love at first sight; of course I didn't understand it then. The first time was as Catwoman, we fought, but she is so agile and strong, before she jumped off the building she looked at me with those eyes and smiled. I didn't know what that expression of being left breathless was until that day. I was left immobile and I didn't follow. When I woke up from my day dreaming, she had been gone awhile. It took me days to understand what was happening to me. As you know, I don't know how to handle my emotions well such as love." His voice held a note of irony. _

_Barbara listened in silence, dumbfounded, Bruce was not a man of many words and at that moment, she realized, Batman the inscrutable hero of Gotham City was speaking to her as an average man, just as Bruce Wayne. That it was incredible was pretty obvious for Barbara, bizarre. A part of her realized that perhaps Bruce had needed to tell someone, Bruce tended to internalize everything he felt, always jealously hiding what he felt, thought, suffered, and apparently discovering that he had a daughter had left him feeling vulnerable and with his heart exposed. _

_As Batman spoke, his eyes were lost in thought, a hundred miles away. Batgirl couldn't do anything but listen to him, as if aware that Bruce was confiding something more than just a secret, but was opening his soul to her without realizing it._

"_The second time we confronted each other, she kissed me and once again I was paralyzed, listening to her laughter. The attraction I felt for her was maddening, I thought it was just lust." He laughed sardonically "shortly after, I met Selina Kyle at the New Gotham museum benefit ball sponsored by Wayne Industries. I was struck by her beauty and I invited her to go out with me almost as soon I got her alone." _

"_I was so confused" Bruce voice was so in awe. Barbara kept listening in complete silence, her mentor seemed too lost in her memories, that he didn't realize what he was saying or that his facial expressions were so painfully open to read "I continued to face up Catwoman and I kept feeling that powerful attraction, the same one I was feeling for Selina Kyle. She found out my secret identity long before I knew hers, she told me when she finally confessed the truth to me. We went out for several months, I knew I was in love with her and I wanted to marry Selina as soon as possible." Batman voice turned hoarse "One evening I prepared everything, a romantic dinner in the most exclusive restaurant in Gotham city and I asked her to marry me, what a cliché, the richest man in the city and I had to propose in the fancy and most expensive restaurant in the city." He said in self-disdain "She smiled and asked me to go someplace more private to talk."_

Barbara recalled the surprise when she heard Bruce say he had intended to marry Helena's mother. What it wasn't was her mentor's reaction when Selina told him the truth.

"_I took her to Wayne Tower as you know I keep a penthouse there for myself for business dinners and to house important guests. Since it was empty and was the closest, that's where we went. Never, not even in my wildest dreams did I expect the confession that she made once we were settled and having a glass of wine. Selina kept looking at me with a mixture of sadness and hope that had me worried. I didn't understand what was happening, but deep inside I knew that something bad was going to happen." _

"_The first thing she told me was not to doubt for a moment that she loved me, she knew that she was in love with me from the first moment she saw me. I hurried on to say that the same thing had happened to me. Me, the stoic and cold Bruce Wayne emotionally babbled that I felt the same. The smile that she gave me however was disconcerting. It was an enigmatic smile, ironic. "The first time we saw each other Bruce" she said, "was on the roof of the museum, remember?"_

_Bruce let a crude laugh erupt, full of desolation._

"_Do you have any idea what I felt at that moment? I stood up immediately and quickly moved away staring back at her incredulously. I knew exactly which night she was speaking about, I couldn't believe it, I felt a cold chill run up my spine. Was she just trying to make fun of me? Was she my enemy?" _

_Selina tried to answer, to explain, to tell me what she was and why she did it._

"_I never expected to fall in love Bruce, much less know that you are Batman, but your eyes, your beautiful eyes revealed your true identity. My first instinct was to get away from you, it was the best for both of us, but my love for you was stronger than any doubts or reasons. Can you forgive me and understand Bruce? I want you to know that I am willing to marry you on one condition." She pleaded._

"_Which is? Not to turn you in to the police? You must understand who I am, justice is above all." I responded in a harsh voice even though inside I knew that I would never be able to turn her in. I loved her too much."_

"_If you want to do it I won't stop you Bruce, I know how important it is to you to act responsible and honorably". Selina said in a sad and serious voice. "However, that's not my condition, I'm willing to stop being Catwoman, but you have to stop being Batman. Try to understand, if someone should discover as I did your true identity; If we ever had a family they would never miss the chance of trying to hurt them, or to use them against us. In addition, I can't take that chance. I don't want to lose you or that someone hurt you because of it._

_At the time she asked me to give up being Batman, I knew that I had lost her. I couldn't, it was impossible for me. To be what I was at night was my way of honoring my parents daily and do justice for them. Giving it up was unthinkable._

"_I can't Selina, I'm sorry. I denied with my head and looked at her sadly._

"_My gut told me that's what you would say, my dear Bruce, but I had a small hope that our love would be stronger than anything else." She laughed ironically, feeling foolish for being too naïve. "I'm sorry Bruce, but don't doubt that I love you and I always will. _

_She stood up and gave me a kiss on the cheek and left. I just stood there like a statue, unable to react, unable to say anything; I'm not sure how much time passed. That evening I stayed there drowning myself in a bottle of Whiskey only to realize that I couldn't live without her. I would beg her for time, to give us a chance, whatever it took so I wouldn't lose her. However, when I arrived at the apartment it was too late. The door attendant told me that she had left and that she had left me a note. It only had a couple of lines._

_Our lives are like parallel lines that will never converge._

_I love you, Selina_

_That was the last time that I heard anything from her, until now that you told me that she was back in New Gotham. I never knew that she had left expecting my child, she never told me and now I understand why she asked me to give up my secret identity. It wasn't long after that the Joker discovered that I was Bruce Wayne in real life. If he hasn't revealed my true identity it's because he enjoys confronting me too much, making me save the City from his attacks and fight against me._

_It was better this way, I don't know Batgirl, I just don't know._

That was the one and only time she had seen the real man behind the mask, it made her respect him and at the same time feel compassion for him and his tortured soul. And Bruce knew that sooner or later someone would want to hurt Selina in order to get back at him. Bruce had blamed himself for his death, Selina had asked him 17 years earlier to give up his life in exchange for a future family, for a daughter that without knowing he had conceived and he had refused. Selina had known the dangers of loving Bruce Wayne alias Batman and her instincts had been correct, loving him had cost her life in the end.

What good had it done to be Batman fighting against evil if at the end all the women that he loved without reserve had been taken away from him, either by death or by injuries? Accepting the cruel words from his own daughter who she had not known was her father. Neither Helena nor Bruce knew that I had heard them argue the night that he disappeared, believing that I was still unconscious. Even though Hel's voice was just a whisper, it contained such hate and bitterness against Batman that I didn't need to see Bruce's face to know what he was feeling.

How would he be able to stand the idea of continuing to live knowing that he was the one and only accountable for Barbara being in a wheelchair? It did not matter it had been the Joker's evil mind that had caused the incident; It didn't matter that her only daughter was alive, the result was the same. Helena was now an orphan and she had been confined to a wheelchair because someone had tried to get revenge on Batman, hurt him beyond sanity and that was more than any man could take that was already tormented by his past.

Barbara didn't know the reason why Helena had left without leaving a trace; much like her father had done after her mother's murder. _Like father like daughter, _Barbara thought to herself. _What terrible truth are you hiding Helena, what reason exists for you to have left your family and me without looking back? Why did you abandon me Hel?_

Barbara couldn't stop thinking in that truth, she had tried in every way to look for answers, but they had eluded her. Her relationship with Helena had always been full of vicissitudes, her free spirit along with her volatile temperament had never made things easy, and however, they had forged a relationship that she thought stood up to anything. _How wrong I was, _she sadly thought, she would have never imagined that Helena would leave, throw away everything without looking back.

Barbara couldn't understand what triggered the rift between them that had finally caused Helena to leave. Now that she thought about it, Helena had begun to distance herself emotionally ever since Wade had come into her life. At first, she thought it was because she was slightly jealous of her guardian's relationship with the _Mr. Roger's clone_ as she called him and since she had always been overly protective of her, Barbara had just assumed she'd get over the fact she was with Wade. Perhaps Helena thought that now that he was in their lives, their family life might change, that Barbara's priorities would be affected. She wasn't sure but being the only constant in Helena's life perhaps had made her feel forgotten or left out. Helena didn't like change in her home life and by marrying Wade Barbara would be making a change that didn't sit well in Helena's eyes.

Like an epiphany Barbara suddenly realized something about the last words she and Helena had exchanged just before Hel ran out of the room. Helena had yelled that is she didn't do the "job" then who would? She had asked her if Wade would be understanding about her double life, would he wait patiently for her each night for there to finish her duties as a vigilante, as Oracle. She had responded that Wade knew and respected what she was.

"Oh shit," she groaned barely audible "What have I done?"

Birds of Prey was Helena's pride, something she considered her biggest secret. A secret that united them more than any blood ties, their history and their double life as vigilantes was something that she considered sacred, something that only special people could understand and accept. Helena with due reason had doubted that the student counselor, the sweet and gentle Wade could understand. Now she knew the truth, after much thought she finally understood that not only could she not marry him because she didn't love him as she should in order to marry him, but that he would never fully understand what the life of a vigilante really meant. The hours and attention it demanded and having to drop everything when the need arose without regard to the time or the moment.

_Whom did she think she was fooling?_ Wade wanted a traditional wife and she was everything but.

Barbara understood then why Helena had left, not because Helena thought that Barbara had lost confidence in her, on the contrary, all those hours of training, all those arguments about duty and responsibility, trying to convince Helena of her vocation as a vigilante and the good they could do for the City's inhabitants; Barbara gave Helena the impression that Oracle was secondary now that she was determined to marry Wade, as if all their work and life had been in vain, all the times she had left Helena alone to do sweeps with only Dinah as backup because she had dates with Wade.

"You sure dug yourself into a deep hole Babs, you and that huge ego of yours somehow managed to screw things up. I truly hope that Helena can forgive me." She huffed

Tired of thinking and going around in circles about the reasons for Helena's leaving, she was conscious of the uselessness of that train of thought. Barbara made herself concentrate on the book. There were still several hours before arriving in San Francisco. There was no point in going over all the potential scenarios in her head, true it was part of her personality to be ready for any possibility and as far as Helena was concerned, nothing was sure. Barbara had thought she had known Helena better than Helena herself but those two years without her had shown Barbara that in reality she hadn't known Helena at all.

**Don't forget to review! :) Thanks for reading**

**V**


	20. Chapter 18

**AN: Sorry for the late and short update but RL has been hectic, my editor has been busy with work, I've been busy as well, but I will try to post another chapter later this week.**

**Thank to all of you for the reviews and for adding my story to their favorite list.**

**V**

*****

When Barbara heard the Captain announce that they would soon be descending, she raised her eyes feeling disconcerted. She had managed to drown herself in her book enough to make her forget the hours that passed before arriving in San Francisco and to Helena.

The nerves and anxiety returned with a vengeance, the doubts and fears assaulted her with savage intensity. Suddenly she didn't feel very sure of what she was doing, what it right. Should she leave Helena alone and just let her live her life?

"For heaven's sake Gordon, you're here and you've never backed out of anything yet. Well nothing that didn't have to do with the heart. You are here looking for answers and you will not leave until you get them." She chastised herself

Nevertheless, knowing the reason for her presence in San Francisco and accepting it were two different things, Barbara was afraid to lose Helena and this time for good. If they didn't clear things up between them, that would surely happen. If Helena didn't forgive her abandonment and her presumed duty to Wade, would Barbara dare to confess the true reason for her presence in San Francisco?

"You lost her once Barbara. Your silence has cost you two years without her, are you willing to make it a lifetime?"

The answer was a resounding **NO**, Barbara wanted Helena in her life, anyway she could, as a friend, as a partner against crime, she didn't dare envision her true desire, but somehow Barbara **needed **Helena in her life.

When she finally departed the plane and was wheeled to the luggage pickup where she picked up her chair, which she was actually grateful for because she was not familiar with the airport and she preferred to get out of there as soon as possible. It was after five already and she wouldn't arrive at the hotel for at least another hour. She rented a car with GPS to help her navigate the city. Once at the Hertz counter she refused a specially equipped car, explaining to the clerk that handled the rentals that the chair was only a necessity for when she was over tired. She was recovering from a serious accident and had suffered fractures to her hips and legs, for which she used the chair only when she was tired, but for the moment, she had been sitting to long and that could also be counterproductive.

Thanks to the GPS it was no problem arriving at the hotel, once she had parked she removed her bag and laptop case, leaving the chair in the car. She was planning on going out once she'd had a quick shower and changed clothes to go look for Helena's address. Now she didn't feel the anxiety that had possessed her on the plane.

"The calm before the storm" Barbara thought.

In reality that's the way she felt now, totally calm, a sense of peace came over her once she had made the decision to looking for Helena and the questions that were unanswered between them. She knew in the moment that they stood face to face that everything would change. She knew because of Dinah that Helena had changed and that she was no longer the arrogant and full of rage young woman that would explode at the slightest provocation. She herself had changed, even though she remained the same intelligent and rational woman, the fact that the last two years without Helena had passed and her realization of what she really meant in her life gave her a new sense of purpose. Over several years, she had hidden behind the mask of cold indifference in every aspect of her life. She believed in keeping her mind on the mission which blinded her to the truly important things

And it was that rationality that prevented her seeing what she really felt for Helena. A feeling firmly planted in her heart and in her mind so profoundly that she herself refused to accept it until she had been deprived of that unconditional fountain of strength and hope and forced her to see inside herself and find the answers to why she felt as if her heart had been ripped out when she left. She was deeply in love with Helena, she didn't know when her feeling for the young girl that she had met at the age of 12 had turned into more the friendship and sisterly love.

The truth was unequivocal; she loved and needed Helena just as she needed air to breathe. Since her departure Barbara had lived only half a life, but perhaps living was too strong a word, barely surviving was more like it.

She needed Helena she needed her.

Like a mantra, Barbara repeated those words all the way to Helena's apartment, as if in that way she could give herself courage to confront her and at the same time open her heart to the young woman to tell her how she felt. Barbara was accustomed to keeping her feelings to herself, always hiding her emotions, putting up walls and hiding from what was in her heart.

In the world in which they lived in daily, there was no time for doubts and questions, a moment of hesitation could mean the life of one of her protégés that was something that could not be permitted. The need to be with Helena when she had received the frantic call from her after the murder of her mother had cost her the use of her legs and to almost be killed as well. Once again, the lessons that life taught her was that emotions clouded your judgment and that was not a wise thing to do.

During at least half of her life, she had protected her heart with cold indifference and absolute certainty that her actions would only bring success to the mission even at the cost of her own feelings, needs or desires. Her five senses had to be completed focused to do what had to be done.

For many years, she had ignored what her heart had been screaming at her, whose voice she had buried, the voice that whispered that what she felt for Helena was more than what she was willing to see. That the anxiousness she felt when more than a day passed without seeing her was not simple worry. For many years, she controlled the emotion that she might feel something else for Helena with an iron hand. Something more that she dared not dream of. Her handicap without a doubt had been a determining factor in that denial to go after what she really wanted.

Considering herself an incomplete woman, with only half a body. Her heart unfeeling by association, had also lost the right to feel love, to deserve it, as if once she had lost the use of her legs, no one would want to be with her. Wade had only been something convenient, she accepted that now, she thought she had found the closest thing to love she deserved with him. Without a doubt that had been a bit selfish, she had made herself believe she had loved him enough to marry him, make a life by his side, and pretend that it would be enough. Now she knew that not only wouldn't it be enough but that sooner or later he would want more than what she was willing to give him. Ironically being a perfectionist as she was, she would have invariably succumbed to the imperfection of that relationship, knowing that it wasn't Wade the one she really loved. That he wasn't the last thing that she wanted to see when she went to bed or the first thing when she woke up.

She wanted what she'd had for half of her life…

She wanted a Helena Kyle.

*****

The next morning Helena woke up a bit anxious, which she attributed to the previous evenings revealing events. Determined to not let it get to her, she got up and after a light training and shower she left for her breakfast date with Leah. It had become a daily ritual for them when they happened to be in the city at the same time.

Leah had convinced her to go shopping, so after breakfast they left for _China Town_ to walk around and make some purchases. They ate at their favorite Chinese restaurant and then after a fruitful morning spending money, Helena returned home with a pair of new silk robes. She wasn't sure why but when she bought one of them she had done so thinking of Barbara's green eyes.

During the afternoon, she stopped by to see Kate and then after helping her out at the gallery for a couple of hours she headed up to her apartment. She felt full of excess energy but at the same time she didn't want to be cooped up at home so after changing she headed out for a run. Perhaps a run of a few miles would relax her and clear her mind. She adjusted the volume on her Ipod and started running towards the nearest park.

Barbara had just parked the car when she recognized a figure in the middle of dozens of people running from afar. She was left breathless. _Damn she's even more beautiful than I remember! _Dinah had come up short in her description of Helena. She felt butterflies in her stomach and a warm feeling run through her body at the perfect vision. Almost immediately the fears and the doubts of what her reception might be halted her first instinct to catch up with her and hug her. She closed her eyes and leaned against the steering wheel, missing the moment when Helena stopped for a moment as if she had felt her presence. Looking all around her, she stood still, when she didn't see anyone she continued running towards her apartment.

Taking a few moments to calm down, Barbara left the car and once she made sure the alarm was on, she took a deep breath and began walking towards the building that she knew Helena lived at. On shaky legs Barbara went up the stairs, trying to control her nerves. She breathed in deeply several time before knocking on the door.

After Helena had gone into her apartment she removed her wet t-shirt leaving only her sports bra, she was about to remove her leggings when she heard the doorbell ring. Wondering who it could be and without bothering to throw another shirt on, she pulled the towel that was hanging from the chair in her room and placed it around her neck.

"I'm coming." She called as she heard the doorbell ring again. She looked through the peephole and froze for a moment, stunned by who she saw on the other side.

"Barbara?!"

**********

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	21. Chapter 19

**AN**: Well we have finally reached the "The Reencounter" I'm not sure if I'll be able to meet expectations or if I have done the right thing but once again I want to point out the maturity of the characters and the changes that those two years of separation made in both of them. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for your comments, we are getting near the end but don't worry there is still a way to go. V

**Don't forget to review :)**

*****

Helena jerked the door open startling Barbara who abruptly raised her gaze from the floor.

"Barbara!" She said incredulously. "Ho… what" She stuttered not realizing what she was seeing, Barbara at her front door and standing! That was… just?! **WTF**! More time than seemed politely correct, Helena just stood there staring at Barbara with an expression of shock with her mouth slightly open and her eyes as wide as saucers. In other words if Helena could see herself, she would know it was not her signature cocky, arrogant and self-assured _"I'm the weapon"_ Barbara used to know.

"Hello Helena" Barbara smiled shyly; "Can I come in?"

"Oh," Helena came out of her trance, still not believing that the redhead was standing in front of her. "Yes, yes, come in, please" She moved to the side. _Barbara was walking! What the hell! Why didn't Dinah never mention it?_

"How have you been Hel?" Barbara inquired still smiling; the sight of Helena half naked was making it very difficult to control the beating of her heart. _Christ, how could I have been so blind! _Just looking at her she could feel her heart trying to beat its way out.

"Oh, well fine just fine," _excellent now that you are here _she said to herself. "I…, this is really a surprise, I…, Damn Red, I've missed you so much." Helena exclaimed and without thinking threw herself at her, hugging her tightly, she didn't want to let her go. She had been right, it would only take seeing Barbara just once to know that she didn't want to ever let her go, that she couldn't live without seeing her or hearing her voice. _Oh hell, how I missed you._

Barbara was left stunned for a moment, before relaxing and hugging Helena back tightly. "I've missed you too Helena, you don't know how much." She said into her neck, taking in her scent. _Oh, so good._

"Are you here alone?" Helena asked once she let her go, and guided her to the living room where they took a seat one in front of the other.

"Yes." Barbara answered still smiling.

"From the airport? You should have called me; I would have gone for you" she chastised Barbara.

"It was a last minute decision. And no, I stopped at the hotel first."

"Hotel?" Helena repeated looking at Barbara disconcertedly "Why a hotel?"

Barbara blushed. "Well, I wasn't sure how you would receive me Hel, I'm sorry." The redhead hurried to say at seeing the hurt expression on Helena's face. "Besides I wasn't sure you'd be here, from what Dinah has told me…"

"Geez Red, you know you'll always be welcome in my house." She looked into her eyes interrupting her. "I thought we had already cleared that up between us" she raised an eyebrow knowing Barbara would understand that she was talking about the email Barbara had sent her only a few days ago.

"Thanks Hel, but I…" The words failed her, how could she explain that she was afraid of losing Helena that the truth might be what separates them or brings them together, but it had to be said. "I wasn't sure..."

"Don't say anymore." She put up her hand, giving her a crooked smile which took Barbara's breath away. "Give me a few minutes to take a shower and we'll go get your things. You'll stay right?" She looked at her unsure, thinking she is assuming too much.

"Of course I will Hel" Barbara smiled warmly.

"Excellent, I've got room to spare, I'll be right back." She jumped to her feet and started to walk away then suddenly came back. "Where are my manners?" She chastised herself. "Do you want anything to drink or do you need anything Babs?" She offered.

"Water would be fine Hel." Barbara accepted.

"Of course, water." She nodded and headed for the kitchen.

Barbara was warmed by the childish enthusiasm that Helena demonstrated at seeing her, she had expected…well in reality she wasn't sure what she had expected but the joy she showed at seeing her was genuine.

Helena returned with a bottle of Perrier and a napkin. "Here you go, I won't be long, feel free to wonder around the apartment Babs" she gave her a shy smile and in Barbara's opinion a very enchanting one.

"Thank you Hel. Take your time, there's no hurry." She smiled.

"I won't be long." She rain in the direction of her bedroom. But not before looking back once more as if afraid that once she turned the corner to the hallway Barbara would disappear. Barbara in turn didn't let her out of her sight until she disappeared behind a door that she assumed was her room. An indulgent smile appeared on her lips, despite the things they had to talk about, all the questions that still stood between them like a pink elephant in the middle of the living room, she couldn't help but feel that familiarity and security that just Helena's presence evoked.

When she heard the water from the shower Barbara breathed deeply and got to her feet. Her whole being was trembling strangely; it was as if she was suddenly charged with some special energy, from the moment that she faced Helena. She didn't know what would happen once the cleared things between them but at the moment, at that precise instant just the presence of the young woman made her feel alive, more alive than what she had been en the last two years. She didn't have to be a genius to know with certainty that it was Helena she needed to feel that way.

She looked around her feeling much calmer, she saw the computer that Dinah had so loved, smiling indulgently, it certainly didn't compare to Delphi, but for a home PC for personal use it actually wasn't bad at all. She noticed the pictures and moved closer to look at them, studying them with interest. She recognized several places from Latin America, archeological zones and historic monuments. In most of them she was alone, although in some she was with someone else, mostly women. She asked herself with a spark of jealousy if they had been some of Helena's conquests or just friends made during the trips. When she got to a picture with a beautiful cabin in the background, Barbara asked herself who the blonde was with her. They looked very comfortable together, Helena had her arm over the blonde's shoulders and she had her arm around Helena's waist. They smiled and looked happy.

"It's Leah" She heard Helena's voice behind her and she jumped, she hadn't heard her come in and apparently she had been so concentrated on the picture that Helena must have felt she needed to identify the woman at her side. Barbara recalled that Dinah had mentioned Leah. Hadn't that been the woman who Helena spent two months with in Colorado?

"A good friend I assume." She said neutrally and turned toward Helena with a tense smile.

"Yes, a very good friend." Helena smiled in return. "I'm all set, have you eaten?"

"No, after the airport, I went directly to the hotel and then a came here."

"Ok, I know a restaurant where we can eat, let's go." Helena looked at her with a cautious smile, once the initial surprise had passed and during her shower she had wondered what the real reason was for Barbara being at her house. She couldn't help it she felt as taught as a suspension cable. Barbara's appearance practically out of thin air just after Dinah's news was not helping any to calm her down, actually quite the opposite was true.

"I came in a rented car." Barbara informed her as they descended the stairs.

"Oh, ok. We'll take your car then, we'll return it tomorrow if that's ok with you." She glanced over at her.

"Of course" Barbara noticed that Helena asked without asking directly if she was planning to spend several days in San Francisco.

"Does Dinah know you're here?" Helena asked as they reached the street and began to walk towards Barbara's rental car.

"Well, no. She thinks that I'm in Washington with Ash." Barbara replied, blushing at the admission.

"Oh, Who?" Helena inquired curiously; she didn't know any of Barbara's friends with that name. Was Ash by chance her new boyfriend? Helena asked herself feeling a bit jealous and feeling an emptiness in her stomach at the idea of imagining Barb with someone else.

"She's my lab partner at Wayne's Laboratories"

"Of course" she blew out the breath she had been holding in "why didn't you tell Dinah you were coming?" She inquired curiously.

Barbara stopped in front of the car and handed Helena the keys. "You know the city better." Helena nodded and turned off the alarm, unlocking the car with the remote.

Once inside the vehicle and after Helena pulled away, Barbara looked straight ahead, unable to face the young woman without revealing what she was feeling. She could feel Helena's eyes on her. Helena had always been inquisitive by nature and this time was no exception.

"It was a last minute decision and well…" _Damn, why is it so hard to explain everything? How can I tell her that I couldn't wait any longer, that I needed to see her, to know_? Instead, all she said was, "I wasn't sure, I wanted to talk and see how you were, and since I already was on a trip it seemed the logical thing to do"

Helena just nodded. She was silent for a few minutes lost in her own thoughts wondering the real reason why Barbara was there. After a few minutes she commented, "What hotel? You haven't told me."

"The Hotel Diva it's just a few blocks away."

"Yes, I know where it is" Helena laughed, "why did you pick that particular one when there are so many well established ones around and close by?"

Barbara laughed "As I was trying to figure out where would be the best place to stay and be close by at the same time, I came across a review for this hotel and somehow I just thought of you when I saw the name, plus it had good reviews" she said with a smirk.

"Oh? Are you insinuating I'm a diva now?" Helena said a brow rose as if in annoyance as she tried to hide a grin.

"Moi? I would never, how you could suggest such a thing?" Barbara said with an enormous grin. The hotel talk was helping them ease the tension a bit.

Helena laughed shaking her head, a few seconds later, she tilted her head to the side as she asked curiously but at the same time with a worried frown on her face "Tell me Red, the curiosity is killing me, how is it that you're walking? You're not using the transponder right?" She looked at her seriously. Helena knew the intense pain that thing caused, not to mention how dangerous it was. It would damage the spinal cord and nervous system irreversibly if used too long.

"No." She confirmed. "It's a long story. I'll tell you over dinner what do you say? But I can assure you that it is not drugs or anything like that. It's called nanotechnology."

"Oh."

"No one knows that I'm walking Hel, except for Aiko and Dinah oh, and Alfred, but of course I can't hide anything from Alfred." She laughed. The butler, previously, Bruce Wayne's, was now at Barbara's disposal and of course Helena's as well since she was Bruce's daughter.

"Oh" It seemed that's all Helena could find to say for the moment, Barbara's presence so close to her was extremely distracting. Her emotions were on a roller coaster after two years without seeing her.

Soon they were at the hotel which was only minutes away, Barbara headed directly to her room. The redhead had not actually unpacked anything and just dropping her carryon bag onto the bed. They only had to pick it up and they headed directly to reception to do the check out. The receptionist that attended them was courteous but concerned about the older woman's quick departure since she had just checked in only a couple hours earlier. The receptionist asked solicitously if there were a problem.

"When I found out she was in the City," Helena interrupted at the receptionist's questions. "I told her that there was no way she would stay at a hotel when she could stay with me." She smiled enchantingly.

"Oh," The receptionist returned her smile. "Well, I guess that will be all then Miss Gordon, thank you for having chosen Hotel Diva for your visit to San Francisco, even if you didn't stay with us. Perhaps we can serve you in the future."

"Thank you." Barbara accepted back her credit card and was about to pick up her carryon when she noticed that Helena already had a hold of it.

"Great, let's go get something toe at, I'm starving." She said eagerly.

"Ha,ha, ha," Barbara laughed warmly, "When aren't you starving Hel?"

"Ha, ha, ha" She gave her a lopsided smile, something between sad and melancholy. "You'd be surprised Babs."

Barbara paused for a split second, she was about to ask when, but something made her stop, as if she knew in that very instant to what Helena was referring to.

"Actually I do" she said in a whisper, she wasn't sure if Helena had heard her because she didn't say anything, or perhaps because after all there was nothing to say.

Both were trying to pretend for at least a little while longer that everything was fine between them. As if those two years apart had never existed. It was as if there were just two friends going out to dine like they used to every so often. Later, Barbara knew they would not be able to keep up the small talk, she was in San Francisco for a purpose and she was determined to find out what she needed. One way or the other she needed to know the truth for their peace of mind.

**Thank for reading, leave a review, please :)**

**V**


	22. Chapter 20

**AN:** Sorry for the delay, I have been busy these last few weeks and that has kept me from concentrating and creating something coherent of the story. Excuse my poor Italian. This is unbetaed.

Once again I apologize.

V

**Please, review!**

**For Disclaimers see Part 1**

*****

The restaurant "Baldacci" was small but comfortable; it had that Italian home atmosphere that Helena liked so much. By the treatment the host gave her when he saw Helena, _she must come frequently_ Barbara thought.

"Signorina Helena, how nice to see you again."

"Bona Sera Giuseppe, come stai?"

"Bene, bene bellísima, I see you have company. Giuseppe Baldacci, Signorina."

"Barbara," The redhead smiled, "The pleasure is all mine Giuseppe."

"Your usual table, certo?"

"Yes, if possible Giuseppe."

"Of course, of course."

Giuseppe led them to a table at the back of the restaurant that had a view of a small interior garden with a fountain.

Once he had assured himself that they were comfortable he assured them that a waiter would arrive promptly to take their order, Giuseppe withdrew wishing them an excellent dinner.

"It's beautiful Hel. I see you come here regularly.

"Yes, after my first few days in the city and after having settled down I would walk the city and I found this place and came in. I was pleased with the service and the food. Nonna Baldacci makes an exquisite Lasagna."

"I guess I'll have to taste it then." She said lightly. Barbara had noticed the change in Helena just as they entered the restaurant. Did she come here frequently with her conquests? She knew Helena's appetites, she was a natural flirt and exuded sensuality and charm by the ton, there wasn't a man o woman that could resist her charms.

"I highly recommend it."

In that moment, the waiter arrived and identified himself as Phillipo and asked for their order.

"Can I order for you Barbara?" Helena asked.

"Of course Hel, I trust you." Once she said it, Barbara regretted it, the shadow of pain in Helena's eyes shown clearly before she could hide behind the smile that did not reach her eyes.

"I'll have the same Pipo and a bottle of house wine."

"Bene, I'll be back in a moment."

While the waiter returned with the wine, Helena studied Barbara openly who in turn looked into the young woman's eyes. Barbara couldn't read anything in Helena's eyes, when before they were an open book to her, now they were juts two lovely orbs that looked back at her curiously without any emotion in them.

Helena, noticed that there were tiny worry lines around Barbara's eyes that hadn't been there before and her eyes, those beautiful green eyes which she had dreamt of losing herself in so many times, now there was a hint of sadness and something else she couldn't quite define. _What are you thinking Red? _Helena asked herself. At that moment Pipo arrived with the wine, once she tasted the wine, he promised that their dinner would arrive shortly.

"Tell me Red, what's behind your miraculous recuperation?" Helena asked once she took a sip from her glass.

"Well as I was telling you it's a long story." Barbara weighed her words not wanting to tell her the real reason behind her perseverance to regain her mobility and sensibility of her extremities without openly admitting that the truth was that by losing herself in her work it helped to fill the void of Helena's absence. It had droved her to work and experiment until she managed the result that she now had. "I'm not sure if Dinah mentioned it, but I have worked at Wayne Laboratories & Research for a year and a half." A small nod from Helena indicated she knew. "Well, I'm part of the research team for nanotechnology as a possible route for the regeneration of damaged nerves to the nervous system" she made a pause.

Helena nodded thoughtfully.

"The nanotechnology," she continued, "is the study of the control of matter on an atomic and molecular scale. Generally nanotechnology deals with structures of the size 100 nanometers or smaller in at least one dimension, and involves developing materials or devices within that size. Nanotechnology is very diverse, ranging from extensions of conventional device physics to completely new approaches based upon molecular self-assembly, from developing new materials with dimensions on the nanoscale to investigating whether we can directly control matter on the atomic scale. (_See authors note_)

"In other words microscopic" Helena noted, even if she didn't completely understand the scientific jargon, she wasn't so ignorant not to grasp the basics, she hadn't lived half her life with Barbara to not have an idea.

"Yes, nanotechnology promises new solutions and more efficient and new medical applications, solutions to environmental issues and many other things, however, the concept of nanotechnology is still not well known to society. It's still in the experimental stage Helena, the actual progress can be classified as nanoscience, a body of knowledge that has it's basis in the future development of a technology based on the manipulation of the molecular structure.

"Which I am to assume brings us to the essential point of your recovery, right?"

"Correct, even though nanotechnology research is not new at Wayne Research, Ashley and I have worked towards is an entirely new field based on the previous discoveries. Given that the molecular size of the nanobots we have been able to work to use them as connectors and regenerators of the nervous system. In my case it's a miniscule part of my spine that is damaged. The nerves were severed by the bullet, however my spine remained intact. It was as if it was a broken bridge. I lost feeling and the possibility that my brain would be able to control the function of my extremities.

"These nanobots, they bridge the gap?"

"Exactly Hel, like a chain, the nanobots that are injected directly into the spine are designed and programmed to connect and regenerate the damaged nervous system. They contain a packet of my DNA, as well as, precise instructions

Helena listened to Barbara intently, evaluating her words. She frowned when she heard that the was injecting the substance directly into her spine, _What exactly did she mean by that?_ "Isn't it dangerous to put them in your body?" She said in a serious tone.

"No Helena, first, they are biodegradable and my body absorbs them and gets rid of them once they have completed their life cycle. Second, they are designed only for and exclusively as conductors and regenerators of the nerves in my spine that have been damaged for the scare tissue and only those. We worked for months perfecting the packet until we found the right combination necessary that would work.

"On what?" She could just imagine but she wanted Barbara to say it.

"On rats and rabbits Helena." She said defensively and a bit frustrated, she could just imagine the young woman's reaction.

"The fact that only four people know that you can walk must be because what you are doing is completely experimental and you should under any circumstances be testing it on humans, isn't that so?" Helena was beginning to panic and get upset, if Barbara was putting her life in danger, she had no qualms about contacting the chief of Wayne Labs to put an end to the research. Being the daughter of Bruce legally allowed her a say with the Board of Trustees, she of course never used the power, but damn if she wouldn't take advantage of it in order to protect Barbara.

"Hel," the redhead said in a conciliatory tone. "We have tested it on animals and I repeat its biodegradable and it presents no danger whatsoever to my health. If they didn't work, they would have just degraded and would be eliminated without any side effects.

"But that is has to be injected directly into your spine, isn't that dangerous in itself?" Helena was like a dog with a bone.

"It would be if my spine was healthy Hel but as you know that part specifically is already damaged, so no. At the beginning of the experiment the nanobots had to be injected every week in order for them to start the regeneration process and create the bridge between the damaged nerves and the healthy ones. Now. I only have to inject them every month so they can continue to function as connectors.

"Which brings me to the next question, why then keep your experimental success secret?" she inquired looking Barbara without blinking, looking for any lead astray.

"Because it would be naive to let everyone know about right now Hel, it's a very expensive process" she declared matter of factly "You have to do very extensive DNA studies just as you would recreate molecules which then you would computerize for a specific problem, but it would be impossible for it to be used and a general consumer level. We are still at the diaper stage with the nanotechnology. It will be years before it is available to the general public. It would be cruel to give false hopes to others like me.

Helena agreed not entirely convinced but she had to admit that Barbara was walking and it appeared not to have any side affects, yet. She reminded herself to make sure that Barbara explained these experiments in more detail in the near future, but for the moment that brief description would be enough.

Barbara studied the young woman's face; it was obvious that she wasn't all that convinced by the explanations she gave her. It appeared that her doubts were more about how dangerous it could be for her than the actual applied technology. However, she couldn't do anything to ease her doubts by reveal more than she already had.

"I understand." Helena finally said.

Before she could say anything else dinner arrived and Barbara realized she was starving, at first she had thought that she wouldn't be able to each a thing seeing as how nervous she had felt, but with Helena's relaxed attitude she had calmed down a bit. Even though Barbara thought she knew the young woman enough to see behind the façade there was something more. She felt that Helena was taking her time before getting to the questions which Barbara needed answers for.

Contrary to her habit of talking as they ate, this time they concentrated on their meal with the occasional comment about how good the food was. Barbara held back from asking how often she went there, she didn't want to know if that is where she took her dates. Just seeing Helena's picture with Leah had made her feel jealous, an emotion which she was not familiar with and wasn't sure how to handle. It was disconcerting for someone as rational as her to feel like that and she didn't like it, at all.

Once they had dinner, they returned to Helena's apartment. Barbara knew that the time for the truth had come…

Barbara knew that she could plead exhaustion and that the young woman would insist that she go and rest, however it was only 9 in the evening in SF, though she was on Eastern Time it still wasn't too early to go to bed. Even though she had been in the air for seven hours and had slept just a few hours the previous night, she didn't feel tired. Perhaps that was due to the adrenaline rush and nerves that had a hold of her.

"Would you like something to drink Barbara?" Helena asked once they were in the living room.

"A bourbon if you have it Hel." Barbara accepted _it certainly would hit the spot _she thought to herself. She needed something strong to give herself some liquid courage. The wine during dinner had done little to ease her frazzled nerves; the apparent calm between them was that, just a facade.

"Just a sec." Helena went to the minibar.

Barbara watched as she headed for the bar, then she lowered her eyes to her hands which she had folded in her lap. She took a couple of deep breaths then brought her gaze up as Helena handed her the glass.

Helena was carrying a glass of something clear that Barbara assumed was Grey Goose vodka which was brunette's favorite.

During several tense moments neither one of them said anything, both appeared to be concentrated on their drinks even though in reality they were thinking about how to start the conversation. The air was charged with tension and could be cut with a knife.

"Helena I…"

"Why did you…?"

Both tried to speak at the same time. Barbara laughed nervously and Helena pressed her lips together.

"Go ahead Hel."

"No, you."

Barbara nodded and took a drink from her glass before setting it down carefully on top of the coffee table.

"I lied to you earlier." Barbara began to say in a shaky voice, she noticed how Helena's head snapped up at her words and looked her directly in the eyes questioningly. "When you asked me why I came here."

"What are you talking about?" Helena asked tensely.

"When you asked me why I was here. The truth is Helena…" she stuttered. "I heard Dinah talking to you on the phone." She rushed to explain when Helena stood up suddenly. "No, I didn't hear the conversation; I was just going into her room when I heard that…"

"WHAT? Helena insisted as she ran her hand through her hair nervously.

"Dinah was asking you, no she was telling you that I should know the truth Hel." Barbara begged, her eyes sadder then Helena had ever seen them, not even when she had found out that she was paralyzed had she looked so sad. This time there was so much desolation en her eyes that Helena couldn't understand. "Why did you leave Helena? Why did you abandon me? Do you have any idea how alone I've felt without you? Damn it Helena, if you had just told me that you hated your life."

"Oh Hel" She reproached herself. "How could I have been so blind as to subject you to a life that you hated? I feel so bad about it, especially knowing what you do now, all that you have accomplished. I hate myself for causing you so much suffering. I feel like…" Barbara's voice was lost in the bitter sobs that escaped her lips.

Helena was stunned to hear Barbara condemn herself. For a moment she didn't know what to say. _Barbara was blaming herself! She believed she had hated the life they had together as vigilantes_. _Oh, no, no that is so wrong. _She stopped in front of Barbara and knelt at her feet taking her hands and with a whisper begged Barbara to look at her.

"Barbara, no please. Don't think like that. It's not true. I…" How in the hell do you explain to the woman you love… to the woman that you don't want to hurt in anyway shape or form… how do you explain the truth without hurting her? "No, Red, no, I didn't hate that life, it's just…I needed…" She stuttered. "I… I just couldn't continue living like that."

"Like what Hel?" Barbara demanded "Helena, you left without saying a word, without explanations; you left me alone and worried to death. Asking myself a million questions and thinking that something may have happened to you. I didn't know what to think, what to feel. Damn it, I still don't know what to think. I know it's my fault that you left, I know that and if you can find your way to forgiving me it would be more than I deserve for putting you in an intolerable situation, but why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you tell me how you felt? Hel you know there is nothing that you could tell me that I wouldn't accept or understand." She looked at her with tears in her eyes. "Why did you leave me Hel?" She asked sadly.

It was a plea that was full of the pain, anguish, desperation and emptiness that Helena's absence had caused to Barbara's heart, a pain so deep and wounding that it stills her in its grips.

"I can't…" She paused trying to find the right words, but now was not the time nor the place for niceties or perfect words, only the truth and Helena knew that she couldn't do anything else even if it cost her Barbara's friendship forever. It was impossible for her to be able to go on with the pain that her love would cause to the older woman, her mentor, her friend. She sighed. "It's true, I couldn't continue at your side. It was **killing me**." She confessed finally in a strangled voice.

Helena got to her feet and turned her back to Barbara, who raised her gaze when she heard Helena's words. Her face held a look of horror. _What? What was Helena saying? _She couldn't comprehend, her mind suddenly froze at the words, _what!? _She asked herself aghast_. _

"Killing you Hel? What could I have done to hurt you so much?" She gasped stunned as she tried to find the reason for the declaration. Of course they fought, all the time, but that was normal, perhaps…

"I…" Leah's words rang in her head, how Barbara could know, understand if she had never let her see. "You don't know Barbara, you never knew, you have never been able to see what you mean to me." She said sadly.

"Hel, please, I need to understand, these past two years without you… How can you say that I don't know?" She exclaimed and got to her feet moving towards the young woman and making Helena face her. "You're the one that has no idea! You, that from the moment that I read those few lines I felt my heart break, breaking from pain and desperation. How could you Helena…" she cried out with voice tinged with raw pain and anger "how you dare?"

**Don't forget to write a review! :)**

**Authors note**: The nanotechnology information was found in Wikipedia. I did a little research regarding this new technology and in one of the articles it mentioned the research being done to regenerate damaged tissue with spinal cord injuries using nanotechnology.


	23. Chapter 21

**AN: **Ok, here's the next chapter, I hope you like it. This chapter is in reality a long monologue. So as not to bore you or lose you in the long spilling of guts, I have done it in short paragraphs. I hope it is understandable. BTW this is probably going to be the last update for the year. I'm sorry gang, but the end of the year it's always very hectic and my editor will be on vacation after a long and stressful year, she really deserves it.

Thanks to all the readers, those of you that added my story to your favorite story list, and special thanks to Debbie, Zefgirl, loonatic, and everyone who wrote a review.

**Happy holidays folks! Don't eat too much, if you party be careful, everything is in a matter of seconds. Someone is always waiting for you to come home ...**

**V**

**Now on with the show.**

Disclaimers see part 1

******

Barbara was trembling, her green eyes full of rage and pain, a part of her wanted to strangle Helena and another wanted to hug her and beg her not to leave her again. Helena was petrified for an instant, the verbal attack had been so sudden that for a moment she didn't know how to react, but just for a split second, she felt her anger taking over at Barbara for demanding answers, how could she speak of pain? She didn't know what it meant to love someone ever since she had been a child without having a fucking clue about what love was.

"You want to know? Fine, I'll fucking tell you, and I know that at the moment I do, you'll go running out the door cursing my name." She yelled her eyes feral. She took her hand and pulled her along to her studio. Barbara almost had to run to keep up with Helena's long strides, Barbara didn't dare try to protest as she was dragged in a rather rude form down the long hallway. Something in Helena's eyes warned her against it.

Helena pushed open the door to her studio with a load thud, she stopped in the middle of the room letting Barbara go as if her hand was on fire and she just looked at Helena uncomprehendingly. Suddenly the redhead started looking around and abruptly she lost her breath. There were two walls covered in paintings, paintings of her. How…? Her mind screamed at her trying to understand.

"This is the only thing I have left of you." Helena began to say in a tortured voice. "These are my memories. Yes, I ran away from you. I was dying being at your side and knowing that you didn't see me as anything more than your bratty and irresponsible former ward that wasn't capable of taking care of herself." She added in defeat. "Pain? Barbara you don't know what pain is!"

"To feel pain you must know that what you desire most in this world is prohibited, pain is to see that person happy and to know that their happiness is your private hell. Pain Barbara, is what I've known since I've known you. At first…" She laughed harshly. "How was I to know it then for God's sake I was only twelve, I was just a stupid kid, isn't that right? I had the perfect childhood, a mother that loved me and gave me everything I wanted and more. I only wanted her love, and I had it, but one day I met you and the sun stopped rising and hiding because my mother wanted it that way. I worshiped the ground you walked on, I didn't know; those years under your care, waiting for gymnastics which I hated but that would mean I could be able to see you. And when my mother asked you to be my babysitter…God, I couldn't wait for her to go out because that meant that you would be with me. A couple of years later my world was broken into a million pieces and not only did I lose my mother that night but my innocence as well and everything I always dreamed I could be and on top of that I nearly lose you, I couldn't lose you, not you too." She said in a tortured voice, even after all these years just the thought was still painful, she paced up and down the room like a caged animal before stopping and continuing in the same tormented voice.

"Nobody really knew why I was there, strangers tried to comfort me, trap me, and take me away from you, that I was too young to understand. They said I was traumatized by my mother's murder, I fought tooth and nail, no one could tear me away from you, not when you were the only thing that I had left and that was the when I finally found out who my father was, the high and mighty Batman, the multi-billionaire Bruce Wayne himself but it didn't matter who my father was anymore because I didn't give a damn about him, all that I needed was you Barbara, you." Helena moved away as far as she could, almost merge with the window; her gaze on the cityscape lost in memories and far from Barbara who watched her from the center of the room without saying a word. She seemed to be in shock, listening to each and every word from the young woman which was tainted by pain and desolation.

"You lying there in that hospital bed and me unable to do a thing, suffering with you, but I was just a kid right? I didn't know how I could possibly know about pain, about anger, rage, and the instinct to kill? Not only was my mother dead but the woman I adored was dying before my very eyes and I couldn't do anything, **NOTHING**!" She screamed.

"Don't you have any idea? Each night, each tantrum, everything I did, every fight, every escape, it was all for you. I knew you were brokenhearted about the loss of your legs that you slipped into a deep depression and even then you accepted to be my guardian, even though everyone asked you, **No**, demanded," she emphasized. "Not to do it, that you couldn't do it. But I knew, I knew what my mother's naming you my guardian meant to you. Your sense of duty was too strong to ignore it." She rubbed her hands against her sides, as if she could control the pain and the anger that ran through her veins like hot lava.

"I did whatever was necessary in order to keep your mind off of you own self-pity. Don't think that the guilt wasn't killing me for not being able to protect my mother, because it was" self loathing tainted each word. "I was torn up and full of anger, but my only worry was you. She was dead and I couldn't do anything about that, but you were alive and and that was the only thing that mattered. Only you."

"But then Dick fucking Grayson arrived, waving around his good humor and disposition to make you happy and help you move forward, to learn to live with your disability and then I stopped existing for you." She almost gasped out as a wave of pain at the memories came rushing at her. "Oh sure, you kept your promise by feed me and provide a roof over my head, but I stopped existing" she snarled "If the only way to get your attention was to become a teen out of control, full of rage then so be it" a sarcastic laugh escaped her lips, making Barbara cringe. "They were right; I am a spoiled brat with megalomaniac tendencies. I was wild for your attention, craving for you to finally see me."

Helena leaned her hands on the window sill as if that would give her strength to continue. Her breathing was agitated and her heart beat frantically.

"One night I saw you crying, you were hiding out on the balcony, back then you didn't know that I liked to hide behind the gargoyle to cry. When I heard you, my first instinct were to jump out and hug you, I couldn't stand to see you cry." Her voice softened for a moment. "And then I heard you whisper my name and that you didn't know what to do with me, that I was out of control and that you thought that being by your side was only hurting me. Fuck, I felt so awful, so stupid. I had been such an idiot for not realizing that my attitude was only hurting you and putting in doubt your capacity to care for me as my guardian." She accused. "And then I knew arguments and tantrums were not what you needed from me. But I couldn't help it; Dick was there, by your side when I couldn't be. I tried every way I knew to be what you wanted me to be. What you needed me to be, so that you could believe in me and therefore believe in yourself, I swear."

Helena still had her back to Barbara, unable to look at her, not daring to see the distress or the pity in her eyes that Helena knew would be in the eyes of the woman that meant everything to her more even than the air that she breathed.

"I never knew the reason why Dick left only a couple of months after and I…I was never happier when I had you all to myself." She laughed lightly, as if at herself. "Don't think that I'm as egocentric to want your exclusive attention, it's just that I only wanted you to look at me, really look at me, to know, to understand what you mean to me." She declared passionately. "I put all of my efforts and dedication in learning how to be a vigilante, trying to make you feel proud of me, what better than to fight against crime to ease the rage that ran through my veins since the death of my mother. To get back at the Joker for doing what he did to you."

She stopped for a moment to try to calm down so she could clear her thoughts. She needed air. To think…, she almost gasped like if she was out of breath.

"They say that time heals all wounds, and time helped me to survive the death of my mother, but time also serves to mature and as the years passed what everyone could think was just a teen crush soon turned into something stronger. What I didn't understand back then soon became very clear, what didn't have a name, what I didn't know existed began to burn inside me. It began to drown me, to make me feel incapable of being at your side without fear of doing something that I knew would destroy our still fragile closeness.

Helena leaned her head against the glass of the window and she shut her eyes, she couldn't stand to see her own reflection or even see Barbara's silhouette behind her.

"That's why I moved out, a part of me wanted for you to beg me to stay, but you never said anything, you just smiled and said 'Of course, whatever you want.' Whatever I wanted, what I wanted was you!" She stated. "Damn it! I wasn't a little girl anymore, I was when I first met you, but that didn't stop me from feeling what I feel then and what I feel now, what I've always felt;" she made a pause like trying to regain some sort of control on her emotions. "Dinah came into our lives and everything seemed perfect, even though I was always bitching because of her presence, I was happy and comfortable with her. I knew with her there you would never be alone when I wasn't there. But once again life reminded me that you weren't meant for me. Wade came into your life and what I used to do to try to control the desire that burned me inside turned into an escape; All that nights on the prowl, the flings that I bragged to you about, each conquest, each night that I spent in someone else's arms, when it was only you of who I dreamt. They could be someone else's bodies but it was you who I yearned." She softly confessed.

"But any human has their limits, I could imagine, I could even stand seeing you with him, I could still have hope that he would be like the others, that he was only a diversion, a way to distract yourself. But then you announced that you would marry him. Forgive me Barbara for abandoning you but I couldn't take it any longer. Hurt you even more?" she shook her head "No, but if I stayed I would, I would be unable to see you with him, knowing that I had lost you forever." She declared with a sense of fatality.

"Pain Barbara? Pain is to love you the way I do without any hope. That is pain." She said with finality and without looking at the redhead who was still petrified in the center of the room. She abandoned the room without stopping; she had said what she had to say. She had lost her for sure, there was no way that Barbara would forgive her or accept what she had just confessed, she didn't want Barbara's pity, she didn't want to hear excuses or physiological explanations.

At the very moment that she had begun to speak, the words had come out of her mouth in a torrent unable to be held back any longer. All those years of silence, of suppressed feelings and hidden desires came to light like a landslide, Helena had not held back a thing, and she had lost.

Barbara had not only not uttered a single word, but she remained where she was in shock. Without paying attention to where Helena was going she ran to the window that led to the emergency exit and heading to the roof without looking back. Her eyes were filled with tears, she only wanted to cuddle up in her now favorite place and forget. Perhaps when she opened her eyes she would discover that it had all been a dream, that Barbara had never been there and had never heard her bare her heart in front of her. Confessing her deepest secret and feel her heart beating it's last at her feet.

Helena had a deck chair and a tarp on the roof. Sometimes she liked to spend the entire night looking up at the stars and remember those nights in New Gotham. _Damn it, damn it_, she made herself into a tight little ball and hugged her legs as she cried heartbroken, feeling as if her heart was breaking into a million pieces as her body shook with her sobs.

She thought that leaving Barbara was the most painful thing she had ever done, she believed that loving the redhead was a curse and a blessing at the same time, she had thought that she was strong enough to reveal her truth to Barbara and live with the consequences, she was wrong. She wasn't…

TBC

**Don't forget to review**

**Thanks for reading.**

**V**


	24. Chapter 22

**AN:** The sabbatical is over, in mid January I will return to normal life, to work the regular 8 hour grind, etc., etc. you all know what that's like (sigh ). So saying that, I hereby notify you that with the end of my sabbatical it also means that I will be moving to another part of the country, I will not know how much time it will take me to settle in, setup internet, etc. My editor has the next 65 pages that remain of the story in her hands, is up to her now.

I don't want you to think I am abandoning you when I go AWOL and that I am leaving you with an unfinished story, that's not he case at all.

Its Xmas time and I didn't want to leave you without an tiny update (5 pages), at least until I can return to a regular routine, I will take advantage of this time to continue writing the stories I have ongoing and work on the basics for the storyline of my new BoP story, it will be an AU and of course B/H.

Thanks again for your continued support, your words and comments have made this story the longest I have written until now and the first one that I have had the courage to publish at this level. Thanks a lot guys.

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year 2010.

V

**Don't forget to review!**

******

Disclaimers see part 1

Time seemed to stand still as if suddenly the room had been transported to another dimension where only silence reigned and only she remained with her memories. Barbara was left in the middle of the room completely stunned, unable to react, not even realizing that Helena had run away from her because it was too painful to face her, thinking that her words had been too appalling. Her mind was in turmoil, she couldn't seem to react or wrap her head around what Helena had just confessed with such torture; suddenly her eidetic memory became her worst enemy. Scenes of Helena in front of her, her actions, her attitude, her looks, everything revolved around in her head in no particular order, all of them barraging her brain with thousand of questions and answers she didn't know that she already knew.

She revived every look Helena had given her realizing now what they had meant, how many times –Barbara lost account– had she surprised the young woman looking at her? How many times had she thought it had only been curiosity or annoyance? How many times had she confused that look of sadness with frustration of the job they did? How many times had they fought over things that seemed irrelevant, but now made sense? Helena had only needed to show some of the passion but that could only be satisfied by seeking out fights with the redhead. Wishing…, needing that the passion that she was showing against Helena for a job or disagreement were much more than what they seemed. Oh, Hel!

How many times had Helena arrived at the tower to spend leisure time with Barbara and much to her surprise she didn't see the real reason behind Helena's actions, she never suspected why Helena would chose to spend some nights with her instead of going out on the prowl, Helena's normal behavior. When she would do everything possible to make her laugh and to relax, that sweet way Helena always paid attention to her, just her. Those crooked smiles that had always been such an enigma to Barbara now were crystal clear. It was Helena looking at her adoringly, smiling only at her suddenly making their true meaning evident.

_Helena wanted her, Helena loved her _–_not just that_–_ Helena was in love with her! _Barbara's mind screamed and at that moment, everything became so clear, so painfully plain to see, each gesture, each smile, every annoyance, every fight, every single detail. _Helena loves me, really loves me!!_

Barbara woke up from her trance and looked towards the window where Helena had been, but there was no one there. Barbara looked around dizzily, realizing dreadfully that she was alone.

"Helena!" She gasped out frightened and ran off calling out her name. She searched in every room, panic growing with each step aware that Helena seemed not be anywhere. She ran to the door nearly panicked and then noticed the young woman's keys and knew she had not left through the front door. A cold breeze blew in through a window and Barbara turned brusquely, _of course, the window! Why didn't I think of it sooner? _She chastised herself; obviously, Helena would escape through the window, which was her habit. However, she wouldn't let her go; she had too much to tell her, to confess, to ask for forgiveness. She only hoped that Helena was nearby and not somewhere around San Francisco by now. Running away was Huntress style, but something told her that this Helena wouldn't run, not this time.

Barbara went out the window and noticed it was a fire escape, she didn't know how much time had passed since Helena had confessed her feeling or how much time she had taken to react, but something was telling her that she would find her on the roof. What other place could the young woman have but the heights? She didn't know the City but from what she had mentioned earlier Helena didn't do sweeps or pass time over roof tops as she had done in New Gotham.

With a purpose in mind, she climbed the stairs and when she was about to arrive on the roof she could clearly hear the sobs of the young woman. Her heart broke when she heard the pain plainly expressed in Helena's sobs. _No more tears Hel, no more. _She promised, jumping the last couple of steps to run to Helena's side.

Helena with her heightened hearing must have perceived her, because with a rough voice from her sobs, she begged Barbara to leave her alone.

"Please, just leave me the hell alone! I don't need your pity, please." She said with a hint of her former rage.

Barbara didn't pay attention to her words and slowly moved towards her, thinking that Helena might bolt away from her, but Helena only curled up more and wrapped her arms around her legs tighter. Not daring to look at Barbara, almost as if in that way she could protect herself from Barbara's overwhelming presence.

"Hel, listen to me please." Barbara pleaded hesitantly.

"No, just leave; I can't do this anymore Barbara, no more." She murmured between sobs, her voice broken and defeated.

"Helena" She placed her hand against the brunette's shoulder feeling in that split second how she tensed and prepared to flee from her. Barbara reacted quickly and trapped her in an unyielding hug against her chest "No Helena", she exclaimed, "I listened to you now it's time for you to hold still and listen to me" .she added exasperated. For Christ's sake! Hel, you are the most stubborn and frustrating woman I know." She added with exasperation.

Helena fought against the arms that held her, she was stronger than Barbara because of her metahuman genes but Barbara also had strong arms and torso due to all her years confined to a wheelchair.

"Damn it, listen to me." Barbara yelled fighting to keep her hold on the biligerent Helena.

"No, no, no I don't want your pity." Helena gasped against her, shaking her body in an attempt to loosen the iron grasp of the redhead and at the same time trying not to hurt the redhead with her struggling.

Barbara looked into Helena's eyes and before she could dart her gaze away, Barbara captured her face in her hands and held her firmly "Thickhead!" She exclaimed and kissed her, their lips met and Barbara assaulted Helena's mouth. She savored each inch of her mouth. She kissed her with determination, with force but yet delicately. Helena moaned breathless, lost in the sensations washing over her senses. _I must be dreaming! _Was all Helena managed to think before losing herself in Barbara's mouth. _God, this was heaven. _Her foggy mind thought trying to regain some of her composure, but it was useless…_Barbara, Barbara, Barbara_ was the only thing that her brain could gather.

Barbara was intoxicated by Helena's lips. After the frantic assault on Helena's mouth, once she was assured that Helena wasn't going to ran away, her kisses turned soft and playful, tasting the lips, caressing her lower lip with her tongue and biting it gently. Helena refused to release her every time that Barbara tried to separate them Helena would capture Barbara's lips once more, drinking from her mouth as if dying of thirst in the desert and the redhead the only one that could satisfy her thirst. Soon Helena's hands trapped Barbara, pulling her towards her, caressing her back, searching almost frantically Barbara's soft skin, needing more contact.

It was only the need to breath that forced Helena to pull away from Barbara's mouth. With a moan of frustration, she left her head fell back for a second exhaling shakily when suddenly what had just happened struck her right between the eyes. The feral eyes which when upset or aroused were two golden slits had slowly returned to their normal blue and soon darkened to a violet as she watched Barbara still stunned by what had just happened. Despite the heavy breathing of both of them Barbara smiled happily and laughed softly. Her green eyes brightly shinning with love and undeniable passion.

"Barbara?" Helena asked tentatively, searching for an answer, being aroused over what had just happened and feeling disoriented at the same time. Her brain just couldn't seem to comprehend,

"Hel." Barbara smiled, caressing her face, her lips.

"Barbara?" Helena repeated again, trying to form coherent sentences, looking at the redhead dumbfounded, almost pleading Barbara to help her to understand.

"Helena" Barbara whispered smiling, her eyes shinning with love.

"I…you…did you…" Helena tilted her head slightly "Why did you just kiss me?

"You kissed me back" Barbara replied amused.

"I did, did I?" The smile on Helena's face could have lit New Gotham for years, and then she frowned, "Why?" she asked with a slight tremor in her voice. She looked over at Barbara almost bashfully and lowered her head, hiding her face behind her hair.

Barbara chuckled, a throaty sound that sent chills down Helena's spine. "Because it was the only thing I could think of doing," she added. "Besides it got your attention, you stopped struggling after that." She pointed out. "And because it's something I've wanted to do for a very long time, so long that I don't even remember the first time I thought about it.

"But..."she shook her head trying to think clearly. "Red, you never...I..." she couldn't get her thoughts straight, her brain having short circuited the moment Barbara had kissed her. The feeling of the redhead's skin under her fingers was making it impossible for her to concentrate not even aware that her hands had made their way under Barbara's blouse.

Barbara cradle Helena's face in her hands, forcing the girl to look at her. What Helena saw in Barbara's eyes made her gasp. "I love you Helena Kyle, I'm in love with you." Barbara said slowly so Helena wouldn't miss a single word or the meaning behind them. "I always have..." she stated. "I was very stupid and foolish to not realize it before now. From the moment I found out you were gone I realized I couldn't live without you. But I would have too learn. I couldn't or didn't understand why until now. Would you forgive me Hel, for not seeing what was right in front of me for so long?"

**Please review! :)**

**TBC**


	25. Chapter 23

AN:

**Hello once again. I'm back with an update for this story, sorry it has taken me so long to publish it but life has thrown me a cruel twist. It it weren't for the fact that most of my story has been published or on a backup I'm not sure how unhappy I'd be right now. Microsoft apparently had a bad update that screwed up my HD and no matter what I try and keep trying I can't seem to retrieve it. True I was planning on retiring my laptop and getting a new one around May but this has now left me without a machine to work on until then. (At least so that I can work on my stories and write things in case my muse should appear at night.) So I once again ask for your patience, I am working slowly but surely. I hope you enjoy it.  
**

**Don't forget to review!!!!**

**V**

******

Barbara paused as if searching for words to continue, not expecting Hel to react who only stared back at her in astonishment as if she couldn't comprehend what was really happening. Not when moments before she had been convinced that any chance with the redhead was impossible.

This past two years without you Hel…" Barbara felt a knot form in her throat, she couldn't speak and her eyes filled with tears. "Breathing was such an agony Helena, to know that each day that I woke up was one more day without you at my side. I was dying Hel."

Helena threw herself back as if she had been hit; just the very idea of losing Barbara because of her was too much, without thinking she threw herself at Barbara, hugging her tightly. "Never again Red, I love you. I love you so much." She repeated against her neck. Barbara pushed her slightly away to search for her lips. This time it was a sweet kiss full of love and promises of a future together. It was a binding of souls and hearts destined to be together.

When they separated, Helena leaned her forehead against Barbara's taking in her scent.

"Forgive me Barbara for having deserted you," she begged.

"Hel you don't have to ask me to forgive you, on the contrary..." Barbara denied, surprised that Helena would even insinuate such a thing. "I was the blind one. The one incapable of seeing what you were feeling for me that refused to find out why I was feeling guilty. I knew deep inside that what I felt for you was more than sisterly love but I refused to see it because I felt guilty."

"No Babs don't you see? It's exactly why I have to ask you for forgiveness." Helena interrupted. "I never really allowed you to see how I felt or even guess at it. I was so frightened about the possible reaction you might have if you had found out my real feelings for you, the ones I was determined to keep hidden. You couldn't have known Barbara."

"You are wrong about that Hel." She placed a finger on her lips when Helena tried to protest. "Each action, each gesture, every look told me what you felt for me, but I was determined to keep my eyes closed and not see the truth."

"But…" Helena shook her head unbelieving, it couldn't be the way Barbara said, she had always maintained a low profile, hidden her true feelings, her jealously. _How could Barbara say that she had known?"_

"Hel, I've known you forever." She said tenderly, guessing her thoughts. "I should have realized before, but the reason I had been blind to your love was because I didn't want to see it. My subconscious always knew. It was the reason why I needed you in my life, your love for me that made me happy and helped me thrive emotionally. Nonetheless, the rational part of my mind didn't allow me any solace and kept me from seeing clearly what my heart knew but refused to accept."

"Why didn't you want to accept it Barbara?" She shakily asked afraid of the answer. Perhaps her violent and wild tendencies made her fear her. Perhaps Barbara was afraid of what she might do or that she might hurt her physically.

"Well because I was your guardian for two years Hel" she stated the most obvious reason "and not only that, since you were a kid I was a constant in your life. I was afraid I would be crossing the boundaries between being socially correct and perhaps taking advantage of the situation of caring for you. Hel I'm nine years older than you, that's enough to…" she tried to search for the appropriate word. "I don't know, maybe be accused of cradle robbing!"

"Red," Helena said with a saucy smile. "I must admit that those worries are valid if you had taken advantage of me if I had been an adolescent and when I lived under your roof under aged. Something I admit I would have enjoyed," which only got her a raised eyebrow from Barbara and a mischievous grin from Hel. "But at the time I was full of anger and confused. I was not in a position to think clearly. Even so, I have always loved was conscious that you only saw me like your ward and that you would never saw me in any other way back then feel jealous of Dick or any other man in your life. When you told me that you would marry Wade Brixton I…it broke my heart and any hope I'd had that one day you would realize that I loved you and that you would feel the same."

"Then you left, I know. Christ I wasn't happy about your leaving. I hated every moment away from you." _I still do _she said to herself_. _"But if you hadn't done it perhaps I would have been married to him and being miserable with or without you anyway." She smiled saddly. "I don't even want to think about it. It's already been hell living without you, but living knowing that you were there but out of reach and knowing that it was my fault…"

"Can I confess something?" A blushing Helena asked.

"Tell me." She moved her face closer.

"I know that the _what if's_ don't exist, fuck that!They don't exist period, but I don't think I would have let you marry him. I don't know what I would have done the night before, but I imagine I would have gotten drunk until I got stupid -even though you know that with my meta genes I would have needed tons of bottles of grey goose- and in that case I would surely have gone looking for you and screamed out what I couldn't tell you while sober. Maybe then…I don't know…" She blushed even more. "I think I would have kissed you Red."

Barbara laughed happily but surprised at the same time.

"Hel I don't know what I would have done, that doesn't sound right the most likely thing is that I would have looked at you disconcertedly and incredulously and astounded and more than anything else overwhelmed with emotion but even so I wouldn't have known how to react."

"Hmm, and now what?" Helena asked as she moved to only a couple of inches away from her lips, looking into her mesmerizing green eyes, lost in the profound depths which left her breathless.

"Now," She said emphasizing every word with a kiss. "I'm happy." Kiss, "Excited," Kiss, "Delirious, enough to…," her voice was lost in the sensual and passionate kiss when Helena took her mouth with sensual abandon.

Helena felt that her heart would burst out of her chest, the sensations that Barbara evoked in her surpassed any erotic dream or fantasy that she could have dreamt of ever since she had found out what desire was. Each nerve ending, every pore of her skin cried out for the redhead. She felt as if she was drowning from the sheer power of the feelings that assaulted her senses. Without halting the kisses Helena frantically searched with her hands in an effort to feel Barbara's skin, almost tearing of Barbara's blouse in her desperate search for the silken skin and feeling as her desire burned her insides like molten lava.

Barbara was lost in the sensation not even thinking about where they were. She let herself be swept up after so many years of repressed desires and feeling inadequate and only half a woman. Forbidden desires threatened to overwhelm her. She held Helena against her, kissing and nipping, her gasps mixed in with the brunette's who continued fighting with Barbara's blouse in her ardent need to get more contact. Helena hissed in pleasure when her hands finally found Barbara's breasts, they felt heavy, needing to be caressed. Helena pulled away from the redheads lips with an impatient groan then she proceeded to bring her mouth to Barbara's neck, biting and blazing a trail towards her ear.

CLANG!!

Both of them jumped at the loud noise, Helena reacted swiftly with still remembered reflexes. She jumped from her seat and got in front of Barbara, looking all around with feral eyes. Searching for any danger that might hurt the woman she loved. To her right a cat walked out languidly in no hurry.

_Meow_. Gray cat was watching them curiously called out. Helena glared at it as if she wanted to kill it and the cat must have sensed it because it ran away in terror meowing all the way.

Barbara started laughing nervously as she rebuttoned the blouse Helena had opened, even as her breath came in short bursts and her heart beat madly. Helena turned slowly, the moment had been broken. She ran her hand through her hair leaving it even more messed up if that were possible. Barbara's hands had taken care of the rest.

"Come on Red, this isn't the place where I want to make love to you for the first time like we were a couple of teens with raging hormones looking for a dark corner. You deserve more than that, 'sides we haven't even been on a first date." She smiled crookedly, looking at her in adoration and extending her hand, which Barbara took without hesitation and got to her feet.

Barbara could feel her legs were weak as she tried to stand and for a moment she almost couldn't. Helena's quick cat like reflexes helped her catch her before she could fall.

"Are you ok?" She fearfully asked. "I…Geez, I forgot…" She began to stutter, fearing the worst.

"Calm down." Barbara held on to her. "It's just that I'm tired, I'm not usually on my feet for so long, remember I have to take it slowly, the nanos do marvels but not miracles." She said calmly.

"Yes, let's go inside, you traveled all day, what was I thinking?" Helena chastised herself. _How could I have forgotten! _Helena held her as if she were a delicate porcelain figurine, searching out her eyes to make sure that Barbara really was ok.

Barbara noticed Hel's anxious look and couldn't help but feel her heart swell from happiness before the clear admission of love that the young woman was showing. _How could I have been so blind to not see it! _She repeated to herself incredulously. How many times had Helena acted in the same way, always putting her welfare before her own? "I'm fine Hel, just a little tired."

Helena agreed and began walking towards the emergency ladder. "Let's go downstairs, would you like to have some tea, I have a Jacuzzi, how about a hot bath?" She offered courteously.

"A hot bath would be perfect Hel." She agreed. "That and rest for a bit."

"Yes, yes, of course, let's go." She immediately agreed.

Helena offered to go down first to make sure that Barbara got down without any problems, it wasn't a long way down, perhaps about 7 feet, but the young woman didn't want to take any risks. She knew the ladder and the distance from memory so without removing her eyes from the redhead they descended carefully. Once in the window of the apartment Helena helped Barbara down the last few steps and helped her go inside.

"Did you want some tea Red?" Helena offered once again, she knew that Barbara like to drink tea in the evenings, _idiot, she's on eastern time_, _It must be almost 3 a.m. for her! _"Red, you must be exhausted! I forgot that we are on different time zones, 'sides you traveled most of the day." She looked ashamed.

"Hel." Barbara said softly, her eyes looking for Helena's who had her head down as if she expected to be scolded. "Hel, look at me." Barbara begged as she cupped Helena's face between her hands.

Helena raised her face but tried to hide her eyes behind her hair.

"I'm sorry Red, I forgot that you traveled all day to get here and I've had you up and down since you arrived." She said she was sorry once again only exasperating Barbara further.

"Helena for Pete's sake, you don't have to be sorry for anything! Hel these last few hours have been the most marvelous in my entire life, from the moment that I was able to see you face to face and be by your side, all of the exhaustion, the fear that you might not want to see me, everything Hel, everything was all worth it if it meant being with you. I love you Helena Kyle, don't doubt it for a single moment." She said fiercely.

Helena smiled and hugged Barbara, hiding her face in her neck and taking in her aroma, relishing the power for the first time of being able to hug the woman that she loved more than anything else in the world without feeling tortured by her nearness. "I love you too Red, you're my life."

They remained that way for a moment, enjoying the warmth and closeness, listening to each other breath and for the first time in two years, they felt at peace and whole. Without realizing it they both let out a deep and happy sigh. Helena was the first to pull away, kissing Barbara on the lips softly.

"Come on." Helena said and was about to start walking when she suddenly stopped and turned half way looking at Barbara playfully. "Hel?" Barbara asked.

"I know that you don't like to be carried but…" And before Barbara could react she took her in her arms, carrying her and hugging her closely, the older woman initially surprised put her arms around her neck laughing as Helena began walking towards the guest room.

"It's true Hel, but don't forget one thing." She reminded her.

"Hmm?" she said as she glanced at her for a second before looking in the direction she was headed once again.

"The only person that I ever let carry me was you and only you." She breathed against her neck, leaning her face against Helena's shoulder.

"I know." Helena whispered. "It was a torture and yet a pleasure to be able to do it…the few times that I could…to feel you against me. Christ, how many times did I have to go take a cold shower or…" she was about to say, relieve myself in someone else's arms, but she held back just in time.

"I know Helena." Barbara said softly as if she had read her thoughts "I'm not going to deny that I hated thinking or remembering that you were in someone else's arms, but I have to accept it as part of my own purgatory. It was I who unknowingly pushed you in that direction." She added bitterly. "It's in the past."

Helena nodded without saying a word then suddenly stopped in the hallway and looked at Barbara uncertainly. "Red…"

"Hmm?" Without raising her head from Helena's shoulder.

"Do you want me to take you to the guestroom or would you prefer that I take you to mine?" She asked coyly.

"What do you want to do Hel?" Barbara asked in turn.

"You, with me." Helena answered immediately.

"Well then Helena, led the way."

Helena smiled brightly and headed directly to her room, once in the bathroom she set Barbara down but not before giving her a soft kiss on the lips and purring with delight when they separated.

"I'm going for your bag, I have everything just in case, and the towels are there." She indicated a cabinet next to the shower.

Helena left the bathroom and ran to look for Barbara's bag that had been left in the guestroom. She returned a few minutes later and without thinking opened the door to the bathroom, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw the perfect vision standing in front of her, a nude Barbara.

"Oh fuck." She moaned when she saw her, almost melting into the floor right there.

Barbara smiled at Helena's reaction. She could feel her eyes running over her body and for just a moment she had been tempted to cover herself, forgetting that if anyone knew her perfectly it was Helena and if anyone had seen her scars it had been Helena.

"Do you see anything you like?" She asked in a silken voice drawing slowly closer to the young woman who continued frozen in place.

Helena nodded affirmatively, drinking in the image of the woman that she loved with total abandon. Barbara drew near pressing her body against the brunette who with a load "thud" released the redheads bag. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she moaned as she took Barbara's lips, kissing her ardently.

Barbara wrapped her arms around Hel's neck without releasing the kiss, several seconds later both abandoned themselves to their need, only separating when the need for air was essential, both were breathing hard.

"Even though I would love to make love to you right now Hel…" Barbara confessed in a husky voice full of desire, "I think we both are too physically and emotionally drained to go much further." She said disappointed.

"I know." Helena sighed; her eyes feral, swallowing with difficulty, trying every way she could to calm her frantic heart. "Besides as I said before we haven't had our first date yet, Red. And you are not just another notch on my belt. I want to treat you like what you are, the woman that I love."

Barbara smiled touched by her words. Helena Kyle definitely was a sweet and charming woman, even though Helena would rather die first than admit to it.

"I would love to go on a date with you Hel." She gave her a special smile one that was just for her.

"Tomorrow." Helena promised. "I'll leave you to you shower, I'm going to prepare you a tea." Se gave her a brief kiss and left closing the door behind her. She knew that if she didn't do it, she wouldn't be able to resist. _Fuck, she's so damn hot. _She thought as her heart felt as if it would erupt from her chest. Her hands were sweaty and her body shook, so determined had she been to forget Barbara that she had forgotten just how beautiful she was. For her, the scars were only a sign of her courage and only enhanced her physical beauty, but more than that, they only made her a woman full of inner strength.

With a sigh Helena headed for the kitchen to prepare Barbara's favorite tea, it so happened that one day while she was out shopping she came across the brand that Barbara enjoyed and on an impulse purchased it, that had been almost a year ago. The aroma and taste reminded her of the redhead. Who would have known that at that moment she'd be in her apartment preparing tea for her.

Fifteen minutes later Helena returned to the room, Barbara was coming out in the brunettes bathrobe and when she saw her she smiled.

"Mmm, it smells like green tea." The redhead commented. "I didn't know you liked it."

"Hmm," Helena blushed lightly tilting her head "not exactly."

She drew closer and handed her the steaming cup. Barbara set the towel she had been using to dry her hair on a chair before taking it.

"How exactly?" She asked intrigued.

"It reminds me of you." Hel confessed "the aroma."

"Oh," Barbara smiled tenderly moving closer to Helena and giving her a gentle kiss on the lips. Kissing Helena was like a drug, there was not another pair of lips as soft and sweet, they were addictive.

"I'm going to take a shower, make yourself at home." She indicated with her hand. "I won't be long."

Barbara nodded and turned towards the bed where Helena had placed her bag. She carefully opened it and took out her pajamas, which consisted of a t-shirt and cotton pants. Once she was dressed she placed her bag on the floor next to the bathroom door and lay down. As she drank her tea calmly she could hear the water running, she closed her eyes relishing in the tranquility that she was finally with Helena.

_How many nights, _Barbara thought to herself, _how many wondering where you were, what you were doing, suffering your absence, needing your presence. It feels so surreal being here, in her house, knowing that in a few minutes, Helena will be lying here next to me and when I wake up, she'll be in my arms. _A tremulous smile appeared on her face, _Christ, could it be? _She felt such happiness that she threatened to explode in front of Helena, she almost jumped having forgotten just how silent the young woman was and how she moved silently like a cat.

"Why are you smiling?" Helena asked softly, laying down next to her without removing her eyes from her.

"Because of you." She stroked her face with a shaky hand, "In how happy I am now, in how much I missed you and how incredible it is to finally be at your side like this."

Helena let a sigh of pleasure escape, smiling sweetly, her eyes demonstrating all the love that she felt for Barbara. "I love you," She whispered. "I love you so much Barbara."

"And I love you too Helena, more than words can express." _It's so easy to tell her what I feel, it's so easy to tell her I love you. I would never have believed that it would be so simple_ she thought in amazement.

Slowly Helena moved nearer, never taking her eyes from Barbara's who just as she felt the brunettes lips caress her own closed her eyes in pure reflex letting a tremulous sigh escape. They kissed softly, savoring each moment it wasn't passionate or urgent, it was a kiss full of love and promise. Their lips locked softly neither of them looking to dominate the other, just a brush of the lips, gentle, just small pecks. At some point Barbara's kiss became more demanding, caressing each inch of her lips with her tongue, begging for entrance. Hel groaned lightly before losing herself in the sensations. She pressed her body against the redheads, molding herself perfectly to her curves. When they finally separated both were breathing heavily and there was desire in their eyes but at the same time a profound love.

Helena and Barbara smiled happily and with a final kiss Helena burrowed against the redhead's body, leaning her head against her chest and an arm around her waist. When they had first started living together, both had been haunted by nightmares and more often than not Helena would seek refuge in Barbara's arms, comforting each other mutually. Given Barbara's condition and forced immobility Helena usually wound up cuddled against the redhead. Both released a sigh as their bodies molded together perfectly as if they had been destined to be together.

"Thank you for giving me the opportunity of being by your side Red." Helena whispered against her neck.

"Oh Hel, I should be the one thanking you." Barbara caressed her head running her fingers through the damp hair. "I love you." She said kissing her forehead.

"'ove you." Helena murmured almost asleep, Barbara's caresses were relaxing her, her scent like an intoxicating tranquilizer, the young woman breathed in the redhead's aroma that was so distinctive. _Her Barbara, _was the last thought she had before falling into a deep sleep.

**TBC**


	26. Chapter 24

**AN**: Sorry for the delay and this is unbetaed sorry for the weird wordings or spellings.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to review it will cheer me up after my crashed Hard Drive tragedy.

V

*****

Even though Barbara was completely exhausted, she couldn't sleep, her mind wouldn't stop thinking. She didn't want to lose a single detail of what was happening. She was in Helena's bed cuddling her, something that only 24 hours earlier had been a hopeless impossibility that Helena might have felt the same way about her and reciprocated her love.

It was because of that love that Helena had left NG, believing that this would guaranty her happiness.

_Oh Hel, how stupid we were, all that time wasted because of our fear of losing each other. It's true what they say about love being blind. _Barbara thought to herself with a bittersweet smile. She closed her eyes enjoying the warmth of Helena's body, knowing that this was where she belonged, that her place was and always would be by the fearless, stubborn and incredibly sweet Helena Kyle.

Barbara was almost asleep when she felt a strange vibration against her chest. She opened her eyes wide-open feeling a bit disoriented, and suddenly she realized where she was and with whom, it was Helena.

_Purring?_ _How is it that I never knew?_ She thought, Helena had slept with her for several months during the first year that her mother had died and her own _attack_, but she had never heard her or felt her purr. True after that year Helena had stopped sleeping with her, but she would have felt it right? _Tomorrow I'll ask her. _Barbara promised herself. The truth was that Helena's purring was like a lullaby, her eyes felt heavy and she finally went back to sleep but never stopping from rubbing Helena's back, who at the same time cuddled closer to Barbara's body and swinging a leg over her without letting up on the purring much like a happy house cat.

*****

The first thing Helena felt as she woke up was a warm body next to her. For a moment she froze, feeling a bit confused. She opened her mouth slightly and took a breath of air scenting in the smells. A huge smile grew on her face as she breathed in deeply drowning in the scent that she never thought she would smell again. Helena sighed, she felt complete and absolute ecstatic with happiness just because she was wrapped around the redhead and knowing that the woman at her side loved her as much as she loved her in return. It was an overwhelming feeling; she had never felt as full of life as in this moment. She wanted to wake up this way every morning, with their bodies entwined. Knowing that this was the place that she belonged and that Barbara was hers and would be forever.

She remained that way for a while longer, not moving, just enjoying Barbara's nearness, listening to her breathing and her heartbeat against her ear. She felt at peace, truly at peace, no longer with those feelings of pain and emptiness that held her heart and threatened to bring her down on a daily basis. Finally, that which she had dreamed of was hers, Barbara was hers.

Her meta hearing perceived the cell phone ring and careful not to awaken Barbara she untangled herself from the warm body to which she was attached so closely and with cat footsteps, she left the room to answer the call.

"Kyle." She answered without paying attention to the number.

"Helena?" Leah's voice said. "Did you forget about our breakfast date?"

"Oh damn, I'm sorry Leah I forgot." Helena apologized. "I'm truly sorry."

"Well it's still early it's only been 15 minutes, I can wait for you." Leah said.

"Oh, Leah, I can't." She expressed her regret. "I had company last night." Recalling the reason why she had completely forgotten her standard date for breakfast, a huge smile brightened up Helena's face.

"Company?" She said intrigued. "What company Hel?"

"You wouldn't believe it if I told you." Helena confessed cheerfully

Leah held her breath for a moment and suddenly yelped. "Barbara! It's her isn't it?

"Yes!" Helena responded happily. "I couldn't believe it Leah. When I opened the door and saw her standing there in front of me for a moment I thought I was dreaming."

"From the happiness I can hear in your voice it appears everything turned out well? Right Hel?"

"Yes, she loves me Leah, she loves me!" Helena confided, the love she felt for Barbara evident in her voice. If Dinah or Reese were standing next to her, listening to the conversation, they wouldn't believe that this was the same Helena they knew, they would more than likely think that she was under one of Harley Quinn's hypnotic trances such as when she had tried to kill Barbara.

"Wow, I knew it!" Leah exclaimed happy for her friend.

"Huh?" Helena was baffled. "How did you…?"

Leah interrupted her with an amused chuckle. "Oh for Heaven's sake Helena, it's obvious. I might not know Barbara but from everything, you have told me about her and your life together it's not difficult to imagine. The problem was that you were both so worried about not losing each other that you were unable to see it for yourselves.

Even though Leah couldn't see Helena, she was sure that her expression at that moment was one of confusion and incredulity.

"Well yes something like that." Hel admitted wearily. "I never imagined it and neither did she."

"I suppose, so tell me what if you two come have dinner with me tonight? I'm dying to meet her and congratulate her for being braver than you and coming to look for you to shake some sense into you." Leah offered.

"Hmm, I don't think it's possible, at least not today, but I'll ask her and I'll let you know Leah?"

"Of course Hel, I'm so happy for you, you really deserve this chance, don't screw it up Ok?"

"I promise Leah. Catch you later and sorry for standing you up, it's just…"

"You don't have to give explanations Hel. For Heaven's sake, the love of your life has knocked at your door! Of course you have every right to be with her."

"Thanks Leah for everything." Helena sincerely said. Truly Leah had helped her see things from a different perspective, one which she would have never been able to see by herself, at least not right away and now that everything was out in the open and that she had Barbara's love, she couldn't but be grateful to her friend for helping her open her eyes. Red's visit would have been much different if she hadn't spoken with Leah beforehand. Perhaps they might have confessed their mutual love but maybe just maybe it might have been more explosive than what it was.

"You're welcome Hel, we'll be in touch. Say hello to Barbara, and tell her that she's a very fortunate woman for having your love."

"On the contrary Leah, I'm the fortunate one, she's unique in herself.

"I'm glad to hear you are so happy Hel. Take care.

"Bye Leah."

"Bye."

Helena closed her cell and took a breath, she half turned and almost falls on the sofa when she found herself in front of Barbara, she had not heard her come in.

"Hey." She smiled happily.

"Good morning." Barbara smiled in turn moving closer to brunette, and placing her hands on her waist, drawing her in closer. "Would you like to know what woke me up?" She said.

"Hmm?" Helena stared back lost in her eyes.

"You weren't there, I turned around and you weren't there and for a moment I thought that it had all been a dream when I didn't find you by my side." She confessed with a certain sadness in her eyes. "I refused to open my eyes thinking that if I did I would find myself alone in my own bed without you.

"Oh I'm so sorry." She looked contrite. "It's just that my cell rang and I came to answer it and I didn't want to wake you, you were so tired…" Barbara's fingers over her mouth silenced her.

"When I finally did it, I realized that it hadn't been a dream, that you were definitely here, the question was where were you? So, I came out looking for you.

"And you found me." Hel responded her eye shinning.

"I found you." Barbara agreed her lips only millimeters from Hel's. She took her mouth with sensual abandon, possessive, not just a good morning kiss, but also a kiss that reaffirmed what the redhead felt for Helena. She hugged the young woman tightly against her, her mouth devouring the young woman's mouth. Her tongue searching out each crevice of Helena's mouth, who responded with equal passion. Their tongues dueled to dominate the other, low moans of pleasure escaped from their mouths. Without releasing each other Helena, caressed Barbara's back, burying her fingers in the soft skin and pulling her down towards her.

"I love you." Barbara said against Hel's lips. "I love you Helena."

When Barbara had come out to look for Hel she couldn't help but hear the end of the conversation she was having with Leah. She wasn't sure what had been said, but the fact that she heard Helena speaking with her friend had made her feel extremely jealous, something completely stupid because she knew that Helena was in love with her, but she also knew that Leah had been even if only for a short time Helena's lover. However, all her doubts disappeared when Helena looked at her with genuine happiness and adoration when she saw Barbara there in front of her.

"And I you Red." Helena hugged Barbara and leaned her head against her shoulder. "Are you hungry? I can make something if you like or we can go out for breakfast somewhere." The young woman offered.

"Hmm, a coffee is what I need right now and we can just have breakfast here. I have some things I need to check and attend to before doing anything else." Barbara commented giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Of course, let me go make the coffee and breakfast. There is my computer you can use it if you like or not. I have high-speed wireless too, so just make yourself comfortable.

"Who would have thought, you with a computer and high speed connection, I'm surprised Hel." She teased.

"Hmm, it's so I can play my X-box online." Hel confessed.

"Hahahaha, I knew it!" Barbara laughed heartily.

"Ok, ok." She gave her another kiss and pulled away. "I'm gonna make you your coffee."

Barbara let her go before deciding that after all she'd rather be close to Helena than anywhere else. With a smile, she headed for the kitchen.

Helena turned when she heard her enter the kitchen and smiled. "Impatient for your coffee Red?" She asked playfully.

"No, I just want to be close to you." Barbara sincerely responded looking into her eyes.

Helena felt breathless at the simple declaration from the redhead. A smile that could easily illuminate all of New Gotham appeared on her face. She tilted her head in order to hide her blushing face. _Damn, I've always wanted to hear her say something like that, but, Wow! _"Oh really?" She said a bit timidly still feeling the warmth on her skin from Barbara's words.

"It's true Hel." Barbara said softly drawing nearer to her and placing a hand on her cheek and caressing it. "I have spent two years without you and now that you are here I still can't believe it and I think about all the times that you were by my side, without saying anything, just because you wanted to be with me, true?"

"Yes." She responded shakily. "I have loved you forever and if that was the only way to have you…I would spend hours watching you without your knowledge." She confessed.

"Hel, I always knew you were there." She confessed. "I feel you, I feel your presence, your stare. But back then it made no sense to me because I didn't want it to make sense, but I was used to your presence, I needed it, I know that now. When you stopped spending time at the tower I missed you, I kept telling myself that it was work stress, but in reality it's just that I missed your silence presence."

"But just the same I watched you. I would stand outside of the other building and would watch you from there." She confessed. "I couldn't be near you once you started going out with Wade more formally, it was…it hurt too much." A tear escaped her eyes, betraying her and Barbara hurriedly kissed it away. "I…"

"Hel, forgive me." Barbara begged. "Forgive me for being so blind, for having caused you so much pain. I would die first rather than cause you pain like that ever again."

"Red there aren't any guarantees that we won't get hurt again, we are humans, we are not perfect but the important thing is not to forget what we feel. We might fight, we always do and I don't think that will change, but now it's different. Before I was so volatile with you because of my suppressed feelings and sometimes I would fight with you just to see that passion directed at me. And if that was the only way that you would be that way with me, by fighting, then…"

"Hahaha," She laughed. "Oh Hel, I think my passion for you is guaranteed." She said capturing her lips in a passionate kiss that left them both breathless and wanting more.

"Ok, Ok, this is getting out of hand." Helena grumbled as if angry. "Let's have breakfast and then we'll go tour the city for a bit, we still have a lot to discuss.

"Have I told you that you're a good kisser?" She raised a brow suggestively and Helena looked back at her with a mix of incredulity and desire and with a wink threw herself at the redhead who laughed cheerfully before Helena could capture her lips, silencing her.

When Helena let her go, her eyes were feral and her chest moved up and down with heavy breathing. "You are a very, very dangerous woman." She tapped her finger against Barbara's nose.

"Me?" She put on an innocent face but her eyes gave her away as they shown mischievously. "I thought you were the "_the weapon itself_," Hel."

"You…you…" Helena shook her head and turned towards the coffee pot. Barbara would find out soon enough how dangerous she was. _Oh yes Red! You'll see very soon I promise. _She swore to herself as she listened to Barbara's pleased laughter behind her.

The day suddenly turned much longer than Helena expected. _Damn Babs, you are going to be the death of me, _a delighted smile appeared on her lips, _hmm, but what a way to go._

She served Barbara her coffee and then herself. When Barbara noticed the design on the coffee cup, she arched her brow questioningly "interesting quote Hel. Who gave it to you?"

Helena lowered her gaze and blushed as she looked at the cup; it was her favorite so she had forgotten what it said. _I'm a artis and I know how to use my hands. _"Hmm, well, I…" She blushed even more if that were possible. Barbara was looking right into her eyes with a raised eyebrow, daring her to lie. "Leah, Leah gave it to me, but it was way before there was anything between us." She finally confessed. "It was a joke."

Barbara remained silent waiting for Helena to explain further. "We had been going to the same café for breakfast for about two months and at least one where we ate together. One morning she called to cancel because she was waiting for a plumber to stop by and fix her kitchen sink. I told her to cancel the plumber and I told her I'd fix it in return for breakfast. So, I grabbed my tools and I fixed it. When I was done she told me I was just a big bag of surprises and I told her I was very good with my hands. The next day she gave me the cup."

Barbara took a sip of her coffee before making any comment. "Hel, I'm not going to pretend that I don't feel a bit of jealousy at the thought that you and she had something together. Christ Hel, I know I shouldn't feel it but I do, however, it's the past. That doesn't mean that I want to know about your former conquests or what you did or didn't do, but if some day something comes out, well that's fine. I just ask that you don't hide it from me. I would rather know the truth than let my imagination run wild. Will you promise me that?" She said in a shaky voice. The truth was that the idea of someone else touching Helena was not something she wanted to dwell on but things were the way they were and she couldn't change the past no matter how much she wanted to, her own cowardice was the culprit, not that Helena had all those lovers in the past. Barbara was just learning to deal with her own emotions and was discovering that allowing herself to open up to Helena's love which was not unwelcome it was difficult to get used to the "emotions" on the surface or to feel jealousy. Perhaps after all she should have paid more attention to her other coeds when she was in high school that way she wouldn't feel like a teen with her first crush and rampant hormones.

The brunette woman gently set the cup on the table, moved closer to Barbara and knelt in front of her as she had done on so many occasions when she had still been in her wheelchair. It was not meant as a token of submission but of loyalty and unconditional love that she bestowed on the redhead. "Red, I told you before and I'll tell you again, never nor will anyone ever take your place. You are my life, the air I breathe, the other half of my soul." _Oh, could Helena be any more romantic?_ Barbara felt as if all her being was melting. "My love for you is forever Barbara Gordon. I promise you that."

Barbara leaned forward slightly and kissed Helena, several seconds before Helena finally pulled away. "If we continue this way not only are we not going to have breakfast Babs, but we'll never have a date." She said partly in jest.

"Fine, what are we having for breakfast?" Barbara agreed, after all they had all of their lives ahead of them. "I have to admit I am famished."

"What do you say about Waffles a la Alfred?" She raised a brow playfully.

"A la Alfred?" She said surprised. "How is it you know how to makes waffles a la Alfred?"

"Oh, I asked Dinah to get the recipe for me and she sent it to me by email. She knew how much I missed them." She shrugged.

Helena had always had a weakness for sweets, proof of that was her addiction to Pop Tarts, strawberry particularly. Alfred kept a good supply of these to this day. "_Just in case Miss Helena should return." _The butler told Barbara when she asked one day why he continued to buy them. The pain of the thought that she may never return almost caused her to double over. Since then Alfred made sure that Barbara was never around when he restocked them. Dinah also liked them and was always eating them, but much like when Alfred bought the sweet pastries, Dinah never ate them out of sight of the redhead.

"I would love that Hel." She agreed.

"Great." Helena stood and headed for the refrigerator to take out the things she needed to prepare them.

As Helena made the waffles, she entertained Barbara with tales of her trips to Mexico and parts of Central America.

"I'm sure you know already, but I'll tell you anyway Babs, there I was delighted with the samplings of the exotic Oaxacan food when a young lady at a food stand offered me some little chocolate figurines. They looked like grasshoppers but when I saw they were chocolate, I took them gladly and put them in my mouth. I thought it was some type of toasted seed because they crunched as I chewed, kind of like almonds, but they were delicious. So then, the young woman asked me if I had liked them and of course, I said they were delicious so then she tells me…They are chocolate covered crickets and we also have ants, maguey worms. I think I put on a "Oh my God" kind face. Imagine how I felt when she told me I had just eaten crickets! I turned green and ran off in search of some water."

By that time Barbara was dying of laughter as Helena began to tell her about the Oaxacan plates and she immediately associated the story with the custom of eating insects in that area. The very idea of trying to imagine Helena's face was priceless.

"Sure, sure laugh, I almost decorated the stand with my breakfast and you laugh." Helena said playfully, the truth was that she had enjoyed it and in truth, the crickets weren't that bad at least not after the initial shock. Once she had thought about it she decided they weren't bad after all and bought a small bag. "I have some around here if you want to try them." Hel offered.

"No thanks Hel, I'll pass, I don't want to deprive you of the delicious treat.

"Believe it or not Red, they really aren't that bad, sure at first it shocks you a bit but soon you realize that they don't taste bad. I also tasted the ants and worms, those I didn't like so much."

"Ugh, Hel, don't even think about kissing me after eating those crickets ok?" She warned.

"Hmm," Helena's eyes shined wickedly. There was nothing more tempting than a dare. "Ok."

"Helena," She looked at her seriously.

"Ok, ok. Well now that we are done with breakfast what do you say you do what you have to do while I clean up the kitchen and then we can go ride around. I'd like to take you to a place that's very special to me. We can talk more there.

"Ok, I'll be in the living room if you need me." She got to her feet.

"Always Red, I'll always need you." Helena declared.

Barbara smiled and nodded, taking the young woman's promise as a fact. "The same here Hel."

Helena began cleaning up the kitchen as soon as Barbara headed for the living room to check on things in New Gotham and to make a few phone calls. She still wasn't sure how she was going to ask Dick if he could stay a few more days with the girls. She had to come up with something; the truth was she still didn't want to share her reunion with Helena with anyone just yet. Not before having talked with her about where having confessed the truth and accepting their mutual love would lead them. A part of her was still reluctant to ask Helena to return with her to New Gotham. She felt it wasn't fair to ask the girl to give up her new life if she was happy with it.

Helena, without Barbara knowing, or perhaps because she was used to feeling her stare, didn't realize that she was being observed from the kitchen. Hel asked herself what she could be thinking about that had her frown as she sat lost in thought. She began to doubt for a moment, Was Barbara perhaps having doubts? No, she refused to believe it. Barbara loved her, she had confessed it to her. Before the insecurity could take hold she left the kitchen, went, and sat next to Barbara.

"Is everything alright?" She asked.

"Yes, I was just checking what happened last night in the city. It looks like it was a night like any other night. No big problems, a couple of robberies, a few street fights." She commented without removing her eyes from the laptop.

"Ok, it's after 12, do you want to go out now or do you still have things to do?" Helena asked.

"Hmm, I'm almost done, just give me about 15 minutes and I'll go change." Barbara said with a smile.

"In that case I'm going to get ready to go out." She got up from the sofa and turned towards Barbara leaning over to give her a kiss. "Don't take to long, I know how you can get obsessively lost in your work and forget your surroundings." She said half in jest.

"Yes, I guess you would know." She shook her head. "Theoretically I'm on vacation, so no Hel, I won't be longer than that." She promised.

"Ok." She was heading out when she stopped. "Are you going to tell Dinah that you're here?" She asked curiously. From what the redhead had told her the night before no one knew she was in San Francisco.

"No just yet Hel." She begged her to trust her with her eyes.

"No problema here." She accepted and continued to her room.

Barbara watched her go and disappear into her room before taking out her cell and calling Dick. She answered his questions and asked him to stay a few more days in New Gotham because she wanted to take advantage of her trip to visit a few places. Barbara hung up and sent an email to Dinah and another to Aiko. She rechecked Delphi's status and closed the laptop and set it on the coffee table and stood. She headed for the bedroom without thinking any further about New Gotham, crime or her work, nothing was important at that moment but to be with Helena.

When she entered the room Helena was calmly lying down watching tv, when she saw her enter she smiled. "Wow, you were serious, you didn't take more than 20 minutes."

"You doubted it?" An eyebrow rose.

"Well Babs you have to admit I had reason." She arched her own brow.

"That's true Hel, but at this moment all I want is to be with you, the rest is irrelevant." Barbara declared seriously.

Helena was speechless for a moment, Barbara had never said that her duty as a vigilante or her work were irrelevant. If she had, had any doubts before now disappeared like smoke. An enormous smile illuminated her face. "Thanks." Was the only thing she could say.

Barbara knew Helena very well and this time was no exception, she understood perfectly that surprise the young woman felt when she admitted the irrelevancy of her other priorities. However, two years without Hel had shown her that sometimes and under certain special circumstances were worth more than either being a vigilante or anything else. She moved slowly towards the bed and sat next to Helena taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. "Hel, I want you to know something, it has to be crystal clear that what I feel for you, what's between us…" she added, "will always be more important than anything else. I have changed a lot over the past two years just as you have Hel. One of the things that I learned is that time is too precious to waste. It's true, there will be times in which my duty as a vigilante will take up my attention but that doesn't mean that I will forget about you or move you aside. Nothing is more important than you Hel. Nothing.

Helena agreed feeling comforted; she had always known how important the redhead's duty was in the fight against crime and safety of the citizens of New Gotham, even over her own health and safety. However, having her say that she considered her more important than all of that, made her realize that Barbara was truly committed to her. That she truly loved her in every sense of the word.

An idea began to form in her head at that moment, one that she was decided to see through before returning to New Gotham, because Helena Kyle was definitely returning with Barbara when she left. Helena did not intend to spend another day far from Barbara. Now the only thing that remained was to convince her that it was a good idea.

**TBC**

**Don't forget to review! :)**


	27. Chapter 25

**AN:** Unbetaed, sorry for the delay and the mush ball moments. (grin).

**Don't forget to review**

V

*****

With that in mind, Helena looked at Barbara for a moment as she looked through her bag for something to wear that day

"Ok, I'm going to the gallery for a few minutes. I have to get Kate to use her contacts in order to get us a table. When you're ready just go through the interior hallway door on the right. I want you to meet Kate.

"Oh…" she looked up in surprise but Helena had already gone out.

Kate was busy reviewing some documents when Helena came in through the interior door. She looked up and smiled and blinked several times as she looked at the brunette closely. Hel looked radiant. She had never seen her so happy. Hel literally looked as if she were floating. The melancholy air that seemed to always surround her had disappeared and in it's place was an aura of happiness. "Hello Hel, did something happen last night? I've never seen you look so happy."

Helena smiled delightedly taking two steps towards Kate and grabbed Kate, spinning her through the air. "I am the happiest woman in the world Kate." She said laughing.

"Hel put me down." Kate scolded. "I'm getting dizzy."

"Ok, Ok. Kate I need a favor." She asked now more serious as she watched Kate lean against the desk.

"Of course." She asked intrigued by the girls words. "Whatever you like, you know that."

"I need you to get me a reservation for Albona for tonight, for two."

"Albona…" Her eyes widened in surprise. It was one of the best Italian restaurants in the city. "Wow, Hel, who is the lucky girl?"

"Kate, I, I am…" She started to say with an enormous smile. Just then Kate noticed that she wasn't looking at her, but at something behind her and she turned to see. Heading towards them was the woman that she had seen in the portrait. She gasped in surprise and looked at Hel questioningly.

"Kate, I want you to meet Barbara Gordon, the reason for my happiness." Helena stretched out her hand and took Barbara's, who blushed slightly at the young woman's open declaration.

Kate was slow to react for just a moment. The surprise was so sudden. When she noticed that Barbara was extending her hand she finally reacted. "Pleased to meet you Barbara Gordon, I'm Kate Spencer."

"The pleasure is all mine Mrs. Spencer. Helena has told me so much about you." Barbara answered courteously.

"Oh, please call me Kate. I don't think I've ever seen Hel so happy and to know that you are the reason for this little one to be so happy is more than enough for me." Kate said in delight, still surprised at who was in front of her. Hel had truly captured her beauty on canvas, but to have her in the flesh had much more of an impact.

"Just call me Barbara." She said. "I am so grateful for making Hel into such a great painter."

"No, for heaven's sake, Hel did it all without any help from me. I only gave her a slight shove in the right direction by exhibiting her paintings. She didn't want to because she claimed they were only a hobby." She said as she refused to take credit for Hel's fame as a painter.

"Well either way I appreciate it, if it weren't for that perhaps we wouldn't be here talking now. I'll always be in your debt, it was that painting that has me here today by her side and I have no way of showing you my gratitude." Barbara insisted looking over at Hel with a smile.

"Well looking at it from that perspective I guess it's alright." Kate finally accepted. "Tell me Hel, do you have plans aside from what you mentioned?"

"Oh, well actually yes. I'm going to take her for a ride around the city and be back around." Helena said enthusiastically.

"Perfect, I'll leave you the details on a note, how's that?"

"Great." Helena agreed.

"Once again it's a pleasure meeting you Barbara. I'm sure we'll see each other again." She addressed the redhead.

"I'm sure we will Kate." Barbara smiled.

"Well, let's get going. See you later Kate." Helena said goodbye and pulled Barbara along. Kate watched them fondly leave the gallery. Helena's enthusiasm was so sweet, her eyes shown like a little girl that had just gotten her dream gift. And oh my, What a gift!

Kate smiled to herself, she knew what it was to have the love of your life in your life and it was obvious to her not only from what Hel had told her about her past but because she didn't need to know it because she could see it in her eyes. Before Hel always seemed to carry a heavy sadness, now her eyes shown brightly and she looked as if she were covered by a brilliant halo. The happiness that radiated from the brunette was undeniable and if there was any doubt as to the reason you only had to look at them together and any shreds of doubt would disappear. Hel plain and simple was deeply in love and the woman that made her feel that way obviously felt the same way if what she had in front of her eyes was any indication of what was between them.

_Oh Hel, it makes me so happy to know that you are finally happy. _Kate thought. _Even though that might mean that you might go out of my life, because I know there is no way you would stay. Not now that you have recovered what was always yours._

With a sad but also happy smile Kate se to pull some strings to get the girl her reservation. It was apparent what her intentions were to romance the woman of her dreams and she would be the one to take care that it took place.

Helena followed Barbara to the Hertz rental office to return the car. Once the appropriate documents were signed both of them got into the brunette's Liberty.

"So what would you like to do Babs?" Hel asked looking at her out of the corner of her eye as she drove through the streets of San Francisco.

"Well Hel, you're the expert, besides I don't know what your plans are for this afternoon so I have know idea how much time we can play tourists before returning to the apartment." Barbara said.

"Well it's almost noon, a visit to Chinatown is not feasible so we can do that tomorrow if you like. For the time being we can go down to Castro and take a tour of one of the most popular neighborhoods of the city. I really don't care Red, I just want to be with you."

Barbara searched out her hand and squeezed it. "The Castro sounds like a good idea, we can walk and the look for a quiet place to talk, don't you think? We still have a lot to discuss."

"I know, The Castro then." And they headed for the Gay Mecca of San Francisco.

Once they found a public parking garage, Helena took Barbara by the hand and they began to walk around. The redhead couldn't help but be surprised by the atmosphere around her. Sure New Gotham wasn't exactly a conservative city but you didn't see the homosexual couples walking hand in hand in public.

As they walked Helena explained to her the history of the neighborhood.

"Castro, or as it's known as _The Castro_ in reality runs the length of Castro Street to Market Street and 19th. It extends past Market all the way to Church and on each side of that is Eureka.

It's known as the Gay Mecca of San Francisco, in the 60's and 70's as a working/middle class neighborhood and then became a symbol for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual community. Many events for the pro alternative lifestyle take place here.

"And how do you know all this Hel?" Barbara asked curiously. The Helena that she recalled never bothered to learn much about any place in particular.

"Well," she shrugged her shoulders, "Since I live here it's kinda impossible not to know Red. Besides when I was getting my Art degree I had to do a report about the history of the area and it's artistic background. I focused on the alternative lifestyle history when I wrote it.

"I see." She nodded in contemplation. "Please go on, it's very interesting."

"Ok, well in reality the LGTB community of San Francisco is concentrated mainly in the commercial district that's from Castro St. to Market. Even though the majority of the LGTB community is based in the Castro, because the community is growing at such a large pace it has expanded into the residential areas bordering Corona Heights, The Mission District, Noe Valley, Twin Peaks and Haight-Ashbury. There are some that include the Doboce Triangle and Dolores Heights because of the strong LGTB presence.

"Totally the Gay Mecca of San Francisco." Barbara commented in surprise.

"Tell me about it. Even though it so openly accepted you can still find homophobic attitudes and gay bashing's on occasion. It's sad, but the truth is that human beings are not very tolerant of people that we find different." Helena observed with certain bitterness. Her own meta-human differences were a classic example.

"I know Hel." Barbara squeezed her hand as a sign of support, understanding what Helena really meant. "It's something that not even with the growth that humanity has had through the years have they been able to over come."

"Yes, well what do you say if we check out some of the stores and ramble around. If something draws your attention let me know."

They walked through the streets leisurely. Helena continued to recount anecdotes of her life in San Francisco, always looking for ways to make Barbara smile and fully aware that even though she laughed she couldn't help but feel a touch of sadness as she listened to what her life was like during her exile.

When we arrived at Duboce Triangle, Helena stopped on Noe St. and looked at Barbara with a smile; she kissed her softly and took her by the hand to _Jumpin' Java_ to have something to drink. Barbara was surprised by the public show of affection, something that Helena did not usually do.

"This is one of my favorite places at this hour, it's quiet and you can enjoy a variety of coffee beverages from hot to cold, with or without alcohol. They also have a great variety of Tea's." Helena explained as she headed straight to a table in the back with a view of the street.

Once they were seated and had ordered, Hel looked over at Barbara seriously.

"Barbara, what are your plans?" She asked cautiously.

"Planes…what exactly do you mean Hel?" She tilted her head in question, although she had a vague idea of what Hel meant she wanted to be sure.

"Well, I know that no one knows you are here. I know that they think you're in DC, but when are you planning on returning, which you will, right?"

"Oh, of course Hel, you know I have to return. I have responsibilities to take care of." She began to feel a little nervous. This was a subject that she wasn't sure how to broach. A part of her or to be honest her whole being demanded that she throw herself at the young woman's feet and beg her to return with her, but she didn't want to be selfish. She had been and it had cost her two years without Helena. "But that doesn't mean we can't see each other. I can fly to San Francisco once a month if you want and you can go to New Gotham whenever you can." She observed with feigned enthusiasm, trying to sound and feel calm, something which she did not feel at all And she gave a hint of a smile in an attempt to seem calm.

Helena lowered her gaze and nodded gravely. For a moment she remained silent as if she was thinking about what to say. Barbara watched her with growing panic and uncertainty. Her Helena the young woman that she remembered as explosive and temperamental, that Helena would have jumped and yelled, but this one that she had in front of her was more restrained…mature…that frightened her. There was a time when she could read the brunette like the palm of her hand, now she wasn't so sure and that was so disturbing.

Before Helena could answer the waitress arrived with their drinks then asked them if they needed anything else then left. Helena savored her _Java Espresso Frappuchino, _with no apparent hurry. Barbara took a sip of her _Iced Berry Chai_, her nerves on edge. The brunette's silence was beginning to worry her.

"Hel…" She began tentatively, her voice a high pitched and shaky, afraid maybe she had said something that… she didn't dare think about it, just the idea was horrible.

"Is that what you want?" Helena's voice was serious with a touch of disbelief. When she raised her gaze and the look of pain in the young woman's blue eyes caused Barbara to gasp. "You want us to live on opposite sides of the country and to just see each other only every so often?" She paused and grit her jaw before continuing. "Whatever you want Barbara, if that's what you wish then that's fine. If you think it's too much and you need your own space Ok. I don't want you to feel pressured. I love you too much to…" She stopped and lowered her gaze and took a deep breath. "I…"

"No, Hel, no…" Barbara rushed to deny and found her hand and squeezed it almost painfully as her own hand shook. "No!" She repeated forcefully. "I want you with me, always Hel, it's just that…" Her voice caught in her throat, how to explain, how to tell her what she felt, how she blamed herself, how selfish she had been. "I love you Hel."

"And I you Red." Hel declared passionately. "I love you so much that I wouldn't know what to do if I lost you now. I can't." She shook her head. "Not after having you in my arms…to be without you again dammit, from the moment that I saw you at my door I knew, I knew that it was just a question of time before I returned to you."

"Oh, Hel." Barbara sighed. "I want to be with you too, to have you at my side, but I'm afraid…"

"Afraid?" She raised her head brusquely, interrupting her. In her eyes was fear and disbelief. "Of me?" Her voice was like a frightened child's. "Barbara I would never harm you. NO!" She howled. "I would rather die than hurt you, damn it!" She cursed when she realized the truth. "But I did! I hurt you when I left. Oh how stupid, truly stupid." Helena pulled her hand away from Barbara's and pressed her hands against her face in shame. "I'm so stupid!"

"Helena Kyle!" Barbara exclaimed forcefully. "You listen to me!" Helena shut up but kept her head down and her fist's clinched in front of her. "Hel, never, listen to me well, NEVER have I been afraid of you. Hel the reason I'm afraid is because here you have a new life, a different life, you are happy. You have managed to become successful all on your own. You have a degree; you are a well known painter even if no one knows who HK is. I am afraid and at the same time I am selfish enough to have you at my side, for needing you by my side. With me Helena. If my life were different, if nothing of what I was existed it wouldn't bother me to go to the ends of the earth to be by your side Helena. I love you." She affirmed as tears ran down her face.

Helana raised her head slowly, her eyes shown brightly, full of passion and with extreme gentleness she wiped Barbara's tears away and moved closer to hug her. "Red, don't you realize? This life I made was only to survive, all I have, all I've accomplished has been only in order not to die because I didn't have you near me. I needed something to keep me busy without you. Nothing of what I have here compares to you, absolutely nothing is important without you." She finished and captured Barbara's lips in a kiss full of love and passion. Of promises of a future together.

Barbara breathed against Helena's mouth, kissing her with anxious ferver, with passion, giving her a kiss that demonstrated all her love, her desires and wishes. When they finally pulled apart Helena snuggled into her neck and whispered into her ear. "Ever since I saw you I knew I would go back with you Red. It can't be any other way. I love you, besides I can paint anywhere but to be without you would be impossible. Never again."

Barbara caressed her face and buried her hand in her hair in a caress. Helena began to purr from the pleasure of feeling Barbara's fingers stroking her nape and the redhead chuckled at the sound. "How is it that I never noticed you purred Hel?" She asked in delight. She had discovered that the brunette's purr was intoxicating, like an aphrodisiac and at the same time created a feeling of peace and happiness.

"I suppose it's because I haven't been this relaxed and happy as I am by your side as I am now." Helena explained presenting more of her neck to Barbara. Her scent was intoxicating; she could spend her whole life in the redhead's arms and taking in her scent and tasting of her flesh. And to prove this she began to place tiny kisses on her neck and she smiled as she felt Barbara catch her breath and shudder at the contact.

"Why Hel?" She feeling uneasy. "I thought if you weren't happy at least content living with me. I know it was a very difficult time but I've known you for so many years and I never realized."

"Well Babs you never slept with me as a little girl and when I went to go live with you and starting sleeping in your bed, I was always on guardo or too nervous or tense to let myself go enough to relax completely and totally. And well later my love for you made it impossible for me to let down my guard. Always fearing that you would find out what I was feeling and possibly feel sorry for me or..."

"I understand." She kissed her forhead. She understood perfectly and in a way she regretted that it had been like that, but now it was different. Very different.

Finally the finished their drinks and Helena decided that it was time to return. As they walked past a boutique, the brunette stopped for a moment. "Red, I'm sorry but I need to ask. The place we are going to tonight is a bit formal, do you have something to wear?"

"Now that you mention it Hel, no. I didn't pack anything formal." She acknowledged. "I guess I'm going to have to buy me something. Do we have time?"

"Sure, this place looks good. Do you want to go in and look around to see if they have anything that will fit you?" She smiled.

"Yes but," She gave her a sly smile. "Would you be upset if I asked you to leave me here alone for about an hour?" An eyebrow rose saucily.

"Ah." Helena felt her body temperatura rise at the redhead's suggestive stare. "No of course not." She gestured with her hand for her to go ahead.

"Perfect, I'll see you in an hour then." She kissed her softly and with a wink left Helena frozen at the storefront with a idiotic smile that was the most enchanting thing in the world.

"Oh damn am I in trouble!" Hel murmured as she rubbed her neck before looking down both sides of the street and deciding she should walk for a bit to relax. She was feeling a bit nervous.

She began to walk down the street when she looked up in distraction and noticed a sign, a sly smile graced her face and without hesitating she entered. The electronic bell announced the entrance of a client and alerted the manager to look up from up from her work and a smile of welcome appeared on his face.

"Good afternoon Miss, are you looking for anything special?' She asked cordially. "Something delicate for that special someone?" In this part of town it wasn't smart to asume a specific gender when asking questions.

"Oh yes." Helena smiled nervously; she never imagined she'd be in a place like this, much less dream that of something like this in her entire life. "Definitely something special, very special." She looked at the manager and moved closer to the display case.

The hour passed swiftly for Helena. When the Brunette left to go in search of Barbara, a secretive smile graced her face. Barbara was in love with her, Helena Kyle. _Wow, she loves me Mom, she loves me! _


	28. Chapter 26

**AN: Thanks for your patience, I am slowly getting close to the end. I hope that what I am writing or the way that I am doing it won't be too disappointing. The truth is that it has been difficult to write this part because I could not picture them like this, but perhaps that is why I allowed these scenes. Thank you for sticking with me.**

**This is unbetaed, sorry.**

**Don't forget to review!**

*****

When Helena rejoined Barbara she was already waiting for her outside the store with a mysterious smile that pricked the young womans curiosity and not being able to resist it Helena gave the redhead a kiss that left no doubt how much she loved her but also how much she desired her.

"Wow." Was all Barbara managed to say as Helena released her and who was now wearing a shit eating grin, after all those kisses that had left her nearly catatonic, and this was just of taste of what was too come.

"Shall we go Red? I still have to get beautiful so I can take you out to dinner tonight." She said with crooked smile that caused Barbara's heart to skip a beat. _Damn, once upon a time I thought I knew what it was to be in love, and for being so smart Barbara you never had a clue! _The redhead still in a stupor from the girls kiss.

"Of course Hel, besides I want to rest a bit before we go out." Barbara smiled.

"Oh true." She looked contrite. "I keep forgetting, forgive me Red, if you want to wait here for me I go run and get the Liberty. I don't want you to get over tired." And then added with a lusty smile. "You'll need all your strength tonight."

And having said that she took off towards the parking garage where they had left the Liberty not noticing the blush that covered Barbara's face and went well with her nickname.

"Oh of that I'm sure Hel." Barbara murmured to herself and feeling her blood boil just from the thought. She had always known that Hel was a woman of ferocious appetites, not only with food but also in the passion contained deep inside, not only would she be consumed by the brunette's ardent passion but also she would be an active participant. It has been so long since she had felt the current of desire run through her body and certainly no one had ever awakened such passion in her. Not even in her good times as Batgirl before Joker had left her in a chair for over seven years.

She never would have believed it, would never have imagined that, that little girl who she met at the age of twelve not only would become a beautiful woman able to capture her heart so completely and absolutely, but who also inspired in her a passion a desire so big that she wanted just to rub herself against her like a cat in heat.

_Oh Hel. _She smiled blissfully. Instead of feeling embarassed or horrified at these thoughts and desires she felt liberated. Now completely at peace with herself she realized that it had been an error to deny herself the happiness and love that Helena had confessed she'd always felt for her even though at the time she was not aware it was love. It's true that she would never have acted in favor of it when Hel was still an adolescente but denying herself the truth in her heart had only brought pain and sadness to her life and to Helena as well. _How could I have been so stupid? _She scolded herself again. _Just thinking that I would have been satisfied with Wade at my side. _Everytime she recalled the error she almost made caused her to nearly bang her head against the wall.

A horn caught her attention as she saw Helena approaching slowly down the street. She hurried to get her packages and she ran to the edge of the sidewalk so she got get in the SUV quickly.

"What were you thinking about Red?" She as asked as soon as Barbara was in the vehicle.

"In just how much I love you Hel." She said sincerely. Ever since the brunette had returned to her life, one of the things Barbara promised herself to be honest with her as far as her feelings for the young woman were concerned. It had been that secret and fear of expressing what was in her heart that had separated them and Barbara was determine not to let it happen ever again. She now knew what it was like to live without her and she did not want to experience that overwhelming pain again.

Helena took advantage of a red light to take Barbara's hand and bring it to her lips, kissing it reverently. "If that's what it's all about Red then you aren't the only one to blame. I should have been honest with you too, even though you would have yelled at me and told me I was an idiot to think so But not only didn't I keep my feelings hidden but I also ran away in an effort to forget you."

"Thank you for loving me Hel!

"That work both ways Red, thanks too you for taking the chance" Helena smiled.

Barbara gave her a smile that caused Hel's heart to pick up speed, if it weren't for the fact that a car blared it's horn, startling her out of her vision she would have launched herself at the redhead.

"Oops, I think the light is green." Hel said as she pressed on the gas.

"No kidding Hel." Barbara laughed as she continued to hold on the the brunette's hand.

Soon they were back at the apartment; Barbara sat in the living room as Helena looked over the contents of the envelope that Kate had left her with the details for the dinner and anything else she might have added. A wicked smile appeared as she read what Kate had prepared for that evening. She knew that Kate was a romantic at heart and not only had she gotten the reservations for tonight but also she also included a couple of surprises. She headed for her room and took out the things that she would need to get ready for that evening, makeup, dress, shoes and then placed them in the guest room.

Barbara was concentrating on her laptop, checking her emails when she suddenly noticed a shadow over her. She looked up expectantly and saw Helena looking at her wickedly.

"What is it Hel?" She asked tilting her head, her green eyes shining happily.

"I know you don't use the chair anymore, at least…" She paused, "at least not at home I'm guessing. Right?"

"Well, I still use it at work and I feel comfortable in it to continue using it when I'm working with Delphi for its mobility, I'm used to it but at least I'm no longer attached to it. I can get up if I want to." She answered raising an eyebrow questioningly, wondering why the question.

Helena nodded lost in thought, her blue eyes shining mischiviously, causing Barbara to ask herself what Hel was up to.

"You know Red?" Hel said casually, "many times I wonder… many, many times. Actually most of the time I wonder..." She blushed slightly, only arousing the redhead's curiousity even further but who still remained clueless as to what she was talking about. "I was watching you in your chair and I asked myself if perhaps one day…" She paused and her eyes changed as if picturing something that only she could see.

"Perhaps one day what Hel?" She was beginning to lose patience.

"Well I could sit on your lap." She said as she removed the laptop aside and in one fluid motion straddled her lap with a thigh on each side of Barbara. "And do this…" Helena inclined against her and began to kiss a now very surprised Barbara but that didn't stop her from participating as well, a groan of pleasure escaped from her when Hel's tongue found her's without hesitation, tasting each nook and cranny of Helena's mouth.

Several minutes passed in which the brunette lost herself in Barbara's delicious mouth. Barbara's tongue moved in and out in a duel of dominance that only served to boil her blood even further in a certain southern part of her anatomy; she was rocking against Barbara's. She required all of her strength to pull herself away with a groan of protest. Barbara took a few moments longer to open her eyes, she, by now was overly stimulated and was trying to find a way to control her burning libido.

"Hel." She said in a broken voice. "The next time you want to show me something you imagined doing with me, please, do it when we aren't planning to go out and have time to make your fantasies a reality."

"It's a deal Red." Helena smiled caressing her face and cupping it before giving her a soft kiss. "It's just that you were so irresistible that I couldn't help myself."

"You think I'm irresistible?" She looked up searching Helena's eyes. "Even in a wheelchair?" She asked with a certain amount of doubt, something she couldn't help feel, even now with the help of the nanos. After all they would malfunction eventually and she'd be back to feeling no sensation below the waist and unable to walk once again.

"Of course!" Helena afirmed with a firm nod of her head. "I have always loved you since I was a girl Babs and I continued to love you when you were incapacitated and now I love you even more than ever. Please don't ever doubt that. I love you Barbara, just you. If you can or can't walk doesn't change my feelings for you, that just a plus. In truth…" A slight blush covered her bronzed skin causing Barbara to arch a brow in question as she caressed Helena's hair as she pushed the stubborn hair out of her face. Hel smiled and lowered her gaze trying to hide her eyes from the redhead, but Barbara wouldn't allow for it.

"In truth what Hel?" Barbara asked with a soft voice, making her look at her once again. Helena really looked embarrassed and the redhead couldn't help but ask herself what could possibly warrant such a reaction from the arrogant and self-confident Hel. "Hel?" She insisted as the brunette continued to briefly glance at her and continued to blush and give her a timid smile.

"Well, I…I put some things away in my room that I didn't want to…well, I didn't know if…" _Where the heck did this split personality come from?_ Helena asked herself in frustration. _I'm Helena Kyle for fuck's sake! Me studdering like an idiot caught with her hand under my girlfriends skirt. "_Well when…," She cleared her throat and began again more firmly. "When we first started living together I wanted to help you out anyway I could and not just be a burden. So I started buying books about spinal cord injuries, reading medical journals and anything else that I might need to know…so that well you know, I wanted to help you, to understand…to know."

A smile full of love and understanding graced Barbara's face and eyes and at the same time tears formed in her verdant eyes without her permission.

"No, no." Helena rushed to wipe away the tears. "Don't cry. Your are the most important person in my life, the only one I really have. I know that D is there too but truthfully you are the light in my lighthouse. Without you Babs I'm lost." Helena rolled her eyes, since when had she become such a Cyrano De Bergerac, reciting love poems and all that flowering stuff, _damn, I hope D doesn't find out or I'll never hear the end of it_, _ah what the hell_!

"Oh Hel you never cease to surprise me." Barbara said in a shaky voice. Just when she thought that she couldn't possibly love Helena more she would surprise herself as she realized that wasn't the case. Her love grew stronger more and more by the moment.

"In the stuff that I read I never lost the hope but then…" She didn't say what but it was clear that she was speaking of Wade. "I always hoped that one day you might give me the opportunity to make love to you that you would know that I was in love with you. So I also read everything I could find about sex with a person with spinal cord injury like you. I wanted to find out how to give you pleasure, how to please you." She turned red once again. "I love you Barbara Gordon and I only want to make you happy with or without a wheel chair, I'll always love you."

Without words Barbara managed to pull Helena towards her, capturing her lips in a fierce kiss full of promises of her love and a future together.

When they finally pulled apart Helena leaned her forehead against Barbara's and with closed eyes kissed her nose.

"I think it would be a good idea if we start getting ready for dinner or we will miss our reservation." Hel pointed out as she let out a sigh of regret escape.

"That's the truth and I don't want to lose this reservation for anything in the world. I picked out a dress just for you." She smiled wickedly.

"Ohh, is that right Gordon?" She looked at her lasciviously as she got up from Barbara's lap. "Do tell."

"Yes, you know, it's a dress that will conquer the heart of the sexiest woman in San Francisco."

"Well then that won't be easy, because if she's the sexiest in San Francisco you'll be fighting them off just to try to keep them away." She played along in delight.

"That won't be a problema Hel, I take care of what's mine very carefully. And she's mine. She's already told me she loves me." She looked into her eyes, and she smiled confidently knowing that the brunette loved her unconditionally.

"She does love you." Helena responded with a smile full of love.

"I know." Barbara got to her feet and caressed her cheek. "I love you too." She affirmed and headed down the call to Helena's room.

Once Hel assured herself that Barbara was inside of the bedroom, she ran to the guest room and hurried to get dressed. In record time for her, only have an hour, she was ready. She came out quietly so she wouldn't run into Barbara in case she was already waiting. When she saw it wasn't the case she headed for the kitchen and removed a flower arrangement from the laundry room, where Kate had left it. She took the card and wrote a few lines then she took the vase to the living room and set it in the center of the room where it could be seen from everywhere and the redhead could not possibly miss it. Once she made sure that Barbara would be able to see it, she took the bag she had set on top of the table, left her keys on the table along with a note for Barbara, and snuck out of the apartment. She went down the stairs and took a taxi that was already waiting for her just as Kate had indicated. She gave the driver the address and they headed for the restaurant.

Barbara came out of the bedroom feeling a bit nervous. She straightened her dress for the millionth time and took a deep breath.

"Helena? I'm ready." She called out loudly looking for the brunette with her eyes. She noticed the guests' bedroom door was opened and she headed over but when she went in the room was empty. "Helena?" She called out again but there was only silence. Finding it strange she headed for the living room and was ecstatic when she saw the exotic flower arrangement sitting in the center of the room.

Right in the middle of the arrangement she saw the card. With a trembling hand Barbara took it out and read it.

Dear Barbara,

These flowers don't do justice to your beauty but I hope that they make you smile. Please go down to the entrance where a car will be waiting for you.

Yours always,

Helena.

Barbara smiled at the young woman's romantic words; she never imagined that Hel would think of flowers. She drew near to take in the aroma and with a last look at herself in the mirror that was next to the exit, Barbara left the apartment closing the door firmly behind her as Helena had indicated, she put away the keys in her small purse and descended the staircase.

Just as the brunette had indicated as soon as she set foot on the street a chauffer approached her.

"Good evening Miss. I've been instructed to drive you." She acknowledged the chauffer.

"Good evening." Barbara responded her eyes widening slightly at the sight of the limousine parked at the curb.

The chauffer opened the door and Barbara got in getting comfortable. For a moment she thought Helena would be there but that was not the case, however, she did find a small box with a Japanese orchid inside.

"Oh Hel." She sighed contentedly. She carefully opened the box and caressed the silky petals of the orchid.

The drive was relatively short. Barbara could feel butterflies in her stomach, something which she had never felt before. She remembered every single detail of her first date and Barbara Gordon not even then did she remember ever feeling like an adolescent. Her insides where shaking with emotion and all her nerve endings where alert. It was as if she was connected to an electric generator. It was a mix of excitement and anxiousness. Helena would be waiting for her when the limousine stopped and the idea of seeing the brunette was overwhelming. That night would be the night, finally.

Barbara took her purse and double checked herself again in the small mirror. She retouched her lipstick and took several deep breaths in order to try to relax.

_You're beginning to hyperventilate Gordon and swooning like a love sick school girl! This is Helena, your Helena. _She chastised herself.

Yes, but her Helena was the woman she loved, the woman that she almost died for from sadness when she thought she had lost her. _My Helena. _Barbara savored the way those words sounded and she liked it. Never in her life had she ever been possessive or jealous at least not with the intensity that she felt now. It was intoxicating and at the same time frightening to feel that way, so totally and absolutely; to be on the same wavelength as someone else; to feel their presence even before you see them, to recognize their aroma and that the heart beats a million miles an hour. The control she always boasted about disappeared at Helena's mere presence. Just to hear her name or her voice was enough to create a wave of sensations that would leave her breathless and at the same time energized. No one ever had made her feel so out of control but ironically so safe. When she was with Helena she felt at home, in the place where she belonged and wanted to be.

The limousine stoped and Barbara's heart jumped. They had arrived.

Barbara took her purse, the same time the door opened, and a delicate hand appeared.

Barbara took the hand immediately as she felt an electrical current run through her body. "Helena." She exhaled.

Barbara got out from the limousine carefully and stood in front of the brunette who just stared at her in absolute adoration and a smile that could light up the entire city.

"Barbara." Helena gasped breathlessly at the visión of the redhead.

"Helena." Barbara responded with the same breathless feeling. "Christ, you're beautiful."

Time seemed to stand still, everything around them seemed to disappear, and there was only the two of them, breathlessly admiring the woman they had in front of them. There were no words to describe it, they could only feel.

**TBC**


	29. Chapter 27

**AN: This is unbetaed, hope you like it.**

**Don't forget to review!!!**

**V**

*****

Helena's brain short circuited at the precise moment that her eyes saw Barbara. As her eyes took in Barbara's attire which consisted of a tight fitting green jade dress that made her eyes stand out. The material was delicate molded itself to the redheads body like a second skin. The dress had an opening of about six inches on each side showing off the creamy texture of her thigh. Helena's heart seemed to be trying to escape from her chest when her eyes found the neckline of the dress cupping perfectly the treasures hidden beneath. Helena's eyes continued moving up until they found Barbara's eyes devouring her with the same intensity. Her heart forgot to beat for a moment at the love and desire expressed upon Barbara's face…_mine_…a crooked grin graced her lips and exposing her dimples.

"Barbara…" She barely managed to whisper.

Barbara took the brunette's delicate but yet strong hand and felt an electrical charge run from her feet to the top of her head and at the same time as her eyes found Helena's she forgot to breathe.

"Huntress" she breathe out. Helena was beautiful and sexy on her own. Possessed of a cat like sensuality and a skin deep sexuality that made both those close to her as well as strangers turn to stare and fall under her spell. However, Huntress, was something else altogether, that aura of dangerous sensuality, of forbidden desires and eyes that promised hedonistic pleasures could consume you in their ardent intensity and this was the woman she now had in front of her, the true Helena Kyle. Dressed in black leather pants that molded themselves to her curves and the black leather vest that was open at the sides and only held together by red silk ties that accentuated her breasts seductively. Her bronzed skin was a temptation for her fingers that itched with desire to touch her to caress her.

"You're beautiful." Helena finally said in a raspy voice. "I'll be the envy of everyone there." She gave her a cocky but yet enchanting smile.

"Thank you Hel, you look radiant too." She blushed lightly. "Deliciously dangerous." She added only for Helena who held her breath for a brief moment.

"Hmm, shall w ego in?" Helena extended her hand and Barbara took it without hesitation, lacing her fingers with the brunette's.

Helena and Barbara headed for the restaurant entrance, Hel opened the door for the redhead and after she went in she was able to admire the back of Barbara's dress. Her eyes almost popped out at the sight, she breathed in deeply and felt herself shaking with burning desire at what she had in front of her. The dress Barbara wore left her back bare except for a couple of spaghetti straps criss-crossing across the low back and just below the waist of the back a butterfly design clung to the shape of her rear end and seemed to flutter as she walked ahead.

"Hel?" Barbara turned slightly when she noticed Helena glued to the floor behind her with a dreamy expression.

"Oh, yeah sorry." She snapped out of her trance and smiled mysteriously. "I had the most beautiful of visions just a moment ago."

"Really?" Barbara asked with a raised eyebrow. She had an inkling of what it might be.

"Oh yes." She ran her hand across her back, caressing it gently and feeling how Barbara trembled at the contact.

"Oh." Was the only thing the redhead could manage to utter.

The maitre'd hurried over to attend to them as soon as he saw them come in. Helena gave him her name and directly led them to their table not having them wait like the others.

At the moment that they entered the main dining room several heads turned, if not all, to watch them some more discreetly and others openly. They didn't need to announce their status as a couple because it was very obvious. The energy that surrounded them was powerful; not only did they make an attractive couple but they were also very apparently in love, they only had eyes for each other. Women as well as men observed them enviously and even with desire for both. The same thought ran through them all, _I wish I was in her place._

They were taken to the second floor of the restaurant to the best table in the place, with a magnificent view of San Francisco. The maître d attempted to help Barbara with her chair but Helena quickly moved ahead. Barbara nevertheless thanked him and he then helped Helena with her chair.

"In just a moment someone will bring your wine and appetizers. Enjoy your dinner and congratulations."

Barbara nodded her thank you's but looked over at Helena curiously.

"Congratulations?"

"Well Kate reserved the place; I'm not sure what she could have told them." Helena commented in feigned innocence.

"I see." She raised an eyebrow doubtfully but was not able to continue with her questions because at that moment the waiter arrived with a bottle of their best Pino Grigio which he offered to Helena who after tasting it had her approval at which time the waiter served the wine.

Before he left he placed a tray of cheeses and cold cuts as well as a variety of flavored butters and a loaf of bread on the table.

"Hmm, this looks delicious Hel. Did you order this before hand? Because they haven't brought us any menus."

"Actually Kate took care of everything, she only told me to enjoy the dinner. I asked her to get us reservations in one of the most romantic restaurants in the city and she's an incurable romantic, so she must have included this as a surprise." Hel smiled shrugging her should. "Does it bother you that…"

"Oh no Hel, not at all, it's just that it seemed peculiar is all."

"I hope you like it." Helena said a bit timidly almost as if suddenly she was unsure that it had been a good idea to let Kate handle the details, perhaps after all she might have done something more or…" A hand covered hers causing her to look up.

"Everything is so lovely Hel, from the flowers, to the limousine, that you would be here waiting for me, this place…even that Kate did make all the arrangements doesn't mean you had nothing to do with it. From the first moment that you thought of doing it you were part of the idea." She squeezed her hand. "Besides I'm sure Kate only arranged the dinner and the transportation, what the rest of the evening holds are up to us."

"I know, it's just that I want everything to be perfect tonight."

An insecure Helena was not what Barbara was used to, a part of her felt pleased but at the same time uneasy. Could it be that she was that insecure? Wasn't Helena aware that nothing mattered so long as they were together? They could be eating pizza at the apartment and Barbara would still feel it was the most romantic meal in the world, as if they were in Paris. "Hel, I'm here with you." She squeezed her hand to get her attention, since Helena seemed to be more interested in the silverware. "That's the only thing that should matter."

The brunette smiled and let out a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding. Helena brought Barbara's hand to her lips and kissed the palm with her mouth slightly open, this caused a small electric charge to run through the redhead, which thanks to the nanos she was able to feel down to her toes.

"It's true Red, you and I are together, that's the only thing that's important."

Soon they were enjoying their dinner. Helena couldn't stop talking, entertaining B with anecdotes of her trips and even some from her childhood. From times before the tragedy that affected both of them. Before the night that brought them both painful memories. Barbara knew the moment that Helena began to include her in those memories from the young girl who had been full of bitterness and hate but that now no longer existed. Now she had a woman in front of her that was mature and…happy. That acceptance should not have surprised her but it did because she knew that the reason for that happiness was herself. A part of her was still astounded that it was something so simple. I am her happiness—she looked over at Helena in total adoration, the smile the lit up her face was also reflected in Helena's own face.

They finished with their dinner and soon they were outside waiting for the limousine, as soon as it arrived, the chauffer rushed to open the doors for them. Helena helped Barbara in then exchanged a few words with the chauffer who nodded and closed the door once Helena was inside.

During the drive both women satisfied themselves by holding hands. Ocassionally Helena would point out sites as they drove by explaining to Barbara a little about the history of the place. The drive to the San Francisco marina was no than half an hour when the limousine came to a halt. Helena waited as Phillip, the chauffer, opened the door, Helena extended her hand to help Barbara out.

"I hope you like the place I picked out, it's not overcrowded." Hel commented as they walked down the quiet waterfront. "I like to come here for that very reason."

"It's beautiful Hel." Barbara commented admiring the distant lights of the bay and the sound of the waves breaking on the shore. "Do you come here often?" she asked.

"No, not often. When I do it's because I want to be alone to think but tonight I want to be with you and it's one of my favorite places." Helena confessed with a timid smile.

"I'm glad."

They walked in silence down the waterfront, when they got to a curve; Helena leaned against the wall and pulled Barbara towards her.

"Barbara, have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?" Helena said admiring the woman she loved, her hands against her hips caressing her sides.

"Hmm, I don't know." Barbara smiled wickedly. "Hmm, I don't recall." She leaned in to capture Helena's lips sensuously who in turn let herself be captured in delight. Barbara's tongue caressed Helena's lower lip causing her to groan at the contact. Their tongues collided and soon they were lost in each other in a sea of sensations that assaulted their senses causing them to wish they were somewhere else and not there. Barbara's hands tangled themselves into Helena's hair pulling her in closer against herself. Helena at the same time caressed Barbara's back with abandon, wanting to feel the redheads skin against her skin.

"Oh yeah, don't be so selfish girls, share, we're here alone after all." A crude voice caused them to tense and separate slightly, Helena and Barbara looked at each other for just a second.

Suddenly one of the men tried to pull Barbara towards him but Helena stepped in between placing her hand over the intruder's.

"Let her go." She growled menacingly.

"Nah, don't be jealous there's enough for you too." One of the men placed his hand over his groin gesturing obscenely.

There were five thugs in all; they were either drunk or drugged or perhaps both. In a matter of moments they were surrounded. Barbara had not said anything yet, just limiting herself to stuying the situation. It had been years since she had found herself in this kind of situation. The adrenaline that coursed through her was so familiar making her feel like she hadn't in over 9 years.

"Leave us alone." Helena ordered, she didn't want any problems nor did she want to ruin the evening with a fight that she knew she would easily win with no problem. Even though she knew that Barbara was more than capable of taking care of herself, Hel wasn't sure how well the redhead's legs would sustain her now that she was walking.

In a matter of seconds Barbara and Helena were back to back, when one of the tried to grab Barbara, Helena without hesitation threw a punch at him which caused him to fall back. His friends immediately yelled and began to attach furiously.

"Damn bitch, just wait till I'm through with you." One of them screamed as he threw himself at Barbara. Helena was busy with the two others.

It was like the perfect dance, Barbara saw him jump towards her and with all her years of training she ducked and kicked out connecting with the thug and sending him flying the other quickly took his place waving a knife in front of her face.

"Bitch, I'll get you." He sliced the air as Barbara grabbed his arm and spun hitting him in the face with her elbow before spinning once more to kick him in the ribs.

The thugs must have been on drugs because they just picked themselves up and threw themselves at them like rabid dogs. Helena just simply allowed her meta human skills to take over, something which she had not allowed herself to do in over two years. With a jump she kicked two in the face who then fell as if they had been struck by lightning. As they fell she sent another flying. She landed in a crouch as she watched Barbara in two swift kicks and punches leave the last two unconscious.

Both breathed rapidly as they tried to catch their breath, not from exhaustion but from the adrenaline rush. They looked at each other and laughed.

"You look so fucking sexy when you are kicking ass Red." Helena commented in a roughened voice as she looked at her with her meta human eyes. "Marry me." She suddenly said.

"Just because I look sexy during a fight?" Barbara laughed at the same time that an indulgent smile appeared on her face.

"Well, not just that." Helena hurriedly explained breaking the enchantment. "Although I must admit that you are truly fucking sexy." She added with a lustful smile, running her eyes over the redhead's body from head to toe with evident desire painted on her face.

Barbara raised an eyebrow and before she could say anythin Helena continued. "I love you Barbara, I always have and I always will. Would you do it? Would you marry me?" She sounded oddly vulnerable when she was only moments before kicking ass with a cocky attitude.

The redhead looked into Helena's eyes, with a mix of doubt and surprise. "You're asking me for real, right?"

Helena nodded affirmatively and smiled slyly, Barbara smiled at the same time and tilting her head accepted, _Could there be any other answer? _"Yes Hel, the answer is yes."

The brunette let a breath escape which she did not realize she had been holding and within seconds she had Barbara in her arms spinning her in the air. "Yes, yes." Barbara laughed burying her face in Barba's neck.

"I don't know what I would have done with this if you had said no." Helena said seconds after she set her on the ground without letting her go.

"With what?" She asked looking at her questioningly.

Instead of Helena answering she pulled out something from her pocket and opened it. "With this." Hel declared. She removed a beautiful plantinum ring with a pincess cut diamon with small diamonds at each side. "May I?" Helena asked timidly and with a slight flush, the thugs still on the ground like a bunch of downed bowling pins, but not of that seemed to matter at the moment.

"Oh." Barbara never in her life considered herself a woman to be wined and dined and sent love poems to or anything of that nature. And truth to be told the day Wade has asked her to marry him, it had been in a typical restaurant with candles and flowers, but it had been such a surprise for Barbara that before she could say anything, Wade had already put the ring on her finger and took her silence as acceptance. And as she thgouth about it rather than refuse she asked herself _Why not? _Obviously she didn't think things through carefully, she had needed a painful experience like Helena's departure for her to see that she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life. However, at that moment with five thugs at their backs and after a fight, Barbara couldn't help but think that Helena was the most romantic person in the world.

Helena kissed her hand before placing the ring on her finger and squeezing her hand against her chest. "I know I'm not the most romantic woman and perhaps I should have asked you at the restaurant under the romantic lights but I…

Barbara shut her up by kissing Helena.

"It's perfect Hel, just perfect."

Helena's meta senses were able to detect that one of the thugs was beginning to recover and she looked at Barbara. "Come on let's get out of here."

Helena didn't want to remain outdoors any longer, she needed to be alone with Barbara without any eyes on her. The only important thing was Barbara, they returned to the limousine and as soon as Phillip saw them he jumped out to open the door for them. Barbara got in first then Helena followed and she cuddled next to Barbara's side, brining her arm around her shoulders to pull her in closer and kissing the top of her head.

"There are times," she began, "that I can't believe that you are here with me. It seems like a dream."

Barbara took her hand and squeezed it gently. "You aren't the only one, it's incredible how in just a couple of days how things can change and to think just the night before I decided to come and look for you hoping that it was not too late."

"I had already made up my mind to return to New Gotham, did you know that? From the moment that I found out that you hadn't married Wade I knew that I had to go back. Like you I planned to tell you everything and let what happened, happen. I couldn't continue living so far from you and pretending that I didn't feel anything or that I could live without you, loving you the way that I did."

"I still think it and I still can't believe that I was so blind, I know that I've said it several times and it's still astounds me how stupid I could be. With my high IQ you would think I would be smarter and be able to see what had been right in front of me all along."

"Red." Helena laughed. "How would you have known when I was determined in showing you the completre opposite. Would you have believed in my love with the record of conquests that I had in my life?"

"Well," Barbara sighed, "not exactly. But there is something that I do know about you and I feel that you should have at least given me something to think about and then perhaps the jealousy might have made me act differently. I don't know, maybe claim what was mine." She turned to look at her with a wicked look in her eyes. "If you had said you loved me and I was going out with Wade sooner or later I would have realized that it was your way of distancing your self from me. Which would have driven me crazy from jealousy; thinking about your confession and everthing else that followed.

"I would have paid to see that." She wiggled her eyebrows playfully. "You would have turned into a cavewoman and hit me with your club as you dragged me and growled on your way to the cave."

"You're so funny, Not." She lightly punched her stomach. "I don't think I would have acted like that, that's your style, I do things with subtly Hel."

"My style?" She looked horrified. "Absolutely not!"

"Oh come now Hel, you're the kind that likes to kick ass and ask questions later." She reminded her of Huntress modus operandi. "Haven't you just asked me to marry you right after a fight?"

"But that's part of my job?" She indignantly defended. "It isn't like I can stop the goons with good manners."

"Ok, I'll give you that but still Hel. You always preferred to kick ass before anything else. So I'm right, tell me, didn't you want to kick Wade's ass?"

"No." She said seriously.

"NO?" she exclaimed in surprise.

"NO, I wanted to kill him." She spat out. "He didn't deserve you Barbara, he would have never made you happy." She added bitterly.

Barbara closed her eyes at the pain that she cold sence in the brunette's declaration. She was right, Wade would never have made her happy, he was just a convenience and nothing else. Without thinking twice she turned towards Helena and kissed her, claiming the love in Helena's heart and at the same time affirming what she had always known but had not been able to see. That she Barbara Gordon belong to Helena Kyle in body and soul.

Helena groaned as she felt Barbara's lips against hers and when Barbara's tongue tried to enter, she did not hesitate in allowing it entrance. Barbara's kisses always made her lose her head from the very first time. It was n intoxicating feeling that made her forget her own name. Barbara could pretend to be a cold and intelligent woman but damn if anyone could imagine that behind that façade was a passionate woman that was capable of leaving her shaking with desire with barely a touch. Soon both of them were breathing heavily, Helena's hands caressed Barbara's bare back, caressing the silken skin and causing her to tremble with desire. Barbara began to kiss her neck and nibble at her pressure point as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Oh, fuck" Helena groaned when she felt Barbara's teeth sink into her neck. It was driving her crazy.

"Hel," Barbara murmured in her ear, licking and nibbling the tender lobe, "I love you, just you. No one else, ever."

"Bar…bara, please, not here. No…" she managed to gasp out as a wave of heat wave moved through her center making it impossible to concentrate."

"I know," she gave her ear one more nibble, tugging it gently before letting herself lean against her shoulder sighing breathlessly.

"Damn, you drive me so fucking crazy." She said in a breathless whisper, feeling as if her heart was about to burst from her chest.

"The feelings mutual Hel." She caressed her thigh softly. Helena jumped slightly at the touch of her hand on her leg, burning through the skin of her pants. "You drive me crazy too." She declared in a voice thickened by want.

**TBC**


	30. Chapter 28

**AN:** Well in the first place I'm warning you that I am very shy and for me to write some kind of scene and that makes me blush furiously, so I'm not sure if it came out right or not.

Second there is still the epilogue so stay tuned.

Three, it was a pleasure to write this story, as it has been to read your comments and encouragement.

Thank you for hanging in there with me for this long ride. It has been a real pleasure.

V

**Don't Forget to review! **

****

The rest of the trip was made in silence; they really didn't need to speak, they were just happy to be together enjoying the closeness they had missed over the two long years but this time it was more intense, they knew what it was like to spend hours and hours without saying a word, each one lost in their own world but together just the same, this time the silence was a necessity in order to control her desires.

When the limo finally stopped in front of the gallery, Phil the chauffer opened the door, Helena held out her hand for Barbara gallantly, and Barbara smiled at her. Once they thanked Phil, they both headed towards the stairs. At the foot of the stairs, Barbara stopped for a moment and Helena looked at her in concern. "Is something wrong Red?"

"I think I've just overtaxed myself, my legs are a bit shaky. I don't think I can make it up the stairs." She said a little embarrassed.

"That's not a problem." Helena interrupted at the same time she picked Barbara up in her arms. "Do you think it's romantic?" Helena said as she began to go up the stairs. "Although I think carrying you up the stairs is supposed to take place after the wedding."

"We have never done anything the traditional way Hel." Barbara reminded her as she placed a kiss in the crook of her neck where her pulse point was.

"Oh, aha." Helena agreed, Barbara's lips on her neck were very distracting, fortunately she only had to climb up to floors, otherwise they would be in trouble.

Once they were at the door, she indicated to Barbara to remove the keys from her vest and soon enough they were inside.

"Do you want something to drink?" She smiled down at her; not making any attempt to lower Barbara from her arms, she wasn't in any hurry to set her down. At one point, things seemed pressing but now that she knew that everything she desired was at her feet; it made her feel as if there was now no rush at all.

For an answer Barbara pulled Helena's head down and gave her a long sensual kiss that left no doubt as to her needs. When they pulled apart Helena's eyes were unfocused.

"Bedroom it is!." Helena managed to gasp.

Barbara just rested her head on her chest, sighing happily. Helena kicked the door shut, not even bothering to lock it. With her precious cargo, she headed towards the bedroom as she felt her legs turn to jelly. Suddenly what was about to take place hit her square in the face. _That night Barbara would be hers in every sense of the word, hers forever._

Helena opened the door that was already partially open with a little kick and with sure steps headed directly to the bed where she carefully deposited the redhead who pulled her down with her in a kiss, burying her fingers in the brunette's hair. Helena fell on top of Barbara who without releasing her mouth began to unbutton Helena's vest.

"This has got to go." Barbara gasped out between kisses as she fought with her vest. Helena only laughed and tried to get to her feet but Barbara wouldn't let her go, letting a grunt of protest escape.

"Red, I have to take off my boots." She laughed against her lips.

With a sigh of frustration, she let her go and getting to her feet as well so she would remove her dress. At that moment, it was more of a nuisance now that it had done its job of leaving Helena breathless.

Soon their cloths lay in a pile on the floor. When Barbara was in front of Helena in all her naked glory, Helena was left breathless as she admired the perfect body in front of her. Not even without the use of her legs had Barbara stopped exercising, her abdominal muscles, her arms, her thighs were all perfectly outlined. Her mouth was dry and she had trouble swallowing. She admired every inch of flesh from head to toe her eyes turning feral with desire.

"Fuck, you are beautiful Red." She panted in a thick voice. Barbara blushed at the compliment. Helena drew near and pulled her forward, their naked bodies touching intimately for the first time causing both of them to gasp at the sensation of skin against skin.

Helena searched for Barbara's eyes and without looking away for a single moment laid her down on the bed gently. Barbara landed on her back against the mattress as Helena melted against her in sensual abandon.

"Entire nights…" Helena began in a passionate whisper, "I dreamt of this moment, to touch you, to love you with my mouth, to caress you with my hands and run them over every inch of your skin, to kiss all of you." And with each utterance Helena followed it up with an action, slipping a leg between Barbara's; Helena leaned over her kissing her neck and following it with nibbles and licks, tasting and savoring. "I could just imagine your taste." She ran her tongue over her neck making a trail to the valley between her breasts. "The texture," Her hand followed the curve of her side and moving to the cup her breast and capturing a nipple between her thumb and index finger making it harden. "I could imagine how your body responded to my touch." Helena raised her head and looked into Barbara's green eyes clouded by passion and losing herself in them. "But more than anything else I dreamt I saw the love that I feel for you reflected in your eyes, to see that every caress made you tremble with desire and become lost in a sea of sensations with me.

Barbara was beyond rational thought; her mind could only feel the way each of Helena's words made her tremble and quiver. All of her body sensitized by each word and caress. Helena kissed every inch of her skin with deliberate abandon, not rushing, with open-mouthed kisses and licks. Helena delighted in the way she was able to taste of the skin without any restrictions as she had dreamt of caressing, tasting and adoring for so many years.

Barbara's hands never stopped moving, she clung to Helena's back and ran her nails along Helena's back causing the brunette to groan from pleasure without stopping her own kissing and caressing of Barbara's body. When Helena took, Barbara's hardened nipple into her mouth she almost jumped off the bed as she let out a groan mixed with pain and pleasure. Helena sucked and bit the turgent nipple at the same time that she played with its twin with her other hand. She then moved to the other to give it the same attention, tugging, licking biting each one repeatedly until Barbara pulled her up to capture her lips that was almost savage in its intensity. Her body was inflamed and each nerve ending was tense with anticipation. Helena moved her leg and found the heated liquid of Barbara's desire painting her thigh. Helena hissed in pleasure and abandoned Barbara's mouth, who groaned in protest but only to cry out in desire when Helena began her descent. With her eyes partially closed Barbara watched as Helena stood for a moment to admire her legs before beginning the caresses and kisses from her feet and moving up.

"I dreamt," Helena continued as if she had never stopped, "that I was caressing your legs, knowing that even though you couldn't feel me loving you, you could feel my love for you, the desire that only you can make me feel." She began to kiss and stroke every inch of skin of the redhead's creamy skin. Helena was lost, lost in the sensations and flavors, in Barbara's intoxicating aroma. Her heightened senses could smell things that not anyone else could capture, but for her they were an aphrodisiac. Barbara's smell of desire combined with her own was driving her crazy. "Look at me." She begged the redhead. "Look at me loving you Barbara."

Helena locked her eyes with Barbara's at the same time that she descended slowly, her eyes never wavering from the redhead's green eyes, watching as her chest moved up and down rapidly, how she breathed with her mouth open, how her yes dilated with desire but without removing her eyes from the brunette. "Look at me." She repeated at the same time her mouth captured Barbara's ardent center only taking seconds to breath in the scent that emanated from that intimate place. When her mouth touched the swollen engorged flesh for the first time a grunt of pleasure escaped her mouth. . Helena parted the silken lips with her tongue, allowing murmurs of pleasure escape at her first taste of Barbara's ambrosia. Barbara arched up as she felt her inflamed core being licked by Helena's tongue, licking up and down over Barbara's center, carefully avoiding Barbara's clit that was red and turgid begging for attention. Helena however took her time savoring and drowning in the essence that emanated from the redhead. With one hand she pushed further opened the swollen lips and drove her tongue into Barbara's center, pushing in and out as far as she could go. Barbara groaned and twisted in pleasure, closing her eyes in painful ecstasies.

"Hel," She gasped, "Helena, please!"

Helena only continued with her ministrations lost in a sea of sensations now that she was finally able to love Barbara, to give her pleasure the way that she knew no one else could, the way no one else could make her feel. Helena was determined to make her forget anyone that had come before her. Finally, Helena took her clit, batting it swiftly only to suddenly slow down and swipe at it slowly and then suck Barbara's clit gently causing Barbara to gasp and twist at the exquisite pleasure. Barbara was about to climax, her body tensing for the imminent orgasm when suddenly Helena stopped sucking and licking her center.

"Barbara," Helena demanded, her eyes burning with desire, "Barbara," she repeated until their eyes locked once more. Helena suddenly thrust two fingers into the redhead's center that arched up as Helena thrust in and out rapidly on only to begin again in a study and torturous rhythm. Helena bent her fingers slightly rubbing the spot that Helena intuitively knew would take Barbara soaring. Helena sucked on the clit once more as her fingers continued their thrusting; Barbara at that point moved her leg to make contact with Helena's soaked center. She groaned against Barbara's core at the contact, her body in flames. Just the idea of knowing it was her and no one else who was making Barbara groan and moan in pleasure, that her body was trembling for her caused her to explode at the same time Barbara did. Barbara screamed out her name when a wave of pleasure clouded her senses, her body rigid, her back arched as Helena shook against her only adding to the pleasure at the contact as Helena continue to thrust non-stop trying to extract all she could from Barbara's body.

"Helena!" Barbara gripped Helena's shoulders as she continue to thrust in and out and her mouth was replaced by her thumb on the clit, rubbing it continuously causing Barbara to cum a second time even before she could recover from the first time. "Ahhh! Helena, stop, stop." Barbara begged breathlessly, panting for air. "I can't take anymore…stop."

Helena smile and gave her center a gentle kiss licking away the remains of Barbara's nectar and bringing her fingers to her mouth, mewls of pleasure escaping her throat. The sight was so erotic for Barbara that she pulled Helena in for a kiss, tasting herself on the brunette's lips, feeling how excited she was becoming once again, when only seconds before she had been begging Helena to stop. Helena made herself comfortable between Barbara's legs and taking Barbara's hand in hers, she guided it towards her own heated sex. "Barbara," Helena gasped, the redhead understanding fully what Helena needed and lost no time in penetrating Helena. She began to thrust in and out rapidly, knowing Helena didn't need much to bring her to the edge. Helena hid her face in Barbara's neck and suddenly she was screaming Barbara's name as her mouth anchored itself to Barbara's neck breathing heavily. At some point, their hands laced together pressing themselves against Helena's center until her body let itself collapse in exhaustion against Barbara. Their sweaty bodies remained like that for a few moments, held still in time, their flesh still overheated and still aroused.

"I love you." Barbara murmured against Helena's chin a few moments later, giving her light kisses.

"I love you too." Helena sighed moving slowly against Barbara's body, positioning herself so that their sexes came into contact. Barbara moaned as she felt Helena's center against her own. She searched for Helena's eyes and saw how they shown mischievously and still with desire. "We have all night long." Helena whispered as she began to rock against Barbara, holding herself up with her arms, stroking Barbara's center in gentle circular motions. Barbara closed her eyes and began to copy Helena's moves; soon the only sounds in the room were the soft moans and sighs of pleasure. The evening was long but for the lovers it was only a breath in time and was only just the beginning…

****

Barbara woke up to the feeling of someone watching her. She could feel eyes watching her steadily, she could feel a hand following the curve of her still sensitive skin, and her body trembled. She slowly opened her eyes and a pair of blue playful eyes looked at her steadily. The smile was playful and sweet. Barbara blinked trying to focus and wake up properly..

"Good morning Red." Helena greeted in a whisper and capturing Barbara's lips in a languid kiss, without any rush. She pulled away and let a sigh of satisfaction escape. Barbara opened her eyes and smiled at Hel.

"No doubt a good morning Hel." She tried to get more comfortable feeling a slight stiffness in muscles she didn't remember having, aside from a bit of sensitivity in her lower region that she didn't recall ever feeling. She blushed at the memories from the previous night that invaded her memory, her temperature rising and making her nerve endings stand on alert and a wave of endorphins to rush to her brain, making her feel her center to flood with desire.

Helena raised an eyebrow in question, her eyes still shinning between playful and pleased.

"Is there something you need Red?" She asked in a whisper, at the same time that as her eyes changed, her nostrils flared as her sensitive senses caught the scent of Barbara's renewed arousal, and her sensitive ears caught the clear sound of the rapid heartbeat and increased breathing.

"I need you now," Barbara gasped feeling a bit embarrassed and surprised. "Damn Hel, what have you done to me? I feel like a damn nymphomaniac!

"He, he," Hel smiled in delight at Barbara's reaction it was so charming. "I could say I'm glad, perhaps your body is just trying to recover for lost time. You know what they say about if you don't use it you lose it." She said in jest, which only got her an elbow in the stomach. "Or your body knows something that you don't."

"Is that so?" She asked as she distractedly traced Helena's lips with her thumb, lost in wonder at how the simple gesture made her feel. "What?"

"That we are soul mates." Helena said blushing slightly, she usually wasn't the mushy type but damn with Barbara she just couldn't help it. _Well she would just have to get used to it._

"Oh," was all that Barbara could manage before she was overwhelmed with emotion as she leaned into Helena laughing and crying all at once from happiness.

Helena laughed against Barbara's lips, they rolled on the bed and the brunette wound up on top of the redhead, capturing her between her legs and arms.

"I love you Red." She declared with a smile.

"I love you Hel." Barbara responded as she caressed her cheek.

Helena leaned over Barbara, only millimeters from the redhead's lips, much to Barbara's frustration. "Show me Red, show me how much you love me." She whispered against her lips.

Barbara didn't waste anytime in showing Hel how much she loved her.

The next time Barbara woke up she was alone in the bed; she turned slightly to look at the time and noticed with surprise that it was passed 10 o'clock. Her eyes got as huge as saucers as she attempted to get up but Helena's voice stopped her.

"Don't even think about it Red, I've brought you breakfast in bed." Helena warned seriously.

"Oh," Barbara looked up to see Helena moving towards the bed with a tray in her hands, and a playful smile on her lips the belied the seriousness of her earlier command. She was wearing a blue silk robe and her hair was a mess just like Barbara liked it.

"While you slept I ran over to _Le Rose_ to get you something, not that I couldn't make it, but I know how much you like fresh made croissants." Hel offered with a timid smile sitting in front of her and placing the tray carefully between them.

"Oh you are so sweet Hel." Barbara smiled, caressing her cheek and causing the brunette to blush violently.

"Uh, no, I don't think so." She vehemently denied, shaking her head. "Courteous yes, I can be very courteous."

"Haha," The redhead laughed, "No Hel you don't need to keep up your bad girl role with me. I know who you are. All of you and I love you that way.

Hel tilted her head and gave her signature smile that always managed to take Barbara's breath away. That mix of shyness and playfulness that characterized her. "I love you to Red."

"Tell me, do we have anything planned for today?" She asked as she spread jam on her croissant that Helena had included.

"Hmm," Helena had just finished biting down on one of the croissants, "If you want. She said once she had swallowed.

"Just like that?"

"Yep, we can go out and continue touring the city if you like or we can stay at home and start packing my things. On the other hand, if you want and if you need time to get your stuff in order, whatever you want is no problem. I need to go down and speak with Kate anyway, to let her know that I'm going back to New Gotham with you. Or…" she paused.

"Oh?" Barbara's eyebrow went up.

"Or we can recover time lost." She smiled lasciviously, running her eyes over Barbara's nude body, who didn't seem to be aware of her nakedness.

Barbara's white skin turned red and when she tried to pull the sheets to cover herself she almost overturned the tray that Helena hurriedly managed to catch.

"Helena!" She got her attention even though the smile that appeared on her lips belied her anger.

"You look lovely when you blush Red, it looks very sexy." Helena smiled knowing that Barbara wasn't a woman that permitted liberties with herself, more than aware of the scares that crisscrossed her abdomen. Helena got to her feet, went to the closet, and removed a green silk robe. One that matched the one she had on and that she had coincidently she purchased in China town on the day Barbara had appeared at her doorstep.

"Here put this on." She handed her the robe.

Barbara looked at the robe curiously before even taking it. She looked up and looked steadily at Helena. It was obvious that it was a woman's robe.

"It's new. I bought it at the same time I got this one." Helena explained, indicating her own. "Actually I got this them the same day you…" She gestured with her hand. "Talk about wishful thinking. It's obvious that I bought with you in mind. It's the same color as your eyes, you know?" She blushed lightly.

"Oh," She didn't know what to say and proceeded to put on the robe that felt wonderful on her overheated skin. "It's beautiful Helena, thank you."

"On the contrary Barbara, it's you who does the robe justice; otherwise it would just be another piece of silk." Helena said moving closer to give her a kiss. When they finally separated both of them were breathing heavily. "So what will it be Red?" Helena asked savoring the lips that had picked up some jam from Barbara's mouth that she had eaten only moments before.

"How do you say to a shower?" Barbara suggested

Hel titled her head. "Shared?"

Barbara nodded

"I like your way of thinking. Shall we?" Helena asked

"What do you say we finish with breakfast? After all I don't want you to lose your strength, right?" Barbara responded.

"No, definitely not." Hel laughed sexily.

The rest of the morning was spent in bed. Barbara couldn't seem to get enough of Helena and the brunette seemed to feel the same way with only a few siestas and a little water to keep them going. It was almost 6:00 p.m. when they finally left the bedroom. Fresh out of the shower and once again starving. Helena asked her if she wanted to eat anything special.

"Yes, but do you think we can do that in about an hour, hmm, would it bother you to much if I check work?"

"No, of course not. I need to see Kate. She's probably still at the gallery."

"Ok, say hi to her for me." Barbara gave her a kiss and Helena left in search of Kate.

While Helena went to go talk to Kate about her leaving, Barbara busied herself checking on how things were going in New Gotham in her absence. She knew that Dinah could handle Delphi and that Aiko and Dick could take care of the sweeps through the city. However, she was Oracle after all and she wanted to be well informed about everything. It was better to be well prepared for whatever might come up. Unfortunately crime never took a break.

Given the hour, she knew she could speak with Dick on the pone and probably Dinah was already at the tower with Aiko getting ready to go out. She also had to talk to Ashley to coordinate everything. She should be back in another couple of days with Helena and she wanted it to be a surprise for Dinah and Alfred. To see her return not only with Helena but also as a couple.

When Helena returned an hour and a half later, Barbara was still on her laptop and was caught off guard by how fast the time had passed.

"It'll soon be 8 p.m. Red, you must be starving by now, right?" She dropped down next to her.

"Hey, I didn't hear you come back." She greeted.

"Obviously, you're deep in concentration. So tell me has Dinah finally managed to reconfigure Delphi?" She said in jest.

"What!" Barbara exclaimed in alarm. "No, it's not what you think, Dinah has gotten very proficient at it."

"Hahaha, it was just a joke Bab's. I know how much you love your super computer."

"It's not funny Hel, I still can't forget the time you crashed one of the hard drives when you played Halo on it." She reminded in false anger.

'Oh, oh not low blows." She raised her hands in defeat. "How was I to know that if I played Halo on it that would happen! It's just a simple game."

"A game with the potential to crash a computer designed to attack any intruder. You logged on to the game players network and that confused Delphi."

"Hmph," She crossed her arms, "I still managed to win anyway."

"Oh Hel." Barbara laughed and typing in a few more commands, she shut down the laptop. "Ok all done. What do you think if we go out to dinner? I've got a yen for Chinese and they say San Francisco is very good."

Helena assured her that was true and soon they were on their way hand in hand to the nearest one. It felt wonderful having the warmth of Barbara's hand in hers. Hel still couldn't believe it, it was a dream that she never wanted to wake from.

When Helena and Barbara returned to the apartment, Helena smiled wickedly at the redhead and before she had a chance to react, Helena was carrying Barbara in her arms and between kisses and laughter both of them fell onto the bed with Helena landing under Barbara.

"It seems it's become a habit for you to carry me in your arms." The redhead claimed playfully, her arms at Helena's sides who in turn put her hands on Barbara's hips.

"You object?" She asked lasciviously. Barbara liked her lips suddenly feeling her throat go dry. _Christ, how Helena makes me feel just with a simple caress._

"No." She whispered by raspily, her eyes dilated by desire. "No, never." She leaned into Helena capturing her lips passionately.

Soon several pieces of clothing were littering the floor and groans of pleasure were heard as flesh met flesh. "I love your Red." Helena declared her eyes liquid gold.

"I love you." Barbara gasped into Helena's neck. "I love you so much."

The next day was spent packing away the things that Helena would be taking with her for the return trip to New Gotham. Really there were very few things to pack aside from packing Barbara's portraits properly. Those paintings were the only ones she could take back with her. The rest that were finished would stay with Kate to exhibit. Kate would also take care of shipping the rest of her stuffs.

That night Helena went up to the roof with Barbara, who held her from behind, noticing a certain melancholy from the brunette.

"I'm going to miss the city, I became very fond of it during my time here." Helena said in a whisper.

"It's understandable Hel." Barbara said feeling a sharp stab of apprehension. _Was she doing the correct thing?_ Helena could feel how the redhead tensed.

"No, you misunderstand Babs; I don't regret leaving, not in the least. It's just that this is the place I found myself. The only thing I can be thankful for is that I finally found the peace that I had lost since my mother's death.

Barbara breathed deeply trying to assimilate the brunette's words. Trying to reconcile what she was saying with the pain that in some form or another their separation had brought Helena to this point.

Barbara breathed deeply, feeling a knot form in her throat, constricting her voice but she managed to ask "You think that being with me in New Gotham prevented you from finding that peace?"

"I think I was too immersed in frustration because I couldn't have you Red." She confessed. "Fighting against myself, trying to hide what I felt behind the façade, that I couldn't think clearly. Leah told me that if I hadn't spent so much time trying to forget you instead of showing you, my own perspective would have changed."

"Even as painful as these two years were without you Helena, I think that in some form or another it was necessary for both of us. I would have wished that it wasn't like that, but now we are different people, we learned painful lessons and that made us stronger."

"With you Barbara, to know that you love me, that makes me strong." Helena declared passionately.

"The same goes for me. I won't say that it will be easy, my career is demanding and you know it." She said with a slight tremor.

"Barbara, I know what being a vigilante means to you." Helena calmed her. "I'm used to that life, but now we have one another, we understand each other like know one else ever will."

"Together." Barbara held her tighter.

Helena turned to look at Barbara, her eyes found each other and for several seconds the exchanged silent promises for a future that was dangerous and perhaps uncertain. "Together Red."

**FIN**

**Wait for the Epilogue…coming soon, like tomorrow if you write a review!**


	31. Epilogue

**AN**: And with that the story ends. Thank you once again to all for continuing supporting my efforts. Without you it would not have been possible. I know it was long but the end if finally here. Special thanks to all the BoP fans for read me , you are the best guys!

**Disclaimers go to Chapter 1**

**Don't forget to review!!!**

**Epilogue**

An elegant and skilled hand punched in the access code, she placed her palms for the digital scan, moved her eyes towards the ocular scanner which was disguised as an alternate light source and after a few seconds the door opened. She smiled nodded when she noticed movement at her back and with another nod she entered the elevator and leaned against the wall patiently waiting for the elevator to arrive to the top of the tower. When the doors opened she had barely stepped out when she was suddenly taken into an enthusiastic hug from the dynamo blonde.

"Barbara! Why didn't you tell us you were coming back today? How did it go? Did you have fun? What did you do?"

"Haha, calm down. Hello Dinah, Dick." She smiled at her old friend.

"Hey Babs, I'm glad your back, I was going crazy." He joked. "Hey!" He exclaimed as he rubbed the back of his head where Dinah had bopped him.

"And Aiko?" She asked upon noticing the absence of her Young Ward.

"At a friends house studying." Dinah said.

"Oh and what about Alfred?"

"Good evening Miss Barbara." Alfred appeared from nowhere with a tea tray.

"Alfred what a pleasure, it pleases me that everyone is here. I have a surprise."

"A surprise?" Dinah's eyes opened wide in curiosity. "Did you bring us something?"

"Actually I did." She turned slightly and her eyes moved towards the balcony where right at that moment they heard a noise.

Dinah and Dick turned suddenly, fearing some kind of an attack. Alfred limited himself to a satisfied smile. Suddenly a figure that in two years had not come through the balcony door appeared. A shape dressed in black leather began to walk towards them with her characteristic cocky swagger.

Dinah cried out happily and ran almost knocking Helena over as she hugged her enthusiastically.

"Helena!"

"Hey kid. Did you miss me?" Helena laughed returning the hug with just as much enthusiasm.

Dick turned towards Barbara with a raised eyebrow; Barbara only smiled playfully as her cheeks began to redden.

"Washington, huh Babs?"

"Actually San Francisco." Barbara confessed not losing her smile. "The most important mission of my life."

"I knew it!" Dick declared triumphantly.

"How?" Barbara asked curiously.

"Hmm, well because there was no Nanotech convention in DC Babs.

"I should have guessed you would double check, you're such a tattle tale." She scolded him playfully.

"I'm very happy for you Babs, truly. It was about time you took the bull by the horns."

Helena moved towards them and smiled at Dick without animosity something that surprised her adoptive brother. Usually Helena was pretty antagonistic with him.

"Hello Dick, it's been a long time. How have you been?" She greeted him warmly.

"Hmm, hi Helena, welcome home." He said a bit off balance.

"Thanks, it's good to be back."

Just then Helena noticed Alfred and moved towards him.

"Alfred!" She hugged the butler that was taken by surprise by the affectionate gesture from the brunette. "I have missed you my friend. You took good care of them. Thank you." She whispered.

"It's my duty Miss Helena and an honor." He smiled courteously, but his eyes shown with genuine pleasure to see the young woman back.

"Thank you."

Once more a cry of surprise from Dinah caused everyone to jump.

"What's this?" The blonde took Barbara's left hand to inspect it. There on her index finger a platinum engagement and wedding ring shown brightly.

Barbara let the young woman study her hand before smiling at her accusatory look.

"You got married!" She accused in surprise pointing a finger at Helena.

Helena shrugged her shoulders and smiled arrogantly, but her eyes shown with happiness. "I had to make an honest woman out of her D."

"Excuse me?" Barbara said indignantly.

"Actually I should say that it was the least that she could do Miss Barbara, after so many years living in sin." Alfred commented in a serious voice.

Barbara just starred at him opening and closing her mouth much like a fish. _Did that mean everyone had known about her feelings for Helena?_

"I agree Babs, you sure were taking long. Congratulations." Dick interrupted.

Barbara was going to say something when Helena moved to her side.

"Truly Barbara has made me the happiest woman in the world when she accepted." She smiled delightedly.

"Well need to celebrate." Dick announced. "Alfred, Champagne."

Barbara gave Helena her hand and together they headed to the living room, followed by Dinah who kept asking questions.

"Why didn't you invite me?" She whined for the thousand time.

"Because we wanted to have a formal wedding in front of our family and friends, in California it's legal here it isn't." Barbara replied with a patient smile.

"Besides D, I figured you'd love to plan the wedding with Alfred and Barbara." Helena added.

"WHAT!" Both Barbara and Dinah exclaimed stopping at once.

"Yep, we are going to have to have the biggest and most enormous wedding of New Gotham, after all, it's not every day that the only daughter of Bruce Wayne gets married and to the daughter of his best friend Commissioner Gordon, the highly decorated and esteemed teacher Barbara Gordon. My father will be glad to and delighted and I'm sure yours will to Babs, to be in-laws and all." Helena said seriously

"You're joking right?" Barbara asked dismayed but knowing Helena well enough to know she wasn't. "Helena that would be dangerous, although it's rumored no one know really knows that you...

Helena smiled and took both of Barbara's hands in hers. "It's time Red, the past has been left behind and we only have our futures' ahead of us. I understand I know why he did it and I forgive him. Would I have done the same? I don't know, but I do know what loosing the love of your life can do. He deserves to be my father just as much as I deserve to have one. Can we mend the bridges? I don't know but at least we should try, my mother would have liked that." She stated with a timid smile as if the idea was something she hated to admit that after all there was no real reason to hate her father.

Barbara pulled her against herself, hugging her hard and whispering emotionally, "I know she would, your mother would be proud to see the woman you have become and I know that would make her very happy Hel."

Helena squeezed her in return then released her slowly and just when she was about to kiss her Barbara, Dinah's insistent voice caused them to pull apart.

"I know you're still on your honeymoon but we are waiting." She said impatiently and added, "We have a wedding to plan Barbara…"

****

Much, much later at the Wayne mansion. "She's back Master Bruce, married of course…yes sir, with Miss Barbara… I've never seen her happier sir."

Alfred hung up with a satisfied smile. "Yes, master Bruce." He replied to no one. "I think that it's time that you return. You have a wedding to attend."

**FIN**

**April 2010 V**

**Please Review! **


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